I recently went to my first f2f meeting and I really liked it. I knew the chairperson of the meeting and there were a few newbies (2nd or 3rd mtg) but I was the only one there for the 1st time. I was not been able to say I am a compulsive overeater...I thought I had already done that by journaling Step 1 on my own. But when I had to introduce myself...I just couldn't say it out loud. Also, some folks said they were food addicts when they introduced themselves...what's the difference?
I am also struggling with how to tell my family about OA. I am very close to my mother and sister (who are also obese) and I feel scared to tell them I am in a 12-step program. I'm not sure how they will react...I'm afraid they will think I am a failure for having to join a program to lose weight...that I should be able to do it on my own...it's the spiritual part of the program they will have difficulty with...for me that's the best part!
I picked up the pamphlet For The Family of the Compulsive Overeater at my meeting. Should I just give them a copy and say "here read this and we'll talk"? I could really use some insight from others' experiences.
Lisa, the best advice I got about telling family is not to say a word. Just lead by example. They will eventually notice all the changes in you as you work the steps and then you can tell them.
The difference for me between a complusive overeater and a food addict could be as a complusive overeater I eat to survive. A food addict could eat or not eat to survive life. Just my opinion.
Keep going to meetings and stay after if you can and visit with people and get to know them so you can ask for a sponser.
Don't worry about not saying you are a complusive overeater just do what's comfortable for you.
Keep posting and know that I support you.
hugs
patd
Lisa, I am so glad you found a f2f meeting that you liked. You go, Girl!
Don't worry about not being able to introduce yourself as a compulsive overeater. Maybe the term doesn't apply to you. Or maybe it does, and you just don't know it yet. Or maybe you do know it in your heart, but are not ready to admit it to others yet. Whatever - when the time is right for you, you will find the way to introduce yourself.
Personally, I don't know what the diff is between Comp Overeater and Food Addict. I use both those terms (plus also "Binge Eater") interchangeably. All of them, sadly, apply to me. Of the 3 terms "Binge Eater" is the one that, frankly, makes me cringe every time. I HATE applying that term to myself, and yet - that is what I am. So lately I've using that term to jolt myself to honesty. The other terms, for me, sometimes start to feel too overused and allow me to feel too complacent about them. Reminding myself, in public, that I have a binge eating disorder jerks me back to reality and reminds me that I need to stay vigilant every day.
As to the family - I understand just how you feel. Like you, I am not comfortable talking to members of my family about OA because they simply do not understand. In my case, all of the people who are close to me are of "normal" weight and they simply don't get why I overeat. If I can't even explain that to them, how can I possibly explain OA? But you know what? It doesn't matter. I go to meetings and I work the program as best I can. I find the support I need among fellow OAers and right here, on line. Our loved ones can't be all things to us. They love us, and we love them, and they support us in other important areas in our lives - just not this part. Please just keep on going to meetings and don't worry about others. When the time is right, you will tell your Mom and Sis, and they will either understand or they won't. This journey is for YOU, my friend, not for them!
My first OA mtg was three weeks ago. When they started talking I thought oh, no! what am I going to call myself. I thought a second and said "hi my name is "MiddleSister, and I'm a compulsive overeater" there I said it! I was honest and we know one thing about OA is to be 100% honest with our sponsors and ourselves. It was out, and I will forever live that life of an OA. That is going to save me.
I quit smoking 16 years ago and I know I'm addicted to nicotine, I can NEVER have a cigrette as long as I live. Plus, I don't want one anymore, anyway.
Just be completely honest with yourself, after all you do deserve this.....to feel absoulutely healthy and comfortable.
Agree with all above.
wanted to share that i have told my sister about OA. she was very accepting and asked questions and wished me well. i have been giving her updates as i go (when i got a sponsor, that i reached out to another OA by phone, that i am trying a new meeting this week) she has not been judgmental at all. she did suggest that i not say anything to my mom yet. mom has a tendency to over react and make mountains out of molehills. she also might sabotage my efforts. so for now, i'm keeping my OA experience to myself when it comes to my mom, sis is in my confidence and i am working with my sponsor daily on my food plan.
Yeah, Lisa! I am proud of you on many levels: that you are making OA a daily part of your life (Awesome!), and that you opened up to your sister. I am happy for you that she is accepting and supportive. The two of you together know your mother better than anyone else, I'll bet, and you probably have a pretty good handle on how she would handle the news of your OA commitment. If you don't feel comfortable bringing her into the loop, then it's probably best that you don't. Someday the time will feel right to let her know. Until then, keep doing what you're doing - you're doing GREAT!
Thanks for the update. You are doing great! I can hear the confidence in your post. You're making great decisions in order to protect yourself and your program-- it's no one's business but yours.
my first f2f meeting
