[Kittenintheyarn2020]

I tend to splurge way too much and too soon. I need help and encouragement not to do that. I have 50 pounds to lose and am very depressed about this. I started a diet three days ago and already messing up. I really want to lose the weight and also get more fit. Need to tone and shrink legs, build muscle in upper body. I am a 31 year old married mother of two toddlers. I also have circulatory issues. my help and encouragement is greatly appreciated. Feeling a lot of despair.

[TREEMBBS]

Hi Kitten, I could be your Mum being over twice your age but I hear your despair. I am never sure about the value of the word "diet" and heavy restriction to begin weight loss. Perhaps you could start "smaller" by cutting one or 2 items out from your daily diet. (eg if you nibble on biscuits with a cup of coffee or put too much butter on your morning toast or eat "supper" after a good evening meal - the supper one is DEFINITELY my downfall and should be my 1st point of elimination) Eating healthy, balanced meals and eliminating problem foods may be better than starting with a "diet" that is restrictive, makes you hungry and is hard to follow. I have circulatory and thyroid issues which hamper weight loss too but I'm not about to live on shakes or go keto. Good luck to those who can do that but for some of us portion control, eliminating problem foods and gradually introducing healthy exercise may be a better ploy. Perhaps try going that way Kitten for a few days and see how it goes.

[Kittenintheyarn2020]

Thank you for your reply... To give a bit of background on my particular bad habits- I tend to eat small, healthy portions already most of the time. However, I have a bad habit of having a midnight snack- usually still small portion, healthy food, and usually doesn't tip my total calories for the day over 12-1500 calories, but still not the ideal time of day. Once every week or two on average I get depressed and go on a binge, eating up to 3000 calories in a single day, not necessarily healthy ones out of despair that I still can't lose any weight... That said, when I go on a diet or fast, as I often do, I have a bad tendency of deciding to let myself have a little treat the moment I start to see the slightest progress, and it usually puts me back at square one. I tend to go on the restrictive diets because I'm as thin as I get with just portion control, which unfortunately is not thin at all. I know this is not a unique problem to me but I often feel like people are judging me for being fat and tend to assume I live on pizza and potato chips due to my weight. I exercise daily but I can't seem to build any visible muscle... Also a major frustration... So yeah, that's where I'm at in a nutshell... I tend to be utterly obsessed with my weight and fitness... And unable to attain my goals all the same.

[Kittenintheyarn2020]

One other important detail I forgot to mention: I sometimes find myself eating when I am stressed out and upset. I was brutally abused and starved as a child, so I have major PTSD issues around food too. I have also recently quit smoking and I find I do struggle with impulse control in general. My current situation is a little stressful as my husband has a serious substance abuse issue and refuses to get treated so I sometimes feel like a single mom as I can't trust him to watch the kids most of the time due to not being sober. He can be pretty mean when he's high and is downright vicious (hasn't hit me but verbally abusive and will tear up the house and make me think he's going to kill me via driving into a block wall or something when driving- yes, intentional scaring) from July to January every year, claiming it's because of various things from his past at those times of year. I'm a Christian, we have two kids, I'm the one who proposed years back, and I really do still love him in spite of all this so I don't feel right about leaving but I want to stop suffering. And all of that to say the stress this causes me tends to lead to drowning my sorrows in chocolate on bad days. I do also suffer body dysmorphia so my needing to lose 50 lbs to be skinny feels more like needing to lose 500 lbs when I look in the mirror and while I can see the beauty in other overweight women I view myself as the ugliest woman in the world most of the time because of my cellulit, thighs, etc.

[TREEMBBS]

Your emotional issues are very real and I can appreciate they will sabotage your weight loss efforts. Sometimes it is worthwhile getting some help regarding pts and current stressors before you start focusing on being more healthy and mindful. I know gaining help may be expensive but even if you can talk to someone in real time, a GP or someone you are close to I would have a think about it if you can. They say a "healthy body makes a healthy mind" but to me it can work in reverse x x