Geeeez!! I have tried to come in here and post so many times in the last three days and EVERY time I do, I get interrupted and don't get back to it for hours and by then I just have to close out and it's been driving me crazy.

Quickly, before something stupid interrupts me again... Ok, I got myself back on track at work. That's a start. Why is it so hard to get back to this again? I know what to do, why can't I just DO it? Bah. ANYway, today was a victory day because I had to leave work to go to the bank and there was this HUGE battle raging in my head (Sybil was not alone Jolly, don't you know that?) about stopping at Wendy's to get fast food or going back to work and eating my Healthy Choice. The HC won out, and here I sit. I'm pretty tickled with myself. And the phone has just rung 4 times in a row. It's a wonder I get any chance to even eat. *sigh*

I've managed to drop 1.5 pounds of the gained weight. That makes me feel a little better, even if I'm not completely back OP, what I am doing does count. I can't even remember what or when I posted last, that's how silly busy things have been.

Shadow had another abscess blow out, she's better today after another farrier visit Tuesday night to open the toe in addition to the hole at the coronet. Valeska and I have both been spending a lot of time at the stables because Shadow has been in, and treating that foot plus cleaning her stall and then taking care of the other two has been very time consuming. I'll be so glad when the abscesses just stop. Thank goodness the other two are doing fine. *crossing my fingers*

I did get to ride last night though... not Eve, like I probably should have, but my sweet Arashi. I just love riding him so much now that he's changed into the horse of my dreams. *lol* I could only do about 20 minutes of real legwork before I was totally pooped out. Then we moved to working on his headset, that was easier on my poor legs. I'm a wimp. I need to start running again. Hopefully this will be the weekend of the new headphones.

Chachee - How fun that your mom will be so surprised! Have someone video tape her reaction when she first sees you.

Lucky - I'm so glad to hear from you again. I'm very sorry about your dog, though. That is so hard to go through.

I can't even begin to catch up. Work is screaming at me again. Hopefully I'll have a little more time to post this weekend... which is going to be very difficult for me food wise. Argh. Happy Friday everyone!

Hey all. Just a real quick post. I squeezed in a very short workout this morning, but pushed a wheelchair around the zoo for 2 hours. That should count for something, right? I hope everyone has a great weekend. Chachee, can't wait to hear what Mom thinks. Raven, congrats on the NSV.

Talk to you all later.

Chach, what the heck are ughs????? At any rate, your mom has probably guessed that you've lost weight by now - when will you be seeing her next?
I did it! I spent almost two hours outside weeding this afternoon and spread 6 yards of cedar mulch! This is NOT the entire job that needs doing, but a start for me. I hate yard work! I think I need to have a T shirt made up for me to wear when I do yard work that says "I hate yard work"!!! I think I may have earned a few points doing this! Oh boy! Have to sit down and figure that out.
At any rate, I didn't even put a dent in what needed to be done, but I am proud that I got myself out there.
I didn't do my measurements yet, but I will. Of course, as I've not taken them before, there will be nothing to report!
Linda

Good morning all. How great to come here and see lots of action. It's early Saturday morning here and I know I'm heading into a lonely time on the thread because acction seems to quiet over the weekend. But maybe not.

Well, I, went hog wild last night. A very stressful cap to the workday yesterday just had me in a slow boil. That and the fact that I was trying to eat low carb which I've decided is not good for me, not with all the exercise I do. I need the fuel. I had been doing better before with my lowfat high carb diet. I just needed to cut down on the calories and remain consistent. Last night's binge is the kind of thing that sends me back to Start.

But I don't regret it. I did it willingly and happily. I enjoyed it and today I'm going to move forward again. You know, it's not so much just "getting back on track" as it is having reaffirmed just what that "track" is, moved it one bit closer to perfection, to doability. I feel good, heavy and bloated from my sugar feeding frenzy, but good. I think I need my little blowouts to progress. In all areas of my life.

You guys are great. We've got a great bunch of people here and I'm finding the conversations with you so . . I don't know. . "enjoyable" I guess is the word! Heh yeah, remember the feeling?

Ok, let's take a look at what's been up with you all. . .

jolly -- is that the laugh of one close to the brink, a spirit hovering dangerously close to multiple personality disorder and schizophrenia? I don't think so. You sound like you've got everything well under control and I'm marveling at what I'm reading these days. You sound like you have, indeed, come to a crossroads and set off in what is assuredly a very positive direction on your journey. Those voices sound like the old and the new, but both YOU, chatting things over and the new is taking control of the situation. Way to go!

My obsessive workmate was at the core of my rage yesterday but I think I made progress there too. More on that later. So, have you decided on a goal yet?

Chach -- Great going on the weight loss. I'm envious but I'll start moving along myself one of these days. Those inches lost are amazing as well. And I was all tingly reading about the conversation with your mother. Especially when she said, "I don't know that it would fit me." She's going to really be in for a shock when she sees you. I agree with Raven, get a video of the meeting. There's a makeover show on TV here that does just that. It's only makeup, hair and clothes because it's only done in the course of one day but people sign up for a makeover without telling their spouse. Then they film it when the two meet at the end of the day. It's so funny to see the reactions. Well, I hope your mother can handle it. If you are smaller than her then you may be in for jealous sabotage so watch out. People sometimes can't handle a change in the status quo even when it's family, usually, MORE SO when it's family. But maybe your mom is bigger than that and I'm not talking size. Wow, the smallest you've been in 10 years. What an accomplishment. You must be, or should be, really, really proud. Oh, and you can do it! What a great inspiration to lose those 6.6 in the next weeks. Good luck! I'm rooting for you.

I think I will join you on the measuring but without the neck measurement. That's not going to change on me I think. Waist and hips are my concern and maybe thighs and arms just to see the difference.

Derry -- I read your message last night and I wanted to reply right away but thought I'd wait till I could look at everyone. It really helped to hear of someone else having to deal with this same problem of the stalker type, someone who knows how it feels and you really hit it on the head when you talked about the electronic age seemingly giving people the right to intrude on you at any time of night or day. Yes, this is exactly it and what bothers me the most. That, on top of the fact, that they ONLY intrude on me by phone or email, rarely if ever to my face. But this is part of it, at least with the woman I deal with. This is what I find so creepy and what makes it so annoying. This inconsistency. Not that I want them coming up to me every day either. Probably what it is is that they know they can't do that but the phone and email gives them courage.

Well, I talked the problem over with her boss yesterday, who is also a boss of mine. He said I'm not the only one who has had a problem with her. The guy before me who worked with her said the same things. My saying it now is making it clear where the problem truly lies. Until now they weren't sure. He said, thank God, she is unfit for the job (which is what I'd been telling him) but her contract is up for renewal and they can't find other work for her easily. Here, there is still a lot of compassion as far as jobs go, so companies try to find work instead of just axing people. It's a nice thing about Japan. Anyhow, I agreed to continue working with her since I already understand her better than most people and think I can deal with it. My quitting would put the boss in a bind and I don't want to do that. OK, finally getting around to what I wanted to say. You asked for advice and maybe this will help.

You say your husband is looking to quit because of his nut case. Well, if he's willing to go that far then he has leverage in dealing with this guy. The hardest part about changing is when you're afraid of the consequences, right? If he's not afraid that he'll be fired then he's pretty homefree.

Yesterday, after the obsessive calling the previous day I saw this woman at work. She continued to send me emails at my computer address and my inhouse address but didn't come over to talk to me! Ridiculous. I finally talked to her and called her on it. She came up with some excuse but the point is. . .she didn't like being confronted face to face with this. It's the thing to do. Really, make it clear and tell them to stop and do it in front of other people. It's about being the exact opposite of a stalker, outright confrontation, nothing alluded to, nothing veiled, everything very clear, lines drawn. Don't cross them again!! This kind of clear message will probably work.

The other thing is, these people are often very emotionally needy. I've found that if they like you or think you like them it makes matters worse. If you're a nice person they latch on to you It's like dumping a persistent boyfriend. You've got to make them realize you don't like them, you don't want to be there for them, tell them to get out of your life. This is a shock for these types but they need help, a psychologist's couch preferably, not coming into your life and intruding on your family or your private life. It's kind of Fatal Attraction stuff cloaked in professional (work-related) terms. Put the work back in the workplace.

OK, sorry people for this long message. I would have sent it privately but though, what the heck, you can hit the scroll button. Maybe someone else will get something out of my insights.


Allright, this is way too long. Let me finish up later. Raven, catch you later. Derry, you've got me psyched on the makeover thing too. I want to discuss it more!

Ciao for now!

I can't resist posting again! IThis is all about the job/stalker thing, so if anyone isn't interested, just scroll on down!
I have time tonight as my husband is going to a "goodbye party" after work for a coworker who is moving from Boston to LA! He works in Bostin, though we live in NH - a long commute!
His boss/stalker is really nuts, he plots to fire people and always has negative things to say about everyone behind their backs. Rumor has it that he wants to replace everyone that works there with "his own" people. Sooner or later that will happen, as everyone hates this guy so much, they will all ultimately leave!
He often loses his temper and screams and yells at people in front of others. Mark has "had it". He even quit once and the chairman of the board offered him more money and new responsibilities to return, supposedly with more freedom so this guy wouldn't bother him anymore. However, this guy continues to do this, maybe he'll the fired at some point, we'll see. Mark took the job to return there only becuase we need the income and jobs at his level are very hard to get, he is a VP/CFO. Don't let that title make you think we're rich, though, as it's a small company with only about 20 employees. Poor Mark, he can't have a moment's peace without this guy calling him, half the time it's in a fit of rage and the other half of the time he acts like he's Mark's best buddy. So, I think you are right, Red, that this guy really wants Mark to be his friend. It is so weird.
Several other employees have gone directly to the board of directors and complained about this guy constantly yelling at people and also calling them at home all the time and bothering them, yet he is still there. Weird. However, he is friends with a few members of the board and has brought in several million in investors.... still they can't seem to function without my darling DH, as he is the one who literally knows how to run the business, while the other guy rants and raves.
Mark has found it just intollerable, so he is looking and I don't blame him at all. We are even willing to take a cut in pay and do what we have to do when he finds another job, but my ONLY requirement is that it make him happy.
At any rate, all this causes stress and makes me want chocolate! However, I've been so very good this week and so very good, overall, even though I worry constantly about Mark and his job. I worry that he'll have a heart attack due to all the stress he is under, as well.
So, I totally understand this situation of yours, Red. It sure sounds like they are nicer in Japan to employees, by the way.
Also, if low carb is not working for you, do they have WW in Japan, can you go? It's really working for some people. I don't think the loss is anywhere near as fast, so you don't get the instant gratification, however, I think it's healthier, overall. I do kind of keep track of my carbs to some degree, as I stay totally away from sugary items for the most part. My carbs are more whole grain, but I eat breads, pasta, potatoes and all that stuff all the time and wouldn't want to live my life without them!
Good luck making that choice!
Linda in NH, looking forward to her 4 point peach cobbler for dessert and still not breaking into flex points for it!!!!!!

Hi everyone,
Sorry I haven't been posting. Truth is, the last 2 weeks have been emotional ones. I think I'm finally coming to terms with the job loss. That has triggered anger / resentment in other areas too. I'll bottle it up, push it aside and ignore it when really, it's better to just acknowledge things and deal with them. I had an emotional blow up a few days ago and the good thing is, after one of those intense moments, only then can I sort them out and deal with them one by one.

I also bought 2 pairs of pants in a larger size to accomodate the extra post smoking weight gain as even my "fat" pants were snug. I told myself this is temporary and I shouldn't be getting comfortable in them at all. Up to this point the snug pants were just triggering even more anger and disgust with myself instead of positive action.

I have been working in exercise all thoughout the day in little intervals just to get the forward momentum going. Drinking more water too but not enough and the food is coming along - more saying no to bad stuff than incorporating the good stuff as I mostly have that under control. And I think I have reached a turning point with the demon cigarettes. Up to this point I have been really, really, REALLY tempted to smoke again - particularly with the weight gain. I have had to totally change my attitude on that. This coming Tuesday will be 3 months I've been clean and that's the road I have to stay on. I've just been weak when it comes to telling myself no - no cigarettes, no ice cream binges (a new habit since I quit smoking), no eating what I want just because I want it, no ignoring that I really need to exercise and get moving. Lots of conversations with myself lately.

It also means though that I have to spend less time on the computer and more time taking steps to right my life again. Hence the lack of participation on my end tho I have been lurking. I still may be a bit quiet for a while, but I do feel confident I'm on the right track - FINALLY! Keep the faith ladies, I may not be here every day but I am pulling for you all...

Hello everyone, It's another hot, scorching, dripping Sunday in Tokyo. Unbelievable heat.

****

Derry -- Your husband's tyrannical boss sounds like a true Jekyll and Hyde and it's funny you should use that name because it's the very one I used for the psycho lady I deal with (or run away from!). This guy (let's call him Wacky) sounds like he's far worse, however. Probably being a guy and a boss and not Japanese of course helps. I think if my one (let's call her Daffy) were in his shoes she'd be the same. It's one of the things about Japanese women that really gets to me. There's a lot of these types, middle-aged especially, women who I see as taking the sweet act to new levels while their true selves, all bitter and hardened also rise to new levels. The Japanese have words for what you show to the world and what you truly feel in your heart and one of them "shitagokoro" or literally, heart underneath, describes just what it sounds like, the pysche that is truly fueling one's actions, thoughts, something hidden and usually not too nice. Well, I think this is what is behind the behavior of Daffy. There's so much probably that she has bottled up inside and the culture doesn't want to hear it. It wants nice and pleasant no matter what or that's the way it's been. She even told me I should act like that to get things. Now, really, I don't care to sweet talk men in order to be handed some scraps, which is what the Japanese women in the workplace have usually gotten. But I take it outside of a gender issue and the men usually respond because I do it in an open way. Of course, being a foreigner helps.

Anyhow, I'm getting way off track here. What I want to say is that Daffy is the product of a culture that hasn't wanted women in the workplace. But that's no excuse. She doesn't have to take it out on me! Though this is what usually happens because the frustration has to have some release. It's truly sick.

Wacky, on the other hand, sounds like he just needs to be sat down and really confronted with how his actions are pissing others off. If your husband (let's call him Mark) is ready to quit and this guy may want to be his friend in some weird twisted way (not that he wants a weird and twisted friendship but that it's weird the way he shows it) then Mark is in the ideal position to maybe change this guy. I would act like a friend and then act like we're buddies and I want to have a man-to-man, lay it on really straight but in a way that allows the guy his pride, like guys do so well.

But oh, did I have to laugh when you said all this stress was making you want chocolate. I can really relate! My sugar binge was sparked by this and I'm still not OK. Everytime I think of having to continue to work with this false, five-faced woman I get a craving for something really, really, sweet. Damn! It ain't fair!

Derry, as far as WW goes, I used to be a member years and years ago when I was a teenager. I looked on the Net and actually there is a meeting for people here. But I don't know, I think WW may be too structured for me. The problem is, I am very active but my activity varies greatly from day to day. I think this is at the root of my difficulty in losing. I either eat too much or too little. But really, I just have to get more serious I think and decide to stop with the binges.

Like just now, I felt so much like a Snickers bar or a Haagen Daazs ice cream bar and then I thought, no!!, I'm going to do this, get that body I want, be able to express the true me. I'm sick of the masquerade party!

Raven -- It sounds like you've been having a hard time. I hope you find some calm soon. It sounds like a lot of the people here having been having it pretty rough as well. Something in the air. Remember, this too shall pass and you'll come out with yet another battle to your name. Think of those fighter planes they had in WWII where the pilots tallied each downed plane on the sides of the plane up by the cockpit. You'll be able to make another mark with all your struggles of late. Good for you for the Healthy Choice! And the scale has been kind it sounds.

Happy -- Good to hear from you. I was wondering where you went. Lurking, huh? I know how it is. It's only recently I've been able to get better about posting. I think because I'm getting a better feel for the regulars. I think I've said it before but I am extremely impressed with your resolve not to smoke. I remember how it was when I quit. I got sick first (as apparently often happens as the body rids itself of the junk in it and gets over the addiction) and then I starting gaining. I gained a lot too but was determined to take it off and I did. It just seemed so wrong though. I felt I was being punished for doing something good for me. But then I just said, I'm so much healthier and if the society wants to underrate people for being a bit chunky but healthy as opposed to anexoric and sick, then it can just take its sick opinions elsewhere. I'm not going to listen to them.

That reminds me. Last night I squeezed into a seat on the train between two women but I hadn't really looked at them. (You get good at not really looking at people in Tokyo otherwise you'd go mad from the crowds). Well, when they got off ahead of me I realized that they were seriously anexoric. It was sad to see and you see it a lot here. Needless to say, I felt like a thick hunk of ham sandwiched between . . . not rye, but lettuce!

And happy, I'm so sorry to hear that the job loss is affecting you so much. But they say job loss is right up there with divorce and a death of a loved one as a stressful situation, big changes, big emotions. Hang in there. Weather the storm with the calm I know you have, have to have if you're able to stay off the cancer sticks. Buying a larger size in clothes is good. You have to feel comfortable. Good luck and if you ever want a conversation you can pm me if it'll help get you through a tough time.

Chach -- How are you? I second Derry. What are ughs?? They sure sound funny.

Jolly -- How are you doing? It sounds like you really do well on the workouts. Hope you're enjoying your weekend.

****

OK, people. I'm staying home from the gym today. Was going to go after riding but took a nap instead and now it's too late. I'm going to try to make some headway in my room and get that bike uncovered so I can ride it instead of doing nothing until I get to the gym.

Ciao tutti!

Back for a quick post before I go feed the ponies...

Jolly - I continue to be impressed with your workout schedule. I remember when you were like me, couldn't figure out how to get it going again, and now look at you.

Derry - I personally love yard work. I wish I had time to do more of my own. But since I love horse work MORE .... I don't even make time to clean the inside of my house let alone the outside. We have someone come and trim and mow a couple times a month.

Red - At some point you asked me what my great failings were as far as eating went. I don't binge, but I don't have a handle on portions. And I *love* high fat, high calorie food. It's the way I was raised, it's what I know how to cook, it's what comforts me. And I turn to food for comfort a LOT. Also the time issues come into play. I am pretty much constantly on the run but I still have 4 people to feed. So it has to be fast, and everyone has to like it. I end up doing a lot of premade stuff. I'll figure this out, I just need to find a routine that works again. And of course I *love* ice cream. I've dealt with rotten job situations as far as people go before... but I don't deal well. I generally end up quitting or getting fired over stuff like that. I have no tolerance.

Happy - *hug* The job thing is huge. Anger, frustration, helplessness, the ego smashing of looking for a new job, the fear of money issues, all of that is just too stressful for me to handle well. I had a lot of repressed anger to work through when I started on 3FC. I used to have to have one of those blowouts before I could really face an issue, too - I've been working harder to try to deal with things before they get to that point. It's certainly not easy. Good for you for buying more clothes. I know that's kind of a vicious circle, isn't it. Don't want to buy more clothes till I lose weight. Look crappy in old clothes, feel like yuck, so eat to feel better. Don't lose weight, can't buy new clothes. *sigh* I'm doing that to myself right now. Thank you for the reminder.

I can't even remember if I posted anything about any of this here or not, so if I'm repeating myself, please forgive me. But ... I think I may have figured out what I want to be when I grow up. Over the last several months, many things involving my own horses and other friends' horses have conspired to push me to researching hoof care on the web. What I have discovered is a whole new movement of "natural hoof care" which takes the horse completely out of shoes. This is any horse, including the so called "tender footed" horses, the navicular horses, the performance horses, even endurance horses. Any discipline. It fascinates me, it makes sense to me, and I've found a great desire in myself to pursue this. Not only to figure out how to trim my own horses feet, but to start a business doing this for myself. The demand for natural hoof practitioners is outstripping supply in a huge way. There is a great need no only for people who trim, but for people who can instruct, as well. It will take a couple years to get into it, learn it, and hopefully get certified by the AAHNCP, but I'm more excited about this than I have been about much of anything in longer than I can rememeber. If I can make this work, then I can pursue John Lyons Certification training too, and offer both services. I'm actually more than excited, I feel this huge pull towards this. I can't stop reading about hooves and trims and there is so much to learn. And even as it is exciting, it's intimidating and scary. But I guess that's never stopped me before, eh? Why should it now?

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

HI everyone! Missed a day posting, but it was because I was happy and busy! I broke into my flexpoints, yesterday, though. More about that later.
Happy2bme, so glad you are kicking the smoking habit. Even if you have a temporary weight gain, it is so much healthier. Also, cigarettes cost so much! In the end, you could probably go out to eat (but a healthy place, certainly!) every week with the money you save on cigarettes. One of you told me to set the timer, like Flylady (which is such a cool web site) and make things happen for myself regarding my yard work. You can do that too with the exercise. I would love to hear that you had to take in those "fat pants" right away as they got too baggy for you to wear!
Try eating some fresh fruit and pumpkin seeds, believe it or not! I hear that pumpkin seeds are very good for those who are in the process of quitting smoking.
Red, we've just got to "fix up" (only kidding) Daffy and Wacky! Wouldn't that be a "match made in heaven". They could drive each other nuts instead of all their co-workers.
Mark (probably should have another name for him - how 'bout Lancelot, as he IS my prince charming after all?) has actually tried that man to man thing and has had lunch with the chairman of the board to fill him in on how nasty this guy is. I've come to the conclusion that Lancelot just needs to get out of there as it appears that the board just won't do anything about this, at least it seems that way. But, at least Lancelot has a job now and when he quit, it was very scary - we have a mortgage and two teens to put through college, and we are totally drained financially. Lancelot actually accepted the job back, I think, for me as I was so wound up and couldn't sleep, but I sure could EAT!
Daffy sounds like she can be bold electronically, but not face to face? Do you ever notice how people are much more bold to say what they think (even here) via e-mail. Such an interesting medium we have to communicate with nowadays.
Lancelot was angry and upset on a Saturday, yesterday, his day off, as Wacky had sent a ton of e-mails to him demanding various projects and being totally unreasonable, as usual, blaming L for something beyond his control. Totally destroyed our weekend, as is norm with this guy. I enticed L to go out to a movie and we saw Shrek II, which was funny and we needed to laugh. But, whoops, I had movie popcorn - oh no! Dinner was even worse, and I ended the day using 13 of my flexpoints. However, I had the flexpoints to use, at least!
Funny, Red, how you say the ww program is too structured, as it is the structure that I need in order to work at this. On my own, I stray way too far and am out of control. Each to their own!
Raven, still love that Linkin Park quote you use. So very true. I need to find the song that goes with that and listen to it!
Sounds like a goal to me with that horse shoe thing! I hope you can accomplish this! I don't know much about horses, but I have a friend who is very into them and appreciate her commitment to them. She's been riding since she was a young child and does what is called "Dressage" (sp?). She has taken several ribbons locally and internationally. I have seen her ride and am totally impressed. Of course, she is not like me, very disciplined and her weight is totally under control all the time. Her husband once commented that her thighs are "rock hard" because of all the exercise she gets. Some day.....
Raven, I see you are from Atlanta and that Southern cooking is really something that is very high fat. If you were brought up with that kind of cooking, it must be very hard. I hope you can find lower fat and healthier substitutes. Also, I can totally relate to the ice cream thing. Though I know what a "portion" is there, I can't deal with that and end up having probably three times what I ought to have when I have it, even if it's the low fat or fat free frozen yogurt, I still have more than I should.
As fro me, yesterday I did my body sculpting work out tape and then went on the treadmill for about 30 minutes. I forced myself, as I wasn't in the mood. I shall do that today as well!
I spent (which is most pleasing to me) time sewing yesterday afternoon. I love it and it was a treat. Then, we went to the movies and had take out food for dinner.
It was a nice evening, at least. The treadmill is calling my name to make up for some of my indulgences last night!
One more thing, I did my weight on a body mass index yesterday and found that it is now down to 28, below 30 for the first time in about two years. Anything 30 or over is considered "obese". I am now in the "overweight" range. Not happy to still be in that range, but I am happy to not think of myself as "obese" any longer!
Chach, I'm still gonna do those measurements!
Linda

Good morning all. I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

Happy - NO CIGARETTES! Yes, you want them. You have the stress of the job situation, plus the stress of not having cigarrettes. Yes, you are eating more, because of the previous two stresses. But, please, for your health, don't give in. And congrats on finding ways to get in your exercise. YOu can do it.

Red - good luck finding your bike. I think it would be great to have a back up, especially since your schedule seems so erratic, and the Japanese schedule seems so rigid. I like working out. It makes me feel better. I have a schedule, but try for something, even if I can't get in what I planned. I am just not at the point where i can only work out certain days of the week. If I don't keep the routine of going to the gym daily, I start missing more than planned. Oh, hey. You said that WW was to rigid for you. Have you checked into TOPS over there?? I belonged before, and am actually considering going back. They do not subscribe to any particular diet - just healthy choices,etc. They have contests, which I loved, and a lot of support. Just a thought.

Derry - I feel for you and your husband. What a rough situation to be in. And congrats on the BMI victory.

Raven - I think it is great that you are pursuing your dreams. I need to get braver at that.

Well, first the NSV. I realized, that in tops at least, I CAN get out of the plus sizes, and shop in misses section. A regular XL top fits Speaking of which, I understand not wanting to buy new clothes until you get to where you want to be, and not being able to afford a whole new wardrobe every time you change a size. I hear you, I am in the same boat. But, you should at least have one outfit that fits and looks good. Maybe as your reward for every 10 pounds gone or something, but you have to have something that makes you feel good. Otherwise you are right, don't feel good - eat - don't feel good - eat. Viscous cycle.

NOw, on to other things. Does anyone remember the name of the little girl from Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory who said "But I want an Oompa Loompa NOW daddy!" I need to name my inner child, and she is most appropriate. We had talked before about how we seem to put ourselves in the path of destruction more often than in the path of our dreams. Well, I almost did it again this morning. I had a craving this morning for chips and dip. I know they say not to keep certain things in the house, because it makes it harder to give in to your cravings if you have to get dressed, drive to the store, and purchase it. Well, I "realized" I needed more lunch meat for the week. So I decided as soon as I got hte dogs fed, I would HAVE to go to the store and get more lunch meat. . . and maybe a paper . . . . and while I was there, gosh, I could just get those chips and dip. It seemed so reasonible, that it took me awhile to realize what I was doing, and then firmly say I had enough lunch foods to last until shopping day, and I would not go to the store.

Anyway. Off to cook breakfast, watch a movie I rented one more time, take care of the pony, and workout. Check back in later.

Jolly, just a quick post. What is NSV? I'm sure it's obvious and when I know, I'll be amazed I didn't figure it out!
I think the girl in the Willy Wonka movie was named something like Baluka? Odd name. Also, the other girl who was constantly chewing gum, blew up HUGE and turned purple was Violet!
I want it NOW, oh yes, what a theme..... sometimes I am like that with chocolate, but not chips and dip, never seem to crave those. I get a thought about a certain food in my head, sometimes, and then just HAVE to satisfy that urge, though. Lately, I've been really wanting Pot Roast, which is a very odd thing to crave, I think. It's hot summer weather and that is kind of a winter comfort food thing for me.
Linda

Everyone, good morning. I'll be writing later. Just wanted to say to Derry that an NSV is a Non Scale Victory, like looser clothes, better skin, feeling more energetic. It's not that obvious. I couldn't understand it either till they clued me in.

Later!

Here I am back again. Sooner than I thought. It's a holiday here, Marine Day, nothing special, just an excuse for a holiday and they have way too many over here. Well, way too many because I don't get any of them. Newspapers are always open so it's in to work for me this morning. The only good thing is that the trains will be less packed (I hope). There are newspaper holidays actually but they never fall on my workday and besides, since I'm parttime, I'd lose the pay anyhow. Oh well, I've been in newspapers for years and so am used to it.

Last night, in lieu of the gym, I went out for a walk, whick takes over an hour at a brisk pace. I have a loop route I follow. Listen to music the whole way. It is a long walk though. I realized I haven't been doing much walking. It's so hot and I can't always shower afterward so I need to spare the people around me! Then, however, I got home and ate but it was all good food. But really, I should have just gone to sleep and let my body burn away some fat. Oh well, can't always be perfect.

Being perfect! Wow, I had a revelation the other day on that while I was riding. My teacher was saying I mustn't get upset when I can't immediately do something. It seemed she thought I was upset at the horse, which I wasn't. I was upset at myself and I realized, it was kind of freaky, that this obviously was something that went way back to a very strict childhood, with everyone around me expecting me to perform, parents, teachers, relatives. They never praised, they always critiqued. How to make it better, how to do it better. Extreme perfectionists. I realized that I went into a kind of anxious panic when I couldn't do something well, couldn't do what was being asked me. When my riding teacher said, "It's OK if you can't do it right away," (normally I'd ignore her) but this time I tried to really say that to myself and it was a great help. It helped me draw on other knowledge so I was far closer to doing what I wanted to do than I would have been in my usual state of anxiety, which just makes me "whiteout" in anxiety and irritation. I find there's a very fine line between saying, "it's OK not to be be able to do it" AND giving up or accepting low standards and saying "it's OK not to be able to do it" AND keeping at it calmly and with great patience.

I teach English and I see this with the Japanese a great deal. They get so frustrated, so upset when they can't do something and this comes from the extremely high expectations placed on them in general here from parents and schools and companies. I'm three-quarters German ancestry and a quarter French and I see this drive for perfection in the Germans to a great deal. I need a bit more of a laissez-faire attitude. Need to bring the French to the fore here!

OK, over to you all . . .

******

Raven -- A "quick post?" That was a great post! Heh, you mention feeding the ponies. I thought in your new setup everything was done for you, no? Just curious. Oh, wow, that sounds so interesting with the hoof care and if you're feeling drawn to it, go for it! Where would you be able to study? Is there anything in your area? I was leaning over the rail watching a horse yesterday and talking with the farrier at the stable. He is one of an extremely rare and talented farrier here in Japan, where there are so many bad farriers. The best racing yards bring in foreigners to do the work and a good farrier can make a ton of money here. Anyhow, I've always loved farrier work too. I guess it's the craftsmanship I like coupled with my love of horses. Look into it more and make some inroads. Sounds good.

Hmm. Portion control. This is one of my problems too. It's such a part of me I hadn't even thought of it as a problem but really, that's another thing that I don't think is going to go away. I like the feel of a full stomach, or at least, when I eat, I like to go away full. I can go between meals feeling hungry but I can't eat just a little bit and push away the rest. This is why I need to exercise, because I will always probably be eating too too much for my height. You're in Georgia now but you're not originally from there, are you?

I always have a massive appetite. If I don't it means I have been traumatized emotionally (usually after a bad breakup). Thank God, though really, it means I'm healthy.

Dare -- I admit defeat. There's only so much you can try and this Wacky fellow sounds like he's incorrigible. I think it's time to call it a hopeless case, as you apparently have. It's awful that he continues to anger and upset your Lancelot and YOU and drive you to seek solace in food. Yes, you're right about Daffy, she runs off whimpering when confronted, yet will come back with biting email messages. I don't like the face-to-face confrontations simply because I don't like talking to her. She gives me the total creeps. But I'm going to have to do more of it. It's the only way to shut her up. That, and just learning to ignore her more. I'm going to criticize her English as well. She insists on speaking/writing English with me although my Japanese is far better than her English and it annoys me because a lot of time I have no idea what she's trying to say. Other times the tone of voice in her messages seems highly uncalled for but I have always given her the benefit of the doubt, thinking that it may just be a language problem. I think, hmm, what would she be saying in Japanese and could it translate (poorly) like this? (This is something I have to do in my work with rewriting of horrid sounding articles etc.) But some of the things just leave no room for doubt and I'm going to bring up this tone thing. I don't want to get pulled into a nit-picking tit for tat, which she does or tries to do with me all the time. I am going to put an end to this crap once and for all I think. It takes a long long time before someone angers me but there is a limit and I am reaching it. Watch out!

Structure, yes, there is too much and there is too little. I think what I need is to be accountable and that is what is good for me about the WW program, the meetings and such but the diet is too structured as it doesn't allow for my erratic lifestyle and the heavy exercise I do.

Congratulations on your progress, lower BMI and all the workouts. Good for you for going the extra distance though you didn't feel like it.

jolly -- I had to laugh with your Willy Wonka little girl wanting it NOW!! That is so me as well. I don't remember Willy Wonka or her name but yes, that is the little brat that comes out and demands. She makes her appearance for me a lot too. But remember, she's a help too when you want something good for you so don't beat up on her. It's all about direction and guidance, isn't it?

Congrats on the smaller sizes. You know, I was a very hefty teenager and that's when I was in the States. I remember never being able to buy clothes and this was years ago when the stores didn't have all these plus sizes. There was one "big ladies" shop but I would have died rather than go in there. I was extremely limited in finding clothes and I remember how awful it felt. Now, I'm over here and though I'm a lot smaller and would have no problem finding clothes in the States I can't find them here. Can't even get women's shoes as I have big feet (by Japanese standards). I rely on mail order and shopping I do back in the U.S. (or anywhere out of Japan). The thing is, though, being so short, I could get into sizes here if I would get the fat off totally. So it's not a total impossibility. I find that whenever I'm in the States, however, I always lose weight. I think it's the freedom I feel, the choice. It's like buying a bigger size and then feeling comfortable and inspired to lose more. Oh well, gotta make the best of the cards you're dealt once you've decided to play the game.

happy -- Big hug for you too from me. I'm sending you energy. Get through this, get to the other side. We're all pulling for you here. You'll come out at a higher level and this seeming bad luck will show itself to have been a good thing. I know it may be hard to believe that now but have faith!

*****

OK, people, catch you all later.

Well, it's a very dreery Monday morning here in NH, with high humidity, darkness and drizzle. Harly slept at all last night. Kept tossing and turning. The weather is not condusive to getting a good nights sleep, like a crisp, cool evening when you just snuggle under the covers. Got up halfway through the night as I knew I was disturbing Lancelot, who has to get up early for work. I tried sleeping, to no avail, on the sofa and my cat decided it would be a great idea to try sleeping on my head, of all things! Weird.
Finally, when Lancelot got up and went to work, I went back to bed and slept for about three hours, but I have that tired, awful, achy feeling from lack of sleep today. I keep wondering if I shall do my workout this morning, or not, as I feel pretty nasty, but maybe I will anyway. But, it will certainly end up a low key workout, not the best thing to do the day before ww weigh in, oh well.
Today, I vow no caffeine after 2:00 pm as maybe the iced coffee I had late yesterday afternoon didn't help me with my sleep issues?
I think you all are younger than I, but let me tell you to enjoy the years you have right now, as menopause sucks. One reason I don't sleep is hot flashes, that are kind of like waves coming and going throughout the night. I took HRT medication for awhile but decided it was unhealthy due to the cancer risks (I am in a high risk family) and went off them. Being "all natural" is really not fun. I take herbal stuff that is supposed to help me, but I wonder? I still take it, though.
By the way, menopause can really not help you in your efforts to keep your weight under control, either. So, my dear friends, if you are at all inclined to be serious and get that weight down, try doing it well before you reach that "special time" (said nicely when I feel like saying something truly BAD!). Everyone reacts differently to this time of life, though, I am just one of the "lucky" ones.... my sister said she had hot flashes for a couple of weeks when her periods stopped and that was "it". My issues have been going on for about two years, and I still get a period once in awhile, my body doesn't quite want to "let go", I think? I've always been the "confused" one in my family, I guess! : )
Ah, Non Scale Victory! I like that and will have to report a few here and there! My husband said "looking good" to me on Saturday morning and noted that I looked "skinny"! That felt awfully good! I'm not skinny, and am certainly about 20 pounds over my goal, but it was nice to hear!

I like your revalation, Red, that you related. I have moments like those with my passion, quilting. I love doing this and make quilts and other sewing projects all the time, but there are times when I am a total perfectionist about it and am often not satisfied with my work. I used to go to college for art, in fact, and dropped out as I felt I wasn't good enough to compete. Now, I hardly ever do any "art" other than quilting nowadays. But, when I dropped out and now stay away from art, I think of it as "ok" and I am not beating myself up over it any longer.
Torturing yourself about things that you can't acheive is not good, celebrating what you can acheive is better! We all need to do that!
Take care everyone,
Linda

Good morning all. Have to relate a scale victory this morning, as I lost another 1.5 pounds. Just nice to have the scale go down. Even managed a NSV, as I saved breakfast for after my workout and weigh in. I had packed some yogurt, but was steering towards McDonalds to go with it. Luckily Viruqua (the girl from Willy Wonka) must have been sleeping, as I was able to go instead to the grocery store and get a small lemon muffin instead. Cheaper and better choice.

Red, my perfectionist voice comes directly from my father. I remember being in third grade, in swimming lessons. Dad came to watch one day. I was so excited that he was there, that I "showed off" by playing and splashing around. I asked him what he thought and he told me that if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all. Add to that, the pressure of being an only child, and I have the perfectionist thing down pat. I like what you said, about celebrating what you can achieve, Linda. What a good thing to remember.
Have a great day all.