Hi, folks. Dora, your story really got to me. That poor kid. He's so lucky to have all these "aunties" looking out for him instead of just sending him to a home, even if that eventually turns out to be what happens. For now, while he's still a kid, he has people to look out for him and take care of him. You're living your faith, lady.

Kathy, good for you, losing in spite of stress and hormones. And good for you, keeping off more than 80 pounds.

Mystery, you write mysteries? How cool is that? I love mysteries. Can't wait to read one of yours.

Tammy, woo-hoo on those walks! That's great that you're already seeing results, too. Exercise makes such a difference.

Marion, I've cried sometimes when I do my workouts. For me, it's usually because I feel like I'm finally treating my body right. More about that in a minute.

I was up this week on the scales, as I thought I would be. So I did some long, hard looking through my journal over the past six months to see what works for me and what doesn't. I've reached three conclusions of behavioral changes I need to make so that I'll stop playing with the same couple of pounds (as I've been doing since New Year's):

1. Stop banking my exercise points. I lose best when I don't bank them and rarely eat them. Sad, but true.

2. I've been aiming for 18 points before dinner, but I'm realizing that as my point ranges have gone down, I need to bring that before-dinner number down, too. So I'm going to aim for 16 points before dinner and eventually 14 points. This is going to be tough, since I'm a big afternoon eater. But I need to eat less than at the top of my range (which is currently 27 points), and that means cutting back throughout the day.

3. I have a friend who has wonderful food at her house. I used to go there just once a month, for book group, but lately I've been going there three times a month (extra meetings of different kinds), and that has affected my weight loss, too. So I've resolved that aside from book group, I will not eat at her house. (We go there after dinner, so the food is snacks, not a meal.) Last night I had to put that to the test, and BOY, was it rough. She made persimmon cookies and put out pistachios. And I hadn't had dinner, because I came straight from work. But I'd had a high-point day, so I just took my lumps and refrained from eating. As time passed, it got easier.

I'm realizing that I need to periodically stop and get motivated again to lose weight, remind myself that this *is* possible and that I really, really want it. The past three years, this is the time of year I've plateaued and/or gained weight. Then in the summer, I get back on track. I don't want that to happen this year, but that's exactly what I've been doing. I'm down exactly one pound for the past month and a half. And that is NOT what I want.

So last night I took stock and remembered that I really *am* excited about losing weight, that I really do want to lose another 50 or 60 pounds, that I want all the health benefits that come from being at my right weight, that I want the clothes, the fitness, the relief for my feet, the added years to my life, the added mobility. And to have all that, I have to do things that may feel uncomfortable or even a little painful. I have to deny myself the quantity of food that I want to eat, most of the time. I have to make some sacrifices. I will always have to do this, if I really want to get to and maintain the weight I should be.

I discovered something else yesterday, as I was walking around the office. I discovered that I love my body. I don't mean the way it looks; I mean that this body has given me so much. And I've treated it so badly for so many years. But even now, as I put it through its workouts, it responds. It's a little firmer, a little more energetic, a little slimmer, a little better balanced and more flexible. It walks taller. I don't want to keep hurting this body anymore. It's like this separate entity, a friend that's completely dependent on me to keep her healthy. I dunno, maybe that sounds weird. It's hard to put into words. I guess at the age of 42, I finally feel responsible for this body, and I care about it, especially as I see it respond. Maybe it's like owning a cat or dog and abusing it or neglecting it for many years, then starting to treat it a little better -- and watching how it responds to you with love. I feel like apologizing to my body for all those years, like I should make it up to it now.

Anyway. Those are my thoughts for today.

Onward and downward,

Lauren
274/196/189 by April 17

Hello all!!!

I guess I am a little to jazzed this morning. Must have something to do with yesterdays workout. I walked a mile and then rode the bike for 30 minutes. Not sure what got in to me, but I liked it. Now if I could only keep my eating under control. I have been doing better with the fruit and veggie thing. Today is the first day I didn't bring fruit to work (mainly b/c I forgot this morning).

Lauren, I am just starting to write. I started taking a class this spring on writing mysteries. It has been a major learning experience for me. I am so used to scientific writing and not entertainment writing.

Gotta run, I have to go collect water to set up some traps for the forest pathology laboratory.

Everyone have a great and wonderful within your points weekend.

Mystery

Lauren - loved your long post!

Has it struck anyone else that many of us here are caregivers for spouses, children, grandchildren, the disabled, parents etc? It is difficult to concentrate on our own 'issues' when other people depend on us for their basic needs. While I was overweight before (with a highest weight of 168), I was in the process of losing weight and was in the 150's when my mother had a life-threatening accident which left her permanently disabled. I left law school, came home to take care of her full-time and after a few years, I weighed 235!

As I've lost weight this time, I think that I've finally realized that only a shift in my mental framework will allow me to conquer this problem. Instead of thinking that I should treat her and others as I want to be treated, I want to start thinking that I should treat myself as I treat others. I would never give my mother something unhealthy to eat -- so why would I allow myself to eat something unhealthy?? Every day I adjust my schedule according to what she needs (foods, meds, doctors' appointments etc). Likewise, I can adjust the schedule to fit in something healthy for myself. I wouldn't downgrade anyone who had gained back a few pounds right? So if/when it happens to me, I should also treat myself with courtesy and kindness.

Anyone care to join me for a week of treating ourselves as we treat others?

I could not agree more It is so true that we really do always put everyone elses needs first. It is so easy to make oneself the last one that we take care of. If I spent the time planning my meals like I do for the children I care for I would be a lot healthier. I am on board for at least a week of pampering me! Great idea

Lauren thanks for the support- I lost 5.3 pounds last week sticking to my excercises, and my points. I don't even hurt so bad anymore

Here i am!!!
Whatta week!!!!!!!!!!!! The power clean turned into going to buy a new medicine cabinet for all the meds we have, its a 4 shelf jelly type cabinet, holly, my 8 year old, her meds fill 2 shelves..... the household has one, and my grandmother and my husbands grandfathers meds share the last shelf. So while we were at the store we bought paint wood trim for a chair rail, and a border, so needless to say my spotless powere clean isnt so clean at the moment but it will look awesome when done!!!
I had a great weigh in, i lost 2.6 or 2.8 cant remember which, lol. That ws actually a 2 week total loss as i had missed a week.
Okay off to bed, i will try to pamper me, along with you all, but i am not sure i will make it, on top of the cleaning, and the grandparents to care for, the baby we cared for,for his 1st year came back this week, he turned 2 on valentines day. So needless to say life is a just a tad hectic, lol.

Hi everyone ,
Dora , Autistic people do have normal life spans usually , but sometimes their unusual "behaviors" alter that . A young man that I had worked with for a long time recently passed away from kidney failure . He had an obsession with drinking fluids . After years of that his kidneys gave out . Some others can be severely self abusive . I work at an institution so I see more drastic cases that may not be the norm . Alot of savants are autistic . You may have someone who can't speak but he can hum whole classical tunes , or play the piano , etc... They're very interesting people .

Mystery , i've always enjoyed writing & have a great imagination . Lately I've had kind of fleeting thoughts of getting into that . I thought I might take a creative writing class to start with . I don't have big professional aspirations though .

Swan , Tammy , & exercise bimbo good job ! You guys are inspirations .

I went to see the lawyer about getting custody of my grandchildren . She wanted $3000.00 dollars for a retainer . I've got the name of another lawyer who has a good rep & charges 1/2 of that . Otherwise i'll have to try to do it on my own . I did my sons divorce but would rather have a lawyer for this . I saw Lord of the ring last night & it was wonderful .
I had a crappy week & today wasn't any better . Tomorrow is a new fresh day . Kathy

Hi, everyone.

Congrats, Marion and Tammy! WTG on those big losses.

Mystery, WTG on the exercise. Doesn't it make you feel good?

Swan, excellent thoughts. I didn't know you'd dropped out of law school to take care of your mom. Have you been able to pursue your education at all? I think my frustration at giving up a career like that would contribute to overeating. I commend you for making the commitment to your mom, which can't be always easy. You're right; we do have a lot of caregivers here. I suspect that sometimes when we overeat, it feels like we're nurturing ourselves. Our WW leader, Pam, said something interesting this past week: She said that at WW, they believe that every action has a positive intention. So when we overeat, we're doing it because we intend something positive by it -- like caring for ourselves in some way, or making ourselves feel emotionally better. The result may not be what we intended, at least not eventually when it shows up on the scales. But we have to find out what positive intention is behind our eating in order to address it in a different, healthier way.

So all you caregivers, what other ways can you nurture yourselves? I imagine that at first, trying to find a different, better way to nurture yourself would feel like work -- the last thing you want to do when you're already overstressed. But with time, it would feel natural. Instead of turning to food, you would naturally start turning to a healthier alternative, like a book or a walk.

I finished the week over my points now that I'm not banking exercise points. (Had I banked the exercise points, I would've been within range.) I still managed to lose a bit and am almost down to my weight after my UTI. TOM also ended, which no doubt contributed. Best of all, I snuck a peak at my measurements, and they've gone down, too. I feel more motivated again to do this and take the weight off, in spite of the discomfort involved. Trying on lots of clothes has also been helping.

Yesterday I actually JOGGED. Not a lot, just a few minutes here and there during the walk. But wow, was that ever a workout! I used the treadmill at work, and I alternated between 3.8 mph and 4.0 mph. At 4.0 mph, I found I could alternate between walking and jogging in order to keep up. And I learned something -- Leslie Sansone is seriously deluded! Her videos have you "walking" 15-minute miles, supposedly, but I'm here to tell you that they do not begin to compare with the real thing. Ay carumba! I was pretty sore this morning, too. But I plan to do it again tomorrow.

It also struck me that WW calls doing a 4 mph walk "moderate" exercise. To do "advanced" exercise, you've got to be doing more like 6.8 or 7 mph, jogging. Whew! It'll be a while before I get there, that's for sure.

Onward and downward,

Lauren
274/194.5/189 by April 17

Howdy, howdy !!

Howdy all you beautiful thangs out there!
It's a clear, crisp, cold day here in Central Texas

Lauren- you are so wonderfully insightful and articulate. Sure do wish you were in my pocket, whispering those truths in my ear. (ok, yelling)

Swan - yikes! to give up a potential career in law. You are a caring, giving individual. It's inspiring to see what has happened during the time you've chosen to give and care for yourself. I always feel like I've touched greatness when reading your posts. It seems as though someday we'll find out via the worldwide press, that your handle on 3fc covered an incredible human being ala Eleanor Roosevelt or Barbara Bush or Mother Teresa or Florence Nightingale. (sorry, don't know of any law school greats)
Hey! Maybe you really _are_ Barbara Bush!

Kathy -thanks for the autistic info. I would like to get to know Royce better, so I can sub for his family on occasion. Right now, I'm afraid he would go on one of his little walks and be lost forever. I took a chocolate cream pie to the supper club last night. He ended taking the last 1/4 of it complete with pie tin! Had a huge grin on his face as he chowed it down. At least he was in front of me for the dessert line! Right now he is still adjusting to being in a houseful of people on a permanent basis. As an only child, that takes quite some getting used to.

Bimbo-yikes! It's amazing how a little thing in home repair/remodel turns into such a project. I have so many little things to get done -especially important if we decide to move -it boggles my tiny mind. If we do move, we intend to RENT and avoid some of that sort of bother. Course, there is always another kind around the corner.

Mystery -writing sounds like fun, but I can't imagine myself writing suspense or mystery -too much strategy involved. I"m more of a surface writer (right, Lauren?) It's sorta like chess and checkers. I"m a halfway decent checker's player, but a sucky chesser. Too many different strategies on the board at the same time. At least I can still beat my 10yoa DD.

OK, ladies, I have spent the day getting cars repaired and taxes prepped for the accountant. Now I am taking my poor, exercise deprived body out for a walk.

Be good!

I treated myself to a movie over the weekend. And nope, I didn't have any snacks until I came home and made microwave popcorn.

Lauren, Dora - Thank you for the kind words. You two often make my day! Barbara Bush - that's so cute. I often imagined her making cookies in the White House.

As for law school interruptus - no, I never finished. It's a complicated story. Suffice it to say that I was far enough along that I couldn't transfer without losing a year of credits, but not far enough along to just take classes elsewhere and have those credits transfer to my original school. If you're really interested, I'll explain another time. I also didn't have anyone to relieve me as caregiver.

It was/is frustrating to have left because I have always finished everything I have ever started. And I received so much flack for my decision - I still do to this day. For some people (ie. acquaintances from church), my not finishing became their first opportunity to 'stick it to me'. It didn't help that I gained weight due to the stress because then I was on the receiving end of insults about this also. For example, I received unsolicited fad diet information in the mail from a church member who never spoke to me. I answered the phone and after saying 'Hello?' the person on the other end said, 'Have you gained any more weight?' To which I replied, 'If I have, do I get a prize?' The stories are endless, but I will stop for fear of this sounding like the first hour of one of those Lifetime Movies for Women.

Most days, I have faith that God knows what He is doing and once I achieve total acceptance, I don't expect weight to continue to be my albatross.

Best wishes all!

Hi, Bunchas.

Dora, I think you're our Erma Bombeck. Your posts always pick me up. I'd be happy to climb into your pocket and yell, but I don't think I'll fit just yet.

Swan, YIKES! You've got some mean people at your church! Sheesh! I love your response to the phone caller. I just can't imagine how I'd have handled something like that. FWIW, I think at the end of the day "She went to law school" won't compare to "She loved and took care of her mom when she needed her." I'm amazed that people at church, of all places, wouldn't see that. Talk about upside-down priorities.

I ended up losing about 4 pounds this past week, too. Maybe there's a cosmic gravitational shift or something. Anyway, I'm inching ever closer to my April 17 goal. I'm really looking forward to getting into the 180s. I was in that "decade" when I lived in Philadelphia, that and the 170s. I haven't seen that weight in 9 years.

At my WW meeting, three women made me feel fantastic. Before the meeting started, one of them asked me "So how much have you lost again?" Then they told me that just since this past summer (when I returned to meetings), my face and my shape had "completely changed."

I later talked with one of the women, who was near despair about her weight loss. She has been on the program for one year, and over the past few months she has gained back a bunch of what she'd lost. It's emotional eating, she said, because they're trying to sell their house and move. She's starting to appreciate people who take a long time to get their weight off rather than zipping through it quickly with no bumps (which is what she expected). I told her how I'd plateaued, then gained back 16 pounds, lost it plus more, plateaued again, gained back 9 pounds, lost it plus more. And that I've been doing this for nearly 4 years. She said that's the kind of thing that helps her right now, knowing that it doesn't have to be a straight, quick shot to be ultimately successful.

Boy, it feels great to be getting this weight off. Here's what I'm noticing: I feel stronger, leaner. I can feel muscles in my legs and waist and butt. I can see (faintly) collarbones! My neck looks longer. I feel more graceful, more energetic, more flexible. I fit easily into spaces like restaurant booths. I can walk into most any store now and find something that fits, even if it's still not a huge selection. My resting heart rate is in the 50s. I can exercise harder, longer, and just feel good afterwards. My feet don't hurt, and I can wear something other than sneakers finally. I don't get dopey in the afternoons. I rarely need to take naps.

That's what I'm noticing. How about you?

Onward and downward,

Lauren
274/193/189 by April 17 81 pounds down!

Good morning.

I'm a stay at home mom to 2 boys and new to both WW and this board. I love all your posts and find them so motivating.
Thanks

Welcome Hizziefit! You'll meet some nice people here.

Lauren - As always, thanks for your understanding. I no longer frequent that church. The final straw was when some of them started 'joking' that I was abusing my mother and there is no iota of truth to that. I would be in tears at just the suggestion that I would ever harm her and then they would say, 'you're too sensitive.' The last time someone said that I reached in my purse and took out 35 cents and handed it to a woman. 'What's this for?' she asked. 'It's for you to call the authorities and make a report of elder abuse. I'll wait right here.' That was the last time I ever heard such a thing. My family still goes to church there, but unless someone sees me take my mother or pick her up, I have no contact with any of them. While my mom is at church services, I either go workout or do errands. And yes, I am still at those , but I am trying to forgive them.

And congratulations, Lauren, on your transformation! It must be wonderful to hear that people have noticed the positive changes that you have made. What is your husband saying these days? I'll bet he's proud of you! Did he know you when you were this weight before?

Have a good day everyone.

Hey ladies!

Long time, no talk! It looks like you're all staying right in there. I'm proud of you all. I wish I could say the same for me but I still haven't given up completely. My whole family just keeps getting sick. I was in bed sick for 3 weeks myself. That was a really rough time for my husband. I'm lucky he works from home alot and has such a flexible schedule.

I'm going to try to get started again tomorrow. I will step on the scale in the morning and see what the damage is. I figure I must be up to about 255 or so. I lost some weight while I was sick but as we all know, you hardly ever manage to keep off that kind of weightloss.

We are going on a business trip to Jacksonville, FL in a week and a half. I really wanted to drop some weight before the flight but I just couldn't get motivated enough. Those airline seats just aren't made for fat chicks like me. You know, I think there's a lawsuit there! It's clearly some sort of descrimination. Why should we have to pay extra for 2 seats or first class? Has anyone flown lately? Are the flights back at full capacity yet? Maybe we'll get lucky and have some extra room although flights to Florida don't seem likely.

I'll check in over the next few days and let you gals know what and how I'm doing.

Later,
Ruby

Hey, Ruby! Great to see you again! Don't be a stranger. As for airline seats, they really are awful, aren't they? So many people don't fit into them. And it's humiliating to squeeze yourself into one. I greatly empathize. I found I was much more comfortable if I could flip up the arm rest. But of course, that's impossible unless you're well acquainted with the person next to you (or it's an empty seat). I hope you enjoy your trip regardless, and GOOD FOR YOU for working toward getting back on track, working towards your health. Most of us lose in fits and starts, with backsliding. I know I have; I'm coming up on the end of my fourth year at this (in June). Hard to believe!

Swan, I don't blame you for dropping out of that church. Churches aren't supposed to be like that. I hope you can find a loving one some day. I've found there's nothing like a loving church that actually takes Christ's teachings seriously. As for what my husband's saying ... he's so supportive. He met me when I weighed something in the 180s, I think, but I'm not sure because I had stopped weighing myself. I got married at about 200 pounds (I think), so I'm less than that now. He always thought I was beautiful, even when I was 274 pounds, but he was quietly concerned about my health. I think he's the most pleased about my exercise habits; that's what he's shown the most happiness about. The smaller body is just a bonus. He's such a sweetheart.

Hizziefit, love your name! And welcome. Glad you de-lurked.

I've got the day off so thought I'd grab the chance to write. (Don't envy me too much. I'm taking the day off because I have a dental appointment at noon in a town that's about an hour's drive from where I work. I'm getting FOUR cavities filled. This is round two of the results of not going to the dentist for 7 years, combined with not flossing regularly. )

I'm down a couple pounds this week from last week, which is welcome. Three more pounds to my April 17 goal and the 180s! I think it has really helped to stop banking exercise points. And I've also somewhat increased my exercise intensity, which can't hurt. (Well, it *does* hurt, but you know what I mean. ) I've also found that if I eat more fruit, I eat less sugary stuff. So I've been taking lots of fruit to work, and that seems to be helping.

Speaking of work, they want to extend my contract through the end of June. I have such mixed feelings about this. The work isn't what I want to be doing, and the company is a political minefield. There's a major atmosphere of CYA and blame there. The person I work for is a friend and a sweetie, and she tries to protect us as much as possible. But there's only so much she can do. And I find the work itself tedious. (Developing training courseware for a horrible software appliation.) On the other hand, the money is good. I do have another job on the horizon -- freelance writing for a local university's development department (fundraising). I did this kind of work in Philadelphia for Univ. of Pennsylvania -- it's writing and designing newsletters, brochures, that kind of thing. I enjoy it greatly, but the pay will be much less (I'm guessing) and more iffy.

I have to make a decision this week. I'm thinking I'll probably do the tedious, well-paying job for my friend, because she really needs me. It sounds like the freelance writing job will always be there at the university. And this would beef up our bank account again.

Anyway, you don't need to hear all my ramblings on the subject. Better go do my workout and get my day in gear. Think of me around noon EST (9 a.m. for you West-Coasters) and send good thoughts/prayers my way. I hatesssss the dentist, precioussssss, I hatessssss it!

Onward and downward,

Lauren
274/192/189 by April 17

Good afternoon everyone! After my week of pampering I am feeling a second wind. I really did not do anything out of the ordinary, just slowed down and enjoyed my life rather than running through it. Do you sometimes wonder how you can be overweight when you are sure you don't sit down for any longer than two minutes all day? A friend came to help me out with the kids for a day and could not believe I am not a size 2 for all that happens here in a day.
I have now lost 20 pounds since January 1st and am feeling good. I too stopped banking my points and what a difference it is making. I walk 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes at night and bike 20 minutes. Lauren your husband sounds like mine. He met me when I weighed 131 and watched me go to 262 without saying a word. His support is what keeps me on track. He knows my points better then I do. He has decided that every 20 pounds I loose I deserve a treat so he is taking me away this weekend for some r&r. No changing diapers for 48 hours!