Just recently, when I've seen people who are overweight but not obese, I've had this urge to go up to them and tell them how I wish I would've put a lid on it and lost the weight when I had less to lose. I don't know, maybe they are maintaining their weight, maybe they ARE trying to lose. Know that I don't ACTUALLY say anything to these complete strangers, but what I'm going through now with 70-ish to lose can be so hard and so daunting that I feel like I just want to spare others the anguish, frustration and aggravation.

I wish I had lost the weight when I still had just 20-30 to lose. But if wishes were horses, beggers would ride, right? I am where I am and I've just got to take it from here.

On the other side of the spectrum, I wore a swimsuit in public 3 days in a row (took my 2-year-old son to private swim lessons) at darn close to my heaviest weight ever. No one laughed or pointed, and I got a little bit of exercise in, too.

--K

This is a bit weird, but whenever I am at the gym and see a large girl who is hoofing it, I want to go over and congratulate her, and then tell her to check out 3fatchicks.com! I wish everyone could benefit from the awesomeness of this website!!

Wow....i think i know how you feel. I don't necessarily think it about strangers so much as friends and acquaintances. I just feel like i could tell them all they have to do is eat what i eat, and excersize like i do, and they could be getting thinner too. I know about the wishing about myself. If only I had actually done something about my weight when my highest was 155. If only i hadn't stopped last July, i would have been at goal by last christmas instead of this christmas. If ONLY.......

My problem is that the weight came on so suddenly that I had no idea I was even gaining that much until none of my clothes fit me...

Then, I stepped on the scale, and saw 165. I thought, "ok... that can't be accurate. I was no more than 135 the last time I weighed myself!" I let myself stay at this size for another year and gained ten more pounds. Ooops. Now, I'm constantly slapping *myself*

A lot of overweight people (if they really are OVERWEIGHT, like, a FEW extra pounds, and not obese) don't even realize that they're overweight. I didn't, until I stepped on the scale, and I denied it so much that I convinced myself the scale was wrong.

Good job on wearing a swimsuit in public!

I'm not saying this is the case with you, but what I've noticed from some people who're trying to lose weight is that they have a "holier than thou" type attitude. I guess with the weight loss comes added confidence which makes it easy for someone to feel superior or smarter to someone who isn't losing weight. Like I said, I'm definitely not saying that this is the case with you... but just be aware and remember that you too were at that point in your life, and I don't think that someone walking up to you and telling you about losing weight would have helped much at all.

No, believe me Melissa, I know that someone walking up to me wouldn't have helped much at all. My aunt did just that to my brother at my dad's funeral: she said, "so, I see you're still FAT" and he responded with, "at least I can do something about my weight, you can't do anything about being ugly and mean." I know that I can't tell anyone what I'm thinking, and like I said in my original post, I don't know where these people are at with their weight (losing, maintaining, on some medication that made them gain), so I don't even begin to think I could do what I have the urge to do. I guess it's mostly just a wish that *I* would've started this whole journey sooner -- and that it would've been easier if I would've. But I didn't, so here I am...one pound at a time!

While I appreciate wanting to share what you've learned, if a total stranger came up to me and said that, I'm pretty sure I'd tell them to mind their own F****** business. And I don't ordinarily swear but I'm pretty sure that's what would come out.

Better to stick to "helping" family and friends.

I wish someone would have been able to "help" me before it all got out of hand. But if someone had come up and said, "Ya know, you should start losing weight now while you have less to lose instead of getting bigger and having a harder battle ahead of you in the future." I would have ran home to a gallon of ice cream. It probably still would have ended up this way. It wasn't until I decided to change, and got serious, that anything happened. No one can make me do this. It's up to me, and it took me figuring that out. I just wish I had figured it out a wee bit sooner. :-P

THAT'S what I'm saying, Toni! I wish I would've gotten on the bandwagon earlier, but never in a million years would I a) tell someone to lose weight, or b) think that by telling them, I would be helping them.

We all "see the light" at our own time & place.

I try to give people gentle nudges when the subject comes up. For example, a friend said she had decided not to start going to a gym this summer because she didn't have the time. I tried to give her a gentle talk about how nobody has the time, but we have to make time to take care of ourselves. Similarly, when someone says they are planning on starting a diet (or, usually, "... starting a diet tomorrow, after I finish this Fettuccine Alfredo!") I try to ask them what their strategy is, and whether they've considered recording their food or if they use a website like FitDay or The Daily Plate.

If they don't bring up the subject first, though, I never say anything!

I know how you feel, I work retail and when I see heavy people with a cart full of CRAP I want to tell them that is why they are fat!!!! I don't do it though, don't want to lose my job and get punched! A really sweet lady I work with is overweight and so is her whole family and they are all struggling with diabetes and other health problems, but she eats nothing but crap, I want to tell her I feel so much better cutting out the sugar and carbs that she should try it, it might save her life.

I understand what you were saying Sweetjane because now that you've "seen the light" you want to share it. I only share my successes when people ask, though, cuz everyone's right: if you're not in the right mind set for weight loss, it would do damage. And I know plenty of "skinny" people who are a "skinny fat" cuz they eat nothing but crap when they do eat and I'm focused on being healthy, by exercising, eating well, drinking water, making sure my body fat, BP and Cholesterol are low.

My uncle recently had 2 strokes and the docs said that if he wasn't active all of his live, he wouldn't have survived. That made me so inspired!!

But kudos for you for having a healthy mindset cuz that's just as important as the weight loss in my opinion!

Just be a good example and they will start coming to *you*

Rubberlegs is right. When you lose a bunch of weight, many people like to take the opportunity to pick your brains about what you did and get advice for losing weight themselves. I get to proselytize about calorie counting and exercise without imposing on anyone.

I did tell a woman at the gym about 3FC a couple of weeks ago. She was really big--I can't guess weights very well, but I'd imagine she has at least 200 pounds to lose--and she told me, while we were soaking in the whirlpool together, that she'd already lost 100 pounds. I thought someone with so much weight to lose could really benefit from the supportive community here and especially the 100+ forums. I imagine that it can be very lonely to have such a task to complete. Anyway, I told her about 3FC but I think I gave her the wrong url! I keep meaning to run into her and write down the proper url but I haven't had the chance yet.

Telling someone that's why you are so fat really wouldn't help them! It'd be a lot nicer if you focused on what is healthy for you instead of focusing on what others are doing wrong.

I am extremely offended when someone tries to tell me how to live my life/what food to eat .. #1, it's none of your business and #2, it's not your body it's mine! And if you are a stranger (or even not) you don't know that I am trying to change my lifestyle, or trying to eat healthier, exercise, etc.

I bet you ANYTHING that it wouldn't just save her life. If someone came up to me and said that when I was having a weak moment and decided to buy a bunch of crap at the store then I would probably punch them