Hello All! I have been lurking for months and decided to finally post because of the great support and insight I've been reading here.

I don’t know exactly how much I weigh, because my scale only goes up to 335. I estimate that I’m 375 by now. (And I’m 5’ 3”).
That’s unbelievable to see in black and white.

I know I need to lose this weight before it seriously starts affecting my health, but the problem is, sometimes I just don’t care. I pretend that I’m not bothered about my weight, I never talk about it, and I just go about my life. That’s not strictly true, though, because somewhere deep down inside I really do care.

I have been looking for a way to connect with other people who are similar in size to me. I have joined support groups in the past; and while the people I met are wonderful, there was never anyone in the group who was anywhere near my size. I really felt I wanted to be understood by people who have experienced what it’s like to be large in this world.

I also have a good deal of shame because I’ve lost this weight before (from 320 down to 150) and gained it all back and more over the last 8 years. I guess I wasn’t emotionally ready to deal with life without the food and fat, so I went back to overeating and to hiding beneath those layers of fat. I have since done a lot of work on myself, mentally and emotionally, and feel ready to face my demons again without the no-longer-working coping tool of excess food.

I am hoping that just putting this out there will help motivate me and help me want to take care of myself. I’m really scared, though.

Thanks for reading…

Hello and Welcome!! That quote was so me! I felt the same way! Finally I took control and so far I am winning the battle!! I wish you good luck and you can and will do it!! Just set your mind to it and it will happen!!

Welcome Shalott...so glad you've decided to come out of lurkdom. I know from experience how hard it is to face weight we've already lost one, twice, three times and more. You shouldn't feel ashamed because the food, and perhaps the fat, was fulfilling some need you may or may not understand. We should never be ashamed of trying to care for ourselves, even in situations like this where we need to learn new ways to do that.

Shalott welcome to 3FC! I usually lurk everyday and post every now and then. I started my journey at 330lbs. I try not to think of it as a diet, because when the diet stops the weight comes back. I think of it as a life style change. I am changing the way I eat, how much I eat and more importantly WHAT I eat! I even had a baby inbetween my starting and now. You have done this before and you CAN do it again! Just believe in yourself and your new lifestyle!

Great to see you here - post often so we can get to know you

Heather

Count me in as one who really didn't care on one level about my weight (but really did on another).

I think a fall down the stairs really got to me. I really hurt my coccyx (the bone at the end of the spine) and was in tremendous pain doing anything -- even nothing. So I lay around and wondered "Is this my future? Will I be in pain and too fat to do anything?" Sadly, in and of itself even that wasn't enough, but it helped get the ball rolling...

WELCOME! Please feel free to join us in the Weekly numbered threads!!

Welcome!! Looking forward to getting to know you!

Hi Shalott! Like you until recently I lurked about and read the forum posts and blogs. I wasn't able to find the motivation until earlier this summer, I was watching Dr. Phil and Oprah and seeing all of their guests who were losing weight. It finally hit home that the only way I was going to be able to have a healthy body was to do something about it. If I didn't start right now another year would go by and I'd be the same, unhappy person. It has been tremendously supportive to be among other people who are working toward the same goal. I wish you every success!

Well, I sure as heck could have written your post! I was the exact same way....

This site is wonderful and the members are soooooooo supportive. It has made a big difference to me and I am hoping this is the LAST time I lose these lbs!!

Post so we can get to know you more!

Shalott – I also feel like I could have written you post (except for the losing weight previously part). I found that I really needed to be ready emotionally to deal with all the issues around weight loss. Even as I progress I uncover new things lurking in the dark that throw me for a loop that I need to deal with before moving forward again. Having an outlet like 3FC and especially the 300+ board has helped so much in dealing with these issues as they arise.

Where in CT are you?

Welcome Shal...

I relate too. I never was able to lose all of it (only down to 220) but I understand what it feels like to gain the bulk of it back... it's pretty horrifying, but you can do it again and the people here are great with support. There is a great maintenance group too once you lose it again they can help keep you on track this time.

-muse

HI Shalott

I too lost a bunch of weight and gained it back. And I 'didnt care' for a good year. I hid behind MS. and MS drugs. but it really didnt bother me... and I'm finally at the place that I care. I dont want the health problems that would come if I stay this way. I choose to be healthy.

It is scary. What if we fail? What if nothing works?

All we can do is try. And keep trying. It will work in the long run. I think I'm more scared of staying the way I am and the complications that would arise.

You can do this!!!!

Hi Shallot, and welcome.

I've lost and gained large amounts of weight many times before. For the last 8 or so years, though, I mostly "didn't care". Any attempts at weight loss derailed at about where I am now.

The difference this time is that something inside has clicked and I am ready to be healthy and deal with my life without a big layer of fat; and I am leaning heavily on the support at this site. Being here with others who understand the challenges and are succeeding has been invaluable.

Another one whose lost and gained large amounts of weight many times in the past. I fall off somewhere around 50lbs and as I'm not too far off I'm trying to discover why I stop in order to avoid doing it again. I don't really have the answer yet as I know I love it when people start to notice (as they are now) and I feel better due to the weightloss.

I think its the plateaus that kill me and often the realisation that I'm still obese even with a significant loss.

Some come Shallot get on that losing bandwagon and lets start that journey again. Looks like there's many of us who know the route well by now!

Kitty

Wow....your post sounds so much like myself(except for the losing weight part).
I too want to lose weight, but then I go back to eating all the crap I was eating before and have that kind of "I don't Care" attitude....Deep down I do care but not sure I want to change my eating/food habits...and not sure I can afford the better foods either as I am lower income.

Welcome to the group and hopefully we can both succeed at this.