[Ann72]

I went to my first meeting this week. It went well. I felt very comfortable there and I plan to attend another meeting soon. I wish I could go daily or more frequently, but only once per week will work for me right now because we have an infant.

Unfortunately, I'm still bingeing. I felt good right after the meeting, but I still don't know what to do to get started. A few people shared their stories at this meeting, but I'm not sure it was a good meeting for a beginner because the floor was only open to those who have been abstinent for some time, and there wasn't an opportunity for open discussion.

I feel overwhelmed. I look at the 12 steps and I say, "how does one begin?" and "I'll never be able to get through it all." I think about all the extra weight that I'm carrying and I say, "why bother, it's a lost cause." Abstinence terrifies me. I don't know what it means for me. The thought of losing my sweets and high fat snacks makes me feel like I'll be losing a close friend. The higher power issue scares me too. Not sure I believe in one, and I certainly don't believe in anything in a western sense of the word. Maybe just a higher energy or destiny or karma.

I think I need a book or something to get started. I feel like I need to understand the program a bit before I can go beyond feeling stuck. I'm just so analytical and I can't get my hands around OA yet. Any suggestions on books?

[bargoo]

Do you have a sponsor ? Or tel numbers of other members? This would help you when you feel like bingeing. Next meeting , corner somebody and tell them what you told us.

[searsha]

Well done Ann – that’s amazing that you took the time out to look after yourself, especially with a new baby in the house. This stuff can be very overwhelming at the start, I know I felt like you when I joined AA, so by the time I found OA, I guess at least I knew the format.

Like you too, I’m very analytical by nature; what worked for me was to consciously try to take off the analysis hat for a while and just try to be open. It worked. And it wasn’t a cult, like I half imagined, and nobody took my freedom from me, and nobody forced any conception of a Higher Power upon me. It was actually the kindness and gentleness and non-judgementalism that kept me going back. Helped me keep it simple.

And right now, as I too struggle with the desire to binge, I cling to the notion of ONE DAY AT A TIME. In fact – that’s way too long for me – I’m 33 days abstinent now, but I’m doing it HEARTBEAT TO HEARTBEAT. I’m not in deprivation mode. My food plan is really healthy but flexible enough too with the emphasis on balance. I’m sugar free for the most part, but on holidays during this 33 day period, I ate some home make oat and apple cake which had some sugar. It did not trigger a binge because my motives were good. I’ve lost 3 lbs too, and am exercising more than I have in a long time.

I love the OA literature. I’m an English Literature student, and I love how the steps are written. Your local meeting should have details of all OA literature. Like you, I can only get one OA meeting per week, but I log on here a lot and also subscribe online to the OA magazine Lifeline – it’s wonderful – only cost me 13 dollars for a years subscription and I get to download lots and lots of back issues too.

Your baby is very blest to have a mother willing to be free from compulsive overeating. I know that when I walk out my door to go to a meeting, that is in truth an act of love towards my child as much as myself. Took me forever to get my head around that, but it's as true as the colour of my daughter's blue eyes.
Wishing you well,

[marny]

Hey Ann-
I recommend that you get a copy of "The 12 Steps and Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous" You can order it from Amazon or from www.oa.org I also recommend that you get a copy of the work book.