Feeling a little better today. Ani, you'll be proud of me - I dragged myself to the gym last night and did 30 minutes weights circuit training. It's a lot less than I usually do on a Monday night but a lot more than I felt like doing and I know that it made me feel better in the long run.

I have an appointment with my kinesiologist this morning and I'm sure that I'll feel better after seeing him.

Thanks again for all your support ladies, it's really meant a lot to me.

Julia that is awesome! I AM really proud of you, and more importantly I hope you're genuinely proud of yourself. To face the fear that comes with what you've been through - and manage it it such a positive and determined way… that takes guts!

Bad day for me yesterday. Broke a toe when I got out of bed - delightful! Then at 8am the ex-girlfriend "popped in" (she lives a fair way from me so it wasn't just an idle visit). After a pleasant cuppa she starts to produce this list of money I owe her. Apparently in 2003 she bought me a shirt - and that's just a small example. She has kept a record of every single cent she ever spent on me - and now wants it all back.

She and her partner earn $240,000 a year between them. I earn $34,000 and she wants a share of THAT? How many ways must a girl pay for a bad, bad relationship?

She still has so many of my possessions, I could have gone to a lawyer and got a share of her house when we separated - I would be legally entitled to it - but I am a (too) fair-minded person and didn't want to go down that path.

So I went to work limping badly (try working in steel caps with a broken toe) and in a really bad mood. But I ended up eating 1359 calories and walking over 10,000 steps… well kinda walking . I only drank a litre of water - so not quite a perfect day.

Before I started work I wrote a big note that said: Don't you f%#ing DARE punish yourself for what she just did.

And I am very proud to report that I didn't!

Vonni how did you go?

Barb, it was just a few bad days. Are you able to come up with a plan to anticipate these times and have something in place to prevent them?

OK - best start to think about work. Today I am so going to nail my goals - every single one of them. This kilo is in serious danger!!!

Oh god the married man is so lovely. I really really just want to squish him!

lmao Gen.

Ani that cow. Like a gift is that... a gift whether it be just because or a birthday doesnt matter. Dnt pay her any money. She can't force you to and let it help you stay strong. Use some of that anger towards yr exercise lol.

First shift went great. Quite busy. I was on the ward that A & E clients get sent to if admitted. And they were busy in there. We only had 3 admissions during my shift other than was already there but the paperwork n questions take a fair amount of time. Loved it all though. Tired today though as i had a bad night with Ebony.

Work again tomorrow morning woohoo.

Julia. I had to look up what a kinesiologist was! And good on you for picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when it can be way too easy to fall down and stay there.

Ani. Tell her to bugger off. My first fiancee tried that one on me. He wanted to take all of the gifts that my family gave us for our engagement and tried to make me pay half of HIS credit card.

Wow Ani, what a cheek. I hope you can tell her to sod off and I hope that she does!

I didn't go to the gym yesterday, was feeling too lazy so I went home and did some more packing instead. Can't wait to pick up the keys to the new place and be able to move in.

Gen you and I should start a club - membership will only be open to those of us who become infatuated with inaccessible people .

THE woman at work said to me yesterday: "what a shame we're on opposite sides of the fence - we'd be great together!". ARGH! Later on she invited me over one night soon to 'get on the p!ss, play Wii Fit and crash for the night'.

Surely she knows! Surely she's playing with me. Oh well - it's an adventure . As long as I keep check with my emotions and don't buy into it, I'll be fine.

Had another good day and met all my goals yesterday. I'm really happy with how that side of things is progressing.

As far as the ex goes, doesn't it just show her true character. I was chatting on the phone to my closest friend last night, and she said the same thing as all of you - don't give her anything. And then she said I should consider seriously why I allow her to even be in my life.

I have three days off - woo hoo! And I have no concrete plans aside from resting my broken toe.

Julia it isn't long now until you move. How exciting!

Oh yes, Ani I meant to say OW!!! I hope your toe gets better soon.

I managed to drag myself to the gym last night even though I really didn't feel like going. All I did was weights and I think it's the first time in my life I've ever done weights and not followed it with cardio!

Tonight I'll be moving boxes from my flat upstairs down to my car so that'll be good exercise.

Only one more sleep till moving day!

Julia are you all packed up and organised for the move? As exciting as it is, moving also has its stressful moments.

I had another good day yesterday and reached all my goals. And I feel equally determined to do it again today. It's another day off work and I'm going to take my camera and take photos somewhere - if I think my toe will stand up to it I might even go to the zoo…

Yes, Ani I'm all packed up and ready to go. My tiny wee flat is chokka with boxes and I've had to put a bunch out on the shared landing. Thankfully I can trust the other people in the building not to pinch stuff!

Tonight I'm borrowing a ute from a friend's brother and I will load it all up ready to start first thing in the morning. A friend is helping me tomorrow and I'm planning to get all the contents done and will then hire a trailer on Saturday and another friend and her partner will help me with the heavier and bigger furniture etc.

Now for my big news ... my friend who got married last week came to visit me. You'll remember that it was after her wedding that I wrote myself off. Well she's had no reports of me doing anything humiliating and she was really understanding and offered to help in any way so that was both a relief and also really nice of her.

Now for the bit that I'm really proud of:

On tv here we have a really good campaign of anti binge-drinking adverts on tv. There's one which shows a woman drinking in a bar with friends, people leave and at the end of the night she's still there drinking on her own until some dodgy guy leads her outside and down a dark alley. That particular ad hits VERY close to home for me.

So last night I saw one of the ads and I wrote the website down. Looked at it this morning and found a phone number for the NZ alcohol and drug helpline. I called and spoke to a lovely lady and she's going to send me some reading material which should help me figure out what my next step will be.

It was a big step and I'm really proud of myself for doing it.

Ps, I keep meaning to change my ticker ... have lost 1.1kg!

Ani, I should be the president!

Gen you crack me up .

I had a bad day with food yesterday - I ate fish and chips AND I ate ice-cream. It could have been worse…

Yesterday morning I realised that I am really, really angry with my ex. Not because she is demanding money - but for a myriad of reasons. I suppose it's anger that has built up, been swallowed, and which I have kept inside me.

And while I was in this frame of mind I learned that my birth father was part-Aboriginal. Now don't misunderstand me, I don't have a racist bone in my body, and I don't tolerate racism in the people I mix with. But it was a shock to learn that all the same.

Why have my birth family, who have now known me for more than 13 years, never told me? I am SICK of people keeping secrets from me - especially when those secrets are MINE!

I remember my old doctor asking me, about 10 years ago, if one of my parents was Indigenous, because some health thing or other I had at the time was more typically found in non-white people - but I put it out of my head until yesterday.

I feel terribly sad that I never knew. Sad that I have missed something important… as you can probably tell, my head is still spinning.

But I'm not going to stuff myself with food and mask whatever I am feeling. I am going to look after myself, and today I am straight back on plan.

I didn't go to the zoo yesterday - but I AM going today. And I AM going to eat no more than 1650 calories and reach all my other goals.

For the second day in a row I let myself down . I understand why, on some level, because I am trying to get my head around some big changes in my life - as well as trying to deal with the shock of allowing myself to feel attracted to someone for the first time in a very long time.

But today is a new opportunity to get it right, and it's with some relief that I am going back to the routine and familiarity of work after three days off.

I WILL meet my goals today - no excuses, no exceptions! I want to lose this weight more than anything, and I want to find the courage to face my fears and my difficult past.

Where is everyone? Lindor, Vonni, Kel, Amy, Barb… what's going on?

I'm here. Just watching and feeling sad sore and sorry for myself. Went to the dentist yesterday and had a tooth pulled. Well it was aching real bad last night and this morning my face is swollen like a balloon and it is absolute agony. I reached my quoto of 24hr max in painkillers by 8am this morning (took em yesterday to). I've had teeth pulled before but never had pain or swelling like this. So took myself off to Dr and they gave me antibiotics as a precaution and some heavy duty pain killers so been sort of sleeping the day away. One good thing tho..... At least I'm not eating lol.

Ani isnt it funny when u r that used to work when it stops you dnt know what to do with yrself. All the plans in the world can be made but something happens. Wow what a shock yet exciting to have that news. At least now you can list it on medical records in case something does pop up thats more common for indigenous (is that how u spell it?) people. Do u know anyone on yr birth fathers side of family??? I'm a bitza myself. bit of this and bit of that... even a bit of south african lmao. Think most of us are.

Very proud of my little niece Tiann. She is in a movie starring Natalie Imbruglia and she plays her character as a young girl. Its called Closed For Winter www.natalieimbruglia.com