[Marciet]

This is my last day before the in laws are here. They come in at midnight tonight. I am starting to freak out. Need to clean the fridge, cabinets, car, etc. I feel so depressed, but I know I need to just put it all aside and do what's right for me. I'm still sick right now, but come Monday, I am really going to try to exercise again. Maybe I'll get a video. Also, I decided to get myself a massage. My back has been hurting so much it wakes me up at night.

My husband is sucking me back in. He emails me, asking me what I think of our relationship. I try to keep it light, but he comes back with, You're beautiful, and I want to keep you. I want it to be true so bad, but he's let me down so many times before. It's hard to believe it will be different this time.

Okay, enough venting. I'm gonna get cracking on my list.

[hockeyfan7]

Marcie, hang in there girl. Just keep telling yourself that these people will go back home and you just have to endure it. It's not permanent -- they will leave. And just remember that taking care of you is important.

I was watching Dr. Phil last night (I've been TIVOing it) and he said something that really got to me. He was specifically talking to a guy who was having problems with his wife not being perfect, and he told the guy that he made the choice to be angry about the way she kept the house and cooked and did laundry. He said that we just simply have to make a choice to disengage, not get involved, and not react. That deflates their power in a big hurry when you refuse to let them influence you.

He says over and over again that the only person we can control is ourselves. We have no control over anyone else and we can only be in charge of how we go about our daily lives. Sometimes I have a real problem accepting that. I want to make others accept me and I can't.

Marcie, we love you and we support you. But only you can make the decision about what's right for your life. Your husband can't make that decision for you and neither can your in-laws. We are here for you though, no matter what you choose.

[floridarusty]

Marcie,

I do the same thing when ever I get any company. Don't stress about it you will probably never make that woman happy. So just clean what is important to you and the rest doesn't matter as long as you are satisfied. She will be gone in a few days and then it really doesn't matter. Just think to yourself will this all matter a year from now????? It won't....who cares what she thinks.....it's her problem not yours!!!!

Sounds like the dh is playing games, I hate that type of game playing. Sucking you back in, then pushing you away. Talk to your therpist before you get totally pulled back into his game. You don't have to play.

But you are beautiful....believe that when he says it!!!!

Phyllis

[Lafayette]

Hang in there! I agree with Dr. Phil on the controlling your reaction issue. You are right to hesitate with the e-mails from your hubby. If your gut is telling you to have reservations, you probably should. You are worth making him work for it! Make him prove that you are not going to trust and be disappointed again- if he can't prove it or proves the exact opposite, you'll have your answer and it won't be your failure- it shouldn't be!

Good luck with the in-laws! If she comments on what isn't done, try casually reminding her (even if you are seething underneath!) that you are home alone with three active kids and that her princley son isn't available to help. Maybe you can ask for her help in lieu of her son's? Make her feel guilty for saying, "no"!

[Teri6407]

Marcie, I'll never forget one sunny spring day when my in-laws were coming to visit (they live 1-1/2 hours away) you would think they were coming from California. Anyway, DH is a total neat freak - how he got hooked up with me is anybody's guess, because I HATE housework. I would rather work several jobs than clean house - if you get the picture. So, his parents are coming and I am cleaning like a madwoman. DH is sweeping out the garage and putting down mulch. I'm thinking - "what? are they going to sit in the garage - admire your mulch?" I was so ticked off that I had to do the inside of the house - where they will be sitting and eating - all by myself . Long story short, they get there - we have dinner - everything is going smoothly, until.... MIL is sitting on the couch and we are chatting and I look across her shoulder and there is a roach walking slowly across the back of the couch. A ROACH - which must have come in from the mulch, because I have never had a roach problem before. Anyway, she sees I'm staring behind her and she looks around - and the rest you can imagine . I am sure she thought I was unclean - her house you could eat off the floor. Not because there is food on it - but because it is so clean!!! I was mortified - of course, DH is outside with dear dad and I am not about to smash a roach into my couch. Mayhem ensued and I finally got it off the couch and onto the floor where I promptly took DH's shoe and smashed it to smithereens!!! And he was ticked because I used his shoe - men

So, now I just don't have company

Just do the best you can and don't sweat the rest. Believe me, it is so not worth worrying what other people, especially in-laws, think of you - life is to short!!

Take care of you and don't let DH suck you in. I'll be thinking of you this weekend and praying that it is a good one

[LaurieM35]

You need to be honest with him, tell him how you feel, how he makes you feel dont' let him suck you back in, you will never be h appy if you don't be honest with him. Open up to him and maybe you guys can be happy again.

[Lafayette]

My mother and my paternal grandmother were never friendly. My mom finally decided that my grandmother was a relative and not her "better" and jsut did what she would usually do. My grandmother made snide comments and my mom just ignored her. My father advised my grandmother that she would do better not to make him chose between her or his wife... she became amazingly docile after that.

[Alliern]

(((((MARCIE)))))) Sending good vibes your way!

That is from me to your MIL!!!!!!!!!!

[flemay]

I don't know what it's like to not get along with your MIL. Mine is very cool! I even brought her to the movies with me at my girl's night out when she was in town! We watched Monster In Law! Very good movie! We were joking about it after! Don't throw me down the stairs now! I know you want to, but be nice! We had a good time and a good laugh! I've very lucky! So hang in there, before long, she'll be out of your house again!