Jennifer, you are right. No one should have to go through this disease. I know that you have been in and out of hospitals, so you've been in therapy of some kind, right? You know that what you are doing now, is bad for you. Hiding it from people is worse. I am no professional, and I have not had to deal with the types of eating disorders that you have. I have had to deal with other issues, like abuse of alcohol and food.

These were my ways of dealing with tough situations. When times got tough, or I felt lonely, I could dive into a bottle, or even better, a pizza! It felt so good going down, and that's all you care about ......at that moment. But shortly after, the regrets start, and you start beating yourself up and asking Why? Why did I do it?

If this is your first attempt to reach out for support, then here's a hand. I want you to know that I think you need to find a local group, so that you can talk to people with the same issues and problems that you have. Perhaps there, you will find the understanding that you need, and you won't feel as if people think you are strange because of what you do.

I don't. I think you are brave, and smart to reach out. That's the first step. Congratulations.

Michelle

I am glad you posted here, you are definately not alone. I do not post very often, but read alot and know there are many of us out there. Like the last post I too think finding a group or therapist in you area will help you alot. I am really not the best one to be giving advice though, since I have been telling myself for about two months that I should be doing the same thing. I have battled multiple eating disorders for twenty years. I find myself purging when I cannot control other things in my life. Unless you have been there, it is so hard to explain. How can you tell someone that making yourself vomit can help you cope with a situation. It is so bizarre. I have been to a very good therapist who works with eating disorder patients. I need to go back to her, it has been three years since I have seen her. I hope you can find someone you trust and feel comfortable with. Please continue to post here and just let your feelings out, whatever they are. You are not going to say anything that will schock me, or alot of people here, I'm sure. Keep talking and maybe that will help you. Take Care.

Thank you guys. I am meeting with a friend tonight to talk. They aren't a professional but at least they are someone to open up to, someone who is open minded and there to support me. This is indeed a very touchy subject and it is true that the first step is reaching out and that is definitely the toughest. I have been through alcoholism, abuse, eating disorders, depression, i have seen alot. I am going to take control in my life before i get in too deep because i have goals that i want to achieve for myself, not anyone else. ) I think that alot of us need to focus on what makes US happy and not those around us.
HUGS
Jennifer

Jennifer, I am so glad you are talking to someone. You sound like a very strong person and I am sure you will be OK. Just talking about all this has made me realize I really need to get some help too. I have been in denial too long. I wish you the best and take care of yourself.

Try visiting this forum: http://www.futurebird.com/thinforum You will find lots of people you can identify with. It is more Pro-ED though, but there are those in every stage.... Best Wishes