Now is as good a time as any to introduce myself. My name is Carrie. I'm 30 years old and live in a small town in North Carolina. I guess to get to know me (weight wise) I should tell you my story.

I never had to worry about weight when I was little. Once puberty kicked in (and it kicked in early for me), my weight started to bother me. I didn't even notice I was overweight until one particular day in the 4th grade. I was walking in line with the rest of my classmates when two boys from another class started taunting me. Every time I'd walk, they'd holler out, "Boom baba boom baba!" I remained overweight during the 4th and 5th grades.

During the summer between 5th and 6th grades I hit a growth spurt. I lost all the weight I'd gained and was a slim 120 pounds. I joined cheerleading and was slim all throughout high school. I got involved in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend wouldn't allow me to do anything or go anywhere and I turned to food for comfort. By the time that relationship ended, I weighed around 140 pounds.

I lost a little bit of that weight when I met my husband. Once I met him, I was happy again and instead of turning to food to comfort, I turned to food as celebration. When I walked down the aisle to get married, I weight about 150 pounds. My husband and I married young. We were 17. We got ourselves a cute little house together and I continued to eat. Six months later I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited!!

My pregnancy was a rough one. I stayed sick and was barely able to do anything except sit at home and eat. I gained 100 pounds during my pregnancy. I was placed on bed rest and my son was born a month early. I had to be induced because of pre-eclampsia (I hope I spelled that correctly).

After my son was born, he and I both were very sick. I was still gaining weight. I then went through post-partum psychosis and was unable to care for my son. I asked my sister to take care of him. She ultimately adopted him. I sank into a deep depression and continued to eat. My husband and I seperated after 5 years of marriage and I again turned to food.

I ballooned to 420 pounds. I knew I needed to do something or I was going to kill myself with food. I began to lose weight very slowly. Between the years 2000 and 2004 I had lost down to 360 pounds. That's when I met my best friend Kevin. I've known Kevin since he was 3 years old but I just knew him as "the kid who lives across the street from my sister." In May of 2004 we finally got together and realized how much we have in common (despite our 9 year age difference) and became very close friends.

Kevin struggled with his weight as well. He lost his the wrong way and was anorexic through the 9th and 10th grades during school. He began to eat again but healthier and gained to a healthy weight. He researched until he absorbed everything he possibly could on eating healthy, losing weight, and staying healthy while maintaining the weight loss. In 2005 he became my personal trainer and by 2006 I had lost down to 260 pounds.

I was proud of my weight loss but after a horrible argument, Kevin and I stopped talking and I once again turned to food. I gained only 10 pounds and maintained that weight for a while. Kevin and I reconciled; however in October of 2006 a series of events caused me to crash and the depression was the lowest I've ever been. I lost my job. I lost my position in the church. And I lost Kevin as a friend. His father (who is very strict) forbade Kevin to speak to me as long as Kevin was living under his roof and despite the fact that Kevin was 20 at the time, he had to obey his dad's wishes.

I've gained back up to 331 pounds. I gave up on the weight loss and figured, "We all have to die from something. I choose death by chocolate." In February of this year, Kevin contacted me. He said he was tired of living by his dad's rules and he missed me. We got together and went out a few times. Our friendship picked up right where it had left off. Although I was happy to have Kevin back in my life, I was still depressed about my weight. Kevin left last Monday (March 26th) to visit the Philippines for two months. I miss him like crazy but I'm doing well. I suppose the four months we spent unable to speak to one another was a practice for this trip.

I've been feeling stagnant in my life due to other events going on. I'm currently involved in a "hurry up and wait" situation. At the moment, I'm unable to accomplish any of the goals I've set for myself because I'm having to wait for responses from several different places. Last week I felt so out of control of everything I sat and thought of things I could do to feel like I had some kind of control in my life.

That's when it hit me. I control the food I put in my mouth. Why should I blame other people and situations in my life for why I'm fat? I knew it was time to take responsibility for my own actions. I'm the one shoveling food in my face at all hours of the day and night. I can do something about this. I can be healthy again. I can be slim again. My son just turned 12 last Sunday and I wasn't able to skate at his birthday party because of my weight. I want to be able to play with him, run with him, skate with him, and enjoy the time we have together. I want to feel good about myself (physically and emotionally) and I'm the only person who has the power to do that!

So I've put myself on a diet. I've even made myself a book containing a goal chart, weight chart, and exercise schedule. I've set small goals for myself (eight in all) and will reward myself once I reach a goal.

Why am I here?

For support. I know there are times when I will still get down and I'll want to grab those chips and that cupcake and just swallow it all whole! I've heard of this site before and I looked through the forum before joining to see the success of others. Seeing the weight tickers and how much weight you guys have lost (even if it was just one pound) was so inspiring. I was espeically inspired by before and after pictures of some people. If you guys can do it, I can too!!!

Sorry for writing so much. I hope I haven't bored you all to sleep. I'm glad to be here and can't wait to see what more this site has to offer.

I wish all of you well.

Carrie, my gosh, what a story you have. I am just in awe.

I hope you can continue your weight loss. Perhaps you've found the 300+ forum already--if not, check it out. There are lots of different forums, and lots of information on the site outside of the forums as well.

I'd say you had a "breakthrough moment." Good for you! I wish you the best on your journey!

Jay

Hi Carrie - WELCOME!! Thank you for your story - even though there is a sense of 'safety and anonymity' - to some extent - on the internet, it can't have been easy for you to type all that, so THANK YOU for sharing. You've been through a lot.

The very first thing I noticed about your post was your VERY sensible choice of 'first goal' under your avatar. I know, for me, thinking about losing over a hundred pounds seems so daunting... I think aiming for 300 is smart, sassy and motivating! Good for you!!

"That's when it hit me. I control the food I put in my mouth. Why should I blame other people and situations in my life for why I'm fat? I knew it was time to take responsibility for my own actions. I'm the one shoveling food in my face at all hours of the day and night. I can do something about this. I can be healthy again. I can be slim again. My son just turned 12 last Sunday and I wasn't able to skate at his birthday party because of my weight. I want to be able to play with him, run with him, skate with him, and enjoy the time we have together. I want to feel good about myself (physically and emotionally) and I'm the only person who has the power to do that!" Honey - this is EXACTLY what happened to me. I suddenly thought - who am I waiting for to do this for me??? Now to be fair, I battled another addiction, too - but after 16 months without the bottle, I KNEW I was absolutely able to control what goes in my mouth!!

You're right - you can too - you already are! You sound like a comfort eater, hon - avoid it by keeping the temptation OUTTA THE HOUSE!!! Come here and be inspired and inspire others - it's a wonderful site, and we're glad to have you, Carrie!

Good luck!

Heather

Thanks for both of your responses.

JayEll,
I've seen the forum but haven't had the chance to dance around the forum yet. Hopefully tonight when things quiet down, I'll venture into a few places. Thanks for your encouragement!

Heather,
I try to be a very open person. I think it comes from living in a small town. You can't sneeze on the east side of town without everyone on the west side knowing about it before the sneeze has been completed. You either learn to be very open with your life or very private with your life. I let my stuff be known before the rumors can kick in.

I think my problem with losing weight all along has been looking at the weight I am and thinking about how long it will take to reach the ultimate goal. Just thinking about it can be exhausting. Setting the little goals gives me something to look forward to along the way and it doesn't seem so scary.

I was just thinking earlier that I've given up things in the past, so why is weight loss different? I bit my nails from the time I even knew I had nails up until I was 25. I just suddenly stopped and it was never a problem after then. I quit smoking in December and have only craved a cigarette during times when I feel really stress (which isn't often). I stopped drinking a year ago in February. I stopped doing drugs a year ago last month. Why was it so easy for me to give up those things and I keep making excuses about food? I keep saying, "Well, it's not as easy with food because I HAVE to eat in order to live." I watched my son skate the other day and my ex-husband asked me, "Why don't you get out there?" I felt bad because I really wanted to, but knew I couldn't due to the pain I have in my knees because of my weight. I used to LIVE on skates when I was younger!! I'm tired of excuses.

My mom is diabetic so she's taking this step with me. My dad doesn't have a problem with his weight. He's just happy if we throw food in his general direction. My mom and I have rid the house of all the "comfort" foods we had. It has made it a LOT easier.

I'm glad there's a forum like this to help support and encourage people like me. Thanks so much.

Hiya Carrie! It's so amazing that you've managed to kick all of those other bad habits, but you're right that food is different: you don't need cigarettes to live so you can just cut those out, but you do need food and learning to moderate is a lot harder than learning to live without. But I think that if you strength to go through all that you've gone through and still be an awesome person (which you certianly seem like), then you'll be able to do this too! Keep us posted on your progress!

Hi Kate!

Thanks for responding! I've never been through anything as difficult as this. I think about food, literally, all the time. It's annoying. I'm determined though. I can do this. I keep telling myself that. When I start to doubt, I go and look at the before and after (or before and current) pictures located on this forum. It's SO inspiring to see people who were my size who have gone so far and/or reached their goals!! I'm so proud of all of them!! I can't wait for my picture to be up there!

Carrie, I don't even know where to start, but your story so moved me, I have to try to give you my support.

I came to this site because I have gained back about 17 or so pounds of the original 80 that I had lost and maintained for some years. I am quite a bit older than you are....I refuse to admit to anything over 50...was fat all my life, and then somewhere along the line a few years back, I just got full. It was a gift. I just got sane about food, ate less and lost about 5#s a month for over a year.

Don't know why I started eating more again, and gained, and didn't seem able to deal with it, so have come here. I am not even going to say what diet/method I found that I love, maybe will at some point, but I think as you have been advised, you need to find your own way.

I have read more than once the hardest addiction of all to give up is food. If you can get your hands on You On a Diet, it explains the centers in our brain that respond to food......it is very interesting. There is a lot of wisdom in that book, I think. (and no, that is not the diet I am following)

I will be watching for your posts...please stay with us!

Mary

right back atcha, girl!

I sensed you were strong - just you keep reminding yourself of all those things you've 'kicked', and baby - this is just one more!!

Know what else? Tomorrow, you'll be a little lighter than today, and soon, just a few of those 'tomorrows' turn (like magic!LOL!!) into 'I am X-amount-of-pounds lighter today than I was this time last week!' and so on...

Keep on keepin' on!

Heather

Hi Mary!

Thanks for the response! I was hoping the book you suggested would be at my local library but unfortunately they don't have it. My mom is getting a copy of The Sugar Solution. Have you ever heard of that?

I have heard of the book, Carrie, in Prevention Magazine, which is pretty much my source authority for everything. I don't know of anyone personally who has used it, but I am sure someone here has.

That has to be one of the ONLY diet books I have not read...if I would spend the time exercising I spend reading about health, I would be buff and very healthy! You on a Diet is reviewed by the 3FC--as are many others, and they tell you how they rate them.

I found my current program there....I am not trying to tease ...just don't want to lead at this point. They also review Bob Green's Best Life Diet, and that one is helpful, too. At this point, I am sure you know from experience, you will be able to lose easily with some exercise...whatever you can do, and with some healthier eating. The great wisdom of the Weight Watchers program, as you may know, is that it lets you eat more at a higher weight, and then you cut down as you lose. Brilliant, I say! LOL.

To read 3FC reviews, start at the home page and click on Diets in the menu line....you will find lots of help.

Mary

Thanks, Mary!!

I'm feeling my way around the site. I'm going to try and go to sleep before 11:30 tonight. I have sleep problems and they've gotten worse over the past week because of my friend going to the Philippines. If I can get some sleep, I'll check out things tomorrow morning. If not, I'll be on here much later tonight lurking around.

Wow Carrie.. you've definitely had it rough for a while lady.. I'm so glad you found 3fc.. this is the best place in the world for inspiration and motivation. You can do it, and everyone here will help you remember that! Good luck!

Dee

Carrie, where are ya, girl? We haven't forgotten about you. Give us a shout and let us all know how you are doing. :-) Mary

Hi Mary,

I'm here. I've just had a bad week. Nothing concerning my eating habits though. I've been doing very well with that. I'm actually surprised at how easy it's been.

I was hoping to be able to weigh tomorrow (Saturday) but my "Aunt Flow" is about to visit so I'm extremely bloated. I don't want to step on the scale and be disappointed.

I'm missing my friend (the one in the Philippines) and I'm also having trouble sleeping. I've always had problems sleeping for as long as I can remember but it's been particularly hard this past week.

My therapist suggested I take some benadryl but, like my brother, they don't make me drowsy. They actually make me just about crawl the walls. I meet my psychiatrist on the 16th and I hope she'll give me something to help me sleep.

I really wish I could hear from my friend. I miss him so much.

Well I will say that this is my first day on the site and I am amazed at the stories I hear here. The good.....the bad....the failures and the sucesses. It just goes to show it is possible some way, some how but like we all say.......we have to want to do it and we have to want to do it for "us"......"ME".

I hear some stories and I see how food really is more of a crutch not a comfort......COMFORT is something that soothes you....or brings you cheer. CRUTCH is truly something that supports you temporarily right? Thats what I do......FOOD is not something that comforts me actually its just the opposite most times. I truly use food as my temporary support. The crutch does not fix me. I guess its time to learn that there is life OFF THE CRUTCHES so to say.

OKAY...probably just babbling and losing you all. I may have lost myself....hehe. I guess its time to find myself under all this weight because then I truly feel like I could feel true COMFORT.

God Bless..... Michelle