Susie and Eleni... I find your subject of discussion very interesting and the (a word used in another post) CORE of our problem.
For the most part I believe that my problem is that I don't handle life as it comes to me. I am a person who likes to be in control of everything. And we all know we can't have control of everything. People and things just won't co-operate with that. I eat to ease my emotions when something happens that doesn't go well. My husband can through me into that feeling with just a few words or no words at all if he's in one of those bad moods himself and just doesn't have anything to say. Right now I don't feel at ease for some reason and this time I don't know what it is, and sometimes that is just the way it is. Maybe it's because I'm overwhelmed with work that needs to be done and just not enough time to do it all. I'm not as fast as I used to be. I am a woman who has done many things in my life that other women don't even touch or think about doing. Like you Eleni I've worked some in a man's world. I worked in construction doing punch list at the end of the project on things that men had messed up and had to be fixed. I've built my own kitchen cabinets, I sew what ever I want, I can paint both with paints and digital on the puter. About the only thing I haven't tackled was working on car motors. I have liked being able to do those things and wouldn't change anything I've tried to do, but at the same time I think a part of doing all that stuff was to get people to think I was a ok person. I was fat, and people just don't see much redeeming things in a fat person. Like it or not that is how most ordinary people think. So out of necessity I became a jack of all trades for self worth. I have tried WW...had two diet groups of my own...done it on my own, OA, and OA is a wonderful program, I lost 97 pounds there. I've lost a lot of weight in all those groups only to lose control and gain it back. Always before I wanted to lost weight to look better. But now I've come to a place in my life where I must lose weight or become dependent on others to take care of me. I know that this time there is no turning back to food to ease my emotions. This time it's for my health. I had heard that before from older women and now it's me that is in that place. Our problem is in our minds, it all starts there. Just now my husband walked out to take his morning walk and it run through my mind that I can eat anything I want and no one will know. Remember I told you I wasn't at ease and that was the old tape kicking in and telling me how to care of those emotions. But thank God after that thought, I had the one that says, "listen to what your saying, you can't do that. want the 30 pounds you've lost back, that just might be the beginning of getting it back." Then I jerked my mind back into reality. It's a constance battle, and I expect it to be the rest of my life. I can only take it one battle at a time. I won that one!!!
I like the week end thread too. And I want to say,
Susie... Congrats on the weight loss at your last tops meeting. And thank you very much for starting this conversation, I need to think about control. And
Eleni... I'm glad to hear the heart report was better. Your right about the Kops in the groups. They seem to make a committment and come to meeting lose or gain. Our latest Kops member spent 12 years getting there. In the past when I would start on one of my gaining times, I would stop going to meetings.
You girls and all the others that post on this board, I wish you luck with losing the extra pounds, and never, never give up. I know I didn't respond to everyone who had posted since I've been here, please forgive me, I got a little carried away on this subject. Sorry for the book.
Belle
Weekend of June 18-19
