Great thinking Taylor! I heart diet coke...its my guilty pleasure. So, what kind of marinade do you use for your chicken. I'm getting bored with my chicken lately and have a whole bag of tenderloins in the freezer I could be eating but I can't think of a creative way to cook them that I havn't already worn out.

taylor- love your plan.

i am actually planning a dinner out at a girlfriends house tonight. She's making a soup, i think it's not cream based, and I am bringing a multigrain loaf of yummy bread and 4 delicious home made toffee cookies. 3 for her and 1 for me! Also, i think I am bringing a green salad. I think that should be good. soup, a small piece of bread, 1 cookie and a big salad. I hpoe I follow through with this plan. Lots of times I have the best intentions and then blow it!

here we go I agree, we're too hard on ourselves.

We're taking lots of steps in the right direction. getting healthier.I do understand those down days though, like I still feel like cr*p whenever a skinny girl walks by me on the street or wherever. i kind of feel obsessed. I look at ever girl and check out her weight. Not like I am judging her , but I am judging ME. I think, why can't I be that thin etc.

We are too hard on ourselves. I come on here and comfort you guys and end up saying those same negative things about myself. The difference is, I don't comfort me. You know what I mean?

Ahh.... the sorrow of weight loss.

Totally. I always think if only I could take my own advice. I know I'm being sincere when I tell other people not to beat themselves up, get back on track, etc., so why don't we believe ourselves?!

I was just thinking the same thing. Here I am saying all of these great things and I have negative thoughts toward myself. It's like I can believe that someone else can it but it's harder for me.

I've been listening to The Weightloss Diaries by Courtney Rubin on my iPod lately and she says something that hits home. She's talking to her dietician about how she feels about being fat and struggling with her diet and her dietician says "if you talked to a child the way you talk to yourself I'd have to call child protective services on you."
And you know what....she's right. I could never degrade my own child the way I degrade myself when it comes to food, diet and being fat.

ghost, here we go again, just keep swimming... So true! I must be more positive! Maybe we need to set a goal about this?

I'm in- tell me what our goal should be? lol

I dunno... .someone else be creative!

I use all sort of marinades - from fat free italian dressing, BBQ...really ANYTHING UNDER 100 calories I will try at least once.

I have found this amazing one called Mango Curry from Safeway Selects. Yummy.

So, we might not end grill. I have to go to the apple store with my dad to pick something up and he might take us out...so cross your fingers for me. I am gonna try my best!

Heather: How about everytime we think a bad thought about ourselves we don't dwell on it more than 5 seconds?

So the packing madness continues... But I'm pretty close to being done now. And I was right, I'm feeling much better now. Still scared (and stilled PO'd about my ID, lol) but MUCH better.

I much confess--in addition to not eating well at Cracker Barrel last night, I also ate badly today. My parents took me out for lunch today and I just didn't care! I ate the most unhealthy-looking veggie burger I've ever seen (even the bun had grease on it!) and terrible (but delicious) french fries. Emotional eating, anyone? Heh, but I'm over it. The only thing bothering me is that I can feel the sodium circulating through my body and blowing me up like a balloon! So I've been drinking tons of water and wondering if I'll ever be hungry again... It should take about 3 days to work off the calories from that stupid burger.

Ghost - You're probably right. I really think that once I get there, I'll be so excited about it that all my fears will go away. I know that I truly DO love my school, and ultimately I DO want to go back, but I guess it was a little scary to have the memory of all the things I don't love about it to come crashing down like that all at once. Thanks for the kind words!

Taylor86 - Oooooh, an audition! I have heard you mention auditioning for things several times before, and since I'm a singer/actress it always makes me very curious! Lol so what is the audition for? Break a leg!! Ps. Great job formulating the plan for dinner with your dad! I'm impressed. And good luck if you end up going out instead!

Here we go again et al - You all are so right! I'm very hard on myself; always have been. Sometimes that's not such a bad thing, because it makes me a very ambitious and hard-working person. But in a situation like this, I think we all need to remember that it's ok to be human and make mistakes... It sounds cliche, but no one IS perfect and no one gets through this without any slip-ups whatsoever! I know I (we!) can do this, and one little mistake (or even two, or three) is NOT going to undo all of your progress. Every once in a while I still have to remind myself that I cannot gain back 40 lbs in one day, because I really do get scared that I'll wake up one day and my body will be like "Just kidding! I decided to go back to my old form because you had french fries yesterday!" A mistake might cost you a couple lbs at the most, but the important thing is to recognize the mistake, mourn it for a little bit, and then GET BACK ON TRACK. That's the exact kind of thing that I would say to someone else who was feeling bad about something they did, but it can be so hard to take your own advice.

Ps. I almost forgot!!! I have some good news today! After lunch I went to the drugstore with my mom to pick up some of her meds, and I did one of those blood-pressure-checker-things. My BP was 120/77! Woohoo!! I just wish I could remember what it was when I got it checked at the doctor in July (the infamous doctor's appt that was also the first real day of my weight loss!), but I KNOW that it was way higher. This is very special for me because both of my parents are on meds for high blood pressure and tons of other health problems that are linked to obesity--diabetes, high cholesterol/blood pressure, etc. It's scary to know how much being overweight can jack up your health, so it just reminds me that it's not too late for me to change and avoid all of the problems that they've had. That means so much to me!

So today has been a really good day. I wore my size 12 jeans. I thought they looked really good on me but overall I thought I looked like a mess today. However I ran into one of my friends and his girl friend (I see him all the time and but I don’t see her very often) and she said hi then followed it wow you really are looking great. It’s always nice to get a complement when you fell you don’t look our best.

Transformer – I hate when I realize how bad my old favorites are for me. (And it is good to see you back).

Meredith – Totally understand the student ID problem use to have search to find mine every year. At least you’ll get a better photo if you have to get a new ID. Good luck packing. Great job with the blood pressure!!!

Arts – you can do it just focus and start slowly, record everything even if it is over your calories.

Spoz – Good job coming hear rather then binging.

Here We Go – I totally agree with you.

Cali – Hang in there you’ll survive.

Ghost – Where are you from? I am actually surprised we are still having nice weather in Michigan. The only problem with the extra skin in my waist I could never wear them with a tight shirt because you would see it however they fit perfect in the thighs and legs so with looser shirt and sweater they will work but with tight shirts I have to wear the looser 14s.

Taylor – Good luck on Monday. I’m sure you’ll do great. I totally agree about the fat free cheese, I normally do 2% rather then fat free it’s less plastic like. I also prefer the block 2% rather then the pre-shredded because the shredded doesn’t melt as well.

Ghost and Taylor – I’m addicted to diet coke too but after 3 pm I switch to diet caffeine free most days (except Thursday because of my long class schedule).

I’m still trying – Soup and salad sounds like a good plan, hmmm toffee cookies sound so good.

YOU LADIES ARE ALL SO WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously...coming back here and reading this has given me the motivation to get back on track. Also, today I was shopping at my favorite store (j.crew -- BEST.STORE.EVER.), and just for kicks and since they were so on sale, I grabbed a pair of size 12 trouser jeans, which I have always loved. THEY FIT PERFECTLY!! I'm so so excited, they're such a great buy!! I actually might go get another pair I also bought a sweater, IN A MEDIUM!!

I think this shows me that even though I've been a bit off track, my choices aren't as bad as they used to be. Even though I might not have been as diligently writing things down, I'm still considering what I'm eating and making conscious decisions.

ALSO -- I have a chance to sing for a VERY VERY powerful Broadway name in a few weeks. I met her a few days ago through a coach I've worked with once or twice, and the coach said "You've GOT to hear (my name) sing...this girl has got some serious pipes, and is a real actress." So in two weeks....I'm singing for her. EEK! So I need to get my breath support back (aka WORK OUTTTTTTTTTT!) and my confidence back as well. This is a huge huge huge huge huge opportunity for someone my age, and I can't let it run away from me!