Hi hiimawkard!! Again, welcome to the thread. Vent and share your thoughts here with us. We are always here to listen.



I am so emotional today, plus once again, I have a really short fuse. The neighbors must really think I'm a terrible person. Lily has been climbing above the tv, then jumping down and almost knocking the tv down. She's done it several times. She has been so bad.

I broke down and cried this morning. I called my therapist and left a message. I don't really know why I am struggling? I know I've been through a lot in the past year. This is the first time that I can remember that I don't really know what is going on with me.

I may take off, head south to Piqua, go to Claires and get my one of my ears pierced. It's closed up. I'm going to start wearing earrings again. They have to be 10 or 14 k. I can't wear cheap earrings.

I think the next few days, despite having to keep a close eye on Hank, get out of the house some. Now that I am not totally broke, I can actually afford to put some gas in my car and get out of the house.

I am new to this thread A little about me:

I am in my mid-thirties, newly married, no kids. Although I am maintaining an over 100 pound weight loss for about 3 years now, I am dealing with OCD (I have been diagnosed for several years), depression, and anxiety.

During and right after my weight loss my anxiety and depression was kept in check by all the new things in my life (new friends, clothes, etc.) About six months after my first year of maintenance I fell into a deep depression (which I am still in). I think the depression and anxiety comes from my current work situation and extremely low self esteem. Most of the day I feel rather hopeless, but I have been really trying and at least part of the day I can now feel a little hopeful. I am so grateful for that.

I don't have any friends except my husband. That's ok for now I think...while I am working my way through this. I dont have anyone in my life who understands what I am going through. I am hoping that I can join your community.

I am not sure if this helpful, but I forgot to mention that I have lost about 120 pounds but have regained 17 pounds last year. I have since lost three pounds. It's been a bit of a struggle. I have been going from bingeing to eating well for several weeks etc. But I am on week three of being back on track so I am happy for that.

Hi and to Cinnamonhearts! of course you can join our little community wow big congrats on achieving and maintaining a 100 lb. loss!!

Lisa, I hope you were able to get out a bit Is Hank Jennifer's new doggie? and I bet Lily is testing your patience because she's in a different place? or just being a little pain in the butt Is Elvira being a good doggie? Yay for your new clothes too, and you're right, that if I am wearing something that is not slightly loose, it WILL feel awful and probably look that way, lol. Hey getting to bars in a boat sounds so cool! Your new place is gonna be great. Yeah you had a VERY eventful year full of emotions and stressfull things (Mom's passing, the fire!) and hard work, I hope you get to enjoy your new life SOON

Monica
You do always have sage, calm advice for us Yes, Spring IS coming, even though I know we will get more snow, right now the entire driveway is clear of ice and snow and I pat myself on the back for my efforts because I have been diligent about going out there and knocking back snowbanks which makes them melt quicker when it's mild. I don't allow myself to think of the summer job yet because then it seems so far away but yes it is coming!! my beautiful kitchen in the secluded woods and no customer handing me their apple core to get rid of and my motorcycle Thank you for reminding me to be as kind to myself as I try to be to others.

Hello Coop from across the pond I know you've been having to deal with new dietary rules, how is the g/f going? And I haven't asked about your rabbits lately, hope all is well

Kathleen we miss you and understand the 'all or nothing' always know that we look forward to hearing how you and your family are doing!

and Hi to everyone else

Hi guys! I'm just popping by to say hi to you all - I know I've been missing for a while!

Jessica - I'm still keeping you in my thoughts, I hope you are managing to get back into a routine now, and can et your weight gain under control. It's a really tough time, I know.

Lisa - what a nightmare about your sister! I can understand how p*d you must have been! I hope it's all sorted now, and you're able to get into your new place alright.

Holly are you seeing the signs of the end of winter yet? Still a long way to go here, but I love how much longer our days have gotten - our shortest day has about 6 hours of daylight, but we are up to about 9 now. It makes such a difference! We're not totally gluten free yet, OH has to keep eating gluten until he has a biopsy - it's just one final check to make sure he didn't have a false positive blood test. My diet is going awful now though - we've got a 6 month period where he can eat foods he'll never be able to eat again (and all bad things like Krispy Kremes), so you can imagine we've been a little nuts. I can't sit and watch him eat these things without having one myself!

Monica, thanks for your story about your friend's father and neighbour. Wow, I would be p*d if my dad had moved on after a week!

I hope I haven't given the wrong impression to you all that I want my Dad to be lonely. I guess the thing that stings is just that my dad was never very present in our lives - he lived with us, but never spent much time with us. My mum often felt very lonely, because he would spend about 10 minutes a day talking to her and they'd maybe go our for a coffee at the weekend. It stings to see him spending a whole weekend quite happily with someone else, we can't help feeling he's probably spent more time with her in the last year than he did with mum in her last 5... I actually looked back through my phone to see the last time he texted me to see how I was getting on - it was last August! But he was texting her the whole weekend I was there. The last time he called for a chat was September (when my sister reminded him he'd forgotten my birthday). Equally, I moved South for 3 years, and he was never able to visit me, even when he was passing within 50 miles, but he was able to go visit this lady's son when he was around 50 miles away for a convention. It doesn't feel fair...

I hope I don't give the impression I wish he was single and lonely - I just always thought he was alone by choice... But I thought I'd better explain why I was so hurt/angry about it all!

Not much else to report here. No news yet on my sister.

Holly, hi sweetie, it's soooo good to see you. Yes, Hank is Jennifer's 12 year old blind Beagle. He's a treat, very sweet. He's pretty independent, snoops though the house a lot. He loves to simply walk around sniffing the floor.
Not sure why Lily is being a little ****? We are still living at Jennifer's so it's nothing to do with the place being new. My spray water bottle is almost empty, I've been spraying the **** out of her.
Elvira is fine. Hank keeps smellling her butt and that makes her mad. Sometimes, he'll sniff around the room trying to find her. It's kinda funny.

My mood is a little better today. Not great but ok.

Me too, Holly, I hope I get to enjoy my life soon.

How are you feeling? Are you overdoing your exercise? Exercise is wonderful, just know you are a fantastic person no matter if your clothes are tight or not. We love you to pieces.

I have never, in my entire life, been so upset, Coop. Thanks to me, everything is ok now but I actually had to spend time with my sister. She is a huge trigger for me. She cries, she's upset, she blames other people, usually me, for crap that happens in real life. I actually hate being in her presence. I was a mess when I got home that night and the next day tool. I don't take **** from her anymore, I just don't care.

Wow, no wonder you are upset about your dad dating. If he was not a consistent presence in your life, that explains everything. I'd be upset too. He sounds selfish. Please vent whenver you need to, Coop. We will always be here for you.

Congrats on getting back on track. That says a lot about your, your strength. I have not been eating good lately, at all. I need to go grocery shopping and get myself back on track.

Welcome to the thread.

So, I really, really need to come here every day. I've been doing so poorly this past week. I haven't exercised at all, I've been binging left and right (I feel so awful from the amount of salt I've eaten), and I've been bouncing between depressed, crying on the floor/in bed, to squealing out of joy and bouncing off the walls. I think it has a lot to do with the freedom I feel when I'm home alone- knowing there is absolutely no one around can melt my anxiety away (or it sometimes makes me lonely), and partly has to do with how poorly I've been eating (lots of refined foods and sugars). I've also been so unproductive. It's difficult for me to paint here since I don't have a good place to work, but I still can read or draw. Yet, I've done none of that. I really need to start mediating and find some peace of mind.

Some good news - I have a job interview next Wednesday, so fingers crossed! It's just a Summer position, but it will be perfect if get into graduate school. I really need to move out of parents' before I lose my mind!

Yesterday and last night were really tough for me. I think a lot of it comes from having a cold which makes me more vulnerable. Last night my husband took it really personally that I could hardly look at him. I was having extreme sensory overload and my mind was just zoning out. The lights felt too bright, the dishwasher was running, the TV show was too loud, plus it was a sitcom which the laugh track adds another layer of noise and the flashing lights as scenes quickly change. Our apartment is tiny so it's hard to escape those sort of things but it wouldn't even matter if I could. My mind just shuts down and I don't even know how to handle things. The remote was right next to me. I could have muted the TV except brain couldn't even register that as a possibility. So when my husband came home from work he was upset because I couldn't really look away from my computer (the only static thing in front of me) or follow what he was saying. I feel really bad about it. We were able to discuss it more when we went to bed because in the dark I was able to recover more. But it still is a big issue. He recently quit his second job which was overnights. He's not used to me having bad nights because when he got home I had finally fallen to sleep or calmed down. I told him he would be seeing more pf them now that he's home. He tries but he has a hard time understanding why I'm not able to work anymore. If I get overwhelmed and panicky in my own home there's no way I would be able to handle going back to work.

Guess what?!? When I went to "x" out of all of the windows I had open, there was my post on WordPad in the very last window... still there... waiting for me to find it!!! So I finished it, pasted it to 3 Fat Chicks, added my emojis, and here it is!

Hello everyone! Lots of activity here lately, which is great to see! I am trying Lisa's (and some others) idea of typing my post out on my WordPad and then pasting it into the 3 Fat Chicks site. Let's see if this works. I guess I will have to go back in and add emojis once I paste it to the site. You know how I LOVE my emojis!!! I just hope I don't lose my post while I am adding my emojis... lol! That would be my luck! I've had that happen before. Anyway, it sounds like many of you are going through some challenges lately. I am encouraging you all to keep your chins up and try to think positive about yourselves and your ability to get through whatever lies ahead! I often think of all of the STRONG women in this group and keep us ALL in my prayers. I hope you can feel the strength I am sending your way!

Lisa: The nerve of your sister to leave her crap in your garage after she had a month to get it out of there! I can't blame you for being so angry! Good for you for handling the situation, although it should have been HER problem to solve. But you survived like you always do! I'm glad to hear that you have a therapy appointment coming up. Hopefully, you will get a chance to discuss some of your recent feelings of letdown and sadness with your therapist and get a professional opinion and advice. Please be patient with sweet Lily! There must be a reason she is acting out. Maybe just because her Mama (Jennifer) is gone? You won't have to deal with her much longer. All of your furry friends sound so cute! I can't wait for you to get settled in your new home! So did I read that correctly that you move in this coming Monday?!? That is AWESOME!!!!! You are gonna LOVE your place at the lake... on the water!!!

Holly: Sorry you were feeling so down when you last posted. That seems pretty rare for you. I always picture you being so spunky! It is okay to have a down day (or two... or three) every now and then. Just be patient with yourself and allow them. You always seem to bounce back strong! Just hearing about all of your snow shoveling wears me out! And you work your butt off at your job! No wonder you are exhausted sometimes and just need a break. You probably just need some "Holly time." And you deserve it! Are you still selling your mushrooms? You haven't mentioned them. And how is the monstrosity next door? You haven't mentioned it lately either. Hang in there, Holly! Warmer weather and sunny days are just around the corner!!! Picture yourself out on your motorcycle with a big grin on your face. It will be here before you know it!

Coop: Thank you for sharing more about your relationship with your dad. You certainly did not come across as out of line to me or seeming as though you wanted him to be alone or lonely. Especially given the extra information you shared, your feelings make perfect sense! I would feel extremely hurt about the whole thing, too. It is almost as if his happiness has come at your expense. Have you considered sharing some of your feelings about it with him... or do you not have that kind of relationship? Do you have a therapist or anyone you could talk to about the situation to get some professional advice? Of course, please feel free to vent and share here as much as you want if it helps. We care about you and your feelings. It really sounds like an unfair and unfortunate situation for you. I'm really sorry you have to go through it.

Cinnamonhearts: to the group! Of course you can join our community! And, yes, most or all of us can understand dealing with depression and anxiety. I also have OCD tendencies. Congratulations on your 100+ pound weight loss!!! That is awesome! Your regain is minor compared to what you lost. And it sounds like you are getting yourself back on track, which is terrific! We will be here cheering you on as you continue moving forward in your quest for good health and happiness!

Monica: Hello! It's always so good to hear from you! You have a wealth of information and experiences! Thank you for being here and sharing your wisdom with us! And I always appreciate your good wishes and prayers for me and my family.

JesikaBeth: I just wanted to say hello and let you know I am thinking about you. I hope you are coping okay with everything after losing your mom. Treat yourself kindly and be patient with yourself. Sending you big hugs and my prayers!

hiimawkward: I hope you are having some success with Weight Watchers. I tend to be the same as you described. I want immediate results. But, as you know, sustained weight loss just doesn't work that way. Try your best to be patient with the process. Your comment that you "feel like a worthless girlfriend and mother" made me sad. You are NOT worthless... and being thin will not automatically give you feelings of worth. I suggest trying to address that feeling of worthlessness, because that very feeling might be what is preventing you from losing the weight. You need to know that you are worthy ~ NOW ~ right where you are ~ of being healthy (thin... if that's what healthy is to you). Do you know what I am saying? Just "food" for thought. Please post when you can and give us an update.

Helianthus: So sorry you had a rough week. Please do come here as often as necessary to help you stay balanced. Best of luck with your job interview next Wednesday! What type of job is it? Please let us know how the interview goes!

LovelyLeah: Sorry to hear that you had a tough day and night yesterday. I get sensory overload sometimes, too, so I can relate to some extent. I hope you and your husband will be able to discuss everything some more and come to an understanding about things. It is so difficult and frustrating and depressing when our significant others don't understand how much we struggle with basic things just because they don't struggle like we do. Try your best to remain calm and focused and present your "case" as simply and clearly as you can. That's really all you can do. Please know that you are not alone in your overwhelm and anxiety. Many of us here deal with it daily as well. Feel free to come and vent whenever you need to. Sometimes it helps to know that someone else does understand. And we do!

IBelieveInMe2 Thanks. Last night didn't go much better when we spoke. There are a lot of other things going on in his life that have really decreased his patience. He's worn out and I'm just one more thing. I don't think he knows or means that but I can tell by what he says and how says it. This has been a really hard year for both of us. I was hospitalized four times for mental health and once for alcohol poisoning. He's seen me nearly die twice and on top of all that this is only our first year of marriage. I can't hide the "crazy" from him anymore! But all of that has made him very anxious about my bad days. I completely understand that and I wish there was a way I could fix it but I can't. And even though I'm at a place where I can handle my bad days really well I also can't make any promises about the future. I've learned in the past that I'm not in control of my illness and when it decides to flip on me my brain makes decisions that the "normal" or happier me doesn't want. It's even harder for us because I've had to stop working. I'm in the process of filing for disability but that can take months or even years. Oftentimes he's very understanding and supportive. It's just times like now when he's super stressed an money is tight that it's harder for him to give me the support I need. I feel weak and needy which goes against who I used to be. I used to be a very independent, strong woman who was a hard worker and could support herself. Now I'm more often than not too afraid to leave the apartment. I can barely get groceries without having a panic attack. Meds haven't helped much and I'm in therapy twice a week. Therapy is helping, slowly. But I'm hopeful with time things will get better.

Sorry to completely unload on you.

Hi everyone -

YAY Kathleen that your wonderful long post was recovered!! You always write such nice supportive things to all of us and that is a treasure ! Yes I have 'bounced back' from my super -blah post from the other day, I have to remember that I always eventually do feel better. I stopped selling the mushrooms after the holidays, because I was marketing them as "a holiday treat'. I have been thinking of how I can continue to sell them..I do see alot of brides now have a Woodland theme for weddings (like the pretty birchbark fondant cakes) and my mushrooms would work nicely there. I would need to re-do my packaging and text on my web page but its do-able. The darn things last FOREVER i have a big container of about 100 of them leftover and THEY STILL TASTE AND LOOK GREAT lol darn things Yes it will be motorcycle time in a matter of weeks (well maybe 6 weeks) AND the end of the winter job Oh yes the monstrosity next door it is still monstrous, and so very close to us that's what people who are driving by don't actually see, I've had people come up now and say "Oh that house doesn't look so bad now, because the porch is on and it's looking nice with the siding" and I try so hard not to sound like a B when I say, "yeah..sure. Why don't you stand in our bedroom window and look out, and say that " I am still rubbing my hands together like a Super Villain when I am concocting ways of making them REGRET SO BADLY that they built so closely next to us, lied about the permits, etc.

Lisa i hope you were able to put some gas in your car and get out for a bit! Your description of Hank was so cute You are surely one of the big time animal lovers! We are all picturing you in your new home SOON and loving it .

Coop wow any of us would be so very upset at the behaviour of your father!! Why can't he see how unfair his actions are?? yes it seems SO disrespectful to the memory of your Mum He doesn't deserve to have a daughter if he can't treat her well! Sorry that sounds harsh but you know. Very difficult to say 'don't let it bother you' , all you can do is try to live your life happily without much attention from him The number one duty of a parent is to love and protect their child, it is a g-d shame when that is not done.

Helianthus oh yes you should definitely come here OFTEN if it helps you! You do sound as if you need to vent or have some creative outlet to help your sould, at least let us help by being your listeners

LovelyLeah wow what a very tough situation for you! and so much for you and your husband to go through in your first year of marriage. I hope you and your husband can get though ok. He sounds like he is doing his best and you are to, trying to cope. Best wishes!

and HI to everyone else I have to get ready for work now, I hope so much the skiers gave up because it was 63 yesterday!! and rained during the night. It is cold again with flurries but alot of snow is GONE and I hope I have an easy day at work!! and that maybe I can close early and get to drive home before it is totally dark, with the cataracts is is scary how hard it is to see

much love and hope to all!!

p.s. I hope no one is every feeling neglected, that when i do a post here, I tend to scroll back and check who has posted just recently, and address them..I hope no one ever feels ignored because i didn't list them, I just usually look to see who has written in teh most previous posts -