I haven't seen Circle of Friends. Maybe I should rent it.
No matter what we will be friends. Nice thing was the other night, even though I KNEW it, he told me I was his best friend. He had never actually told me that before.
I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. Some of my most painful memories are from breaking up after long relationships.
Remember this... the person you want to spend the rest of your days with must want to be with you over any other. He must love you as much as you love him. He must make you a top priority in his life. He must commit to you fully. Anything less than this and you are selling yourself short and will pay for it with a problematic relationship/marriage. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship where you care more, love more, and hope more than your partner and are always the one ending up hurt and wondering and being apologized to. For someone with depression, the faulty automatic response is to blame yourself and feel that you are not good enough or unworthy of love. But the truth is that his feelings and actions have little to do with who you are as a person and everything to do with who HE is as a man.
I'm so very sorry this didn't work out but it seems like he just wasn't ready to commit to you. You deserve far better. I know it hurts more than anything and you feel like facing each day is unbearable. But you are stronger than you think... people (like us) who deal with depression are true survivors! Just take it one moment... one day at a time. It will hurt for awhile, probably a long time. But the pain will eventually fade and I promise that later in life you will look back (holding your new boyfriend's hand) and wonder "what was I thinking???"
Dear Squeak,
Happy Birthday honey...you sweet young thing.
If you read my story you'll know, just because he slept with someone else doesn't mean there will never be a substantial relationship between the two of you. What seems unclear and uncommunicated really is what exactly the two of you have. You know that you are best friends and you know that you are attracted to each other.
So, at some point it feels imperative to really really talk...openly and clearly, both of you, without concern for each others feeling. You know, don't protect the other and don't protect yourselves too much. Say what is really true for each of you, what you would ideally want in a relationship with the other and then see if you can come up with something that works for both of you.
The thing is you were acting like friends, saying "we're friends" and then acting like lovers. You were not talking about what that all meant. So, if he had a thing with someone else it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you or want to be more than your friend. It may mean that he is scared of commitment,or feels like he is too young to make a commitment, or that he thought that you didn't want a commitment or that he is concerned about trying to be in a relationship when you are so far apart from one another.
I guess what I'm saying, because I'm a hopeless romantic, is, if it feels right and you love him, which it sounds like you do, don't let a fling tear you two asunder, if its not meant to be and you aren't right for each other, well okay. But, at least give it a chance by really talking and being clear with each other first.
If you aren't going to be in a relationship then you should really focus on being good friends with each other and NEVER be physical, even the wrestling would be off limits. Because you have the physical history and are attracted to each other and you'll have to work hard to move on from that and be just friends.
I agree with Soozie. The main thing is openness, honesty and trust. You two have a long history, and it is obvious that you love each other very much. The question is: Do you love each other as good friends, lovers or both? It seems like there has always been some confusion there between you two. He may have even been trying to force the issue in some drunken moronic kind of way. You once said that you had hurt him before by closing down. Try to stay open. It can be very scary, but when you stay open and it WORKS, thats when magis starts happening!!! And YES, once you figure out what the feelings are, and what the relationship is, stick to it!!!
We all love you; and you are a wonderful and worthwhile person OUTSIDE of this relationship as well as inside it!!!
Happy Birthday Squeak,
As for helping, I am sure there is nothing I could say to add to what all these wonderful FRIENDS here have said. We all love you and want the best for you.
Virginia
Friends is right Virginia. You girls are all amazing. You have helped so much and have given me so much to think about. I am feeling a little better about the whole thing.
Thank you so much for all of the birthday wishes. I was a bum and asleep by 9. I have had a ton of food in the last 2 days, and last night it was pizza dip & cookies for dinner.
I feel very fortunate to have found the Alternachicks. I have found so much advice, support, and love.
Oh, man.
I hate to be a whiner, but my darling DH just brought home the Christmas tree with the kids. When he brought it through the door, it was about 9 feet tall. Perfect for our ceilings. But the trunk was about 8 inches across, and he had to cut it down to get it into the holder. Now it's about 6 feet tall. And now that the branches are open, I see that the damned thing is over 6 feet ACROSS!!! It's taking up almost a quarter of my dining room. curses.
And there are over 2 dozen branches littering the floor. And countless needles. And I've got to babysit that darned 11 month old tomorrow. I wonder if he'd mind spending the day in the bathroom.
Oh, man.... you should see it. There's no room for the dining table...
LMAO!!!! Spend the day in the bathroom! No, I'm sure he won't just put him in the tub and throw in some toys, then lay some ply wood over top so he won't escape. A perfect plan.
Happy Birthday Squeak!
Happy Birthday Squeak! 
I have had a ton of food in the last 2 days, and last night it was pizza dip & cookies for dinner. 
