[Veil]

I am exercising. I am eating right. I am counting calories. I am going to the gym. I am in therapy. I finally have a running plan I love! I have energy!! I am making ME a better person.

Sooooo, the hubby sees all this and whines about his weight and his bad eating and lack of energy... but doesn't do ANYTHING different (same junk foods, no exercise, bad habits)... I give some advice but I am NOT going to force this on him, I have taken the mother role before and NO WAY am I going down that path again. He compliments me but it's said kinda with a tone of "mannnn, I wish I was losing weight, *sniff, sniff*.)

I feel frustrated. I feel uncomfortable. Do you have a spouse or significant other that does this?? How do you handle seeing them eat junk, be sedentary, and most of all... the whining?? Any advice, personal stories and/or support is most welcome!! Thanks

[beerab]

Does he eat the food you make? Or does he make himself something else to eat when you make dinner or whatever other meals at home? I'd tell him to join you. And ask him if he'd like to join the gym with you (or whatever you are doing).

Hubby and I bought Bikes last year and during the spring/summer and a bit of fall we rode bikes every weekend- it was great. When it got too cold we stopped- but yesterday I looked at those bikes and now that it's warmer want to ask hubby if he wants to go this weekend Assuming it doesn't rain!

Bottom line is maybe if you ask him to join you he might get into it. And if all else fails you can say "if you won't join me then stop whining. Whining doesn't burn calories or make you energetic, stop making excuses and do it with me."

Good luck

[happytobeamomof2]

My ex and I had similar issues. He was/is thin and can eat anything! he used to smoke and (with me) drank fairly heavily. I exercised 5x a week, watched what i ate and outweighed him by 80 lbs! he would complain constantly about his tiredness and physic... in the end, i had to stop any discussions about my w/o. he always supported me... he even ate his choco/chips at work instead of at home and stopped offering me stuff when he did have it at home...

we are now divorced for other reasons. i have taken some lessons learned with me : this journey is mine and mine alone. it is for me. others benefit (like my kids and boyfriend because i have more energy and am teaching them healthier lifestyles too). let your friends and family come to terms with your journey on their terms. it could be he is jealous, overwhelmed or just plain proud of you. he may not want to change his habits. he may complain because he is scared he'll fail or not do as well as you have... it is very complicated... my opinion (like i havent said enough already!) is to remember this is all about you, for you and with you... let him tag along if he wants too and don't worry if he doesnt...

good luck!!!

[KylieH]

My husband struggles with his weight and I know it makes him unhappy. However, he has yet to permanently change his habits. He'll eat a good breakfast and lunch, then snack in the late afternoon and after dinner.

I tease him that people are going to think I'm doing something to him because we're at very opposite ends of the spectrum right now.

I try to remain positive and encouraging, but this is something he has to deal with. Heaven's knows, this time last year I wouldn't have listened to anyone who tried to encourage me to lose weight and eat better.

Timing is everything. Each day I have my fingers crossed for him.

[MOM24QTS]

Btdt......
After years of pregnancies and sofa time eating garbage I decided I was FINALLY going to really take care of me in 2007. I lost over 60 pounds and started running.........hubby was laid off, smoking (and I was stressed so would smoke his sometimes and was angry about the negative influence he was), spent his free time at the neighbor's drinking beer and playing poker mostly. I was furious with him.
Here I was, a mom of 4 (3 under 5) eating lettuce and protein shakes and cooking other meals for everyone else and waking up at 5:30 am so I could run 5km every morning. Dealing with him was really hard for months....... I love him dearly but he seemed jealous... jealous of the compliments I was receiving, the active person I was becoming, the social aspects I was so enjoying - run clubs & races. I was doing it for me and he was left out of it which wasn't good either......but.....in time he FINALLY got it. He is still smoking but is encouraging of my diet and exercise regime and has lost 10 pounds and wants to run with me one day......it's hard with our little kids as someone has to stay home to watch them or else I believe he would come. It took nearly 2 years.........it will happen. You know what they say.....behind every successful man is an even better woman.

[Ciao]

OH YES. I know EXACTLY what you mean.
It sometimes gets to the point where I don't even want to mention my success in weight loss because I don't want to make him jealous or hard on himself for his lack of weight loss.
He's really into video games and I'm the exact opposite.

It's frustrating, eh? I know we've talked about doing a "team" weight loss thing to just inspire each other and help each other out, but we still have yet to follow through with it.
I'll love my boyfriend no matter what; big or thin. But I want him to be comfortable with himself, too. It's odd, but true.

[Veil]

beerab- I haven't really changed our menu plans for the family- it's my PORTIONS that have drastically changed. I finally know what a correct portion is, and what that means in calories. My hubbys weakness is snacking and eating double... We do have a family membership to the gym but he only goes once a week, if any, for an hour... I usually exercise in the morning right after he goes to work and the kids are off to school... we really need to find the time to work out together. Bikes, good idea!

happytobemomof2- yea, I need to talk to him about his feelings... and I need to get into the mindset that this is about ME getting HEALTHY

KylieH- Good reminder. I need to be positive and encouraging-- but not nagging... I can be such a witchy-witch....

MOM24QTS- 2 years... darn it, I struggle with patience!! I'm happy to hear you finally found unity with your hubby. I look forward to that with mine.

Thanks everybody!!

[Veil]

jemappellesierra- Thank you! It's good to hear that I'm not the only one struggling with this issue... I love the 3FC ladies!!!

[Veil]

Today he is calorie counting... I'm not sure for how looooong... And he announced he is going to the gym tonight. Are you guys sending him healthy energy, or what!! =)