hsmomx2 - thanks. I can't set goals anymore. I would like like 150. But I doubt it. I haven't really lost any weight in two years (only really gained), so I am trying not to set any more goals for disappointment. I would like to just be less. I am just trying to eat good and not worry about losing anything, though it is hard to not think about it :/ I do have a doctor's appointment for tomorrow to talk about my birth control and my struggles with losing weight and gaining it so easily. I doubt he will have any answers, but just to talk to a doctor might help me to feel better. I know one of my problems is weekends, I have a hard time staying on track... but I don't think that should make me gain weight when the rest of the week are perfect.
Unfortunately the family problems will not go away and I am just going to have to deal with them... or continue to try and ignore them. At least when I got the call this weekend I ate some pizza but would have otherwise. Earlier this year when the problems were really bad, like every other week I was a mess and my eating would just completely go down the drain for like a week. But now I guess I am just immune to them, LOL.
It's not that big of a deal, but I just wonder what it really does to me inside? like I hold it all in and don't really talk to anyone about it and wonder if it causing problems and I don't even know about it. I don't think it is effecting my weight too much anymore, but still - I am sure it causes some stress.
I am really not as depressed as this post sounds, in fact I feel pretty good. Just frustrated with what is going on... wish I could post about it, would probably feel better - but I don't feel comfortable posting all my family problems on the internet for strangers to read.

They say I'm not qualified. How can I not be qualified for a job where the only qualifications are a valid driver's license?! Something stinks. I think the probably all male panel has a problem with a little lady parking cars. Also my friend says they might not have liked the fact that I don't have a Texas driver's license. I've been working for the VA for two damn years and you're telling me that I can't get the job because I have a valid DL from another state?! Are these people on crack?! *breathe* We'll see. I'll take this to the director of the hospital if I have to. I HAVE to get out of food service before I go crazy! 

I'm really starting to see that I've got to cut out the bread/rice, and cut the sugar out. So I've been looking into south beach again, it really has worked for me.. but I've often thought that I should be able to lose the weight with eating regular foods, just less of them. Yup, not true for me. So I'm frustrated, and also depressed that I have to be so strict with my diet.. the other option is to keep getting fatter, and that makes me want to cry. Thats whats going on for me the last 2 days.. tonight I made this thing called taco bake, that should get me through the next couple of days!
I started eating like I'm on South Beach, I think I need to come to some realization that I can't be like everyone else.. and that in order to lose this weight I will have to cut out bread/rice/pasta/sugar.. it'll be hard. But it will be worth it. I am a total sugar addict, but I can be something different. I just need to accept what is, and realize I can't change how my body reacts to sugar and wheat products. So thats what I am up against, hard one! The weather here is hard, fortunately it's been sunny the last couple of weeks, I am hoping it stays like this! Josh and I might go to the beach tomorrow... fingers crossed for some hot weather!
with the garage sale Courtnie!