I posted this on MFP today:
I have to tell myself "I CAN DO THIS" over and over and over again. And I have to convince myself not that the work will be worth the effort in the end, but that I am worth it. I am so very bad at being nice to myself. And that mean voice is particularly loud when I am not being 100% successful at staying on plan. I treat myself like this is pass/fail. It's not. It really isn't.

So, since I am at home, I am having to fight with myself constantly to keep from going in the kitchen and grabbing the various treats that I know are in there because I put them away after Christmas. There isn't much in there (especially after my snack fests recently), but there's enough to be tempting. I would just throw them away but my husband likes them. I might ask him if he'd be okay with tossing it so it's not in there to tempt me. But if I'm honest with myself, it wouldn't really matter. I can create comfort food from all of my baking staples and I'm not throwing away the flour, sugar, butter, eggs, and vanilla.

I am just going to have to micromanage for the next few days and focus on one day at a time, one hour at a time, until I get my brain working right again.

I can do this. I am worth it. (on repeat)

HEY! I remember you.

I don't know if I was using this ID or not when you were on here before, but I used to log in with the ID of konfyoozed for a while (back in 2011/2012). Then I got married moved, moved again, changed my email address because I changed providers, tried to come back because all of the moving screwed with my weight loss efforts, but couldn't remember my password and couldn't reset it because I didn't have the email anymore, and so just made a new account.

Glad you were able to get a handle on what was wonky in your relationship with food, and that you are back with only a 17 pound regain, instead of all of it! (like I did, plus some, twice!) Welcome back.

Good morning. I am still adjusting to being back on plan but the scale is being very kind to me and helping that adjustment along. 196 this morning.

Trazey34! I do remember you from my previous go-round on 3FC. I find myself envying you at the moment for getting yourself back in here at a 17-pound gain. I wish I had done that. I'm impressed with your vigilance. At a 17-pound gain for me, I was in the denial phase of Ubergirl's post which I linked to a few days ago - I was still "trim carter" and it was so easy to ignore the warning signs. You are on this.

Laurie, I hope you managed to hold on yesterday and get your run in. You mention work as a safe place where you can control your environment and what food you have available - I have a similar feeling about my office. I've been eating late-afternoon snacks at work the last couple of days (around 5; I've been staying past 7 this week so I know dinner is going to be late), and I've been wondering how much of that is just because I have the snacks on hand - would I be able to comfortably hold out until dinner if they weren't? I haven't gone over my daily calories or anything, and it's things like yogurt or kashi, so it isn't really a problem. It's just something I've wondered about.

Diane, it is worth being patient, so you don't reinjure yourself or make it worse, injuring something else by favoring the sore parts. Hang in there.

Mandy: Thanks for the quotation from MFP. You are so right about the process not being pass/fail. Consistency over the long haul is what matters. Not only that, but something I reminded myself by reading my old posts, is that you don't have to get all the way to your ultimate goal to start seeing the benefits of all your hard work. You can do this!

All right folks, on with my day. Today is the last full-day of work before my twice-a-year deadline, which is tomorrow at noon. I have a small number of things left to do but nothing too stressful, I think. Then the clock resets, but my next cycle at work has a few big projects in it that are going to stretch my abilities and my concentration...

Trazey: Yep, I remember you too! Glad you are back here after just a slight regain!! You've done so well, and I know you can get it back on track. It definitely is a lifetime process!

Laurie: Sorry you are struggling. It is such a difficult process, isn't it? I totally get it! Work has been good for me, we don't have a lot of stuff here and I don't keep much for snacks at all. But, there is always going home! Or not packing a lunch... again...

Carter: You'll have to reward your scale somehow for helping you out as you get back on track! Just say, "Good boy!!!!"

Mandy: I like what you posted, too. We need to remind ourselves to be nice!! We've not been perfect, but we've made some progress!! That's something to be proud of!

For me, I have a call into the doctor to see if I am just being impatient, or if I should be more concerned that this back thing isn't over yet. I figured I should at least check on it.

Thank you for the warm welcome!

Laurie I admire your strength! You see your cheese fondue night as a sabotage but I see someone with strength. Someone who knows life happens and also know what to do to compensate. Someone who knows themself well enough to know they could eat all the healthy snacks in one day and still over do. Someone who knows what they need to do to get through the next few hours. You deserve to be in Onederland! Pat yourself on the back, girl! You've got this!!

Mandy YES!!! You ARE worth it!! I have the same problem as you do. Mine stems from my childhood. As soon as I get down on myself, my eating slips too! In the past, I was successful by putting notes up all over the place...inside my closet, inside the medicine cabinet, inside my makeup bag, on the rear view mirror of my car, etc. All the notes had short positive notes to myself. I kept changing notes and changing places so they didn't become "invisible". It helped. I was the only support I had at the time. My current husband isn't very supportive. He isn't non-supportive either. I may use the note idea again myself!

Carter Congrats on your weight loss!! I notice you love your coffee as much as I used to!! I still love the smell! Unfortunately, severe acid reflux has me down to one cup in the morning. There was a time I drank about a pot a day!!

Diane I'm so sorry to hear your back isn't any better. Please let us know what the doctor says!!

Yesterday I spent most my day looking up new recipes and then made homemade marinara sauce with homemade meatballs with high fiber spaghetti for dinner last night. I also made whole grain garlic cheddar biscuits and I made a peach dessert. Yes, I ate dessert. It was low in over all calories really. Anyway, I do not feel guilty. I was within my calorie range and until I go grocery shopping, there are things I don't have to make this diet easier. The book I'm following anyway suggests only changing one meal a week instead of full force. I'm still fluttering around on this diet. My brain is geared at counting calories, so I do but the diet basically wants to teach you to stop eating when you feel full. The key is to never feel hungry. Anyway, I also attempted baking "hard boiled" eggs but I need to refine that, I don't have the timing down right. After 4 hours straight in the kitchen, I could barely move. I don't know what I was thinking! I had in my head I could do all that, and 3-4 years ago, I could! But not anymore! The pain and the spasms didn't settle down enough for me to sleep until 2am. Needless to say, I'm taking the "day off" today. Fibromyalgia sucks!

Well, now that I got that off my chest...LOL I'm hoping everyone is having a nice evening!!

Trazey!!! - Of course I remember you! You write the funniest, most down-to-earth posts. And you maintained for SO LONG. Glad to see you're getting an early handle on this, and excited you've chosen to join our corner of 3FC.

Nancy - Yes. Fibromyalgia is super-tough. Glad you're taking the day off today. Thank you for the kind words. And you're right -- dessert does not a diet kill. It sounds to me like you're making all the right choices.

Mandy - Fifty pounds is awesomely awesome. You have rocked that, through teeth drama, sickness, and the parenting grind. Despite the holidays, cold weather, and lack of access to a "proper" gym. I loved your post. It's that kind of thing that will help you continue to rock this.

Diane - Glad you're consulting your medical professional. It is often so hard to determine where we need to be in the spectrum of pushing ourselves appropriately versus pushing ourselves into injury (or aggravating injury). Hope the magic that you found for food control is still working. That is probably the more important element anyway.

Carter - It sounds like your work is both complicated and rewarding -- which can be pretty stressful. Glad you're on target to meet your deadline tomorrow. And so happy to see that the scale still loves you. I have been thinking a lot about the Ubergirl post you linked to. I feel myself wanting so desperately to slip back into that haze where I eat because I want to and know that I am still much thinner than I have been in years, even if I gain 15 or 20 pounds. It is so easy to fall into that trap. Thank you for the reminder of how delicious it seems, but how dangerous it truly is.

I did run yesterday, and it went well. I also ate a reasonable amount after I got home. But I still wanted to eat everything. I traveled with my husband today, which means stopping for lunch instead of just eating a protein bar or a packed lunch. And it went okay, until we got home, where I tried to eat everything in the house before leaving for the end of my work day. I didn't actually eat much, but I really, really wanted to. And now I want to skip the gym tonight. But I won't. I am going to white-knuckle it. And maybe I am going to start weighing daily. My biggest problem right now is that I want the immediate reward of food, even if it means a bad weigh-in next Tuesday. Cuz now is now and next Tuesday is a long way off.

Deep breath. Mandy, you're right. If I value myself enough, I will take care of myself, even when it's hard. It's not the food that I want. It's whatever high I get from eating what I want when I want it. Often, the food's not very good. So . . . I will go to the gym tonight without eating anything when I get home. I'm not hungry anyway, so that simplifies things. And I will sit quietly for a full minute if I decide I want to eat mindlessly and make an actual decision about what I want.

Hope everyone had a great day! It is fantastic to see this thread so active again.

Good morning. <-- extra needed today.

Oh, am I tired. I usually feel a bit happy on deadline day - because it's finally over - and I do feel that, except I have some dread of what comes next, and I think that's weighing me down. First I've got a weekend though, and I'm hoping to spend that writing and pushing some of the work anxiety out of my mind.

Laurie, if memory serves you are an attorney, is that right? If so than you know all about work that is complicated and rewarding. I used to be an attorney. What I do now is, I think, as technically difficult, though not nearly as psychologically difficult: It isn't adversarial, which was so exhausting about practicing law, and the stakes, thank goodness, are lower - no one's business is on the line if I make an error.

Anyway, I am sorry you're struggling. Dealing with the instant-gratification aspect is so, so difficult when, as you note, next Tuesday is so far off. If daily weighing helps you keep your focus maybe try it for a while until you feel that what you are going through now has passed. Just remember (as I know you do) that more goes into the scale number than just how close you hewed to plan the day before! And lots of it is out of your control.

Nancy, I do love my coffee, as well as needing it in the morning. Hot black coffee is my beverage of choice, even in summer, which gets me funny looks at coffee shops sometimes. These days I have to switch to decaf after my second cup or I get jittery. Sorry to hear about the fibromyalgia - hope you're feeling better today. And don't ever feel guilty about a dessert - just mark it down, learn from it if there is something to learn, and get back on plan with your very next bite of food! What kind of diet are you following? Intuitive eating diets are so fascinating to me, but I suspect it takes a lot of learning and thinking and discipline to learn how to do it.

Diane, I hope the doctor has some helpful advice and that you start to feel on the mend soon. You made me laugh with the suggestion of patting my scale the way I pat my cats. Good boys, all of them.

Carter - Happy Deadline Day! I am curious about your job. I'm not asking for details because of the need for anonymity here, but I always think it's interesting to hear about the careers of reformed attorneys. Glad you made it through this one, and hope you have a great weekend to recharge before facing the next deadline. Interestingly, I love the adversarial aspect of it. I think I may be the only one.

Yesterday wasn't awful. I went to the gym and had a half-decent work-out. Today is running, and I need to do that soon. Putting it off a bit because I am dreading the treadmill a bit. I may try to bluff my way into a gym with a track. But I don't really want/need a third gym membership, so I'm going to need to come up with a better solution to my treadmill dilemma. I have also been dealing with a bit of constipation. I have tried milder methods without success, so today, I finally just took two dulcolax on my way to work. No meetings. No hearings. And access to a bathroom I don't typically use. It actually just produced a single "normal" BM, so my life is seeming much better right now.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Hey all!

Just a quick check in.

Busy day today with hair cuts, and car repair, and lots of cleaning because we're all well again. Lunch was McDonald's. I only had a sandwich, and dinner is baked fish and some steamed veggies, so it isn't too awful. And the car repair was only $120 instead of $1200 (which, in my experience, is about where unexpected car repairs fall), so that was nice.

Trying hard not to snack, TOM is kicking my butt this month, coming on the heels of being sick. I'm doing well with food, considering, but I'm slacking hard on the exercise because I'm so tired and the cramps are so awful. I'm sure I'm getting at least a little bit of something with all the cleaning I'm doing.

.... And as I was typing this the baby suddenly needed a bath after not chewing, causing a coughing fit, and then throwing up his entire dinner. It was exciting.

On that note, I need to go prepare dinner for me and the hubs. I will have a better update eventually.

Good morning all

Yesterday evening I had dinner at the home of an Armenian colleague, and the table was set with a lovely array of interesting food from Armenia and Russia. I don't have any way of knowing how many calories I ate but I was pretty pleased with how I handled the meal and the choices I made, and especially how I handled the tableful of desserts she put out when dinner was through. I considered the advice I've given (and followed) for travel, and thought about which of the foods on the table were truly special and unusual, and which less so. I did drink my first alcohol of 2017, a couple of shots of Russian vodka. I'm going to assume I hit or went slightly over my calorie allotment for the day, and not worry about it. I really did not overeat. I'm very pleased.

Laurie, when I quit law, I became a technical writer. My practice had been in patent law, and technical writing was what I liked best about it. So I found a way to make that more of my job, and arguing with people (including with clients, ugh) less of it. Now I write documentation for mathematical computation software for engineers. Well, after 8 years I do less and less of that, and more and more of management and project leading and what have you. But that's the job.

(And if that description does compromise my anonymity, then, hi there come stop by my office.)

I think many lawyers enjoy the adversarial part of the work. I only did on paper - literally. I loved writing adversarial and argumentative documents. I just hated doing it on the phone and in depositions and whatnot. And, as I said, I was happy to ratchet down the stakes of my work as well.

Mandy, so glad the car repairs were less costly than you feared. Don't fret too much about exercise when you aren't feeling physically well - it's best to give your body rest when it's asking for it. Sticking to your eating plan is great!

I hope you all have a delightful weekend planned.

Oh my goodness, Carter. I can imagine the temptation. My husband's step-brother is half Armenian, and his girlfriend is also Armenian. I have seen photos of the spreads of meals at her family's house. And my husband's step-mother's ex husband (step brother's dad) is often invited to holiday meals so his half brother doesn't have to choose where to go (his dad is single with no other kids). He brings bottles of wine, prime rib, and other goodies. I would have been in over my head!

Today, I've done well. I had my oats for breakfast, and the planned dinner. A few snacks during the day that fit into my calories. And I managed to get some exercise in. For the first time in a few days because of TOM and sickness. I worked hard, put some effort into it, and my Fitbit told me I burned 654 calories! I'm sure that's pretty generous, but it sure makes me feel less guilty about the cookies, lol.

Still need to get some water in to battle the sodium of a dinner made with smoked sausage, but otherwise, I'm on track for a pretty good day.

One day at a time.

I've got this.

Good morning.

Well, It seems that after 10 fun days of quick results, I've hit the slogging portion of this adventure, and now I have to buckle down and muster reserves of patience and discipline. I was back up to 198 this morning.

I had an okay weekend. I overate a bit on Saturday night but not by a lot, and I was all right with it after two weeks of on-plan perfection. I also drank a fair amount this weekend, which probably accounts for the 198. I didn't overdo it any night but still, a two shots of vodka on Friday, some sake on Saturday, and my beloved dirty martini last night - oof.

On the plus side I did not snack, at all, and I even went to the movies yesterday (Hidden Figures - wonderful and very moving and stories that very much need to be told) and was not even tempted by popcorn.

Today will be a trick. My company's annual meeting and party is today. Controlling myself at the buffet will not be difficult, but the open bar and the desserts are going to be a challenge!

Mandy: I am delighted by the food of just about any culture, but there does seem to be something especially inviting and comforting about Armenian food culture, doesn't there?

Good luck and good strength to all today and into the new week.

Good morning!

Carter - I would love to pop in and say hello! Interestingly, I went from being a technical writer (grant applications) to being a lawyer. I loved being a grant writer, especially when I got the calls from clients saying their Senator's office had called, and they would be getting funding (and by the end, I was only writing grants for hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars) for important and worthy causes. But man -- those deadlines were serious, in a way that legal deadlines never seem to be. I think you did fantastic with the Armenian food. If I couldn't go "off-plan" sometimes, I don't think I would have any chance of making a long-term commitment to weight control. The scale bounce, as you know, may or may not be related to your lack of perfection. But you are still under 200! And not only are you on your way, but you have your experience to tell you that scale bounces are inevitable. Hope you had a great weekend and are recharged and ready for your next challenge!

Mandy - Glad your crew is feeling better, even if your sickness has given way to the cramps from ****. Sorry that your baby boy forgot about the chewing part. And WTG on getting the exercise in, despite cramps.

Weighed in yesterday and today. Yesterday morning, I saw a surprising drop of about 2 pounds. This morning, the scale had bounced up by 2.2 pounds. So, I am now 169.8. And, at least for now, I could not care any less. I am feeling more in control of my food. I ate reasonably yesterday. I allowed myself to eat an entire pint of Arctic Zero "fit frozen dessert." It's a bit pricey, but the whole pint is 150 calories. I then wanted to eat the whole house. But, I took a deep breath, sat with it for a minute, and made the decision to have some herbal tea and take a bath. I ended up making the herbal tea and taking it upstairs, then deciding to clean out my closet and drawers. I have purged my closet a few times, but never my underwear drawer. It felt great to get rid of the clothes that are huge on me. Even better, I realized that I only have one or two items in my closet that are too small for me. For a decade or more, I have had clothes that either used to fit, or clothes that I had confidently decided to buy because they would "fit soon." It was fantastic. I forget how smaller clothes tend to be more attractive. (Thank you, clothing designers of the world that think fat women all covet the fashion sense of Lulu from Dukes of Hazzard.)

I am also doing a weight loss competition. Two of my friends and my husband are also doing the competition, so we met on Saturday to work out. We ended up doing a kickboxing video at the gym. It was pretty tough. But I had forgotten my jogging bra when I packed my work-out clothes on Friday. I will run in jeans and a sweater, but I will not run without my D cups being secured. So, I stayed at the gym after the kickboxing video and did Friday's planned running session. I rocked it, baby. Even though it was on the treadmill. Though I had a few walking intervals totaling about four minutes (per my training plan), I ran for 4.52 miles.

No matter what the scale said to me this morning, and despite the fact that I always will deal with a binge eating issue, I feel good about my progress. I am wearing size 10 bottoms, and medium tops. I can run for miles. Running is not easy for me still, but in the very recent past, I struggled to be able to run for a minute straight.

For today - I am going to run for four miles straight with no intervals. I am going to avoid the kitchen unless I need to be there, and take a minute out to "sit with" my compulsive feelings if I find myself inclined to binges. And I am going to go replace some of my relatively sparse wardrobe by taking a trip to the Salvation Army.

Happy MLK, Jr. Day! I may also try to see Hidden Figures this evening, Carter. I have heard fantastic things about it.

Well, evidently I never did come here on Friday. I was way behind the conversation!!! Ha!

Laurie: Sounds like you are doing really well. Of course there are the hiccups along the way, but you seem to be handling it very well. Good to hear! Good luck on the running!

Carter: I am so glad that you are back! I love reading what you post. Your views are awesome! Glad you made it through the deadline!

Mandy: Good for you for getting in your exercise, even with all of the stuff going on! You have that extra battle of having a small child, and while it is wonderful to be a mom, it can certainly make things more challenging in the world of diet and exercise! You're doing so well!

Nancy: So sorry to hear that you have Fibromyalgia. What a tough thing to deal with! Do what you can, but I'm definitely glad that you are smart to take those rest days, too!

For me, I went to the sports medicine doctor and he thinks it is also muscle strain. We talked about a lot of options, but basically, I'm using a topical over the counter cream containing Lidocaine. That seems to help. And I'll continue with physical therapy for at least the last appointment I have already scheduled. If I think I need more, then I will schedule more. But, on the workout and running, he said to go ahead and do it. There might be some discomfort, but I need to just keep going. I'll have to watch my posture on the spin bike, and if it gets too painful, I'll just need to stop. But there might be a little discomfort that I can work through. I was afraid that I was doing more damage than I should, so I had stopped. At least now, I feel confident in continuing with workouts. I am so glad. Even though I'm not where I was, I need to get back to it. It helps me stay disciplined in food areas too, and I have to work on getting this weight back down!!!

We do have a wellness challenge at work, geared more toward fitness, workouts and steps. I think that will be helpful, too.

I earned my 50 pounds lost badge on FitBit today!!!

I think that's worth a few exclamation points and happy emojis. Especially since I was sitting at 48 and 49 lost for so long.

It's been a really long, winding, path to get to this weight (again). The lats time I was this weight was back in September 2014, right after moving so my husband could start here at his first church. Well, stress of moving plus super generous congregants, plus all the holidays (birthday, Halloween, thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Super Bowl - it counts, so much food!) had me gain almost 20 pounds. Then I was trying to get it together, and ended up pregnant. I got the positive on the stick right before Valentine's day 2015. Gained almost 50 pounds. Had the baby, all 9lbs 12oz and 23 inches of him, in October. Dropped all the baby weight and then some within 2 weeks (it was all water and baby). But because he was so big, and I was nursing so much, I was insanely hungry all the time and trying to restrict calories messed with my milk production, I ended up eating quick food instead of healthy food a lot of the time. When I tried to focus again on weight loss in July of 2016, I was 315 pounds. And there were plenty of issues between July and now, too.

Summary: It's taken me 2.5 years to get this 50 pounds finally gone. It took me 6 months for the last 35.

I may not be getting there fast, or in a straight line, but it's infinitely better than not getting there at all! And I wouldn't trade my son for being at goal, anyway. He's totally worth the delay.

Now, we're into the time of the year where I've always been really successful at losing weight. I would LOVE to see another 30 gone by my anniversary (May 21). My next mini goal is 270. Which is where I was when I got married!

I hope all of you are having a great a day as Monday can be!