Yup, managed to avoid Dad well!!

The potential buyers were right on time and were gone within 15mins! They weren't even off the driveway before I was in my car and backing out to collect the dogs!!

Mum and Dad got home about two hours later! And Mum has just left my place with her dog.

And yeah...the cause of our rift was quite big! I actually blamed myself for it initially, so much so I was ashamed to admit it to anyone, I felt I was being entirely selfish!! When a friend picked up on my deepening depression she eventually dragged it out of me. Talking about it was a huge help in itself...having her drum it into me that she'd be just as angry and upset as I was made me think maybe I wasn't the selfish one after all.

Now...my toughest battle is convincing my mother that things will never be as they were with Dad. That I am happy the way it is and she has to learn to accept that! I don't need the guilt trips she keeps sending me on - "I'd die happy knowing that my daughter and her father have patched up their differences." She needs to be happy knowing that I am happy as things are!!!

I am over it!! I don't need the likes of Dad in my life!!

Yeah Ani...I am ok with it!!


The sale...well the potential buyers today seemed quite keen if the arguement they had about where they'd put the wall cabinet in the lounge was any thing to go by!!!

They left saying they were going to look into financing a loan.

The real estate agent was great too! She said all the right things...as they should I guess! "This won't be up for grabs for long" "it'll go quick" "the neighbours are good" - yeah I nearly choked on my coffee with that one but I did manage to nod and agree!!

So fingers crossed I'll be looking at an offer soon!


House inspections suck don't they?? Seems you Ani, and I were doing a similar workout today!! I am not particularly house proud...I can live with a bit of dust,an unmade bed and a wet towel on the bathroom floor. This having to make sure everything is neat and tidy at all times really sux!!!

But I have to admit...it is nice living in a clean house and yard!



Anyway...this is a dieting messageboard! I've been good today after a not so good day yesterday! I went to do a bit of shopping for Mum yesterday and told myslef I could buy me a packet of smoked almonds as a treat. Problem was the shop had no smoked almonds...so I substituted them for rice cakes and an avocado...and a microwaveable cheese burger...and a thingy of pringles!! Gah!!! I am hopeless!!!

Today however, I have done well so far

Alright...I must now go and try on my size 16 clothes that Mum brought home

Talk later girls


BTW...microwaveable cheese burgers are about as tasty as the cardboard box they come in!!! In fact if you must have one...throw the burger out and heat the box! The box has less calories!!!

Good for you - it takes enormous courage to make big decisions, such as the one you made about your dad. And even more courage to stick to them, especially when it's family, and you're getting pressure.

So another hurdle is done and dusted - the parents are back in town, and the real estate agent sounds hungry for her commission :-). Are you planning to stay in the same town or moving somewhere else?

Hmmm … that microwavable cardboard burger sounds delicious, Must add that to my shopping list - not!

My day's been OK - aside from having to recover from the domestic frenzy. I think I need therapy because I asked the real estate woman if she thought the owners would let me paint the house. If you could see the colour of my walls, you'd understand, I promise! But I've behaved myself with diet and exercise, and am feeling pretty good about it sofar this week.

Hey!! I know about house painting!!!

When I bought this place they had painted the lounge, kitchen, dinning room (all one large room), and the master bedroom and the toilet and bathroom all blue!!! I am talking a similar blue as the ANZ bank logo!!! At night with the windows open and the lights on, anyone outside would almost think they were looking into a fishbowl!!!

The other two bedrooms were painted with the left over paint they had used to paint the outside of the house...and that was an olive green colour!!! And that green was matched with bright orange vinyl floor tiles!!!

I found painting my place very theraputic...and really it is not all that expensive now days either. All I can say is have fun and enjoy it - if you are allowed of course

By the way...

When Mum saw me today...the first time in over three months...she says:

"You're looking good!! But you still have a bit to lose?"

She couldn't leave it out could she!!

Lindor, trying to visualise the colours in your house gave me a headache - and I cracked up at your fishbowl descriptions. Mine is painted a dark peach colour, with federation green cornices (I kid you not). The toilet is mustard, my bedroom is bright pink, and the spare room is grey. Doorways are some kind of federation red … and on it goes :-)

At least your mum said something kind of positive - sort of. I tend to live by the motto of "what you think of me is none of my business". I know it's a cliche, but it helps me sometimes. In your mum's case, I think her comments say a lot more about her, and the way she views the world, than they do about you.

I get the strong impression that everyone in here really respects you and what you've achieved. I know I do.

Have a great day!

:-)
Ani

I'm back...did you all miss me

Just finished reading all my catchup and to see if you are all behaving yourselves or maybe not Lindor...plumber, real estate, m&ms...you lead an exciting life not to mention the "mystery man". You know you will make it to your gaol...just had a little speed bump in the road.. I must have hit a canyon(the grand canyon).

Thanks Ani about your inquiry as to where i was. I have been home sulking and eating. Great combo eh! I have been well and truly off the diet for 10 days now. I mean really off. I even drive to the shops especially to get some crap to stuff into the ever widening body. WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It just seems that everything throws me away from dieting. Or is that just another excuse. I do want to be thin and i don't know exactly why i just can't get my head in the right place again. I lost 60 bloody kilos before and thought i knew my head and my body and what i need to do to do it. Maybe i have deprived myself for too long and then i go on these binges. That seems to undo all the good work i do in the 3 weeks or so i can last on the diet. I literally can put on 4kg a week

When i was so committed before, i used to have a "Break the rules" meal once every 3 weeks. That kept me sane and losing...now i break them daily for every meal. I had a long hard think about the body last night(after eating Chinese) and said that was it as i feel and look like crap(again). I really am not in a good mood at the moment. You may have all heard about Steve Irwin dying. He was from Beerwah..about 15mins away from where i live. The media coverage here is unbelievable...he was a hero in this town. I feel a bit sick about it all and yes another excuse to eat anything i damn well pleased for the last 2 days. crazy i know. My son is still away and it is like i am on holidays for a while so what do i do on hols...yes you guessed it EAT. Food association issues for sure. As Ani has worked hers out i need to also.

Anyhow girls, thanks once again for listening...you all are great support. Today is another day and i am sick of writing that and coming up with more excuses to derail...not game to weigh myself...maybe tommorrow...xxxxleeny

Leeny … of course we missed you. And it makes me feel sad to read your post this morning, because I reckon every single one of us here can relate. It's a really scary question - why do we eat emotionally? Why do we turn to food - which at the same time as nurturing/comforting us, reinforces all the negative things we think about ourselves?

Losing 60kg is amazing. It is a huge achievement, and it's something nobody can take away from you – and it sounds a little to me like you're at a crossroads. Things are emotionally tough – your son's away, and other things like Steve Irwin's death have affected you. Take a deep breath and don't beat up on yourself.

Have you got time to go for a walk today? Not necessarily one of those "I need to walk to burn some calories" walks - but "I want to go for a stroll, clear my head and have a think about life" walks. Or to sit down and write a list of all those things you like about yourself? Or have a cry about Steve?

Sometimes it's really hard to find the will to get back on the 'weight-loss' train. But being angry with yourself for eating rubbish, and then dealing with that anger by eating more rubbish isn't going to help you. Maybe try and do some things that are nurturing for you, without thinking too much about diets and calories and kilos.

And don't neglect us chicks in here :-). Even though most people come in here and post when we're losing weight and feeling good - I reckon the most important time to hang in here is at times like the one you're going through now.

{{{{ big hug from me }}}}

Ani

Great words Ani!!! Soooo wise!!!

Leeny, I am right there with you. I am feeling at a low just now too. And the food has been a great comfort for me too. I've even been trying to kid myself into believing 'I haven't been that bad.'

Steve Irwin was just another TV celeb. to me...but he was an Aussie and a proud one at that, he was good at what he did and he had such an enthusiasm and zest for life that was so catching. I know I am going to miss his huge beaming smile and smiling eyes on my TV screen for a very long time. I'll even admit to shedding a few tears when I heard the news

Your emotion and grief, just like almost everyone world wide, is real! Don't deny it's power just because he's not family or a close friend...he was a part of our life and will be missed

As Ani has suggested...we need to sit back, relax and clear our head. And then start over again. We know we can do this! You've lost 60kgs, I've lost 30kgs. We've done it before...we will again!! But only when we are mentally able.

And you get a *big hug* from me too

Stay strong Leeny.

Thanks girls for once again reading my rubbish. Wise words Ani and Lindor...hugs back to you. Just a quickie today as i am off to the shops for a stroll and a look and maybe even a buy. I need to get out of the house and into another world at the moment. Retail therapy is always a good thing

I was really really good yesterday on the diet so one day down just a few zillion to go!!!Today i feel motivated again also. I will even stay away from the Darrel Lea Shop today(I promise). Meeting a girlfriend for lunch(yes she is a health nut so i know it will be a salad or something equally healthy). Another friend just rang to check in on me as she knows i am on a bit of a downer(i do get them from time to time) and asked me to walk with her. I told her tommorrow would be great so things are heading in the right direction today.

My son rang last night and he is having a blast on camp(as i knew he would). That has eased my mind a bit as he sounds happy enough although he said he missed me....i him terribly. Its funny i couldn't wait for him to go as i need the respite desperately but now i wish him back....crazy i know. Once he's back it will be WWIII again and well......

Must go and hit the shops...not much money to spend but i'm sure they'll be a bargain or two that has to jump into my bag eh girls xxxleeny

How'd the retail therapy go Leeny??

And I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better today.


I've had a crap day...someone has gone and brought Skittles into work now!!! Why are they doing this to me??? Actually I know it's not an attack on me...it is just someone being friendly. And I am just being totally weak!!!

Apart from that I am eating myself out of house and home too!!! In fact there isn't much left in the fridge or cupboards and I refuse to go shopping because I know what I'll do. I need to sort my head out first!

Mum has not been home for three days yet and she has been around at my place five times already!!! I like my own space, I don't want people around me all the time and she is cramping my style!! I am feeling on edge and I know I am being very short with her already! But she just gets my back up!! And she is always talking about Dad...and she knows that p*ss*s me off!

Arrrggghhh!! Vent over! Sorry

Alright...I gotta go to bed, I'll post again tomorrow...with happy news...I hope?

Lindor I know exactly what you mean about your own space - but even more importantly I would be feeling really resentful about your mum's behaviour if it were me. You have created a 'dad-free' oasis in your home, and she has no right to bring him here (metaphorically speaking) every time she visits.

What kind of relationship do you have with your mother? I have a related issue, and it wasn't until I realised that I can't change mum … can only change the way I respond to her, that I let it go. Now when she goes on and on about the family member that I cut out of my life, I switch off and take my brain to another place. I tried talking to her about it, tried being sarcastic every time their name was mentioned – nothing worked. These days I tune out (although there are still moments when I'm very capable of feeling really angry) - but in the end I had to acknowledge that she has a right to her relationship with them, whether I agreed with it or not.

How are you travelling Leeny? It's good to read your post from yesterday - because even though there are no magic pills, I reckon the biggest battle is in our own heads.

I'm having a fairly good week. I tried on a pair of pants this morning (which I couldn't come close to zipping up when I started losing weight), and they fit me. They were tight, and I decided not to wear them yet, but at least I could see I have made some progress :-)

Ani

Have we got any Tony Ferguson girls here, if so how are you going with it?

Hey Kathy, how are things going with you? I'm sorry - I don't know anything about Tony Ferguson.

At the moment I'm struggling with an achilles problem … not very happy, because I can't walk for more than 1/2 an hour without getting a lot of pain.

Ani

Hi girls,

Kathy, I was on Tony Ferguson for a while but it completely dried up my milk and I wasnt ready to wean my son yet, so have gone off it for a while.

Ani, sorry to hear about your achilles - ouch! Do what you can without doing further damage!

Lindor, how are you doing love? Lots of stuff going on still?

Going strong here...had a couple of slip-ups, but otherwise, doing well. Havent been able to walk for a couple of days tho due to this crazy weather here in Sydney - lightning storms, 90km wind gusts, etc. NOT fun to walk in...so going to try and hop on the treadmill tonight and hope for better weather tomorrow.

Sorry so brief - had a baby shower this morning and now trying to get things done. Have a great day everyone!

Britt

Great to hear that you're doing well Britt. I heard on the news about the wild weather in Sydney - I wouldn't be walking in it either!

It seems I have a small tear in my achilles tendon. I'm disappointed about that, but will just have to be more creative with my exercise. Have to just look at it as a minor setback, and not an excuse to stop exercising.

:-)
Ani