[valpal23]

A few weeks ago... I caught a cold. A day later I got sick with MS symptoms. I couldnt walk on my own because of dizziness and balance problems... and I couldnt keep food or water down because of motion sickness. sob story, poor me. It wasnt for an extended period and I'm so blessed to be doing as well as I am, I know.

I work in an small office with 2 others. about 35 hours a week. I went back to work this week... and had to go home early by tuesday.. and cut back my hours for the rest of the week. Other health problems have got me completly sedentary again and I'm frustrated. With the fact that I cant function in my job and my coworkers know it, with the fact that I cant exercise.. with it all. I want to be fine and I dont want looks of pity from the people I work with. Really this could turn into a big pity party about my life not even starting yet but we'll save that for some other time.

I'm calorie counting.. and I have one cheat meal each week because I keep my daily cals low enough to do that. But I 'fell off the wagon' tonight via chips.

The frustrating thing is that it was completely and utterly mindless. It wasnt a cheat meal that I planned out.. it was me. feeling crappy, hopeless and angry so I did the quickest escape I knew.

I usually just journal. but I needed this to be public for other people to see. It's real. It needs to stop. I'm trying. I'm sorry if I should have posted this somewhere else but dieting with obstacles is my fav. forum on 3fc. thanks for reading. I do not feel sorry for myself. much!

[Justwant2Bhealthy]

HEY VAL ~ I can so identify with the things you say; I had a huge sobbing party for myself today! I felt bad cuz my body was hurting cuz I did too much walking yesterday, and I want to lose weight so bad, and I make so many mistakes. And, yes I do get envious of those who don't have all these problems to deal with ...

Last week, I ate a small bag of chippies for lunch, etc; ruined the day with junk instead of eating properly away from home, but I forgave that and today felt sorry for myself cuz I went to go for a walk and my body hurt so much that I had to come back in the house. So after my angry, sad, sobbing pity party; I had a nap and that helped me feel better.

Two years ago, I got so sick that I was bed-ridden for a winter; but eventually I got better (it also started with a bad flu plus other health problems mixed together). I lost weight and started walking and things went well; but this summer and fall has been difficult for me; the weightloss slowed down and now I am trying to do better ...

I think I must forgive myself and just keep going and even if that means that I can walk only 2-3 days; sobeit! I just wanted to be farther than I am by this point; and I see all the others doing so well, that I am envious of them all! Anyways, thanx for your honesty! Everytime I read one of your posts, I feel so bad for you cuz I know exactly how you feel; but I don't always know what to say to you!

I wish I could reach out and help you; but I know that I can't cuz I'm the same! You remind me of how I had hoped that my life would turn out different. And now I am still fighting the same battle; the same war. I keep telling myself that "THIS TOO WILL PASS"; and I will get thru it and tomorrow will be a new day! I really believe that ...

Sometimes, we have to pass thru a storm; they never last forever. I'm ever looking for the light of a brand new dawning. We had a beautiful, sunny day and a huge lovely moon and stars tonight; it made me feel better.

Get some good rest, VAL; and I will too. And we will make it, my friend. Thanks for posting ~ your last line made me laugh! ROSEBUD

[Shy Moment]

I feel for both of you. Sometimes things are so hard and we just aren't sure how we are going to pull ourself out of the ditch. Will keep you both in my prayers for strength.

Find something to laugh about each day.

[NightengaleShane]

Val! My mom has MS. She's had it since 1983; three years before I was even born - so, I've never known her without MS.

Full time jobs, to my understanding, can be extremely difficult for people with MS. Losing weight with MS is also extremely difficult, though obviously, it can be done! You've already lost 46 pounds, and my mom lost around 30, which put her in healthy BMI range - my mom was and is a total freak about healthy eating, but still had to really struggle to get out of the overweight range because MS can really put a crimp in your workout schedule.

It's perfectly ok to vent your feelings to us; that's one of the many things we are here for! You have a special place in my heart right now because I'm pretty familiar with how hard life can be with MS, BUT I'm also familiar with chronic illness and know damn well that no one living with any chronic illness wants a pity party from anyone. Sometimes, you just need to put it all out there... ranting makes you feel good! It's liberating!

[valpal23]

Thanks rosebud, shy and night. Part of me was hoping nobody would read this and I could pretend it never happened. lol

a lot of my self pity is tied in the fact that I'm only 23. I wasnt even born when Night's mom was diagnosed with MS.. and I was only diagnosed a few years ago - when I was 21.

According to the goals I had for my life I should be teaching English in south korea right now but instead I'm living in my parent's house for the first time since high school, dependant on my younger brother to watch out for me and help me with the injections. Everybody else my age is out there, living it up, practically invicible and I'm so jealous.

I'm trying to like the life I have now better than the goal I set for myself. I guess thats what yesterday was... a relapse in liking it all.

Thanks for each and every one of your responses which caught me so off guard and choked me up a little. Life IS a good thing and I WILL be content with where I am.

ha ha that made me feel like a pretty big drama queen but whatever!

[aschenbrodel]

Valpal, look at you!
You have come so far! Look at where you came from!
You are doing to well, so you slip up today, STOP and regroup!
My bil has MS and you ARE doing very well.

Stay on track and persevere - you WILL do this!
You CAN do this!
You ARE doing this!

Look at YOU, you are amazing!
Keep going!


ALL you are so motivational to me. YOU are what keeps the rest of us strong!