I ate badly today!!
uggh
I have to work on that

Big and LOTS of to Everybody!

LeaLee--aww big hon! Sorry your having such a hard time! I had a very bad day on Wed and just ended up going back to bed and crying. It helped me and then I came online here and saw everybody's great comments and it made me feel better. I hope you feel better hon and realize you are a wonderful person!

KristenElizabeth - We all have days like that. Just get back up, dust yourself off and try again!

My crazy binge: I ate 2 burritos with the following components: eggs, rice, chicken, cheese, sour cream, broccoli, carrots, mashed potatoes, and hot sauce. AND they weren't even very good, I'm mad. I didn't even finish them. And then I ate a tube of cookie dough, 4 french twirls (and they weren't good either), a butterfinger (don't even like them), and some Starburst.

I had a dream last night in which my mom grabbed my hand, looked at the scars on them, and asked me if I was bulimic. And I admitted it to her. I felt so ashamed that I fell to the floor hysterical and hyperventilating and I woke up gasping for air. It was quite frightful, but only a dream thankfully. I know if I ever got caught, that would be exactly my reaction.

Ugghhh, I feel yucky. I've got to go to bed.

Let's please have a good weekend girls!!!!

Big Harpo!

Oh, Harpo, that is just horrible. I'm so sorry, sweetie. Dreams like that have such an effect on us. I hope the memory of it leaves you quickly... sending you a big hug...
This is just a thought... are you eating enough protein early in the day to "get you through"?
And don't you just love getting advice from a fat person?

Oh, Sassy... I'm so sorry you had a crying jag. But I know what you mean... sometimes we just need one of those to "let it all out". I hope that today is better for you.

Sharon, you too, sweetie. My gosh, are there bad ions in the air, or what? Is this the week from h*ll for all of us?!
If it's any consolation (which it's probably not, eh?), I would KILL to have thin arms and legs. I gain weight evenly all over, which is fine when I'm 20 or even 40 pounds overweight, because no one notices. But now I've got these MASSIVE arms. I haven't worn a sleeveless top in years. And my legs... they were never great legs, but they were sturdy runner's legs, and now they look like big old lumpy pillows.
What a great husband you have. I know you want to look good for YOU, but the fact that he's happy with you as you are is half the battle won. There's a lot of unsupportive men out there looking for the perfect barbie-doll wife. Despite the fact that they look like Homer Simpson.
What a DREAM being alone in the house! I hope you enjoyed your time alone, hon.

Kelly, only a few months ago (more advice from a fat person. ), I had this brain-wave. Why not give in to the fact that I'm PMSing, and be good to myself? Why am I always fighting the binging and then failing completely? So now I plan a few treats for myself during that time. It's almost a relief to know that I can have something when I'm feeling crappy, you know? And then I don't go completely overboard.

Kristen, how are exams going? Ugh... pimples. I never thought I'd still experience break-outs at the age of 41.
I'm glad you're feeling better about the club thing.

I probably shouldn't tell ya'll this on an eating disorder board, but since starting the Wellbutrin on Monday, I think my craving for food has decreased. (don't all rush out and get prescriptions... )
I had some chips and chocolate bars yesterday (actually, it was two Cherry Blossoms), but only out of habit. I had to force them down.
My depression is starting to leave (although I'm still feeling a little fragile), the nausea in gone, and I've got more energy. Is it possible I might be a whole new person by next week?

Thanks once again guys!.....

Harpo don't you hate when you binge on food that you don't even like the taste of???? i mean if we are gonna binge why can't it be something we LIKE ya know. I seem to get more mad at myself if its a binge of food I don't like. Hope today is better for you.

Kristen the fact that at your age you are worried about your food consumption shows that you are aware of your body and want to keep it healthy..I envy you. At your age I ddin't CARE i ate what when and how i wanted and now at 29 im paying for my addiction to all that nasty food.

Ellis what would we do without you on this board? You always have such motivating comments for us all...I read yesterday afternoon about your bad days and Im sorry i didn't find those on the board fast enough to offer my well wished to knock that depression demon off your back.

Hubby and I talked and I told him to stop buying me my favorite snack cakes, no more mountain dews, when I say I want something he is to ask me if i REALLY want it or do I just want the food in my hand and mouth. I stocked up on healthy eating choices, Nutrigrain bars, low sugar jelly, wheat bread, south beach meals, soups, tv dinners, fruit cups for snacks, 100 calorie packs anything that may help me avoid that other stuff we got it. I bought a new notebook to log my food in also. I am going cold turkey off all candy (chocolate, never had a problem binging on hard candys) and all snack cakes Yeap Harpo I said it COLD TURKEY ON LITTLE DEVILS...I actually took a marker to one of the boxes of scack cakes and put horns and stuff on her ehehehehehe I feel better today, gotta go to a friends house to put up a fence then we are heading to the new mall in Jonesboro AR (about an hour from me) because my hubby is addicted to bath and body works soaps and he just ran out. OK coffee is done, gonna go make me a cup and either some strawberry toast of a nutrigrain bar.....then gotta get ready to go work on that fence...

I will check in again tomorrow morning..everyone please stop for a second today and remember we have one life and its up to us to make each BAD day turn into a GOOD day. I seem to forget that myself sometimes

Ellis- Exams are going good, on Monday I am going to ask a few of my teachers how I did. Right now I am working on a term paper for English. We have to explain why we beleive Romeo is the tragic hero of Romeo and Juliet because of his flaws rather than becasue of fate. so much work!

I have been eating horribly yesterday I had a really bad binge...
2 chicken sandwhiches from wendy's, 1 medium french fry, a grilled cheese sandwhich,mannnny doritos which I don't even like-Harpo- you and I keep eating stuff we don't even like that much what is that about? lol-

Lealee- You are too sweet! I am not such an angel! I eat what I want when I want a lot of th time regardless of knwoing its unhealthy. I think I feel resentment or something and I feel like I shoudl be able to eat what I want, I suposse thats the teenager talking

sassy-chick thanks for the encouragement, I will pick my self up.

Ithink I am going to put a sign on my refrigerator with all of your names on it with a picture of a chick sayinf if you eat you have to report to... and then have all your names lol. I think thats a good idea.

I used to eat adn have no where to go an now I have to come here nad confess my bad behavior lol anway thanks for always being there everyone

Hi Ladies. I hope you all are good today.

I lost lb!! finally some progress

Fat would be at the end of my list of descriptions for you, ellis. Lovely, witty, supportive, encouraging, smart, strong, kind, honest, dependable, and warm-hearted. I'd only add plump (nicer word) on the list if you made me (and you would make me, wouldn't you )

It was funny when I read that, because I was like "What dream?" I'd already forgotten it!! I have the most awful short-term memory imaginable. I've been making a hardy effort to get in more protein early on, because I know it helps later at night and it's just all around good for weight loss. I'm going to make a week's worth of baked chicken breast today for this week to eat for lunch.

Kristen YAY!! Way to go on the pound!!!

Sharon, thank you for the reminder. That is so very true. It's that simple, isn't it?
And thank you for your kind words. I can't tell you girls how much it means when someone here says something nice to me. It makes my day... you have no idea Seriously. Keep 'em comin'.
Gee, you sound really together, eh? Good snacks in the house, devil horns on the bad stuff, a new notebook... Sort of makes me want to pull myself together and follow suit. Keep it up with the planning, girl... you're doing it!!

Hi, Sassy! How are you doing today?

Kristen, YAY on the pound, girl!!
Ah... Romeo and Juliet. Talk about communication issues!

Harpo, you sweet ol' thing you. You crack me up.

I am NOT here to confess a binge. However, I will tell you about some of the gifts I've bought/made and then eaten.
Let's see... a batch of 64 biscotti that I made. I put them into pretty little gift bags, and I even put them in the freezer so I wouldn't eat them. Yeah, like THAT'S gonna stop me!
And then there were the chocolates... we have a Polish shop here that sells the most wicked chocolates in bulk. Some of them with pure liquor in them. Again, I bagged them all prettily with gift tags. sigh. And ate them.

Kristen..if that resentment is the teenager talking then YAYYY im a teenager haha I think the same thing...i resent the "borders and boundries" put on healthy and unhealthy foods so i eat them out of spite.

Ellis: its true! it seems that even on your worst days, days when most of us leave the board for a few days, you are still here pumping the rest of us up.
I do feel like I have it together. We went to eat at Long John Silver yesterday and I only ate one piece of fish and a few cheese fries. Then 2 hours later EVERYONE wanted ice cream and I was dying for coffee so I ordered a SMALL moolatte (not the MegaMoo) and only drank about a third of it. Both resturants I only ate till satisfied and not full...My cals yesterday ended up at a lil over 1800 and that is with the added few nachos I ate with hubby while watching movies. I logged it all with good choices in green and bad food choices in red...that way when I look back I can see that bright red and remind myself of the bad and see the green and think of the good

Harpo don't you LOOOVEE short term memories? I have one too and easily forget stuff all though it makes it easier to "forget" a binge or whatever i did bad for the day...

Hubby names for my body hehe pleasinly Plump, Freely Flabby, exciting Extra, Killer Curvy, Flaming Fat....see a pattern here? he adds a "good" word to any "bad" word when I say i am plump he corrects me. I love him for that!!! Harpo saying Plump to Ellis made me think of it.....its funny though because when someone says "im so plump" I think of a big plum with a face instead of a person OK Im losing it here..I will blame it on the COLD TURKEY little debbie strike!

and that brings me to the past 3 days...
NO LITTLE DEVILS woo hoo MEE..
I have NOT gotten on the scale (im a scale addict weighing about every 2 hours) for 3 days (since it went back to 142).
I AM making better choices about my food...
I am letting myself eat mostly what I want but making myself stay conscience of what goes into my mouth.

So far I am ON TRACK for 2 days ( a new record for me from the last 3 months)

Today i slept till 11:30 and had my coffee and ate Long John Silvers left overs but again controlled myself from stuffing myself..

OK time for race and time to get hubby up for the Fathers Day NASCAR race!! woo hoo

Don't forget to tell your dads and hubbys HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!!! Lord knows they do as much as us mommies.

It's weird to come on here to confess a mini binge ~ which is what happened today ~ a bag of regular butter popcorn and a few pancakes with regular syrup. It didn't fill me up at all, but that junk is definitely not part of my plan.

I'm waiting for my dad to come back home before I know what we are going to do to celebrate Father's Day. I know he bought a watermelon (he actually put it in MY icebox) so I think he may have a barbeque in mind. I have plenty of chicken breasts though (I don't like steaks anyway), but it's the chips and other stuff I'm worried about. I'm not even sure if his intentions are to have a barbeque, he just may have wanted to have some cold watermelon saved for one of Kansas's scorching hot days.

Sharon Unfortunately my short term memory only affects things like picking up my nephews from school or driving someone to a doctor's appointment. No, I'm kidding, although I did forget to pick my nephew from school once this year. I swear, someone will tell me something, and seconds later I will have forgotten all about it. But my long term memory makes up for it. I practically remember everything I have ever learned in school or read independently. And I never forgot how to spell a word either. When I took my math placement test for university, I actually placed into a class more advanced than college calculus, and I had only taken high school pre-calculus and this was 3 years after I had taken it. I remembered nearly everything. I was put into this class and couldn't even finish my first homework assignment because it was calculus. It was crazy, I can't believe they didn't check if I had taken college calculus at my old college. I had only taken college algebra. But I'll actually take lists into the grocery store, and still forget something on the list. My brain is crazy.

I was at Super Walmart the other night, and since I had never seen those Devil Squares you always talk about, I finally looked for them when I passed the snack cake aisle so I can have a visual of them when you talk about them.

And it's weird I was going through my pictures on my computer and guess who I came across ~ YOU!!!! I was like, who is that? Oh, yeah, that's Sharon. It was in received files, and I had no idea it was still on my computer!!! But I didn't forget what you looked like. I don't forget faces. I used to be a preschool teacher and I see my old pupils all of the time and I'm like, "There's Josie, there's Will." Even though they are years older and taller.

I caught your long post syndrome, Sharon

ellis Does that Polish shop do mail order to the U.S?

Harpo- your new picture is soo pretty u look so gorgeous in it!!

LeaLee- I think we all act resnetful about the food, we knwo its bad for us but we say I want it and I should be allowed to dictate what goes in my mouth but that is the devil (wearing prada! lol) talking to us lol
I wish that I coudl take take the caloreis and fat and everythign out of the food what a world that woudl be ! lol