This may not apply to everyone here, but I'd expect there's a good number of maintainers who were overweight for a good chunk of their lives - long enough to claim their identity as a "fat girl" or "the fat one" or whatever. Some who have been obese since childhood, some who were healthy but thought they were fat, some who were slim until a job or pregnancy or whatall got in the way but who then accepted themselves as going to be just plain fat.
So, I'm curious how that affects those who have lost a significant amount of weight? Does it seem harder to maintain if you still consider yourself "fat?" Or is it easier because you consider yourself always at risk? Have you learned to accept yourself as a thin or healthy person? Are there any who have yo-yo'd in the past because of a continued identity as "fat?"
We all have our own experiences and I'm sure everyone has a different personal story on this subject, but I'm curious to hear any and all. My fiance is trying to lose weight with me, but has also always held the identity of the "funny fat guy" and I think he may struggle with losing the "fat guy" identity over time. He lost about 80 pounds several years ago, to where he was slightly chubby but not obese, but still clung to his "fat guy" image, which I think made it easier for the weight to come back on quickly, and continue to rise. I'm on the other side of the spectrum - I've always been active and never really identified myself as "fat" even though I am, and as I'm getting back to a healthier lifestyle I feel like I'm returning to "normal," even though I haven't been a healthy weight in almost 10 years.
My highest weight was 185, and I hovered around that weight for about 4 years during grad school--not that long, but long enough for me to have fully internalized myself as a fat person, and for most of the people in my social circle to think of me as a fat person. When I lost a bunch of weight in 2005, it took a long time for me to overcome my own self-perception as a fat person. The weight came off, but in my head I was still fat--it's the same thing as we've been reading about on the Spring Clothes thread.
For me, a couple of things helped to overcome that self-image.
The first is that I began to receive quite alot of male attention when out in public. During the years I was overweight, I was not 'checked out' by men very often and as a result, it was startling and noticeable to be the object of male stares on a regular basis. I had lost my armor against such treatment while I was overweight, and I had to redevelop it. (This, for me, was one of the more difficult things to get used to--I hadn't been aware of how much less male attention I had been recieving while overweight, and I hadn't realized how shocking it would be to be leered at without being psychologically armed for the experience. To be perfectly honest, I think this is one of the reasons I allowed myself to get fat in the first place--to defend against leering or sexually aggressive men.) I don't actually enjoy being leered at, but it does reinforce quite quickly that one is more attractive than one used to be!
The other thing was that a few months after I lost all my weight, my partner and I moved across country to a place where we knew no one and no one knew I had been fat. This meant, on the downside, that I didn't get millions of compliments every time I went into public, but on the upside, no one here thinks of me as a fat person who has lost weight. I just look like a slim person to them. And this, I think, has helped me to come to terms with myself as a slim person. Whenever I mention to anyone that I once lost nearly 40 pounds, they are always shocked--there is no mystical aura of fatness that surrounds me and lets strangers know that I'm a fraud It helps!
Baffled, I am like you in that I now live in an area where none of my coworkers ever knew me as a fat person.
I have thought of myself as fat since long before I was actually fat. I thought I was fat starting in about 4th grade. I was kind of pudgy just before puberty but that is pretty common. A lot of weight came off after I started menstruating and I remember seeing 103 on the scale in seventh grade and thinking, "Wow, this is an okay weight. I just need to stay here for the rest of my life." Of course I didn't stay at that weight, and even though I weighed 115 when I started high school I thought I was fat (and ugly, but that is a different issue). My friends always seemed to be thinner than me, even if they really weren't by much. I gained almost 10lbs/year until I hit a high at 185 in college.
Whoever it was who commented (I think it was on this thread, maybe another) about the vanity sizing in reverse... I was just like that! "This size 14 is too small -- they cut all these clothes for people with no hips nowadays, otherwise it would fit me." I kept a ratty pair of size 5 jeans for years because they were so stretched out that even when I was a 12 in everything else I could still squeeze into them.
I still find that I think of myself as fat all the time. If I see someone and I think they are thinner than me, I am often surprised to find out they actually weigh more than me or wear larger clothes. I also have an issue where I will be eating healthy foods or commenting on something being fattening and people who don't know I was ever heavy will say "Why do you care how many calories are in it? You're skinny." It kind of hits home because I used to say stuff like that because I was jealous of thin people and I thought if they were trying to eat health foods that they were crazy.
Anyway I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
Like 90% of all thin girls in high school, I thought I was fat when I wasn't. I did gain the freshman 10 in college and lost it junior year. Throughout my 20's and 30's I thought of myself as overweight, which again I wasn't.
In my early 40's, I gained 50 pounds I put on while on a certain medication. For some reason, at that point, I didn't think of myself as fat, which I was, but mearly a little overweight.
Now that I've lost the weight, I am coming to the realization that I was fat and I hope my feelings about it will keep me from becoming fat again.
I am 23 now and from the ages 12-21 I was 200+++.
I am of the mindset that if I don't get down to my ultimate goal weight (which is 122-- 15lbs away) that I will still view myself as "fat" and putting on weight would be easier. You know, the mentality like well I am already fat so who cares if I gain 20lbs, 30lbs, 40lbs, whatever.
It is really difficult to get over the "fat girl" mentality for me.
Also, I have had a bit of a different experience from baffled in that I put up major major armor as a 200+++ girl. I didn't want to see disapproving looks so I never looked anyone in the eye. I am only now just about sort of getting the hang of that little stupid social thing. Also, I still don't notice men checking me out. Although apparently they do as when I am with others (family, friends, ect.) they will be like "Charlotte, that guy was just totally checking you out. He couldn't keep his eyes off you." But I never notice these things because I always armored myself to just ignore the looks I would get for being "fat" and so now I ignore the looks I get for being (dare I even say it??) "attractive."
Last edited by shrinkingchica; 04-17-2007 at 03:23 PM.
Oh, I still very much see myself as a "fat" person.
Right now I'm at the point where it still startles me to walk into a room and not be the fattest one there. In fact, a few times, I have been the smallest one there. I can't even wrap my mind around that.
I always thought of myself as a "normal" sized woman as long as I was under 200 lbs. and in a size 14. It was once I got over 200 and into size 18's and 20's that I started to feel fat. Like others here mentioned, I feel like I had a shield around me that kept men from looking at me. It is hard to get used to the stares, smiles and flirtations now from men.
I do consider myself always to be "at risk" for becoming overweight or obese again. For me, this is helpful as I need to always be aware of what I eat and how much exercise I get to be able to keep this weight off. Sometimes it seems like it's Begging to come back.
What an interesting question. After spending my entire life obese or overweight, I was surprised as how quickly I shook that "fat girl" identity. One day, around 150 pounds I think (if you are looking for a number), I simply did not include "not of a normal weight" on the list of things that I would use to describe myself and the stigma was removed. It was such a relief to not only know, but not care in the least bit what people thought of my weight. Honestly, I had never lived under those terms before.
Like Lilly, I am concerned that I will gain the weight back and I am constantly aware that the odds are not stacked in my favor. But I also have learned that I now have some control over this destiny, where before I felt very helpless.
My biggest struggles were not with continuing to feel fat. I was not expecting the world to treat me so differently and that was quite a rude awakening. I had never in my life been thought of as a "thin person" and I couldn't believe the difference. Quite frankly, it disappointed me a great deal.
I was never fat as a child - in fact often one of the skinniest. I wasn't fat as a young adult. In fact I wasn't fat until I was in my 40's. I still don't see myself as the "fat girl." I don't know if this is good or bad - it just is. I knew in my head I was fat, I just didn't see it in the mirror. It took several photographs in which I didn't recognize myself to connect this fact, and get me started losing weight. Now that I'm back to losing a chunk of it again, I'm still startled to see myself in photos looking fat. I do however, want to again look like the woman in my photos from my skinny phase.
I always thought of myself as a "normal" sized woman as long as I was under 200 lbs. and in a size 14.
Me: "If I can buy clothes in a 'normal' store/department I'm not fat." Which was lovely until I started thinking of Old Navy, which doesn't stop at 14, as a normal store.
It's taken me a fair amount of adjusting. I mean when I look in the mirror, I see a lean defined body ( for the most part). But I have friends who are over weight and obese and I often find myself saying "People like us...." when I start a conversation about overweight folk, then I have to step back. They never get offended. I mentioned that my hubby (who is all of 120 lbs dripping wet) liked women with a little meat on their bones and that's why he married me. My co-worker said, but what about now? I said "I'll always be a fat girl at heart." Luckily they all laughed. I still find myself having some fat mannerisms. Like sitting too far away from the dinner/lunch table to accommodate a belly that is no longer there. Walking sideways between things, when I really don't need to, stuff like that.
It took me 12 years to be overweight and obese, it's going to take me at least that long to get used to being fit.
This is very interesting. In some ways I don't want to lose my fat girl identity. I always carry my "before" pictures because I don't want someone to think I'm naturally "small" or that it's easy for me to be the size I am. I've only recently looked back at those pictures and ACTUALLY noticed how large I was. That's after losing a little over 100lbs and being on maintenance for about 5 months. I had never thought of my before pictures as hideous, as some people see their old selves. I thought I needed to lose a little weight, but that I was still cute, you know? Now that's kind of starting to change. Now I'm almost a little startled by the difference. Weird. I guess I want to remember that I'm still me and I want other people to realize that even though I lost weight, I'm still me. But like another poster said, sometimes people act like you're better now, somehow more acceptable and worthy. That's a little disheartening. And I want to make sure I don't start thinking that way about myself.
How hard was/is it to lose your "fat" identity?
It helps!
