So sorry for your losses...
Don't be too hard on yourself, Faerie is right (as she so often is

), start with small steps, don't feel you have to do everything right all at once, little pieces of the puzzle will eventually come together as a whole.
I find that if I at least write everything down, even if I don't figure out the points or if I do figure the points and they're over, if I keep track of what I'm eating, I do better.
Keep track of your little victories, too, focus on how great it is that you're on track early in the day, maybe looking at that and what it is that makes you able to start off the day on track can help you get back on track later in the day.
There was a post from MiseryChick where she talked about writing 102 reasons to lose 102 pounds, to help herself get back on track, maybe if you started something like that for however much you want to lose it would help motivate also. There's such a variety of reasons, from feeling better, the way others look at you, how your clothes fit, where you have to shop, how you feel when you have to sit next to someone on a bus or plane.
You've got a great start, just keep healing and you'll get get there.