hi there
glad you're feeling better!

great idea - i will post the speech when i;ve written it LOL, but here is the old one that was too depressing. it's 6 mins long...

INTERNATIONAL SPEECH MARCH 2006 – What’s in a label?

I think I might be mad. At least that’s what the doctors tell me. I’m not sleeping, I’m not making a lot of sense. Some days I get so confused I can’t find my way home.
There are days, days when I KNOW I’m not safe to get behind the wheel of my car, and there are days when someone should lock the liquor cabinet, throw away my credit cards and hide the chocolate.
Because you see there are days I feel immense pain, a deep down sadness that I don’t know how to get rid of and would do almost anything to escape.

Contest chair, toastmasters and guests.

That was nine years ago but there are still days when I’m not entirely certain that I’m sane. Sometimes I think it’s more fun NOT to be sane.

Think about this… Have you ever felt on top of the world? As if nothing can go wrong. Are there times when you felt unstoppable or invincible as if anything is possible.
You’d think that would be a good thing wouldn’t you? I certainly thought so.
But Doctors tend to look at you with a jaundiced eye when you tell them you are - full of the joys of life, ready to attack each day convinced that anything, ANYTHING you can dream is possible. They took a dim view of what they called EXCESSIVE self confidence. Me! I was guilty of excessive self confidence
Tell your psychiatrist you want to be a best selling author and she’ll raise her carefully tweezed eyebrows and inquire, “isn’t that a little unrealistic?”. Thank goodness she doesn’t know I dream of marrying Brad Pitt.

What I just described are the twin pillars of bipolar – alternating periods of depression and mania that are the hallmark of a mental illness that used to be called manic depression. I got labelled as bipolar. But at least I could comfort myself that I was in good company. Jean Claude van Damme, Patty Duke, and Axl Rose are all bipolar.
There is an awful stigma about mental illness. Mention bipolar or schizophrenia and people recall Mark Burton who murdered his mother only hours after his release from hospital.
That’s the trouble with getting a label. People think they know you. They think they know what you’re like. They give you this knowing look as if to say, “aha! That explains everything”.
Once you get that label it’s hard to escape. Not just from the box others put you in but the box you make for yourself. No longer is a spot of retail therapy seen as a bit of harmless fun. It takes on sinister proportions as you wonder whether maybe you are being reckless or manic. You question everything you do and ask yourself is this a sign I’m going mad? Will I be on medications for the rest of my life? I also have to ask myself, is it safe for me to share this with other people? With people like you… Will this label give you insight? Will you look at me differently at the end of this speech?
How DO you explain something that people can not see, something that can not be objectively tested. If I broke my leg you could see the cast. If I had diabetes I could point to blood tests. But I had nothing to show for the label of bipolar except a spotty trail of chocolate wrappers that followed in my wake as I tried to cope with an illness that defied logic. The greatest irony is that feeling good or on top of the world be a bad thing?

Am I bipolar? I don’t know. Some doctors say yes. Some say no.
In the end I came to the conclusion, the label isn’t important. What matters is that I am living a life that is meaningful to me, that I learn to accept myself as I am.
I’d like to ask you to do the same. No matter what label people may have, if you can learn to understand and accept people as they are then you can give yourselves the only label that matters – the label of a true friend.

now i have to change it to sound more upbeat - maybe some more manic moments???

any ideas or feedback are welcome. right now i am sort of manic/agitated. i slept fitfully last night between 20-90 mins at a time and always full of dreams including nightmares. so i am going and lying down then thinking of things and leaping out of bed. bad girl! need to stay there

i will try and remember to ask my doc about trazodone tmrw

Sweetpea - I just want to tell you that I find your speech to be... excellent! very moving and thought provocative!!!!! I do not find it depressing. I can relate to your words and I can feel what you are saying - we have been thru a lot of the same emotions with my oldest son's BDD diagnosis.

excellent!

thank you for sharing this!
hugs,
Cathy

SweetPea, I love the speech. It was greatly balanced between manic and depressive. The only thing I would change is the conclusion. I think it was too short. The thought of the conclusion is perfect, just short like it just stops instead of concludes. Beyond that, you've described my life to a T. I think you've got a great speech on your hands.

Cathy, great to see you!!!!!!

I got up early today and did my 3 mile walk. DH forgot to turn off his alarm, so I had to crawl across the bed to turn it off (it goes off 1/2 hour before mine). Since by the time it was off I was wide awake, I decided to get the exercise over for the day. I love when I do that and wish I could get up early every morning, but it just will never happen.

SweetPea, I know that feeling of having to get up. Almost like your legs are on fire to move. That's why I gave in to the trazedone. I really wanted to be totally med free but that itching to move feeling at 2 in the morning was horrible. Good luck and try to rest through the day.
TTYL.
Marie

Sweet Pea-LOVED the speech. I think you were able to show the person inside the label, and it came out so well. Good job!

oh wow thank you guys for your support. i will play with it a little and see how i can improve it. that would be sooooo much easier than starting from scratch and i'd rather not do that once upon a time i could think something up at the last moment! There is no way I will be pulling a rabbit out of the hat today… I think my rabbit pulling days are gone so i will revise this speech

I went salsa dancing last night Usual ratio of 6 women to 2 men but it was good exercise and good to be dancing. For me it is like meditation it’s the only time my mind isn’t racing thinking about other things. i need those times

marie it is amazing how the mind overrules the body. some nights i toss and turn so much my hair is a matted mess in the mornings and it takes hours of leave in conditioner and combing to get it untangled. i hate those days. those are the days i twist my hair into a bun, hide at home or wear hats

well done on the 3 mile walk marie!

cathy nice to see you here

have to think some more about how to make the 'label' theme stronger as Marie suggests. that will mean making cuts elsewhere. have reprinted it and am taking it outside to read while there is still some light in the sky (think it may rain)

hmpf! some rude person sent me an email about my house listing. this is what the *(%*&#^&%) said...

Gosh what dreadful colours inside....blahhchhhh

i mean who asked them. what a rude b*stard. anyway i got my revenge. i looked at their listing for diet products and reported them to the online auction company for misleading claims hehehe. what i really wanted to do was write back and swear. but hey this is way more underhanded. i like it better

mean while played with order of stuff in the speech as they were aspects that would be marked down by toastmasters. they said the intro was too long and start with mania then depression. of course then i read it and it all seemed illogical in order so i'm not sure what to do. need to have a rest and "meditate" on it. can either do it as it is, do it impromptu on the day or stay home. not sure. some changes i've made are improvements but it doesn't flow grrr

i am going to keep taking klonopin for sleep from time to time. doc also prescribed thyoridazine which i will swap to when i fill the script

Morning everyone. It is Friday!!!! For that I'm totally happy. I have been so bored at work this week, it is ridiculous. One of my co-workers is leaving and today is his last day. We're having a mini party for him. If we weren't, I would take the rest of the day off and go home. I still might leave early. I just can't think of something fun to do. The little stupid stuff has irritated me enough this week. Yeah, I think I'll go home at 2:00. I will go send the message to the staff and then I will have spring break early. I have all of next week and the following morning off.

Okay, I just sent the message, so I will be going home in 4 hours 24 minutes. I should have made it 1:00.

Life is good even though Walmart was sold out of my size in the workout clothes I decided I needed more colors of. I stopped ths morning to get black, purple and/or pink to go wtih my blue and green set. But they were gone. I guess I saved money, but I really like variety.

Guess I should find something to do. TTYL.
Marie

Ooooo, Sweet Pea, down and dirty. Liek the way you think, girl.

I paid my dues...

We had a going away party for a co-worker that got a new job. They had cake (need I say more). I asked for a small piece and granted it was smaller than all the others but it was still too big. I could have left some but no, I ate the whole piece. BTW it was delicious. By I digress. I ate the whole #$@#$@ piece. Bad me.

So I had to pay. I knew I would do the WATP DVD after work and I usually do the 3 mile walk. Well, I pushed play on the whole 5 miles. Holy smokes, that wasn't just twice as hard, it was 20 times as hard. My feet hurt, my back hurts. And I'm tired. So, I swear next time I will not overeat!!! I PROMISE!!! Never want to do the 5 mile walk again.

Marie

hehe yes i can be very sneaky!!!

hi marie and marcie

today went well. i came 2nd in the area comp which was pretty good given lack or practise yada yada. absolutely shattered. very long drive 2 hrs drive each way + the competition and all that

will catch up properly tmrw

Way to go SweetPea. Second is great. The speech you posted was fabulous. And the email you received, good response. I love that type of thing. And really what in the world would possess the person to comment on the colors of a house he wasn't going to buy. Jerk.

I plan to knit today and to draw. A day of fun. I like that idea. Also, I did recover from the 5 mile walk. But I thought I'd wait till later in the day to do the 3 miler. I will not overeat!!! Perhaps, maybe I learned my lesson.

Talk to you later.

Sweet Pea-Congrats! Good job. Now rest up and relax. You deserve it.

hi all. feeling ok this morning

getting house ready for open home. we have cyclone weather here and the garage is leaking (not good). i am thinking of putting on the fire but it's pretty humid so not sure about that. anyway i have built it so that's good

Have used rose essential oil on thurs at salsa and today for the speech. I think it makes a huge difference to my mood so I have been online trying to source some that isn’t horrifically priced. Rose of course being the most expensive

Rose essential oil is now my new secret weapon. it is a HUGE help with depression. way better than anything else i have tried for an instant uplifting effect...