So angry, then so empty
I don't know what is wrong with me. I got really upset at a therapy session (treatment for an eating disorder, not depression, which I'm not sure i have) on Thursday night, where I felt like every move I made was being analyzed, then I was called out for using a utensil I wasn't supposed to use. I was only using it because all the rest were dirty. Really silly to feel guilty, but I just got fed up.
On Saturday, my bad mood festered and I kept thinking about how angry I was about the things I was going through in therapy. In group treatment that day, I just went off for being in a foul mood and for being locked out. After my tantrum, I just felt drained and exhausted.
Ever since that couple of hours of temper tantrums, I have felt totally exhausted. I feel empty. Still with an inner anger and sadness, but too tired to express it. I'm not even too focused on food. I feel stressed from work and am being run ragged. I exercised today and am stiff and sore, but don't feel like doing much of anything except go to bed.
What is wrong with me? I wish I could snap out of it. Even at therapy tonight, I tried to be more vocal so I wouldn't bearing the group down, but once dinner started I shut down again. I hate having them watch my everything I'm doing when I eat.
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