If I could use adjectives to describe how horribly I've been doing for the past few weeks (probably actually months by now), I would, but I can't. I've just been eating horribly, horriby lazy, and even spending money horribly (frequently on food).

I think I need to take a step back. I need to examine my life and what's going on and why I can't seem to keep things together. I'm seeking help, but the first available appointment with the nutritionist wasn't until June 1, so I'm enlisting the help of others before then. I'm going to start posting my personal checking account spending on our refrigerator for my fiance to see--this should stop me from spending money on fast food every day, especially since we're saving up to buy a home. I'm also emlisting the assistance of coworkers to sort of check up on me. I know I am an adult and shouldn't need someone looking over my shoulder, but I obviously haven't been able to handle it lately, so I'm admitting I need help.

I feel lazy and lethargic and constantly ready to burst into tears or punch someone in the face. I'm tired and grumpy and not feeling at ALL like the 24-year-old I am! I know what to do, and Iknow how to do it, but I'm currently admiting that I'm incapable of following through without some help. And it is VERY hard for me to admit that I need help, as I've always been the mature, level-headed, independent one, so reaching out and having to admit my weaknesses is incredibly hard. I'll probably talk to Jeff (my fiance) about it all tonight, and then I'll enlist my coworkers on Monday.

I need help. For whatever reason, I can't do this alone right now, even though I have done it before. I feel beat up and defeated, and coming here and reading the posts isn't enough anymore.

I'm sorry to be a downer--I just needed to spill my guts about stuff and express that I may not be around posting as frequently anymore, as I'm quite down about my current status and haven't many positive things to say, but I'll still be reading

Jilly, I am so sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. You most certainly ARE an intelligent young woman. You do whatever it is you think is necessary for you to help along on your journey. Kudos to you for facing up to it and being so honest. We are here for you in whatever capacity you need it to be. I think seeing a nutritionist is a great idea and I hope that that serves you well. June 1 will be here before you know it.

Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry your feeling so down, Jill. I know sometimes I have to step back and re-evaluate things in my life and make adjustments accordingly. It sounds like you have re-evaluated things and have a plan in place so feel proud and happy about that. A new beginning, heh?

I have always enjoyed reading your post and you've been a positive influence to myself as well as many others on this site. We'll be here for you now

Hope you feel better soon, and hope to see you around

I'm sorry to hear that, jilly! - but you're doing the RIGHT thing by getting HELP. It takes a STRONG person to admit they have a weakness that they need help in dealing with.

It sounds to me like you might be experiencing some depression. And depression can wreck havoc on a diet from gaining to losing to all kinds of unhealthy behavior.

I wish I could say/do something to make it all better for you.... just know that some of us (like me) have BEEN there & done that.... & I understand what you're going thru.

I dunno Jilly ... you've always been one of my favourite young people here at 3FC. I just wanna come thru the screen and bring you home with me for a few weeks.
Honey, I just have sooo much faith in you ... I don't know what to say

You haven't given up Jilly!!!!! You're getting help, and reassessing what you need to do and all this tells me that you're going to get through this rough patch

You've always been able to put things in a way that just seem to resonate with me and I appreciate that so much.

If there is anything more we can do to help, just let us know! You have a boatload of people here who are routing for you!

Hey Jill. You can get through this - you're a wonderful person and I'm sure your friends will only be too happy to help you out.

We're still here for you

I know what you mean Jill. Right there with you babe.

I have addictive personality, so i am always addicted to something. Here latey it has been eating and spending money. I am just back on program this week, and man it feels better. I have been on a month long binge, at least a month. And that binge included eating, shopping, you name it, if it was instant gratification, i did it. Terrible and i just felt worse and worse, like a funnel spiralling downward. You mentioned fast food every day. ME TOO. After i would get my high from shopping and spending way too much, i would actually correlate my shopping time to when it would be a meal time so i could stop and buy fast food on the way home. Sickening and embarrassing to admit, but true. I ate fast food EVERY DAY for lunch. Then i had to have something sweet after EVERY meal. This week, i weaned off it by eating healthy fast food (subway etc). But still geeze, what happens to make me do that, i dont know. Nor do i know what happens to get me back on track.

I hope "stepping back" and evaluating helps you. It helped me. It is like i needed someone to shake me or slap the sense back into me. I just wanted you to know, i will be thinking of you and you are definately NOT ALONE. Have you weighed lately? I know i am out of control when i stop weighing. Like if i dont look, those new pounds arent really there.

You can get it back together. Chin up gal, and take back control of your life. You can do it and you will feel SO much better. Sounds like you have a good support system set up and of course, you always have us.

Jilly, I haven't responded to any of your posts before, but I have read them, and been quite impressed with how "in control" of things you always seem to be. At 24, that's quite an achievement, since I'm almost three times your age, and STILL don't feel like I have my life totally in control. NONE of us can really - because no matter how carefully we plot and plan, there's always the unexpected to deal with.
And you know what? It's actually okay! I've discovered that it's perfectly OKAY not to be *in control* all the time.
I suspect that your *out-of-control* behavior relative to diet and finances may possibly (and I use the term *possibly* quite seriously, here - this is by no means meant as a long-distance diagnosis) be better analyzed by a psychologist than by a nutritionist. My suspicion is that you know very well HOW to eat and what you SHOULD be eating - and that you SHOULD also be incorporating exercise into your plan, AND that spending excessive money on whatever (including, apparently, food) when you & your S.O. are supposed to be SAVING, MAY reflect some dissatisfaction with the goals that you've put in place, your current lifestyle .... any NUMBER of possibilities, really....that you've pretty much repressed so that even YOU don't know what's bothering you. Having read your previous posts, there's no WAY I would ever classify you as a lethargic, lazy, or apathetic. Quite the opposite. So if you're feeling this way - something is clearly wrong. You've recognized that, and it's admirable that you have - and that you've taken some affirmative steps towards dealing with the problem. I just want to suggest that you consider a counselor, consider seeing a psychologist - someone who can help you get to the core of what's going on rather than focusing simply on behavior management - or just focusing on an eating plan from a nutritionist.
Even further, you COULD be feeling this way because of allergies! A homeopathic practitioner could test you for that. I never realized what an impact allergies could have on overall health - it's so much more than just sniffling and sneezing at the changing of seasons.
I just want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to get to the bottom of this - and get something in place to deal with it. You are an incredible young woman, and I truly believe that in the not-so-distant future, you're really going to be one of 3FC's shining stars!

Best wishes to you...

Ella

Jilly – I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling right now. Human behavior, even (especially?) your own, can be quite the conundrum! I agree with the other posters that I believe you know what to do re: diet and exercise. I suspect there is something deeper. Seeing a nutritionist might be helpful, but I think you might do well to consider some other type of “therapy” in conjunction with that. I put “therapy” in quotations because I don’t necessarily mean seeing a professional councilor, though many people do find that immensely helpful. It could be journaling and reflecting on your thoughts/feelings, talking to friends and loved ones about what’s going on (which it sounds like you intend to do), or just finding other ways to deal with the source of this undesired behavior.

FWIW, I have been feeling quite “self-helpy” lately. I’ve found great information and inspiration on Steve Pavlina’s blog http://www.stevepavlina.com/. The site isn’t weight loss focused, but rather more broad in personal development. I’ve been taking notes on my thoughts and goals and putting it down in writing has been very helpful to me. My next personal experiment will be training myself to become an early riser so I can exercise before my day starts. Tackling one task at a time toward my ultimate goal really helps make it more attainable. Good luck, hope you feel better soon, keep us posted. Remember, you are loved, you are worthy, and you can do this!

That's a tough situation, but getting some help is already part of the way to success, and I hope you'll find what you need to look up again and finally go where you wish to go.

As others have said it, though, maybe it's not only a matter of nutrition. I have finally realized myself recently that if I had slacked off and pretty much 'given up' without really realizing it back in 2006 was because, somehow, things in my life weren't great (no hope for a better job, no hope for a career, being alone all day long, in brief: strictly nothing to convince me that my life was actually worth something, and consequently, why lose weight and be in good health?). Since I've consciously admitted that, since I've found new goals, things have been going better. Of course, I know very well it's not the case for everyone here who's struggling with his/her weight! But it's just an example of someone knowing whatever she had to do (healthy eating, portion control, exercise...), yet not doing it at all. (It sucks, doesn't it.)

So if you suspect that whatever else is being throwing you off the loop (seasonal depression, whatever...), it may be worth inquiring it as well, else seeing a nutritionist 'only' won't help that much in the long term.

Jill~ I know from personal experience how hard it is to admit you need a little help. But you can heave a sigh of relief now, because you've been able to say it out load (does typing count as "saying"...) It'll get easier!

I've come to realize (*warning* personal opinion coming) that people are not meant to do things alone. We aren't stone statues that can weather the elements and still be standing. It's normal to need and want help from others. Needing help is NOT failure in any way!!! I used to think it was, but honestly I need help with life in general sometimes and I'm not a failure because of that and neither is anyone else.

June 1st is only 2 weeks away and that time will fly by! Are you a visual person? Would posting pictures of homes you like next to the bank statement be helpful? Sometimes I need to be reminded of my goals.

I'm really sorry that you are having a hard time! You are doing the right thing though. You can and WILL do this! We all have faith in you!

Hi Jill. I'm so sorry to hear things aren't going so well for you, but I'm also very proud of you for coming to us with it! It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there like that, and I'm glad you did it. Needing accountability and help is nothing to be ashamed of at all! It doesn't detract from your independence and maturity in the least... to the contrary, to admit what you have shows a great deal of self reflection and that is something that many people can't even dream of.

I'm so glad that you can talk to Jeff about it as well, and I hope he can help you. We're here for you Jill!

Jilly--ellabella and beachpatrol made some excellent points. I think your underlying issues may be working on your ability to deal with your weight right now. Have you considered therapy or meditation? It is so easy to get caught up in working on the body that we forget that there is soul work to do as well.

I hope you find something to fill the need that you have to go overboard in some areas of your life.

Best of luck