[milliondollarbbw]

I have been feeling like I have been making this slow, but sure progress towards being healthier and eating like I know I am supposed to eat---even foraying into the whole organic arena, and even being concerned about where my food comes from (within reason and budget of course!). Inside, I feel like if I had more control over my food, I would be eating healthy at each meal. I would be cooking the way I know I should, and doing my daily pilates classes and being the super athletic type person.

Instead, because of my issues with food and emotions, I am not projecting that image. Instead, I feel like I am projecting a sense of lack of control, a bit tired from the weight, etc. I do realize that I look, at times, like someone whose weight is out of control.

But, with my focus on myself more lately, I do feel like I am slowly getting more into being the super duper healthy lifestyle person that I want to be. I realized that I have both cookies and chips in my fridge (slightly healthier versions), and I have not gone binge crazy on them. I have been depressed lately, which makes me want to either overeat or go shopping, so I often combine those desires and try and shop for healthy food. I realized that I have enough food in my fridge, AND, that most of it is healthy! That is a big deal for me.

I am really focused on having my healthier food really be something like second nature to me. I will always have cravings for unhealthy food, I am sure, but I am just so focusing on the reality that it cannot be an everyday thing for me. I have to focus on watching my calories most of the time.

I am hoping that my journey will lead me to cute sports leggings and workout tops and the ability to wear them without looking funny or weird or awkward. Once I get to a lighter weight, then I will be the woman in the pilates class...feeling every bit comfortable and in tune with my body. Which is hard, at times, when you get to be a certain weight.

[paris81]

It sounds like you've made a lot of progress, and progress that's really hard to make! Congrats on that! You should be very proud of youself.

I wonder though if healthy eating will ever become second nature, at least for me. I don't see it as impossible to be able to eat healthy regularily, but I'm not sure that I'll ever so do without ever feeling tempted to go crazy. Not to say that the temptation can't be resisted--I just think it will never go away completly. We are bombarded with so many food images, it's not necessarily all just from inside of us--a lot of the issues that come with food are exterior and cultural.

I don't think that this is a deterant though, just a way of making sure to stay on top of things!

Good luck, you can totally keep tihs up!

[milliondollarbbw]

Thank you. I think that i will always have the temptations to eat junk food or binge, but I also feel like when my eating has been out of control, that eating healthy, of my own free will, seemed to be this dream---like I couldn't avoid the food's allure, ya know? I now feel like I have the ability to eat in a way that is healthy and possible and that even though I will have those junk food cravings, I don't have to give in to them everyday.

[milliondollarbbw]

I have been buying a lot of food lately, almost in a hoarding fashion. I am happy, however, that when I do buy food, I am going for organic when i can afford it, and am buying more fresh fruit and veggies as my snack items, which is a good change for me.

I feel like doing my stretches and eating right are the first step to living the more healthier and athletic lifestyle I envision for myself.