[rd290]

I've gained a lot of weight these past 24 months due to emotional eating. I've always been an emotional eater, but since I've hit my 30s (I'm 32), I've noticed that I gain weight easily and can't seem to lose it like I once was able to in my early 20s.

I know I've been turning to food for comfort these past 2 years because my father has fallen ill and my family and I are waiting for a matching heart to become available so that he can live more years in this life. The stress is always constant even on days where I think I'm having an overall good day.

Anyway, I finally had a chance to go to the mall the other day in order to purchase a few work clothes since it's been so long. My body is strange...I've very small on top (size 36A cup), but I'm very bottom heavy. I have 40% body fat. I was trying on some pants in the fitting room and noticed just how drastically my body has changed from all the emotional eating. Under the fitting room light, I first identified cellulite on the back AND front of my legs (up until the other day, I did not know I had it in the front too)....and let's not even talk about much I have on my butt! I had to go back and select bigger pants because I've gained more weight from the last time I went out shopping....which hasn't been in 6 months....I hate to shop because nothing looks good on me anymore.

I got so upset because nothing looked "right" on me. I just left the mall quickly and broke down crying in my car. People have mentioned my rapid weight gain...some folks are more polite about commenting about my weight than others of course. What gets to me is how certain people, like my mother, comment on my weight gain yet she is bigger than me! Her excuse is that she's old now (she's only in her mid 50s) and married, so it doesn't matter. WTF?

Anyway, I've NEVER been this bad before about gaining weight. Granted, I've been under a lot of stress with my dad being sick, but that's no excuse to turn to food, right? I've currently going to a therapist to deal with all of this....she tells me to start a food journal. I've been writing in my food journal, but it hasn't helped me from emotionally eating.

I'm trying to figure out why I'm punishing myself by turning to food even when I'm not hungry. I eat when I'm stressed (which is all the time right now), I eat when I'm bored....when I'm upset. I also lost my best friend's friendship earlier this year, which has been real hard on me. Specifically, she got upset with me for having to pull out of her wedding as maid of honor because my dad fell ill and I wanted/needed to support my family. She uninvited me to her wedding and completely stopped talking to me. This fall out occured 5 months ago. It was a very sad end to an 11 year friendship. So I've been hurting all in more than 1 area in my life.

I don't know how to be my own best friend. Food is my best friend. I feel SO good when I eat even though it's just temporary.

I'm just looking for support. Because my father is ill, I've moved back in with my parents to give them emotional support. As bad as this sounds, I have feelings of resentment towards my family for me having to give up my life (fyi...I've dropped down to part-time work status and I've given up my social life...I've only had the opportunity to hang out with people just once this summer...all other weekends have been stuck in the house with them). I'm just mentally tired and I turn to food because of it. As a result, my weight has gone up quickly and I just can't seem to lose even 5 solid pounds anymore.

I went to the doctor to see if it was a thyroid problem, but the blood work came back negative. The doctor said I just needed to adapt to a healthy lifestyle.

I don't what else to do. Journaling doesn't seem to help. I sporadically go to the gym and get on the eliptical machine for 35 to 45 minutes. I'm trying to build up my endurance and stay on there for at least 60 minutes. In terms of eating right instead of resorting to eating out....that's a difficult one because I simply crave certain fast foods. I have cut back on eating out a lot, but the weight has not gone down. My weight has been the same.

I'm lost myself. I've lost control. Just see the attachment and take a look at how fat I am now! I want to go back to the way things were 2 years ago...both emotionally and physically. I want my dad to be healthy again and I want to get my life back! I see all these other women post their beautiful pictures of their transformation from fat to fab and, instead of feeling motiviated, I feel more depressed about the way I look....instead of thinking "if she can do it, then I can do it!", I think "Wow, look at her! She lost 100 pounds and I can't even seem to lose a solid 5 pounds. I'm SUCH a loser."

[cammieb]

I read this and literally cried. I know just how you feel, so don't think you're alone. I have a new baby and my fiance just got deployed to afghanistan. It's hard to work out when you have others to take care of and no one to help.

I think the first thing we have to do is stop bashing ourselves. I know for me, it just makes me more depressed, and then I give up. I think not setting your expectations so high right away might help to. Just promise yourself you'll do 15 minutes of exercise a day. That way, if you do more, you can be proud vs. feeling crummy because you only did 45 instead of 60.

I'm not really sure what to say about the food except I know how you feel and you have my support. I don't know if it's against the rules or not, but I'd be more than happy to PM my phone number in case you ever want to text me. I did that with a friend in the past when I felt like binging or going off plan and she always motivated me to stay on track. At any rate, don't give up. We CAN do it!

[K8-EEE]

Cammie is so right -- beating yourself up is the wrong direction, we need to build ourselves up. You are a lot more than a number on the scale or a dress size. When you respect yourself it's easier to take care of yourself because you know what? Going against the flow of the "typical American diet" takes a fair amount of work, you need to know you're worth it!

[rd290]

Originally Posted by K8-EEE

Cammie is so right -- beating yourself up is the wrong direction, we need to build ourselves up. You are a lot more than a number on the scale or a dress size. When you respect yourself it's easier to take care of yourself because you know what? Going against the flow of the "typical American diet" takes a fair amount of work, you need to know you're worth it!

Thanks for the advice. It's difficult to know I'm worth it when people, family members included, indirectly tell you differently. I will try though.

[rockinrobin]

I'm so sorry for all that you're going through.

You ARE most definitely worth it and so is IT. Eating well is a very worthy cause!

I urge you though to look for some LONG TERM comfort, instead of settling for that *quick fix* of eating to so called ease your stress. Because comfort eating, turns out, is not all that comforting. You deserve TRUE comfort, lasting comfort, ACTUAL comfort. Eating causes waaay more stress than it solves. You must come to realize that and accept that and than - change.

Change isn't always easy, but it IS doable. The hardest part is starting and the first couple of weeks as you try to break the bad habits and incorporate the new ones.

Food journaling is great. But I would love for you to PLAN AHEAD. Map out your food schedule IN ADVANCE. Don't veer from it. Period. If it's not on your plan for the day - you don't eat it. Period. You will have to get used to this and push yourself through some uncomfortable moments.

Part of planning ahead is having the right foods on hand - always - and the wrong ones out sight and out of the house.

Eating well, being healthy won't happen on it's own. You've got to plan for it and prepare for it.

When stress hits have something else to do - knit, read, write, computer, puzzles, walk, talk, clean the toilets, straighten the house, garden, run in circles - anything. Just FIND something PRODUCTIVE to do - instead of DESTRUCTIVE.

You CAN do this. You absolutely can. Make it your job, your mission. Conquer something new. MAster some new skills. Challenge yourself. Push yourself. Reach. Stretch. Strive. Grow. Prosper.

[nicolewoods1]

i agree with the ladies i have dealt with the same feelings as well. if you have to look in the mirror every morning and say i am worth it, i am beautiful,, or whatever it is you are feeling say the opposite! i know it sounds corny but it truly works..we have what we say and we say what we have and so the cycle continues. it might feel weird and uncomfortable at first but then you will actually start to believe it yourself and it will get easier i promise, and later down the road if you stop and those feelings start to come back just start over again (its better to not stop in the first place) this is what im teaching my daughters. no one is perfect and we all do fall off sometime but we have the power to change how we think of ourselves and in turn how we feel about ourselves, but it starts with what we say to ourselves......out loud........in the mirror!! im here if you need anything

[Lori Bell]

Sorry you are going through this hard time. Is you mom sick too? Is she unable to care for your father? Or perhaps she is she married to someone else now?

[thesame7lbs]

You ARE NOT "such a loser." You are a good person in a difficult situation.

Please, stop beating yourself up. Like others have already said, you need to replace the negative things you are saying to yourself with positive things.

DO NOT feel guilty for having resentment toward your family right now. That is perfectly normal. When you feel guilty for that emotion, you push it down, you feel badly about yourself. By acknowledging it and accepting it, you can move forward, or better yet, try to address it. Would you feel guilty going out just a little more often? Perhaps. But you need a break, all caregivers do, and by getting out more you could relieve some of your resentment. Please check out the website for the National Family Caregivers Association -- a great organization that understands that the caregivers need to be cared for, too.

As for your (former) best friend, some day she will be in a situation where she has to make a difficult decision that disappoints someone, and she will understand what you have done and the sacrifices you have made. Unfortunately, brides can be very selfish.

I'm sorry, I don't have any weight loss advice -- I think you need to "take care of you" emotionally, and the rest will follow.