Oh I'm sorry about your dad and nana. That is really hard, dementia. Not so much for the person but for the family, really hard to look after. Hope your dad's okay and your boy gets the job!

I can't stop eating

I was suddenly starving last night too and naughty me had some chicken and veggie casserole. Told myself it wasn't too bad with lean protein and vegetables.. hmm.. it's not Optifast! Back on the wagon today but not enjoying the sickly sweet Opti bar today.

I walked 8.3km this afternoon! An hour and a half and 10,000 steps in one shot! Woohoo!

I've been off everything since going back to work! I expected things to have changed a little there, but I guess they expected changes in me! Basically, everything is as it was the day I was sent home two months ago! I hate being there! But the alternatives seem just as difficult to deal with too.

Julia, I felt emotional reading your last post...I feel exactly the same. I just eat and eat and eat! I need to stop, but I don't know how!

Gen, have they told you what you need to do after your operation? I mean the dietary requirements? I'm just curious, nothing more. And, over all, how are you finding the optifast diet? Again, just curious, but I wonder how difficult it is being stuck on the same shakes/foods for weeks on end (I know you are only on it for two weeks).

Ani!!! What's going on mate? I miss having you here!

My dog had a huge seizure this morning.

He is currently at the vet being observed for progression of his heart failure as his lungs sound quite moist. The cause of the seizure is currently unknown, and will probably stay that way - I have opted against x-rays and scans - what is the point seeings he is not a candidate for invasive procedures, and treating him for a tumour is only going to lower his already lowered quality of life.

He has had a full blood series done and the results of that was relatively good - no sign of kidney failure or liver failure and no suggestion of toxins running through his system.

For the first time since I first took him there in July last year, the vet spoke to me about euthenasia and the fact that it may be something I need to seriously consider if his lungs don't clear up. She also hinted that if this is a progression of his heart failure, he may only have weeks left.

At the moment I feel numb to this news. Everytime I have taken him in there with some kind of emergency over the last year I have fully expected to have to put him down. But each time the vet has reassured me, altered his meds, and allowed me to take him home again and he has returned to his normal self with in 24hrs. I think I am expecting that again this time. Except, this time the vet has told me euthenasia is a real possible requirement if he doesn't improve significantly (or deteriorates) over the next few hours...I don't think the reality of that has really hit me yet.

He's home again!

Bouncing about and eager to get out in the garden! Even the vet is amazed at the transformation in just a few hours!!

I think the little sh!t gets his jollies out of scaring me!!

Oh Lindor you poor thing going through all the ups and downs with yr little companion. Don't know what I will do when princess gets sick. She's been to the vet twice in her 15 yr life. Once for desexing after 3 puupy litters and once whewn she waslimping really bad. She is getting thinner now though and the winter is being cruel to her old bones. maybe yr little doggy DOES get jollies out of giving u grief. Much love xox

Thanx Vonni...it is hard when we let ourselves get so damned attached to our little critters!

I just got back from walking my normal bike route! I figured if I could do one and a half of my walks yesterday - 8.3km - then I could throw on an extra 500metres and walk the bike route! Well, bugger me! I didn't factor in those horrid hills that I struggle with on the bike!! I think I only just managed to get through my gate today!! And, for the first time in years, I have chub rub between my legs!!!

Tomorrow will just be my normal walk I think

Lindor We got another puppy last week. so cute her name is Bella. if u follow this link you should be able to go to my photos and see http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?...3477197&v=wall

And Gen good luck with the surgery. You must keep us updated. take yr comp to hospital with u and let us go through it with you xox

Vonni, I am not a Facebook member, but I did see your home page (if that is what it is called there?) and saw your puppy there...very cute!

Mista is great today! I mean, I actually think he is the best he has been for a couple of months! They practically did nothing at the vets yesterday (for $350 mind you!), but monitor him and do his bloods. He didn't get anti-seizure meds because he had come out of the seizure himself, they didn't give him IV fluids because it could have compromised his heart failure, although they did canulate him, they didn't need to sedate him because he was pretty flat when he came in. All he got was one diuretic injection and a dozen diuretic pills to come home with but I am not to use until after he has been seen again tomorrow. And he got half a dozen diazepam pills for me to administer should he have another seizure - umm when I say 'for me to administer' I mean give to the dog and not me!

Four days is going to fly Gen! But won't it be so good once you are done? Initially maybe a bit of discomfort, but how is this going to change your life!! And I like Vonni's idea of taking your computer with you! Maybe you can keep a blog of sorts from your surgery and how it alters your life, eating habits, and your way of thinking afterwards?

I am planning to do my 6km walk this afternoon, although I am feeling quite sore from yesterdays efforts! I'm thinking if I can do 6kms every afternoon for the next week I might try the 8.8km walk again next Saturday and see how I feel after that! Dixie has been put on the back burner for now it seems. I seem to prefer walking at the moment because I can plug my ears up with my MP3 player and just go for it. It is illegal to use such devices on a push bike here and I am aware of a few people who have been pulled up by the police for it! So I ain't gonna risk it!

I need to work on my food issues again! I so have to stop eating! That is my next project!

I spent the weekend scanning in old family photos - realized I only have ONE picture of me and my mum together. I knew we didn't have many of the whole family because she always took the pics and avoided the camera, but I didn't realize I don't really have any nice pics. There is one of me with her and dad at my graduation that is nice.

Sad

Dad went away for the weekend so it's been lovely and quiet, but kept thinking I should turn the tv down so i didn't wake mum up last night.. doh.

On the good news front, I did pass the 10kg lost mark. My scales are being weird and weigh different every time I get on them, so I tried 2 other sets of scales and took the weight on the one that was the most reliable each time I got on.

Gen that is sad that you've only got one picture of you and your mum together. Makes me think that I really should get more taken with my mum.

Well done on hitting that 10kg mark, it must be a great feeling.

Lindor I'm so pleased to hear that Mista is ok again! Our doggie did the exact same thing - was so sick that we actually called the vet to come and do the deed and the morning that the vet was to come she was prancing around like nothing was wrong! Ratbag.

I don’t really know what’s going on with me at the moment but I think it’s stress related. Tough times with the relationship, stress with money especially with a holiday coming up so soon, stress with my dad and nana both being ill.

The upshot is that my diet has gone to pot – I’m eating anything not nailed down and bugger the consequences. I’ve hardly been to the gym and have struggled to exercise more than once a week.

I’m putting weight back on at an alarming rate, my clothes are feeling tighter. I feel depressed and miserable. I know exactly what I’m doing wrong, every time I eat something I know that I’m doing more damage but I just can’t seem to stop.

Several times over the past few weeks I’ve tried to get back on track but have failed. My head’s not in the right space and I just don’t know what to do.

I wish I knew how to get you back on track.. when it's good it's good, and when it's bad, it's awful, isn't it? We are all or nothing types here! Can you go to a WW meeting and at least promise yourself to do the tracking for just one day? After one you can reassess.

I seem to have the mind set that if I exercise I have every right to binge!!

So walking is still going strong, but I ruin all that hard work by pigging out when I get home!

Gah!!