Hello Everyone,
I will definitely take the time to respond to everyone's updates/thoughts but to start, I thought I would give my own update.
I ended up losing three pounds this week. So I am adding two extra points per day I guess, per the receptionist's suggestion. I am happy I didn't gain but for whatever reason I'm still not happy.
I was fine yesterday; I had made a resolve before my weigh in as to how I was going to deal with a big loss or a big gain. I didn't want to let it affect my day and I always try to keep in mind that since I'm in it for life, that I have to approach weigh ins differently now.
I think what triggered my sad/negative/hopeless mood is a conversation with a close friend after my meeting. She has been supportive the entire way. However, she will give you her honest opinion even if you haven't asked for it. She is not by any means rude but will state her observations. Sometimes it has taken me a while to realize that what she has observed has truth to it and it has helped me progress emotionally with the program. Well yesterday I merely mentioned that I was going to have to take some time today to figure out my new daily and weekly points. Because I had to figure out exactly what I did last week and add the extra points. She texted me back and said she felt I was too obsessive, that my life has become all about points and that I needed to just eat according to how my body felt. She kind of left the conversation after that (this topic was a brief moment in a larger conversation about weekend plans).
I will say, her comment stung even tho I know she was not ill-intentioned. At the same time, I don't know that she would be bothered if she knew it hurt my feelings. She is very caring and gets excited about people's milestones and accomplishments, but will very occasionally make an observation (very polite and said lovingly) and as I said wouldn't be bothered if someone took it the wrong way. She would feel sad that the person was troubled by the statement but would stand by the statement.
So that is a little background. She has "observed" in the past that I'm "obsessed" with exercise. I hardly think that 1 hour a day five days a week is obsessive. It's not like I'm scheduling my life or work around the gym. It's not like I ever even talk about the gym - because I intentionally don't. I also don't talk about nutrition or food with people, unless they engage me specifically on that topic.
So I'm confused how trying to figure out a game plan points-wise for the week is obsessive. And to be honest I'm feeling very hurt. As a Christian, I know I need to swiftly forgive and forget and not take offense. And to not fret over comments people make.
But lately I'm feeling judged and unsupported by my friend. And dealing with comments from people on a daily basis - being told I should be fed a Big Mac, being told I'm too thin, that I'm skeletal. It's laughable because as discussed I'm at the top of my weight range. If I was skeletal or obsessive wouldn't you think I would still be in "losing" mode? It's just frustrating.
I think I definitely need to forgive and forget. And I think just accept that my friend cannot be the person I want or feel that I need her to be for me. And I think when she engages me in conversations about diet and exercise I'm just going to be honest with her and tell her that I'm not wanting to discuss it with her because when she brings up the subject her comments kind of sting and she will often shortly leave the conversation. So, not to punish her but not to keep on expecting her to change how she feels about my weight loss.
Frustrating because I've been very very quiet about exercise and food and weight loss since I started; I was intentional because I didn't want to draw attention and didn't want to be preachy to other people.
And - yesterday I dealt with intense feelings to overeat. I'm proud of myself that I limited myself to air popped popcorn (I had already had a big treat earlier) and tea and therefore staved off a huge binge.
Sorry for the long story. I'm feeling good and emotional. I'm just dealing with a lot in terms of my best friend, with another friend who may be more than a friend/not sure what I want there and dealing with alternating feelings of being hungry when I shouldn't be and the urge to binge eat.
My plan for today is just to do what I have to do (chores) and stay to my daily 33 points. I have like 12 weekly points to last me until Friday. I'm really upset today over my two friend situations and I'm really trying to resist the urge to either over eat or go on a major (unaffordable) shopping spree
I will comment later on everyone's news. As always I'm cheering you all on!