[pixelllate]

I keep on trying to reason with myself, I don't know why I feel this way.
I get riled really easily by my family's comments. They called me fat growing up, but fed me really fattening food and the second I lost weight they nitpicked again. Everything was just wrong and when I gained some weight I was "so fat" again! They probably hurt my sister's feelings too, but sometimes she takes it too far. Any thin person is scrawny to her, she would not leave me alone with I first lost weight (that I regained). I felt like...an object or something. I was at a healthy weight, and all my friends assured me it may have been due to insecurity, she called me a "skeleton" and I let it get to me. I guess its just tough because I see my own mom who always nitpicked on my weight nitpick on her own, and I think, will I be like this in the future as well? How will I react this time...how will it be different so that it won't happen again...all these thoughts running through my head. But maybe even me writing this is a good sign.
I tell myself that I am not a teenager anymore, and the years of living on my own and getting my own place-I've become a stronger person. I still get hurt if I am insulted but I don't automatically assume that its because of me and I don't let it cause me to binge anymore. That being said, I still feel freaked out that it WILL happen again. Regaining felt horrible, I gained I think over 55-60 lbs in a few months, that was really hard on my body.
I want to go on vacation to China this coming winter, for the first time in 12 years, but IDK the native language and I have no one else to travel with...except my family (some of them also live there) and I am scared, even though thats pretty far into the future.
This is the closest that I have been to my goal (over the past 4 years I've been losing and regaining the same weight-19 lbs lost was my furthest). Maybe I'm just getting cold feet. Its all in my control though and I have to remind myself that I can always make the choice not to stress eat. It almost doesn't seem real to me, I swear a few months ago, anyone who offered me candy at the office, I would say yes even though I didn't want it because I wanted people to like me. And now I only eat what I want, when I want - and it hasn't changed my social life, which is nice. OK I just wanted to get that off my chest hah

[SMSDREAMER2007]

You are normal! Welcome to insecurity. Yes, I did say insecurity. It is OK to have an insecurity. I wonder all the time "will I gain it back?" "I can't possibly lose it all!", "I don't know how to be thin!" I have been fat all my life and have never really had a boyfriend that I could bring home to the family and not worry about them driving him away. I have never thought myself worthy of being loved. My mother now calls me a "skinny minnie" Because I have lost 77 lbs. That's right I lost 77 lbs and gained a TON of confidence. I an nowhere near my goal but I know I will get there eventually. I have a wonderful boyfriend whom I care about immensely and is actually trying to lose with me. He has lost 20 lbs since jan 27th just by taking the advice Ive given him. He's doing great. Yea, I have been stuck in the 240's since last september, but that is my fault. I became complacent and ate a lot of **** I shouuldnt have. I get insecure "am I really skinny enough for him?", "Isn't he ashamed to be seen with me?" I get this way because my mother worries about her weight and gives me compliments to belittle herself. My sister tells me it doesn't look like Ive lost any weight. My family always used to tell me I weighed too much growing up and talked to my mom about putting me on a diet (honestly right now I wish she had when I was younger). don't feel bad. You will make it and you wil be successful. Just continue doing what you are doing and head on over to the maintainers forum for some advice and tips on maintaining. I believe in you and I am sure all of 3FC does as well.

[astrophe]

I've regained. And I'm on my way through another pass at "losing" before I can take another stab at "maintaining skills." I know how to lose. I do NOT know how to maintain yet.

It took me 5 xmas's to figure out how to navigate THAT without holiday gain. So if it takes me a few stabs at learning "little mantain?" I figure permanent BIG maintaining -- it is just part of the process to have to take a few stabs at it. A setback is NOT a failure. It just means the approach may need reassessment still before you master the skill.

As for family? It's my Dad that used to make me nuts going on and on about my weight. A few years ago I told him it was rude the first time. Now I was telling him to cut it out because it just wasn't up for discussion. It is between me and my doctor. And if he brought my weight up again, I was going home. Immediately. Without a word.

5 min later he was at it, and I got up and went home.

Mom didn't even see me. She was still in the shower. She was bewildered and called me up. I told her I was tired of Dad rude. I wasn't mad about it, but I wasn't up for it any more. Why should I spend the time to drive out there just to have a rotten visit? I have things to be doing at home and I can visit other people and have a nicer time.

So no. I'm not listening to nonsense any more esp when I already told him politely to stop. Now I'm also enforcing it. It's up to him to control his mouth. Do it, we can have a visit. Don't? I'll just go home then. Bye!

I had to do it a few more times but once he saw I meant it, he cut it out.

He was polite to my face but also told mom I'm "too sensitive" and whatnot behind my back. I told mom not to bother to repeat his nonsense to me. I wasn't putting up with it on the Dad front channel, so I wasn't going to listen to the Dad back channel via the mom loudspeaker! I told her to tell him to just tell it to my face and not involve her. How is it POLITE of her to be spreading his rude around anyway?

I didn't think I was being "too sensitive" but fine. Sure. I'm too sensitive now! Yay. Now hush and stop the rude. There. Problem STILL solved for me!

Parents who still view their children as children, rather than as adults sometimes have a hard time letting go of certain subjects that just isn't their business any more -- like health/medical biz. It's a time to have a different sort of relationship and not all parents are good at the transition. Ditto being kid siblings vs being adult siblings. We all have to grow up, YKWIM?

It's fine to want to be kind and please people and make them feel good. Including relatives. Just not at the detriment of your well being!

Next time sister calls you a skeleton repeat it and call her on it politely. "You just called me a skeleton. What was your actual intention with that? Did you want to clarify?"

A.