That's great SM, I wish you well on your journey. I hope to be there someday myself. You've been a great role model.

I've hit a wall in my IE that has me quite puzzled. For the past several days I haven't wanted to eat any food. I can feel that my body needs food because I get light-headed, weak, tired, grumpy, etc. but when I ask myself what I want to eat everything sounds gross. The smell of food is gross. I've been eating very tiny amounts of food, some of which are satisfying, most of which arent. Yesterday I ate very little until about 9pm when I thought that almonds didn't sound all that bad, but eating almonds turned into a binge! So something's wrong. If I'm following my body's cues about hunger I shouldn't be binging at night. Have any of you dealt with this?

Southern Maven that is great! Im very happy for you and I wish you the best. Your posts have been very helpful to me over the past year.

Locke, I experience that sometimes, especially in the morning. I dont' feel hungry, the sound of food doesn't sound appealing at all. But, my head is light, I feel cranky and weak, etc... I have learned the hard way that I need to just eat something. That for some reason my head isn't aligned with my body but that I need food. I usually just eat something small, with protein and I find that I actually DO feel a lot better. I had a really similar experience to yours a couple of weeks ago where I felt terrible all morning and then when I finally did eat I WAY overate.

Also, one other thing, have you been drinking enough water? I know for me that I have gotten myself into some weird feel sick and nauseous don't want food situations only to realize that I am really dehydrated and as soon as I rehydrate with water, I am suddenly hungry.

I feel equal parts happiness and sadness at your departure! I thought you might have been taking a little break from us again but this is drastic! You've been such an inspiration and a true positive voice on the forums long before I even knew what IE was! Thank you for your continuous support and encouragement, you will be greatly greatly missed SM! You've blossomed into a true intuitive eater, you've hit goal! Congratulations on your new busy schedule, I know how much satisfaction you gain from it.

I know you say goodbye but of course the IE community will still be here if you ever decide to come by again and say hello!

Emotional non-eating is just the flip side of emotional eating. It's all part of the process and there are things to learn from every stage. Just make sure that you take care of yourself, if you know that your body needs food then you have to give it. Sometimes when my toddler is sick he won't let me give him medicine and I end up having to force him to drink it. It's not fun for either of us but it brings down his fever and feels better. You are someone who is particularly sensitive towards self-nurturing. You must learn to accept the self-care, whittle away those defenses and let go of the self induced punishments. I know it's hard to accept self love but this is your unique battle.

It's hard for me too, I feel like such a phony sometimes when I take good care of myself, maybe because I suspect that I don't deserve to feel good or feel pretty. And looking at myself in the mirror and forcing myself to say nice things can be a struggle and feel inauthentic. But it has helped more than I can fully describe. The transformation from self-destruction to self-love is steady. You just have to go through the motions of self love, even if it feels artificial for a while. Can you tell us what type of headway you've made about that?

I had a small emotional eating realization this afternoon. Just now in fact. My 2 year old woke up early from her nap. She has been really high needs ever since she got sick.. She is still recovering. It was a very hard weekend. My 5 year old is also being very demanding. They both want water at the same time, they both want different snacks, they are all crying and whining at once and it just feels totally overwhelming. So, I went into the kitchen to get them water and I saw the apple slices from lunch sitting there. I had this crazy desire to eat them. In my head I was like "yeah apple slices are healthy and nutritious I can eat these without thinking about if Im really hungry." But, I did pause and check in with myself and realized I was not hungry. So, I was like why do I want to eat? And then I realized for some reason, when I want time to myself and I don't want demands on me and there is no way to get that, I want to eat. Like that makes any sense at all. When I eat, my kids hound me MORE because they want whatever I am eating. Hence, hiding in the pantry eating peanut butter crackers as fast as possible or walking around doing laundry with chocolate in my mouth. Eating is not going to give me any time to myself. I think that is why I gain and maintain so much weight gain after the birth of each baby. I get no time to myself with a newborn or a baby. It is all consuming for me, and even more so with each child. I have just started to be able to go to the bathroom unattended. But my 2 year old will still beat on the door and yell for me sometimes. So, I had previously recognized that I got stressed out from dealing with the kids and wanting to eat because of that but I hadn't been able to see the specifics, that I REALLY just want time to myself and that I feel overwhelmed when they all need something at once and that for some reason in my head, eating something quickly while on the move is the cure.

So anyway, just wanted to share in case it was helpful to anyone on this thread or lurkers.

Thanks for the helpful replies. Wannabe I never thought about emotional non-eating before. That seems to be likely. I also haven't been eating for emotional reasons, which I think have been the reason I've been eating about 90% of the time for years and years. Without emotions driving me to eat I just sort of don't unless I make myself. This is a really strange journey! I always thought I loved food because of the taste or the fat/sugar but it seems that it's all just emotional for me. Now I've got to learn how to feed myself when I need it. I can't believe I'm just learning this now when I'm pushing 30!

@Hippie, I totally understand about the getting a break thing. I find myself wanting to munch at work when I'm tired of working on something. Now I just find something else I can switch to for a little bit so I get refreshed. If that doesn't work, I just talk to myself and remember that eating for a few minutes isn't going to make me feel refreshed and alert if I'm tired and not hungry; also eating is just for energy in the body, it doesn't really help anything else.

Glad you are figuring it out Locke. Im still working on this stuff and Im pushing 40!

Speaking of. Yesterday I relearned HOW important it is to not even hint to myself that I am depriving or restricting what I eat. Most of the time, I only eat half of what I make. I dont do it on purpose, Im always hungry when I make it, and I am satisfied about halfway through. Sometimes a little more than halfway. I always feel bad for wasting food. Sometimes I can give it to my kids or save it for later but other times it goes down the drain. So, I decided for my breakfast to only make HALF a bagel sandwich even though I was hungry. I was probably also thinking about calorie content in the back of my mind because. bagel. Dieters anathema. Old habits are hard to break. But, I really wanted that second half. I told myself it would be a waste and I wouldn't eat it so I just did the half. I didn't really feel satisfied after I ate it but I knew I had had enough food so I just ignored it. Around lunchtime, I really wanted dessert. ( I haven't wanted desert at lunch in months) So I ate it along with my lunch. Then I ate dinner and didn't feel satisfied with that either. When evening came around I ended up having a mini binge. It was CRAZY. I ate some snack cakes (which I don't even normally eat) and the whole time I was doing it I was very aware of this anger of " how DARE you not let me eat? I will eat whatever I blankety blank want and I will eat as MUCH as I want! " It was kind of nuts. I can't believe I am still so sensitive to restriction. I feel kind of broken. I can't imagine everyone feels like this or diet books wouldn't even be bestsellers.

Does anyone have any experience with this? I don't like wasting food but wow. This morning I made a bowl of oatmeal and ate half. I was able to give my daughter the other half but I know if I had just made myself a half serving of oatmeal I would have felt deprived. I wonder if this stems back to not having enough food in my teen years. (my mom had mental issues and didn't buy food very often. She had food marked for herself but she wouldn't eat it. It would be sitting there, I would have no food, but I wasn't allowed to eat hers. I did most of my eating at my best friends house. )

You know I also realized that on the rare times she DID go shopping and bring home abundance that meant that things were ok. She was doing good, and all was right with the world. She was happy and not depressed. She also would bring home sugary cereals, cookies, lots of treats. We didn't have them in the house otherwise and I had to jump on them if I wanted them or she would eat them all. Maybe I also associate sugary treats with everything being ok.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading my ramblings. It helps me so much as I work through what seems like a lifelong issue.

@Pinkhippie

I think that's a common problem. I can't remember which blog it was that I was reading (or if it was one of the books) but it said to basically throw the whole portion size thing out the window. Serve yourself up a big plate of food, or at least a smaller plate that is full of food. I remember reading about how your brain registers some level of satisfaction by how full your plate looks, even if it is a smaller plate. My most satisfying meals are the breakfasts I make on the weekend. A couple of eggs, toast, bacon, fruit, and tea. It looks like (and is!) a lot of food. I don't usually make it through all of it but I'm so happy and satisfied because it looks abundant. I feel like my favorite meals are ones with choices. Like the meal I described above I can go back and forth between different items. When I'm just eating a bagel or a one dish meal it doesn't feel quite as pleasurable. I guess you have to just make little observations as you go along to hack what's best for you.

To be honest as women I think we all have those days. It is a function of hormones and I find I feel heavier and more blah at some times of the month over others. I also have times of the month where I feel like a supermodel! The key is to be aware of that pattern and know that this feeling will pass and to be kind to yourself in it.

I find with any negative body spiral is to separate myself from the thoughts and to then look at 5 things that I like about my body and tell myself that list. Also maybe try and do one thing in the day you feel like this that makes you feel really beautiful be it a massage, exercise, slap on some fake tan or get a new look.

The key is to not let it take hold but to counteract the spiral with recognition of how this feeling will go away, that you are beautiful regardless and to say and do things to affirm the positive.

Thank you Locke. I think you are right. I really enjoy many course meals but over time I stopped doing that because I would only eat some of everything and I felt like I was wasting food again. I think my sense of deprivation has been building very slowly. It's funny I always eat off a small plate so that my meal will look bigger and yesterday I was like NO darn it, I am going to eat off a REGULAR plate! Everything made me feel deprived yesterday. Even today I notice I am eating more chocolate and stuff than I have in a while just to let myself know that its ok and that I can. I think I will go back to multiple course meals. yay! Thanks for the insight.

Pinkhippie, from what you just told us about your mother I would say that has a big effect on how you perceive deprivation. In addition to depriving yourself through a diet you have also felt the fear of real deprivation at the hands of your mother, it makes sense that you would be sensitive to deprivation.

Over the centuries the role of food has shifted in our society. As little as a hundred years ago being slightly overweight was considered a good thing. It denoted financial security and upper class status. Being very thin meant you were malnourished and poor. Now it means a whole other thing. My mil has a particular food problem in which she enjoys abundant food. It seems to be her only pleasure. She can eat more than any other woman I have ever seen, very fast and ungracefully. She makes noises when she eats the whole time like "this is the best thing I've ever eaten oh my gosh" nonstop. Watching her eat you'd think that she had not eaten for days on end but that's how she is every time. I know she was incredibly poor growing up although her siblings do not eat in the same manner. She also talks at length at how much all the food on the table cost her down to the smallest detail of where she found it on sale. It's the type of house where everyone is expected to finish everything on their plate, although I never can.

We have food issues and food rules placed on us as we grow up. Having a food insecurity is not uncommon, for what it's worth I think you're doing a tremendous job overcoming that.

@Locke, you are so lucky that you have found IE while you are in your 20s. I'm in my late 30s and I have spent this whole decade obese and suffering with an ED. You have an awesome opportunity to enter your 30s in a completely different way than I did, I so wish I had that.

I've been doing IE a little over 3 months. I've lost about 5lbs. I feel no fear of gaining any weight and that is very positive. I do wish I could sport more weight loss, I'm obviously still eating more than my body needs, but I know that the scale is not the only way that I'm measuring progress.

Something that has been bothering me is that sometimes I force myself to overeat. My hunger/satiety signals have been getting stronger and more clear. But sometimes I think "I don't care that i'm not hungry, I'm going to eat this anyway." And I can't figure out why. For example just today my LO and I had lunch, we had some thin crust pizza and I ate it very intuitively, I only had a small slice and a half. Then I saw the donuts I had bought earlier and eventhough I was completely full I made myself eat 2. Now I feel really really sick and I didn't enjoy a single bite of it. Why did I eat that?

You say that you think "I don't care if I'm not hungry, I'm going to eat this anyway"... Do you think that this might be your rebellious side going against the principles of IE? Were you feeling restricted at all?

Remember that even the most intuitive of eaters don't always eat just when they're hungry. I think in trusting your body you sometimes just have to go with your gut on stuff like that. I find myself occasionally having those moments. "I'm not hungry but I am going to eat this now." It's not from eating a feeling, or being bored, or sad, or tired... It's a strange impulse. I just figure I'll eat less at the next meal to compensate for it.

Yes it does make sense when I see it typed out but I never really realized it until I typed it out. Even though it seems so obvious now. Wow sounds like your MIL has got food issues. I remember you saying your husband was a natural intuitive eater. That is pretty amazing if he came from that environment. My mom grew up really poor too. She was always telling me how oranges were a huge luxury that she and her brothers would fight over. Of course, my mom was also anorexic back when I was a kid too but I didn't find that out for years. ( She has been recovered for a long time) I guess I just need to stop feeling dumb and weak for needing to make sure I don't feel deprived and just accept that this is something I need. I can't let myself feel deprived right now. The message of abundance hasn't been coming in long enough. It's pretty sad that now *I* am the one depriving myself.

I do the same thing sometimes Wannabe and I don't know why either. I think sometimes I do it just because I CAN and Im still trying to show myself that its ok. The most important thing I think you can do is to be loving and compassionate with yourself and don't tear yourself down for it. Look at it as a learning opportunity. Did you have any thoughts about the donuts being "bad" or anything? Thoughts like that can trigger me pretty easily sometimes. Or is something going on? Are you feeling stressed about something or worried about something? I can't believe you have only been doing IE for 3 months, you are doing absolutely amazing! I was reading somewhere, can't remember where how important it was to accept the idea that we are not striving for perfection and to even eat imperfectly sometimes to help eliminate that all or nothing thinking. I wish I could remember where I read that, I have been reading several emotional eating books lately. I think I might need to revisit some Geneen Roth. I just can't handle emotional eating books that tell me the healthy stuff I should be eating. I think its a big trigger for me. I KNOW what is healthy for me.

Interesting, that's the same thing my nutritional therapist asked me. There must be some mention of this in an IE book that I haven't gotten to yet. But yes, I do think there is a rebel inside me who may possible be clinging to my old ways. I didn't want the donuts and my mind said "I don't care that you're not hungry, THIS is how we deal with things around here, now eat up." And as Pinkhippie pointed out, there was something going on that was emotionally unsettling and I was converting that to food. It's amazing how any sort of discomfort translates into eating for me. I can't have this, there are emotions in my day to day. And they're not all even big deal emotions.

I recently got rid of a lot of sugar in the house but I don't feel restricted at all. As soon as I got the idea for a donut I went out and got some, so unless it's very well hidden then no, I don't feel restricted. That's a question I often ask myself "have I really legalized food?"