I have the type of personality where any and every mistake I have made in my entire life has been imprinted in my memory in excruciating detail, and at random times my brain will recall something horribly embarassing that happened 10 years ago (like when I tripped and fell in front of the whole high school cafeteria) and I get to relive it over and over...
Maybe I'm a freak, but does anyone else have this... I don't know if I would call it perfectionism, but definitely where I can't forgive myself and move on from ANYTHING.
Today I had a negative experience at work, and all I can think about over and over is this experience. I need to be able to accept it and move on. Does anyone know of any coping strategies?
Yes, and yes. And it's rooted, so my therapist tells me, in the idea that you have to be perfect, all of the time, and that people won't like you if you aren't (or at least it is for me).
Go find a mirror, look yourself in it, and repeat - "I am a good person. Everyone makes mistakes, and I am no different, but I will learn from it and tomorrow, the only one who will remember it at all is me".
It's a hard struggle, and I fight it everyday, so lots of to you. It can be paralyzing to go through life deathly afraid you're going to make a mistake, and can even prevent you from undertaking things you aren't sure you can do...don't let it.
Mandalinn, I must say that you are one of the positive people i have ever come across. Everytime I read one of your posts even though they aren't directed towards me I can find a piece of wisdom and apply it to my own life.
This is totally me. I remember every embarassing event or failure in my entire life down to the smallest detail and I seem to feel the need to pull them out periodically and rehash them. I may not talk about them to others but I never really accept them and move on from them.
Rather than accepting the events and getting past them, I've just accepted the fact that I'm the type of person who never lets them go. Personally I found that it was less stressful to just accept what I'm like than to fight it.
And please don't ask about the time a dog peed on me while on a 6th grade field trip. No lasting psychological damage done there, none at all.
Oh thank goodness that I'm not alone. I thought I was crazy. Sometimes I won't be doing anything in particular, and my wonderful brain decides to replay dumb mistakes, and horrible things I've done and said.... Like someone decided to play highlights from my worst days as a human being. -_-
I usually quickly try to change the subject in my head to something more pleasant... like the latest episode of Lost or something. I'll gladly give out the secret to coping completely if I ever come across it.
One thing that helps me is to put the blunder into perspective. Is this something that anyone else will care about in 10 years, or 5 years, or 1 year, or even a month from now?
No one is perfect. We ALL have those moments. We need to remember all of the wonderful things we have done and minimize the blunders, once we have learned from our mistakes.
Write down 10 successes you have had recently. Now, every time, you start remembering the blunders, pull out that list and slowly savor each and every one of those successes. Feel free to add to the list and keep it fresh.
Most of you that know me KNOW that I am quite capable of saying something stupid at any given time.....what I have found out over the years is, that even though I have agonized over things I have said....the people that were present when I said the stupid thing...don't even remember!
We all do and have embarrassing moments...every single one of us!
Like someone decided to play highlights from my worst days as a human being. -_-
Yes, that is exactly it! It's horrible!
Thanks everybody for your support. I guess I'm not the only crazy one out there lol.
Robin, I think you are right in that it might just be easier to accept that this is my personality. I don't think I will ever completely get over, or forget, anything!
And you are all right that nobody will remember this a month from now. Exempt me. I will remember this when I'm 87
I've been ruminating over something that happened at work 2 weeks ago, and another thing from last week, and now something from yesterday, and oh there was that one comment 4 years ago! Yikes!!!
How much do you think this mental baggage relates to my physical baggage of weight? Hmmm.....there is a deep thought for so early!
I agree it is the attempt for perfection. I see it in my weight-lifting. I keep thinking I should do all my reps and sets perfectly and with a smile on my face. Uh, no. The last few reps are going to be a struggle and that is ok. That is how it should be.
Stuff sticks in my mind too and I get so aggravated with myself. Sometimes I visualize these issues floating away like helium balloons and that helps. I believe in God and I need to do a better job of letting Him take my worries.
In school, we wrote down our worries on a piece of paper and burned it. That was kind of fun.
I do this a little bit, too, but I tend to remember the situations more often where I felt embarrassed or humiliated because of someone else.
For example:
*The jerk at work who called me a "fat-a$$."
*The (admittedly kinda funny) prank I fell for on April Fools day, where I was completely embarrassed in front of 3 different supervisors at the same time.
*Getting grilled at work by a smug butt-head, where it left me fumbling for words and feeling like an incompetant moron.
What I do is try to imagine the situation unfolding differently, and replay this new scenario over and over until it begins to blot out or lessen the impact of the real memory. It's kind of like replacing the memory, although I will never forget the real incident.
I also have a human-shaped punching bag at home, and I will beat the ever-loving **** out of him while cursing out the person I am angry with. I imagine that I am pummeling that person for real and exacting some revenge! It usually makes me feel better to be able to physically take out my anger or hurt feelings like that.
Getting over blunders at work and in life....
to you. It can be paralyzing to go through life deathly afraid you're going to make a mistake, and can even prevent you from undertaking things you aren't sure you can do...don't let it.
