Ok, so I dated this guy for about 5 months last year (November to March) and I was completely head over heels for him. I have never connected so well with someone. We would stay up all night just talking about everything. It was so perfect, I thought.
So when things went south, it was a complete shock to me. Of course, there was another girl involved, but I didn't find out about it until months later. We finally spoke truthfully about it over the summer and it ended with him saying I was the girl he could see himself with later on, just not right now. I told him I wasn't waiting for him and we haven't spoken or seen each other since.
The thing is, I still think about him all the time and can't get him out of my head. I have been on a few dates since, but nothing has really come of them. I don't know why he made such an impression on me, but I just want to get over him. I randomly found his Facebook page today, and it made me so sad to see pictures of him and the other girl together. All I want is to forget he ever happened, and the way he made me feel, and everything. The problem is that I would go back to him if he were to ever ask. Help me please!!
Sorry this is so long, but I needed to get it off my chest!
I don't know what to say, really... except... well, I'm sorry to hear about all that. I've been in similar, weird relationships like that.... and I've moved on... and there's been times that I want to shoot myself because I still think about them years later. There's one guy I STILL think about with some regret, and miss a lot... even though I've got THE greatest guy that I wouldn't give up for ANYTHING... and love more than almost anyone in the world! Yet... I still think about the other guy.
I guess when this happens I just always remind myself that love is different with everyone you love. Just because you love someone incredibly... doesn't mean that they're the one for you. And if you love someone incredibly... why in the world would you ever forget them? But that still doesn't mean they're the one for you.
i'm kind of in a similar situation lulu, relationship just didnt work out and no matter how much i want to be with him i know a.) he doesnt want to be with me and b.) he's not good for me. and i feel just like you, that if he were to want to start things up again i would go back to him. what works for me is remembering why we just wont work, why we're not together, and despite all the things i love about him, i try to remember the things that drove me crazy, made me sad, and lol, made me want to kill him almost everyday. its natural to want him back. you were comfortable with him, you invested time in him, you were a pair but you just gotta stay strong and realize that he's moved on and you should try to. its hard, i work on it everyday. trying not to call, or write, or message and i slip up every now and then, but for the most part i've finally realized that its just not gonna happen for us and im much better without him.
i bet some of those dates would pan out a little better if you completely let go of the old guy and gave the new guys a real chance.
hope this gives you some insight and lets you know you're not the only one. boys are SO UGH!!!
I hate to say this, but often people say things like "I can see myself with you later but not now" because they're too scared (or don't want to hurt your feelings) to tell you that they don't want to go out with you, period. It really sucks to do that to someone cause they keep hanging on to that hope that one day you might be together again.
You CAN find someone you can connect with in the same way again!
Sometimes relationships need time...and sometimes they don't always flow smoothly from beginning to end. And that doesn't mean they can't eventually work out or that it isn't something worth pursuing.
I've been in a very similiar situation...and I still am. It doesn't just go away. The only advice I can give is this: Don't make it a priority. Don't torture yourself over it or obsess over it and pursue it aggressively. Date other people, keep yourself busy, do things to make yourself happy and just accept that you still have those feelings. They don't have to dominate anything. That's how I handle it...I move on from day to day and just sort of accept that little pinch that's always there. I've gotten used to it.
The thing in my situation is that we ALWAYS end up talking again...we can have horrible fights, we've both dated other people and have travelled and distanced ourselves...but sooner or later we always end up talking again, even just as friends. We're crazy about each other but are mature enough to accept that it probably won't work right this minute...
I'll give you some advice... maybe not your situation, but it's always been the case for me. I've been on both ends of this relationship: the one pining away for someone I loved, and also the one leading the other person on. I think that almost everyone gets in this situation at some point.
When I was the one leading the other person on, I felt comfortable, knowing that this guy would always be there. He was a safety net. We knew each other very well, we cared about each other, etc. But he never was "it" so I'd get broken up by some exciting new relationship, and come running back to my guy that was waiting. I know/knew it made me a bad person to take advantage of the fact he cared for me more than I cared for him... but I was immature. I finally realized what I was doing and I broke all ties with him... because I care/cared about him. It was never going to work out with the two of us, but for all I know I could go back right now. But I won't.
And I've been on the recieving end of this kind of treatment. I finally realized that although I love that person, I have to love myself more. I have to treat myself with more respect than that.
Maybe that's not your situation at all... but if it is, there was more than my 2 cents worth on it.
It hurts. It sucks. And it's horrible. But as much as this guy probably DOES care about you... he doesn't care about you enough to make you his one and only. I just went through this with a guy I was dating for a month and a half, where... we were super close, and spent tonnes of time together, and I was completely over the moon for him... but he wasn't going to commit to me. He "just wasn't THAT into me." So I cried for a week, and then decided that he's not worth it.
I can imagine the feeling you're experiencing... going out on a couple of... mediocre dates, and feeling hopeless, like... he's the only one you'll connect with. But that's really just not the case. Just because the last few dates haven't sparked you into a thrill of excitement doesn't mean that you won't meet someone who far exceeds and surpasses what you've experienced with this guy. There's someone out there for you honey... and he's going to love you madly, and be THE ONE for you... and he won't string you along the way doucheface is right now.
That being said, none of us can convince you to walk away while you still feel like the game is in play, so... hopefully, he'll either do a miraculous about-face and become very devoted to you... or he'll grow up a bit and break ties. If he's looking at other women while with you... well, honey. He's not worth it.
First of all I have to say this... it has been my experience that "once a cheater always a cheater." It has also been my experience that even if I gave someone another chance, there was always the seed of doubt in the back of my head regarding whether or not there would be another girl in the picture again.
Now, with that being said... here is my other piece of advice.
I have had very interesting, very deep, very individual connections with a few people in my life. There have been times where I thought I would NEVER have such a deep connection with another human being in this life time and I continued to stay hung up on it (for over 3 years) and tortured myself.... we would talk then not talk then come back to each other and it was a very repetative, very unhealthy cycle.
Let it go. And I promise you, you may not meet someone EXACTLY like him, but for every awesome connection I have made there has been one better out there.
Thank you all so much!! I'm feeling better today, but yesterday was just the first time I had seen pictures of them together, and I was feeling really down. All of you really helped cheer me up!! I don't really need him and I have a date tonight!! I'm really excited about it! Thanks again ladies, you are amazing!!
Soo random, but help! Boys...ugh
I've been in similar, weird relationships like that.... and I've moved on... and there's been times that I want to shoot myself because I still think about them years later. There's one guy I STILL think about with some regret, and miss a lot... even though I've got THE greatest guy that I wouldn't give up for ANYTHING... and love more than almost anyone in the world! Yet... I still think about the other guy.
