See i met this guy on the internet a few months back. I know that is not a very good way to meet a guy but hey, it happened. You see it was on that myspace site, in a chatroom where i met a guy, who asked me to take a chance on him, and do a over-the-phone long distance relationship. I was very lonely and after 2 weeks of the guy convincing me that he was different then the others, i said yes, well the very next day i get a call from a girl asking me is i was this guys girlfriend, and i happily said yes, well much to my surprise she identified herself as the girlfriend of 4 years, and that he was playing me. Well i was devistated. I gave my one last chance on love to that guy? Well the whole time i was talking to that guy on the phone, that guy had a friend (lets call him David) who i would chat with CONSTANTLY on instant messenger(i don't know if he ever slept), even though the 2 guys were in the same room, i would be on the phone with one, and chatting online with another. Well after the guys girlfriend had called me, David didn't know about it, he wasn't there at the time, so when no one (his friend, or his friends girlfriend) would clue him in, he called me. I told David to go away that i don't want to talk to him because he was the friend of the man who hurt me very badly. He told me to hold on a minute, and i heard his friend yelling at David in the background, calling him a backstabber for talking to me, and well much to my surprize, David defended me saying "well you should not have hurt her man, i you would even have clued your best friend in on knowing you still had a girlfriend, i never would let you do this!" Anyway David was banned from the guys house, but before he left, David asked me to call him that night, and gave me his home phone number. In tears from my broken heart, i copied it down, and promised to call him at 9PM. When i didnt call him at 9, he called me at 9:05PM. We talked for 6 hours about everything, like his friend hurtting me, and how he has been hurt...well being sensitive i told him a true reason why it is sooo bad to cheat, and supposedly at that moment, i made Davids heart melt for me. At 3AM, he asked me to be his girlfriend, telling me that he could make me forget him......and with my heartache, i said yes. The next night he told me that he loved me...and i couldn't explain it, but i did feel the same...it wasn't that i was hurtting and looking for someone to help me...i truely felt for him. Less then 3 weeks later he moved 100 miles south to live with me because he was soon-to-be homeless. We met face-to-face and were so in love that it was like unreal magic. I had never known love like that before. After 2 months, one of his family members got sick, and he had to go home to help them out, but the same day he left here, he got deathly sick himself....104.2 degree temp., the flu, ammonia, bronchitis, strep throat...the works. He was in the hospital for a while, but was released on mega pain killers for all the pain he was in. He sounded so bad that i couldnt ever understand what he said on the phone, He was so out of it, saying stupid things some of which he didnt mean to say. He was so sick that he lost a whole 20lbs! Well a week and a half ago he instant messages me saying were over cause i lied to him. He wouldnt tell me what i lied to him about, and that was it....we were over. I was destroyed. I loved him so much, and now we were over? I didnt see a way or reason to go on with my life. Less then a week ago i was online and he instant messaged me again going "hey". I felt pretty bad, so i decided to talk to him considering i coundn't feel any worse. Well we talked about how things were going...and how he felt a little bit better.....then he told me he could sense something was wrong...and asked what was up? I told him that i have a broken heart, what did he expect? He said "why is your heart broken?" and i told him that he was mean for toying with me. I said "You just love that were not together anymore, don't you?" and he asked me what was i talking about, and did i go mental in the time that he was gone. He said "what are you talking about baby, i didnt break up with you!!!" I told him "yes you did stop playing with me." He continued to be spazzed out saying "OMG, no i didnt where was i? I dont remember!" He told me he still loved me and the next night when he was feeling a little better he called me up. He told me that he missed me sooo much, and how he cant wait to see and come back. My heart felt better, but not completly. Well i sent him the money for the train ticket to come back down here to visit for 2 days and i do know that he bought the ticket because i checked online. He's gunna be here on Thursday, and i don't know what to do. I love him so much! He is my life. My baby. I really don't want to let him go....but i hate to say it....do i care for him less now that he has hurt me very bad? I have already forgave and forgot what he did, but the pain wont go away. What do i do? He has to come down here anyway, but do i try to make "us" work or do i make it one last good weekend, and say goodbye.....which i know i'm not strong enough to do??? I really need some advise ladies! This is driving me crazy!!! Please give me your suggestions and advise!
Well, the internet is not the worst place to meet men, but also not the best place either. Quite frankly, it's possible the message you received is not from him. It is really easy to get access to anyone's IM/chat accounts if you know how. My best suggestion to you is to be careful, and take everything he says with a grain of salt (a few grains if he says it online). Meeting someone on the internet is not much different than meeting someone in a bar, and I think meeting someone online and talking gives a lot of people the illusion of knowing that person. Also, it's possible that the initial meeting was a set up, how hard would it really be for 2 guys to play out the scene that led to you being with him? I'm not saying that is what happened but it is possible, and it is a really good idea to be careful. If you have thought it through and feel 100% sure that he is trustworthy then give him a second chance, but really I do not know enough about him and what happened to really help make that decision.
Wow. I kind of get the feeling that you are being !(@$ed with here. There ARE good guys out there. I actually met my husband on the internet - but only because he lived in the same town as me.
I had a lot of online "relationships" if you can really even call them that... and what I learned is that people online are not always who they are in real life. And it can be physically and emotionally dangerous to get involved.
I suggest you really take a good long look at what's gone on, try to look past your emotions, and see what your head is telling you. You wouldn't be posting on here, if you thought everything was going to be okay...
good luck, trust in yourself to do the right thing, and know that you are worth having something good in your life. GOOD, not Okay.
The story is a little convoluted and confusing, but what I was able to determine is that you seem to fall in love really fast and become devastated really fast. Personally, I think it's a really REALLY bad idea to allow a stranger who is "about to become homeless" to move in with you.
My advice to you is this: Slow way down on this "love of my life" stuff and don't believe most of what people say on the internet. Like sharks that can smell blood in the water, predators can smell desperation.
I agree with kateful. if this guy is the love of your life, then he would understand that you want to take it slow. You're young, kiddo! It's not like you are 90 and on your death bed pining for some guy. Good luck!
Like sharks that can smell blood in the water, predators can smell desperation.
Can I have this on a bumper sticker, please? That is a REALLY great analogy. And the reason I was in 'rapid fire' mode, dating one loser after another for about 15 years of dating ****. I was desperate to find the love of my life and the predators were desperate for an easy score. This equated to, in the 'middle of it all' (if you get my drift) me dreamign about what color my bridesmaids dresses were going to be and 'the love of my life' trying to figure out a creative way to exit my apartment before breakfast.
Lesson here: head-over-heels-prone and internet dating are NOT a healthy combination.
Tweety: Just to clarify...I don't think you're desperate, but maybe a hopeless romantic and way too trusting for your own good. YOu remind me of myself when I was your age. Your first step is to stop thinking of the needs of others and think, FIRST AND FOREMOST of your OWN needs. And everyone else can fend for themselves. Sounds selfish, but nobody will look out for YOU better than YOU.
This whole thing does sounds very convaluted and I know I may be a pessimist but the start of the relationship sounds like a scam.
This guy saying take a chance on me while you know his best friend. How does his best friend not know he has a girlfriend? Do you think two guys that are best friends would really break up their friendship over a girl on the internet? This actually reminds me something I saw in a movie once where a guy meets a girl and is nice to her but then screws her over. Then some "nice" guy steps in to protect the girl and then he becomes the girls boyfriend. Of course the whole setup was planned.
Even if that isn't something that happened where they planned to hurt you then have one of them rescue you, this guy sounds like someone you need to stay away from. I also think you may fall in love easily so you might need to watch yourself a little so you don't end up falling for the wrong guys.
The internet is not a terrible place to meet someone, but it IS really easy to hide crucial personal information, even if it's unintentional. It's also really easy to have no loyalties online - a person can be as mean as they want, because there's always the "block" option on their buddy list.
Red flag #1: saying "I love you" so early on in a relationship. The more appropriate phrase might be "I'm really infatuated with you." New love ALWAYS seems unique and spectacular - it's almost biological, what with all those hormones and pheromones flying around. I guarantee you'll find that unique, spectacular feeling again with someone else.
Red flag #2: homeless? How old is this guy, and do you want to date someone who needs to be cared for, who needs a mommy more than he needs an equal? If you're in the process of losing weight, my guess is that your caretaking needs to be spent on yourself, not on him.
Red flag #3: you paid for his ticket to visit, yet "he has to come down here anyway". Can't he walk dogs or work a temp job for a few weeks to generate enough money to cover at least half of the cost of the train ticket?
And the more you say things like "I love him so much! He is my life", the more apt you are to make this harder on you. You really like this guy, but LOVE takes time, trust, and lots of intimacy (emotional intimacy, not just physical intimacy). He is NOT your life, although you seem to have chosen to allow him to take up much of your daily conscious thought (which makes it SEEM like he is your life for right now).
Good luck, Tweety. I hope you get through this without too much emotional (or financial) expense.
Seriously, you need to wake up and face reality. How are you going to be in a relationship with someone that you have never met in person? Is this serious? These men had never seen you in person, never seen you in motion, never taken you to dinner...come on! These "relationships" aren't real! These are sick men that obviously want something else...oh yeah...like a place to live!
Men are like dogs. The same way dogs can smell fear, men can smell desperation. I bet that guy was living with you rent free, not paying any bills, and eating up all your food, huh? GIRL, WAKE UP! You have to LOVE yourself!!!
These guys are totally playing with you and your emotions, and trust me, they are laughing at you. Seriously, stop talking to those guys. Wake up. Face reality. Get out of la la land.
FYI - I met a guy on myspace. We talked for a month. This weekend I was in Chicago visiting a friend and he and I decided to meet. He took me to dinner, we discussed goals, you know, normal stuff. In your world, after spending $30 on me at dinner, I bet you are surprised he didn't ask me to marry him. But he and I live in reality...so that didn't happen. Just a meeting between two attractive, mature, successful adults. (And he was HOT!)
Well i would just like to thank all of yall for your advise. It sure helped. You know i do thank all of yall for your honesty, because well that was basically the one thing i was asking for, but damn, ya'll could have been a little nicer. Man! Wow i dont care at this point if i am banned from 3 fat chicks, but some of ya'll are true *****es espicially WhitWhit. DAMN! I understand that some of yall have gone through what i am going through, and i'm not mad because its that i didnt hear what i wanted to hear, i'm mad at the way some of yall delivered the information to me! Yeah, thanks a lot. I'll stick with what my friends say from now on.
Relationship Help Please!! Important!!
