This is not going good. In the last month I have lost 15 pds then I had an event I participated in for college and there pics. When I saw the pics of myself I cried. I live in such denial and think and act beautiful and thinner then I am then I get it throwen in my face when I see a pic. Its so depressing to finaly wake up and relieze I am fat and nasty. Since then I have been binging. That brings me to a question wednesday I woke up 252 today sat Im 260 how the **** can I gain 8pds in 4 days I just want to crawl in a hole and give up on it all losing weight, school, and life in general.
My other issue is my husband is a major junk food junkie he is also very over weight but dosent care. So he constantly has tons of junk in the house. Candy, cookies, cakes I mean alot you wouldnt even believe the amount seriously! Plus hes a sabotager he buys things I love even when i tell him Im not eatting like that. I know for sure hes sabotaging because they are things he normally dosent buy but I used to when I ate bad. I get angry and tell him its not right and he laughs and says "Just dont eat it then" How in **** do I suceed faced with that. Im "NOT" blaming him I make the choose to eat it or not. But it makes is sooo hard. I have a problem I am an addict. Its like an alcholic have to work in a bar. Anyone deal with this? How do you do it? Again I know its not his problem I make the choices I just need to know if anyone has a way to overcome it because I can't.
Please help
Kel
First, hugs, and good for you for coming back here. If you look at our height, start weight, and current weight, you'll see that we are in the same boat.
I've lost about the same amount of weight as you, and I try as hard as I can to walk around looking beautiful and thinner than I am!
It is a HUGE accomplishment to lose 40 pounds! Enormous!
At 295 I didn't have a single outfit that looked nice on me, my feet hurt, I had a rash on my legs, and I couldn't stand up from the couch unless I pushed off.
At 250, every single thing in my closet fits, and lots of outfits look nice on me. Am I skinny? Definitely not. Do I look and FEEL a lot better? Absolutely no question.
You need to put those pictures away, find a pair of pants that fit in the beginning and are too loose now, and focus on that. I am HAPPY that you walk around feeling good about yourself most of the time. It's much easier to succeed when you feel good about yourself.
Regarding your husband, I wouldn't be so understanding. My DH is not overweight, but when I told him I needed to lose weight and what my plan was, he agreed to eat my food and we also feed that food to the kids. My kids complain a little, but my two teens each lost about five or ten pounds they didn't need. My husband lost eight pounds. They are all happy about being so lean. They are not starving. I tell them to suck it up if they don't like it, and they do, because they see how incredibly determined I am.
It doesn't sound like your DH is ready to do that yet, and maybe he's afraid of what will happen if you lose a lot of weight and he's still heavy, and so maybe, without meaning to, he's sabotaging you a little bit.
Why don't you try explaining to him what you told us, that you can't control yourself when the junk food is in the house, and that he's welcome to eat as much of it as he wants but could he please do it outside the house?
Please, please re-frame your thoughts about your weight. You are not "fat and nasty"; you sound like a perfectly lovely woman (with three beautiful children!) who is currently overweight. That is all; please don't attach a character judgement to your condition. For a long time, I also berated myself over my weight and the negativity made it impossible to be successful at losing. I was so mean to myself that I had an endless cycle of beating myself up and then overeating to compensate I believe that it is imperative that you please stop saying terrible things about yourself.
Imagine if you had an overweight friend. If she came to you and confessed that she had binged, would you say to her, "Well, look at you--you're fat and nasty!" Of course you wouldn't! So please don't do that to yourself.
Don't give up. You lost 15 pounds in a month; that is a wonderful accomplishment. Try not to be discouraged about the pictures; I don't even HAVE any pictures from my highest weight because I was so ashamed and I know that pictures make me feel worse about myself. So please ignore the pictures; the 40 pounds that you have lost are a very real start on your weight loss journey.
And no, I don't think it's possible that you gained 8 pounds in 4 days. Maybe a pound or two, but certainly not 8. I would be looking for culprits like sodium.
I don't know what to tell you about your husband bringing "treats" into the house. Maybe you can reframe your thoughts about those, too; they're not really "treats" if they keep you heavy, are they? My downfall isn't only sweets; it's also potato chips and other fatty, salty, crispy foods. I finally had to start telling myself, "That's not food." Because really--it's not. Those edible items don't have any nutritional value and they're not really good for anything other than feeding our addiction. Some people can set limits on those foods and successfully enjoy them in small quantities; I could not (in the beginning). I simply didn't allow a single chip or cookie to pass my lips. It sounds radical and at first it's difficult, but I promise you it becomes easier.
Don't discount your 40 pound loss. Maybe you can't tell the difference yet in a picture. But 40 IS a lot, and when you add up the pounds over the months you will begin to see a difference. You really, really will. Please go to the Goal section of the forum and look at some of the before- and-after pictures. Those are real people who have struggle with the very same issues that you and I struggle with, and we can join them. If they can do it, so can we.
I can't exactly make up your mind for you, but what I have done for myself is this: I tell myself what this "hard work" is for. First, I will lower-- exponentially-- the chances of a triple bypass, of diabetes, of possible trauma to your family due to the loss of you in early life. Your husband sounds like he is not thinking about the future at all. Does he know that by eating all this junk and by not working to lower his chances of an early death after years of complications, pain, mysery and disease, he is saying that he dosen't care about himself or you, or any children you have? I know that is harsh, but the best way to stay out of the hospital, and to eliminate future medical bills and problems is to stay to a normal weight for your height, to be active, and to eat right (what we vegetarians call "eating clean").
I am in the same boat but the recent health care debate has gotten me thinking about what I am doing - by choice-- to my own health, and has gotten me even more interested in getting rid of the fat, and eating food that will not clog my arteries or cause me future grief. My Mother had her legs amputated and my brother had his feet amputated-- diabetes. y father had multiple heart surgeries caused by overweight and smoking. I hate to say it, but at one point, I didn't feel sorry for them. It was their choice. I know that is a hard thing to say, but hey, that is reality. I know that genetics plays a role, but free-will plays an even bigger role.
This is a metaphore, so don't get upset: Look, if he had alcohol in the house instead of cakes and cookies, and was drinking all the time, an alcoholic, you might consider leaving him. His bad habits are interfering with your life. You didn't get married to slowly die with somebody. You are an addict as well, and the worst thing for a recovering addict is to live with another addict who is not trying to recover.
About the big weight gain, one of the things that got me started back to an eating plan was the fact that in 8 days I gained 6.5lbs, a record for me. I was blindsided by this. I was stunned. No exaggeration. I could see I was on my way back up, rapidly, to my highest of 332lbs. But, the good news, in only 5 days, with just following my eating plan, I lost 9lbs. I started taking vitamins and forget they almost always make me hold water at first. There is no way you could gain that much fat; so relax.
About your husband. He's afraid and maybe with good reason. He doesn't want to lose his eating buddy and he doesn't want you to leave him when you are thin and he is still fat. So be gentle. He can realize rationally what he is doing, but changing it is another matter. It's not simple and probably can't be solved by just yelling and pleading with him. If he is the least bit interested could you diet together? What happened to me, years ago, was that I reacted to my husband's sabotage by making a separate life for myself with OA and new friends, and after I lost 130lbs I divorced him. What he feared the most. So your husband's fears are legitimate. You could try couples counseling but you need someone who understands the complicated issue of food addiction.
Thanks I can see your point about the hubby. Food is almost like a drug when I first meet my dh I was about 15 pds overweight and he was about 30 and I ate because I was hungry not for enjoyment. Well he introduced me to world of eatting the first couple times he'd buy alot of bad food and devour it in an evening I was disgusted then before long I was right beside him and started to have my own list of favs. I had never been to a buffet or really ate out my family lived a far from town and eatting out just didnt happen. Soon we were regulars at both buffets and fast food. We would ever joke about it with phases like "I think I blew my diet today" haha or "gee maybe this is why I cant lose weight"haha it was always a joke. But now its out of control. I'm ready for change but he dosent care so I can see how he is scared of losing his food buddy but I have talked to him about it and he just dosent care to lose weight. I think for years I did blame him since I eatting wasnt a problem for me I didnt even think about it and I was thin. I dont blame him now I know I need to take responsibility of it. I did it to myself I made the bad choices not him. I think coming to this conclusion is going to help me change.
I also have started pulling away from him and making new friends and living a double life. But when I am around him he wants askes me to go eat out or go to the buffet and actually gets upset with me if I dont want to. But if I dont distance myself follow his bad moves. I dont know how else to deal with it. I tried going and just making better food choices but it dosent work for me. Its better if I just dont put myself in those situations.
I am way to critical of myself. I even look at people bigger then me and feel like they are bigger then me but dont look bad because of the way they carry it. I have a very poor self image and see myself as worse then everyone even people bigger. Im going to work on this.
Im sorry its so long but "talking this out" is helping me see where I have gone wrong over the years and how to fix it. I feel more positive now and am already working on a plan.
Thanks everyone, boy I realized today I have alot to work on not just weight loss. But Im ready to get started
living in denial
