Good morning Vixens...

Where is the Spring!? Actually I just heard someone saying that here in Ohio we are not out of the "frost zone" until after May 15th. So a couple more weeks and this cool air should move on. I hope. Until then, I stored my flowers in the garage. Good thing...otherwise I don't know if they would have survived the cold air.

I am feeling a little sleepy today...kind of like I should still be hibernating till the warm sun comes out!

I was talking to a girlfriend of mine about my frustrations to lose weight. She asked me if I had ever seen a counselor for it. She seems to think that counseling helps with everything after seeing a psychologist after her divorce. And I know that lot of my eating is a psychological problem. Let's face it, we are not always eating because we are hungry. So that becomes a mental issue. No question. What do you all think about that? I often think that over eating should be treated no differently then anorexia or bulimia. But often they are not--since they take a lot longer to cause the damage. But they are still damaging. And I also don't think my problem is always over eating--its emotional eating in the wee hours of the morning. I have a bad habit of eating salty chips or sweets (cookies, ice-cream) at night. I go all day--and can do just fine. But at night I tend to go off track. And I feel like a drug addict that goes through the house looking for my next fix sometimes. Not all the time--I have some good days. But I am really down on myself in thinking maybe I will never get this right. Maybe I will never be able to do this long term. How do I fix this? Can I overcome this problem? I know I need to find new ways to deal with my stress. But I get stuck in a bad pattern. And I am so tired of feeling this way. But I realize only I can change the way I am. And certainly my actions start with thoughts--so some how I need to work on my mind to get it right. Sorry to be so heavy in thoughts here...but I have this on my mind and am back to thinking "get with the program!". I let myself stray--and I am disgusted with myself. I feel like I keep searching for the answer—but the answer is probably right here inside of me. That sounds so deep—but isn’t it true? Everyone has there own reasons for doing what they do with eating. And it’s not like I can just give up eating—like a smoker gives up cigarettes or and alcoholic gives up drinking. But I certainly need to change my patterns some how. I don’t want to live in my fat body anymore. Tired of being tired about it! Know what I mean?! It’s not like I don’t like who I am in other aspects of my life. I am a confident person who is optimistic in every other way. But when it comes to food and eating I have a serious weakness. What can I do?

I would love to hear your thoughts…I think we all have some of these thoughts or we wouldn’t be here. We would all be in control, skinny and having no food issues. Maybe I need a 12-step program. Hmmmm…something to think about.

Okay…how about a quote: One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself. --Leonardo Da Vinci

I thought that quote was pretty appropriate! How true is that? I guess I need to get some mastery of myself!

Hey girls...

Karen- There is nothing wrong with feeling the way that you do. And yes, I feel the same way sometimes. Seeing a counselor is not a bad idea. It works for alot of people. I eat alot of the times just because Im bored. Thats a major problem for me. Having no job has made that even worse. So, I get in the car and go for a drive when it gets to that point. Or I get online and talk to yall. OR I read a magazine. As far as emotional eating, I have to idea how to fix that. Ive heard really good things about OA from Lynn and several other people. Maybe thats something you can do?? Cheer up, girlie! You'll get the hang of it. We're here for you.

Jessica- Doesnt it feel so great to try on smaller sized clothes that you havent worn in a while and they FIT!!!?? I love that. I went through my clothes the other day and was excited that some of my favorites fit. Very motivating. Oh and Im proud of you for the long workout!

Lynn- How you doin girl?

OK, NOW I HAVE A QUESTION FOR Y'ALL...

HAVE YOU EVER BOUGHT A TEENY OUTFIT THAT YOU HOPE TO ONE DAY FIT INTO?? IS IT YOUR MOTIVATION??

Love,
Deanne

Its like you read my mind Deanne, i was just thinking i was going to buy a size 8 pair of shorts and a top, so i can fit into it by the time our trip comes in september. I think that would give me alot of motivation, i think i really want to do that. I just want to hang it on my closet door and make myself look at it everyday when getting dressed.

Karen, i do feel that way at times, sometimes i think that something is really wrong with me, but i am still trying to overcome my eating at night. When i get home from a long day, especially when my boyfreind is home, i will eat the wrong things, maybe not alot of it, but i will still eat like pizza or somthing. So we all still have things to work on. At times it seems like i am always starting over, and that makes me feel bad about myself, but i know, ijust have to keep at this if i really want to reach my goal. We all have our downfalls, and at times we all feel the way you are feeling. But that is why we are all here for you. To help eachother get through these hard times, and remind ourselves we are in this for the long haul. So we are here for you for anything you need, even if its just a kick in the butt, my foot is inthe air, lol. I need to kick myself lol

Well, pretty boring here at work. Just catching up on some data entry stuff.

I miss joe. He has been working alot, and now that he is home i have to work, and i only see him in the evening when i am done working out at 7:30 till we go to bed. But i think i may take off friday, because he is leaving for like 8 or 9 days 2 hours away from here for work. Ugh i hate that he has to leave, its going to leave me all alone for more than a week. i guess i can concentrate on myself and really get focused. So maybe when he comes back he will notice if i have loss any .

well i better get back to catching up, i think i am going to run to smoothie king with a freind, be back soon.

Jessica

Jessica- Thats not a bad idea to use the time while hes gone to focus on yourself. I wish I had our dog to go on walks with when Nics not at home. I dont like going by myself. I get the "your and American" stare and I hate it! Tonka is half mastiff/ half great dane so hes a BIG dog and would make me feel safer.

I found something weird out...there are like 3-4 different clothing stores that I go to. I have had to buy a 16 at one, 14 at the other, 12 at one...its just odd. The one store that I buy a 16 from, I can wear a 14 now. So, I know Ive lost. Very annoying though to have to buy different sizes.

Kim and I were just talking about the different clothing sizes. It's frustrating when the hubby asks what size i wear and i have to tell him i have no idea lol. Between a 10 and a 14 depending on the brand of clothes. He looks at me as just says forget it. lol i dont blame him at all..
We went on our walk this morning without my 4 yr old. Hubby took her to her dentist appointment while we were out. She loves her daddy and me time..with 4 of them its hard for any one of them to get one on one time with a parent... sigh the sacrifices we make lol..

Oh, I just looked at some other clothes. I have a pair of size 11s that fit me now. I have size 12s that dont. So weird.

We cant decide what to have for dinner. That BLT that we had today was so good...might just have the leftovers of that. I usually dont do the 0 point foods because Im just not that hungry. Today, I ate some baby carrots for 0 points though. I ate them before we had our lunch. Otherwise, I would've been picking at the bacon. I havent been eating veggies like I should. So, I might have a small salad tonight. I like to eat a small salad like an hour after dinner sometimes. Dont know why. I guess its better than reaching for the ice cream. Speaking of, I bought some sorbet thats 2 points for a half of a cup. YUM!

Ok, I guess Ill go find dinner. Ill post later...

Love,
Deanne

Okay gals...I am excited. I got the job offer, now they are going to send me the official offer letter so I can formally accept. I am nervous and excited. I have a lot of nervous energy now. I am so proud of myself--because I negotiated a higher rate of pay--didn't just take the first offer. And it seems they really want me. They actually offered me more then the original pay scale they wanted. So I am feeling really good about it. This new job is only a couple miles from my house--it almost seems too good to be true at this point. But I know better then to count my chickens before they hatch--so I will hold my horses and be realistic. But I am pretty pumped up. I have so much nervous energy that I don't even have an appetite. I did good today--and only had a potato for lunch. Feeling good.

You are all inspiring me (Deanne, Jessica--you are both doing so well). I don't know if getting a dream outfit would motivate me--but I have thought about that. Does it work?

Thanks to you all for being supportive when I need it with my emotional roller coaster. My Curvy Vixens sista's! You all rock!

YAY KAREN!! Wow, I was crossing my fingers for you! Im so happy for you! You really deserve it. Great job on negotiating by the way. Maybe you can pay for us all to go on that cruise, eh??? Give us updates on the job!

We named the kitten Pig. He seriously looks like a little pig. His tail even curls. I swear hes so stupid. Hes trying to climb under a chair right now...theres about an inch between the floor and the chair. I dont think that'll happen anytime soon. He and our other cat get along well though. They play for hours and then are really pooped. Its entertaining to say the very least.

Ok, I think Im going to go to bed now. I hope yall are having a great day!

Love,
Deanne

Thanks Deanne! I am pretty excited. Cute name--Pig for the cat. Kind of funny. I would start calling the cat Piggy. One of my cats disappeared for 2 days. I was a little worried, because she just started going outside. I tried to keep them all indoor cats. But this cat "Bella Baby" discovered the outside world one day. And I can't keep her from sneaking out when the door opens. So I just gave in. She is small like a kitten--even though she is 3 years old. Anyway, she came home. I wonder where she went. Cats are funny like that. But now she is not getting along with my other cats, especially our baby cat. She hisses at them all. Moody little bugar! At least she is nice to all the people. Fun, fun!

Jessica~~ I get acrylic over my own nails. I get them painted usually with some sorta of design.
Karen~~WOW you have told my story. This has been my life. I have been all sizes. My most healthiest after my daughter Jamie was born. That was in the Jane Fonda craze. I went to the gym 5 days a week, got the eating in control. My next healthiest faze was in 99-00. I lost a lot of weight. I ate very very healthy. I walked 4 miles five times a week. I felt wonderful and was angry at myself for allowing myself to get as big as I did. I thought I'd never go back..... well...I did. I feel like an addict looking for a fix. I started OA. I love it. I am not very religious but I am sprititual. Try it. The worse that can happen is you don't like it. CONGRATS ON THE NEW JOB!!!!!!WHOOOHOOOOOOOO
Deanne~~ hehehhee LOL pig.. for a cat.. hmmm so what would you name a pig? kitty? lol... I think it is very cute... I bought two skorts in a size 14, I'm a very good 16 now.. I'm hoping... to wear them in Hawaii

Congrat's Karen, im so proud of you, i hope it works out for the best. I wish i could get a better job, i am just not doing well in that aspect of my life.
I bet you are so excited, good job. Keep us posted.

I have so many sizes in my closet. Size six to size 20. I mean that is a wide range of clothing sizes.

Yea i have all kind of sizes in my closet too, but once things are too big for me i am going to throw them out, so i cant go back. but for now i am just now starting to fit back in things.

Well, I'm still looking at my teeny bikini hoping not to look horrid in it this summer. LOL I've got my fingers crossed and am working diligently towards my goal. We have 3 ball games all at 6pm tonight. I guess I'm gonna be running back and forth between fields and will probably miss the good parts from all of them. Oh well, we'll manage it. I'll post Dan at one field and run between the younger two myself. It'll be easier that way.
I did my pilates again today right before lunch. I figure if i tell myself I have to do the tape before i can eat, i'll do the darn tape lol.

OOHH and I've put on a pot roast in the crock pot at 1 and am letting it slow cook until we're done with the games and home by 730. It ought to be falling apart tender by then. I'll throw some potatoes (for the kids and hubby) and carrots in right before we leave for the field.