Theresa, WAY TO GO!!!!!! 7lbs? That's awesome!!!!

I'm up just a tiny bit like 1/2 a lb. But I don't "officially" weigh myself until Monday.

Things are changing alot for me right now. My son is 10 weeks and weighs 13 lbs. I can't keep up with him when he's nursing...he's always hungry and just cries when I try nursing only. So I am supplementing with formula, and expressing milk. I try to aim for every four hours with the pumping, but between the two kids I find that more time lapses than I should allow. This begins a vicious cycle b/c that droppd my production, which was never very high even when I nursed DD. When my production drops I supplement more, which drops my milk supply even more. By not pumping or nursing enough I am not burning the calories producing milk so I am eating more "points" than I need, but I'm not sure how many I should be having b/c if I go down to the non-nursing number its way too low and my milk will drop even more. UGHHHHH!

It's all so very frutrating. Though I wouldn't trade him for anything DS wasn't planned. DD was only 16 months when he was born. I had no desire what so ever to nurse, I had been so happy when I stopped with DD. I totally understand the health bennefits, but I had problems with clogged ducts with DD and I did not want to deal with it. I had DD climbing all over me and a newborn stuck to me, I was very overwhelmed. I just wanted some space. Plus when I express milk I have to spend 20 min. sitting there pumping, trying to keep my 18 month old from tearing the pump apart, then I have to prepare the bottle and sit down and feed DS. It's like having to feed him twice.

DH is really adiment that I nurse. Not just for the health bennefits but b/c of the cost savings. But Walmart has a brand of formula that is just as good as Simalac with DHA and ARA that costs ALOT less. So if you figure that it costs .07 per oz of formula and my son drinks a maximum of 30 oz per day that's only 2.12 a day, or $63 a month. So if you consider that I am able to pump about half of that I am only savings us about $31.50 a month right now. I am not breastfeeding exclusivley so the savings is not the full amount. He says that's my tradeoff for staying home. I have to nurse to save the money since I'm not working anymore. He blames my low production on me, saying I don't drink enough water (I drink at least 60-80 oz a day and usually I drink closer to 120 or more), or that I don't eat enough, or drink enough milk, or eat enough protein. He, for some reason, won't except that maybe I just don't produce well. But he grew up on a dairy farm, which we live next door to, and he thinks in terms of cows. He even calculated my due date with both kids from the SirePower gestation WHeel that comes with the seman for artificial insemination (sp?) for the cows. I guess people gestate for a similar amount of time.

Frankly, I think that even though breastfeeding is best, what will be best for my family in the long run is a Mom/Wife who is healthy, active, and happy... a mom who feels good about herself, who can set a good example for her children about how to eat healthy and have a good relationship with food. Right now I am so overwhelmed and frustrated and stressed out I am no fun to be around. I yell at my DD, and that's not fair she's just a baby. I am a total you know what to my husband. I get frutrated with my DS b/c he's always hungry and I can't keep up with him. I don't have time to get it all done. I sometimes have to pump two to three times to feed him once. The pumping takes away time from both kids. Then when I want to go out and about I have to drag two kids, a diaper bag, AND my pump's bag which is the size of a back pack, plus ice to keep milk cool, and formula b/c I don't pump enough. It's insane.

I love my husband, he's a super guy, but you add that in addition to getting all this stuff ready and out the door I am trying to get him ready and out the door. I get three people and all our stuff ready in the time it takes him to get ready plus I usually have to get his clothes for him or find his hat for him b/c he can't remember where he laid them down.

I don't want to pass all my food hang ups onto my kids. I am at a breaking point here. So really things would be so much better if I could just give my son formula, and go to eating the points for non nursing people and concentrate on myself for once. I need to lose this weight. It's hard enough to lose weight when that's all you have to do. But when everything you put in your mouth effects how much food someone else gets it just way too overwhelming.

Sorry for venting, but I am really going crazy here. There are times when I just scream or I just sob. I think I'm having a nerveous breakdown. Every little thing sets me off. I feel termedous guilt for giving my son formula, I feel terrible that he spends alot of time in his carseat or swing just so I can have my hands free to help my daughter, I feel like a crappy mother b/c I litterally scream at her. Maybe it's postpartum depression. DH says it's not, but what does he know?

But you know in the time since I had my daughter I was not with her for: five hours for a x-mas party, an hour to go to the dentist, a 90 min. motorcycle ride with my husband, and once or twice I ran to the store for about 30 min. There were times when DH took her out to the barn, but then I was left alone in the house, so it's not like I got to go have fun, usually I did the house work I wasn't able to do while she was in the hosue. So total in 16 months I was on my own out of the house for 10 hours maybe, five of which was at Dh's company x-mas party.

Then I was away from her for one day while I had my son. Since he's been born I haven't been away from him at all. I did get 8 hours away without DD, do you know where I was? I went to my parents' house and babysat my 4 special needs adopted siblings taking DS with me so I had 5 kids total.

No wonder I'm going insane lol. I live an hour away from anyone in my family, 2 hours from my only friend, across the street from my inlaws. The only adult conversation I have is my husband who pretty much only talks to DD. I haven't spent anytime alone with my husband in almost a year excpet for while I was in labor. Every night Dh comes home at 6 or 7, eats dinner, and "Goes across the road to see what's going on" comes home around 9 plays with DD until 10ish at which point in time I demand she goes to bed. Then we all go to sleep.

I'm sorry that this is so long. But I am at my wits end and I just need to be heard by somebody. Even if no one reads this at least its out there.

Thanks ~Misty

Misty-

I am so sorry you are feeling this bad.... I understand totally. It is hard and you need to understand that you are aloud to feel this way. You should not feel guilt. It is all legit.

1) You need to get out. PERIOD. You need some me time. If you cant swing that then see if you can get your inlaws to watch the kids for a couple of hours at their house and come back home and do girl things! NO HOUSECLEANING!. Maybe do a facial. I have lots of ideas on facials you can do at home. If you need them let me know. Put on soothing music, paint your toenails, and relax. I am telling you this - if you dont start taking care of yourself a little you will have problems in the long run. I know this from experience. A couple hours everyweek. That is not alot to ask. You husband comes home from work. When exactly do you get off of work?

2) I understand the breastfeeding thing totally. When I had my son I was producing soo much milk that I couldnt ever get it to stop. I was in pain all the time. I have apparently triple the amount of milk glands as the average woman. Then I was getting so stressed that my milk wouldnt drop when he was around and ready to be fed but any other time it was like a river. I always had stripes down the front of my shirt where I had leaked. Your husband needs to understand that you are not a cow... you are his wife. He needs to understand your frustration, your fear, your guilt. I ended up having to feed my son formula so that I could get my milk to dry up. My Doctor was the one that said to do this. That the stress and pain I was going thru was only going to make my child fretful because they feel their mothers emotions and emulate them. I felt like I was a failure. I mean I was supposed to nourish this poor child and I just couldnt. Then I realized that I could nourish him in other ways. For instance I could hold him and rock him while I fed him his bottle and we could both be at peace instead of stressed.

3) Your husband needs to help some in the evening instead of going to his parents every night. I mean he could go a couple of times a week. I am not saying not spend time with his parents just he needs to spend time with you. And when he goes over there why doesnt he take the kids with him. Grandparents normally love to see their grand kids. This would give you some quiet time.

4) You need to sit down with your husband and clearly express how you are feeling. Without arguing or fighting. Men dont normally understand us. It is that simple. You may think you are saying all of this to him and maybe you are. But the way you are saying it he is not following. You said he is a great guy. He wouldnt want you to be in pain this way. He wouldnt want you suffering this way. He just isnt following. His light bulb hasnt come on yet. I know with my husband he doesnt always understand and there for doesnt know how to fix it. And my husband he is a fixer. And if he cant fix it then he gets frustrated and it comes out like he doesnt care and that truly isnt the case. He also thinks that I am thinking it is all his fault even when I am not even thinking this at all. So sit down with him. Make notes of things you want to say because I know when I am doing this I forget things. Maybe print this out and let him read your post and this post. Maybe it would be a chance for some open dialogue.

5) And finally. Not only do you need me time. You need one on one time with your husband. You need to remember why you started dating each other. Why you fell in love. You need to feel special just as he needs to feel special. Create a date night either 1 a week or every 2 weeks where it is just you and him. Send the kids to the grand parents if you cant afford a babysitter. Stay home with each other if you cant afford to go out. Have a candle light dinner, take a bath together, neck on the couch, whatever. Try to remember that special bond you guys had. I am telling you this is crucial because if you dont do this now you are going to wake up 5 years from now with a perfect stranger and not know how you got there.

If there is some resistance from the grand parents ask hubby if he can talk to them. Or if you can talk to your mother in law and maybe explain that you are feeling overwhelmed. And that you dont want to loose that special thing you had for her son. Maybe that would help.

I hope all this helps you. Post partum is a ***** but if you sit down with you hubby and tell him how you truly feel by doing all of this you will come out of it faster. You will bond more with him and the kids and you guys will have a better life. Trust me on this.

Good Luck!

Misty - I am so sorry to hear about your frustrations. I personally have never been there, but the advice that Angel gave sounded very helpful.

I have not been doing well, ladies. I think I have lost my motivation. I have not gone to the gym in over a week, and my eating has not been good. GRRR...I am trying to figure out what it was that got me motivated to begin with, thinking maybe that's what will motivate me again.

BUT I will continue to post, because I know that once I lose touch with this website, I will completely give up.

Sam

Angel-THANK YOU! Just having someone listen to me makes me feel so much less stressed. I appreciate your advice. Knowing I'm not the only one out there with issues and that I shouldn't feel guilty for needing time to myself makes me feel so much better. You are right I do nee dto sit down and tell my husband how I feel. He often takes DD with him but I usually keep my son. My inlaws adore the kids and probably would be happy to have them once in awhile.

I understand why DH helps his Dad on the farm, we live in a house they own for about $400 a month. We pay no utilites and no taxes. We volunteer the $400 they don't ask for it. Granted the house would sit empty other wise and it's on the same utility lines as the barn so they'd have to pay just as much otherwise. And frankly the house is in pretty bad shape, if someone chose to fix it they'd be better off ripping it down and starting over. Just another stress point on my marriage, since we don't own it I don't want to fix it and living here was supposed to be temp. We spent the first year with no heat upstairs in our bedrrom, in northern PA that's not pleasant Good thing we were newlyweds lol.

But you are completley right. We do need time to be a couple. I need time to take care of myself. I am doing nobody any good by being a basket case and a martyr. We'd all be happier if I felt I had a grip on things. Like the old saying goes "If Mama ain't , ain't nobody happy". Any self pampering ideas you have would be very helpful.

We did spend the day away from home shopping and stuff just the four of us. It was a two hour car ride both ways so I got to talk to DH alot, which was so very nice.

Thank you agian for being here I appreciate it.

hi everybody
im a newbie here and would love to join you in your challenge for christmas. another 15-20 lbs before christmas would be wonderful!!i only need at least 9 lbs before i reach my first 20lbs.im at 205 lbs at present.could it be possible, better get on that tread machine!will keep ya up to date! good luck to all!mandy

First of all, I know that you can do this. Look at you, You've lost 22 pounds in two months. Lots of people wish they were 22 pounds lighter (like myself) That is a step in the right direction. I have been struggling to lose 86 pounds for years, and i have never made it past 8 or so pounds. And even then I gain it back. So i think you have an advantage. Just keep going. I know you can do it. Here is a hug to show you my support, and belief in you. I am even down 2 pounds this week. It ain't much but it's something. So sam please keep your head up. And report back i would reallt like to know how things are going.Tomarrow is a new day, take advantage of it!

Samanth2002- You must have posted your post as I was writing mine last night, b/c somehow I missed reading it. Sorry. Miss McCoy is right! You have done so very well. Sometimes we may lose a battle but we will not lose the war. Dr. Phil says in his book something to effect of one meal at a time one day at a time. You didn't gain all of your weight overnight, it will take time to lose it as well. Don't beat yourself up over what you have done recently, enjoy what you have accomplished and take each moment one small step at a time. The only time we can have an effect on is the present. Being here, reaching out asking for support...that's a huge step in the right direction. I too would like to you keep in touch, we will ralley around you and help in any way we can.

Miss McCoy-don't scoff at 2 pounds, that is such a great accomplishment!!! I think that is wonderful and congratualtions!

Daisy, welcome!! It sounds like you are already moving in the right direction.

Well have a good day ladies

I

have

only six

more pounds

to go before I am

at my Christmas goal

Y E S

Just checking in. I've been staying OP, and exercising fairly regularly... could be more. Water is good (except weekends sometimes) and I have been journalling most everyday. I have been having some success and hope to reset my Christmas goal (once more) soon.

Welcome to the newbies, Theresa, Misty, Sherry, Mandy.

Sam, remember each choice, meal, day is a new opportunity for renewal. I've been there... don't give up and don't stop trying to take care of yourself. You are worth it! :

Misty - Please communicate your needs with your hubby, I think you under estimate your own value to your family. You need you to be happy, take what you need to get there. If you can't say it, write it down or like angel 26519 said, print the post. If you see your doctor soon, you may want to discuss your feelings with him/her. Please feel free to "talk" about your feelings with us. Sometimes when your in the dumps its difficult to see some positive options, perhaps we can help. I hope I don't overstep - but I really think that you need to love you to feel loved and pass that love on to your hubby and children - alas, the circle of life. I may just start singing... and you wouldn't want to hear that

E.McCoy
Welcome back to the bandwagon. WTG Good for you loosing 2 pounds. I'm proud of you for making your back.


I'll check back on Thursday, until then be good.... or be careful .... whatever it takes. WE CAN DO THIS.

Thank you so much for all the positive support. Your kind words and ideas have helped me see past the fog of the day to day ins and outs of life. I can see that there are things I can do, and it is ok fo rme to stand up and take some time for me. DH and I left the kiddos with My mother in 12law and went to the grocery store. It wasn't a big deal, but it was so nice to just be alone together even for an hour at the market.

I had a 1/2 pound gain this week. But really it doesn't bug me. I know that I did everything I was supposed to do. I stayed within my points, and I exerscised 6 days four of which were for over an hour total. So you'll have gains once in a while. It's the first time I've gained since I started trying to lose. And really it's only a half a pound. So I am down 13.5 Lbs. Not too bad. I am at the weight I was when I was a senior in college 5 years ago. I still feel my goal is attainable. I only have 11.5 pounds to go and 6 weeks to do it in. That seems reasonable.

Squabb56 sounds like you are really moving towards your goal. That is so awesome!! With only 6 pounds to go you'll be there before you know it!!!

Well have a super day, all! DD is poking me in the eye and gleefully cheering "EYEEEE, EYEEEE!" One can only take that for so long. I'll have to finish reading later

Hi ladies! I'm proud to announce that I am a loser!!! I had my one month weigh in today ( a few days late) and so far I've lost:

7lbs
6.25 inches
.8% body fat
1.3 Bmi



I'm so happy I'm floating!!! This means I only have 9lbs to go to meet my Christmas goal and 54lbs to my final goal!!!

For whoever was asking about Curves I give them a thumbs up! I'm a member of Pace Fitness which is virtually the same as Curves and I LOVE it! 30mins and a total body workout, and with the results that I already have, it's a sure bet!

Way to go to all the other weight loss champions in our group! You guys are making it easier for me to reach my goals. Everyone that needs some encouragment: YOU CAN DO IT!!! I'm living proof, I never thought I would get myself to 194lbs so quickly! And there is no way it's coming back, it's gone for good!!! Take it one day at a time and when you slip up just pick up and continue. One day at a time!

Anyhow, I've gotta run, keep up the good work girls, I can't wait to hear all about it!

Wanda

Hey guys. I hope its not to late to jump on the goal wagon. This is such an exciting time!

cheers
phoenix

Way to Go Scrappin!

Way to go everyone on their losses! We are about 6 1/2 weeks away from Christmas - has anyone started shopping?
That means I have 6 1/2 weeks to lose 15 pounds. That's about 2 pounds a week. I think I can do it.
I didn't think that I would lose weight because I hadn't gone to the gym in over a week, but I hopped on the scale a few minutes ago & am down another 3 pounds. That puts me at 255. Hurray!

WAY TO GO WANDA!!!!!!!!!!! That is so awesome.

Welcome Pheonix!! I just joined in last week and these ladies are so supportive. It seems you've come a long way in the past 7 years!

Samantha-You Go Girl, 3 pounds is so great!!!!!!! Your goal
is within your reach.

Have a good day ladies

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