emotional eating
I've wanted to eat all day. The thought of crawling into several bags of chips, eating until delirious, and then falling into a food coma sounded really appealing.
Thankfully, I knew that if I started with the chips, I would have to actually live out the fantasy. No amount of chips would ever, ever, ever be enough.
I toyed with it. My disease told me, " I could have some chips with my dinner. That wouldn't be breaking my abstinence"...except that dinner would never end as I would eat, eat, eat, sleep, and eat some more.
I had a yucky experience yesterday. I called program people and got perspective. I prayed about it, and found some peace in giving forgiveness and loving that person. I found some mercy for them in realizing that they must be in a lot of pain. But, it was an emotional process, and I wanted to eat.
I didn't. I wanted to. But I chose abstinence instead. I know that eating won't fix it. It won't make the feelings go away. It won't take away the need to process what happened.
I know that abstinence has to live a life of its own-- no matter what is going on around me or to me.
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