I've been working hard at losing weight. I am exercising, eating healthy, and people at work, and my family are noticing and are very supportive. Some of them are taking my lead - and that's great. We had strawberries with a little lite whipped cream for a recent birthday celebration instead of our traditional cake, we went to lunch yesterday, and had salads but eat the chips. I am walking twice a day, and have taken up ballroom dancing a couple of times a week. But still this is a journey and it's taken me some time - sometimes the weight comes off more quickly then I hit a plateau, and I am okay with that (okay somewhere down deep wishes the weight would be off tomorrow) but I am making lifelong changes.
Here's my vent... my dear boyfriend of nearly 3 years hasn't said anything about my weight loss... he's lost weight as well, and raves about his own weight loss. My biggest peeve is his ex.... she had weight loss surgery 2 years ago, and lost over 100 pounds, and just had a tummy tuck... my boyfriend keeps mentioning how great she looks, he brings it up every few months, usually when he's seen her, and then again today, when he saw her - her tummy tuck was 3 weeks ago, and he said she is looking really good. I am sure that she is.... and I am truly glad for her, BUT it makes me feel really bad that I am not further along... it's like the unspoken comment (perhaps in my head) is that I am not looking so good. This is my issue - I am confident, and a successful woman but my weight bothers me, and I am sensitive about it.
I feel better having written that .... I guess it makes me feel a little victimized... and I know you can't feel that way unless you allow it, so perhaps time to take responsibility and tell him how his comments make me feel.... just need to figure out how to put it to him...
I know you are venting but maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about this? Maybe he can't avoid seeing her but he hasn't dated her for at least 3 years right? Why would he mention her? I would try to tell him that he mentions someone else's weight loss but not your own. If my boyfriend brought up how good his ex looked, I'd definitely give him a glare.
I would definitely talk to him too. Sometimes people can be clueless that we need to hear things said. He may assume since you are close that you know how he feels about you, etc. Sometimes people forget that they actually need to say the things aloud that they are thinking because their feelings about something are so strong. He also might not realize that his talking about his ex bothers you so much. My BF does the same thing sometimes and I have to remind him that it bothers me. He doesn't get it - "I'm with you now, so why does she bother you at all?" He just doesn't get it.
Also, if he is going on about his loss, maybe he is wondering if you have noticed back? Have you said anything to him?
As a guy - let me chime in and say - Yes for the most part we are clueless. (well speaking for myself anyway) Talk to him and let him know how you feel.
Also on another note - about not being further along... I heard a great quote that I think is going to be my new mantra:
"It does not matter where you have been, it only matters where you are going."
Yes I would definately say something to him as soon as possible. Don't let it fester, tell him today that it bugs you when he says stuff like that and if he has any feelings then he'll keep comments about his ex to himself. I would also let him know that it would be helpful to your weight loss efforts if he gave you some kudos where they are due.
Like Chris Rock said, women need food, water, and compliments. LOL. And the fact that your bf is complimenting his ex and not you... I'd be pissed too. Talk to him about, but try not to get too upset.
NotTheCheat, great point. Do you compliment him on his loss? Maybe he is waiting for you to say something first?
Thanks you all for your many perspectives. I did talk to him, about that and many other things.... and things are good. Charles, you kinda hit it on the head. And yes, I had made many comments about his weight loss - but that's kind of a girl thing to do, yes? Sexy - love that quote, I am going to use it!
Hi Rhonda ~ I definitely think you need to talk to your boyfriend. Since you have been with him for as long as you have, he knows you good and I would think he can see that he's hurting you every time he brings up about his ex looking so good. Hopefully he will soon be complimenting you, especially after he sees other men doing it too.
Sounds like a good plan (talking to your boyfreind) that was well executed. Keep on doing what you are doing. I was really impressed by your efforts at weight loss mentioned in your original post. We can control our sctions but not always the results. Congrats.
I feel very fortunate.....my boyfriend is pretty expressive about my appearance--always saying that I am pretty, or that he notices that my shape is changing.
Just want to vent....
