Well, I bought a beautiful red dress for when I reach goal. It is a v-neck wrap dress. I was gonna wear it when i lose the weight and me and my hubby can go on a date and see me as sexy once again (he says I'm sexy no matter what). I wanted to wear it to really impress him and so that he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me (heeheehee). Well, I decided that I wasn't gonna show the dress to him till the date but come yesterday and he begged to see it. I showed it to him and he had nothing but negative things to say about it. He said it was hoochie, hoodrat, and too revealing. I am so hurt by it and now I'm gonna return the "goal" dress because there's no meaning to it now. Now that I know what he really thinks about it, I don't want it anymore. He has nothing good to say about anything anymore. He has become the most negative person I know on this planet. I told him that it was meant for him and for him to see me as sexy and it was for me to wear to intice him and "seduce" him and he had to go and say that. All I could do was cry. And he totally doesn't see what he did wrong. He thinks that I'm the one who is going crazy now. He thinks I am not who I used to be because I cry alot now and get frustrated with him alot now and take everything he says to heart. Well, he suffers from PTSD and he's not getting any better, of course I'm gonna cry alot, I hurt. I hurt because he can't do or say anything nice to me anymore. AAaaaaahhhhhhhh. So there goes my beautiful dress. Oh, and to top it off, I have the hardest time finding cute clothes at a reasonable price and I found this one. I fell in love with it as soon as I saw it. I have a hard time finding clothes period. Well, i guess there goes that article of clothing.

I hope you don't get rid of the dress. Wear it for you. You've earned it! I hope your hubby can get some help with the PTSD, but he was just plain mean. I think men can sometimes feel threatened when a woman becomes strong enough to change herself from the inside out, which is what you're doing. I really believe that changes we make within ourselves need to be for ourselves, and nobody else. So keep the dress! You've worked so hard for it!! I'll keep you and yours in my prayers.

Hugs,

Jenny )

First off...i would go buy another dress...not tell dh about it and use that as motivation.

If your hubby has PTSD this may be a lot of the issue. He may also be worried about giving you too much praise. He probably sees you loosing weight and is worried about you leaving him when your thinner. i would reommend a few things....first i think its time to get your feelings out. I think if he's not seeing a counselor for his PTSD...he needs too. I'm assuming he developed his PTSD from being in the military (could be wrong). Not sure if he's still in the military. I know the military still sort of frowns on couseling about issues...but they are getting better. They are accepting that PTSD really does happen. Its time for him to work things out and also time for you guys to work things out. I think you guys should go to marriage counseling for a variety of reasons...it will bring out your emotions and discuss things. I'm not sure why your DH is being mean, but its time to get things out. There's no reason you should cry all the time. Also, you need to start fousing on you. Don't worry about what he doesn't say. Be happy for your weight loss yourself. Tell us about it. We'll be more than happy to give you cheer for every vicotry. Good luck and hang in there. I think its time to start working on some stuff....good luck..and congrats on the the 10lb wt loss

That is just so mean of him, especially as he knew it meant so much to you. Does he know how much his comments upset you or did you go away and cry on your own? I think you need to give him a wake up call and tell him just what you think about him.

Kitty

Men are so insecure, husbands especially worry that if you lose weight you might look attractive to other men. I hope you do!You don't have to act on it.

You know--I am really sorry that you felt so bad! But I have to say, it was a setup for disaster!

If I were in your place, I wouldn't be buying any more hot, sexy red dresses in anticipation of reaching your goal and getting your husband all excited until I was closer to my goal weight. Otherwise, it's just asking to be derailed in your program. You feel like giving up, don't you? You must not do that! You're down 10 pounds now... you are doing so well!

Are you losing weight for him, or for yourself? Because it better be mostly for yourself...

Jay

I sat there and cried in front of him and all he could say was, "what's wrong with you now? everything bothers you and all you do is cry." I try to tell him how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking and he just shakes his head and walks away. Last night my best friend told me to write a letter of how I was feeling and why. I did. I had soo much to say that my words and thoughts were so scrambled. I don't know if he read the letter, he hasn't said anything to me today. He hasn't called or anything. My friend said that from now on, if he's not listening to what I'm saying I should just write letters to him till he can learn how to listen again. We used to be sooooo good together. Things used to be so good and we used to be so happy. Yeah, he was in the military and went to iraq. When he came home, that's when everything went downhill. He never used to be so mean. He used to comment me all the time on how good I looked even if I was 200 lbs. Now, he has nothing but negative things to say to me. I don't deserve to be treated the way he treats me. and he knows it, he's told me.

it's a weight loss 100% for me and my kids. It's not for him. We've been married for going on 7 years now and he's seen me at my worst. I know he won't leave me if I'm 1,000lbs. I'm losing weight and changing the way I eat because of my family medical history. I don't want to suffer from all the health problems. I want to be able to walk up stairs and not hurt. I want to be able to grow with my kids and see them have children. It's all for me, not him. It was a dress I wanted to buy because I thought it was sexy and I thought he would've thought the same thing. It just tore my heart.

I too have a critical husband whom I *unconciously* look to for approval all the time. It is a MISTAKE and you have to know in your heart that you don't NEED his approval - you need to approve of yourself and you know you are doing great and are in control of yourself!!! Other people don't change very often or very much so we can only change the way we react to them. You can still love him and not depend on him to provide approval. Think about things that you can do to feel good - take a walk or a bath or clean out a drawer or watch something funny just to make you laugh. Did you know that just pretending to smile starts to release happy brain chemicals so that you do start feeling better? So if you watch something that makes you laugh, like America's Funniest Videos or something stupid on youtube, it will help you feel better. Get your mind off of him and on to good things you can do for yourself.

Keep the dress, it makes you feel beautiful. Hit your goal, wear it for a fabulous evening out with girlfriends. Convince your husband he might benefit from counseling, sounds like he has some stuff to work through as well!

akandrews-thanks for the wonderful advice. thats something to really ponder upon. i am trying so hard to gain my confidence and self esteem. i'm trying so hard to do EVERYTHING on my own. i'm trying to gain my strength again. Thanks so much for everyones advice.
I think I'll return the dress now that I know how he feels about it. I don't want to wear something he'll think I'll look like a hoochie in. I will look for another dress and not tell him and let it be for MY goal. It'll be something I will feel sexy in. I'm tired of trying to impress him and not getting the results I wanted because of his disorder and his depression and his insecurities. I know what I'm doing and what I'm aiming for. It is my body and my goal and my health. I will look sexy for myself. I will feel good for myself. I will change the way I feel about myself. Oooohhhhh, I have alot to work on.

i know how you feel, and that's exactly what I'd do, but don't, don't take the dress back, keep it and when you reach your goal, put that beautiful dress on and go out in it,without DH,Men are so..........stupid.........sometimes and right now, he might be having a hard time seeing you in the dress,but when he does actually see you in it,walking out the door to have a good time in it with people who do appreciate you and your weight loss and your dress, without him, he'll totally change his tune girlfriend.

One more thing.... you don't have to do EVERYTHING for yourself...
that's what GIRLFRIENDS are for... most men are just not very good at giving us the kind of support we need... you don't need lots of friends just a few good ones

well, when I say everything, I mean stuff like self esteem issues, internal strength, motivation, you know what i mean. I need to be strong again. I need to be able to stand on my own. Yeah go to my husband for advice and support but what really matters is what I think and what I'm doing for myself.

i also suggest maybe seeking some gf out for advice/counseling. It sounds like you need people to talk to...and since dh doesn't want to do it. Try to hang out with gf who support you and let you vent...and if they dont' want to...seek help of a conselor so you can just talk out your feelings...sometimes all we need to do is talk to people. Find people to listen. Hang in there girl