I've wanted to eat all day. The thought of crawling into several bags of chips, eating until delirious, and then falling into a food coma sounded really appealing.

Thankfully, I knew that if I started with the chips, I would have to actually live out the fantasy. No amount of chips would ever, ever, ever be enough.

I toyed with it. My disease told me, " I could have some chips with my dinner. That wouldn't be breaking my abstinence"...except that dinner would never end as I would eat, eat, eat, sleep, and eat some more.

I had a yucky experience yesterday. I called program people and got perspective. I prayed about it, and found some peace in giving forgiveness and loving that person. I found some mercy for them in realizing that they must be in a lot of pain. But, it was an emotional process, and I wanted to eat.

I didn't. I wanted to. But I chose abstinence instead. I know that eating won't fix it. It won't make the feelings go away. It won't take away the need to process what happened.

I know that abstinence has to live a life of its own-- no matter what is going on around me or to me.

Good for you for stopping yourself. Emotional eating is a huge problem with me as well. When my son and I have a disagreement I used to eat jubnk - then I realized that I was punishing myself and he didn't care so now I walk away and hop on the treadmill or put my headphones on and listen to music. I still slip up once in a while - it will be a lifelong struggle. Nicely done !!!!!

Thank you Marny for sharing your experience, strength and hope. And you really do give me hope when you share about emotional eating.

I am still blown away by how HUGE the negative drive in me to RUN to food in the aftermath of an upsetting emotional incident. It can be like a train running through me. But you give me such hope and identification.
My emotional landscape might be relatively quiet today, but of course I know that there has to be stuff coming down the tracks, and maybe, just maybe, because of what you shared here, I’ll be able to resist the drive to eat and use the tools that you use to stay abstinent and well.
Thanks Marny.

Potato chips are my weakness as well. Hopefully one day I'll really be able to say NO to it!

thanks for sharing this whole experience. i'm working on convincing myself to really live by the above statement - generally remembering that my abstinence and health are not dictated by my emotions in the way i try to picture as excuses.