Kayley for your mature response in your post above to the reactions of those who PM'd nasty notes to you. I think you started a great thread for getting people to think about the issues raised.

I can't believe someone would react so badly to this thread. I am so sorry you had to put up with that. This thread is not bad. I think some people must have not understood what you were trying to say. but still there is no excuse for calling anybody names here. And even if they dont agree that is just childish to pm you instead of typing it here for us all to read. They know they were being rude and childish or eles they would have posted here. but no they had to do shamefull in private. This is a site for support. If you don't agree with someones post, Post your thoughts and move on. There is never any need to get nasty. Expecially sense she didnt say anything bad. I agree that parents have a roll to play here. I know Parents cant control everything but they can control more than they think. Kids learn by watching you. I do not think she was putting down parents. expecially your parents. But it is true they need to do more when it comes to nutrition and excersise. dont focus on weight make it about healthy living. I dont think parents really know how. My mom growing up thought good nutritios food consisted of fried chicken and mashed potatoes, or fried potatoes. she thought she was doing good. I think america is to blame for weight issues but for kids it should come down to the parents. Its hard for parents. But if they start young they will not know any differance. Education is the key!! SO EVEN THOUGH IT LIES WITH THE PARENTS TO DO THE JOB IT MAY NOT ALWAYS BE THERE FAULT IF THEY DON'T SUCCEED!!!! I think that is the bottom line here. And maybe a little of what she was trying to say. Its not the parents fault but it is there responsablity to lay the ground work. And she was just saying it was sad to have kids that are big. So be nice

Wow, Kayley, you got PMs and emails about this?! How immature and downright rude.

If you can't say something in a post on the forum, then you probably shouldn't say it at all! Just as you rude people are entitled to your rude opinions, Kayley is entitled to hers, and how dare you reduce yourself to name-calling over a simple forum thread. Grow up, people (that's right, the 23-year old is telling you to grow up!).

Now, to continue the discussion in a MATURE and hopefully UNoffensive manner...

Even Kayley, who started the thread, admits that she's been overweight and dieting since age 9. I think that actually gives her opinions even more merit, that it's sad that young girls need these bigger sizes--she's been there. And she's not saying that her parents were/are to blame; she's merely pointing out that SOMETHING should be done. It's a sad society we live in where food is used as a reward and seems to be a requirement at social gatherings. It's not only parents, but teachers who give their classes pizza/candy/ice cream parties as rewards, doctors who hand out lollipops, school cafeterias who serve insanely unhealthy food, advertisers who specifically target children...the list goes on and on. Sure, I think it starts with the parents, but there are SO many additional outside influences on children today that they cannot be held solely responsible for an overweight child.

First of all, Kayley, I am disappointed that you were PM'd and emailed nasty replies. Apparently your topic has touched a major nerve in some people. I agree with what a few people have said already, if you can not post it publicly, do not post it all. I think this is a very thought provoking thread and there are a lot of diverse opinions that I think should be heard. We all have different life experiences which I think this topic has really struck a lot of people.

I have been reading this thread over the past few days, trying to make up my mind about my own opinion, so here it goes.

Original Topic-Oversize Clothes

First of all, I think I have been battling my weight since I was about 18 months old (the baby pictures do not lie). As a child and then growing up into a teenager, I was actually relieved that there were plus sized clothes for my age. Now granted, 20 years ago, not as plentiful as there are now, but the market was not there 20 years ago. The clothes were more expensive, however, I was thankful for small favours that I could wear trendy clothes as a teenager and look like my friends even though it may have been a size 16 and my friends were wearing a size 8. My self esteem was beaten up enough by my whole weight issue, at least there something else than sweats that I could wear. Yes, it is a sad statement of people's health today that there is now a larger (no pun intended ) market for plus size clothing. However, I am glad that it exists for both children and teens. Let's face it folks, the grade and high school years are a battle ground, from peer pressure to bullying. The last thing to do to a child or a teen for that matter is to stand out even more.

Parents Influencing eating habits

Again, another polarizing topic. I can only comment on my own personal experience, which sounds familiar to a few that have already posted on my thread. As I previously stated, I was overweight from a small child (toddler on). However, I was an active child, so after I really started to move, the weight came off. It was not until I was about 11 years old, that the weight packed on. I was put on a diet by my doctor with my parents helping me and I lost the weight. I would keep it off for about a year or do, and then put it back on. This cycle continues to this very day. Growing up in my parent's house, there was never ever junk food in the house, and we ate healthy food, even though in retrospect the portions were big. However, due to other things going on in my life (my parents unhappy in their marriage), I found a way to sneak food. I would concoct my own junk food. My parents never commented on my weight, but supported me when I wanted to lose the weight. But as a teenager especially, I would find ways to get the junk food I wanted. I guess what I am trying to say (albeit long winded) kids will find a way. Yes, I think there is an obligation by parents to set the best eating example that they can, we after all, learn by example. However, please remember, when it all comes out in the wash, kids want to be like everyone else. If their friends are eating the junk food, you want to as well. I am not that long in the tooth that I can't remember what it was like. Parents just need to set a good example and support you. They can not control what you do outside of the home.

Again, I apologize for the long post, but Kayley, an excellent topic.

Kayley
Good for you for expressing yourself and shame on those who responded that way....I agree whomever responded in that way you hit a nerve and they should check in with themselves and hopefully extend a apology to you.

WE ALL HAVE ISSUES IN THIS AREA that is why we are here! Overweight children and adults it is everyone's responsiblity. Parents, Schools, Government, Fast Food, Marketing companies, the diet industry, vending machines, supermarkets, magazines, commercials...you get the idea. We live in a culture that doesn't consider much, and there are places that do, but the are harder to seek that out.

This is our culture, there have been times in our history and even places in this world that being overweight is a sign of beauty and wealth. But this is not about just being overweight, it is about being unhealthy and overweight.

Let's bash the computer games industry, computers, televison and on and on and on.

How we grow up is important. If our families spend Sundays bike riding at the beach and hiking in the mountains. If we have family dinners that are balanced and that if we don't have ho ho's and donuts and Capt Crunch in the house..instead we have fruit, and total cereal and almonds to snack on of course we will be in better shape. Who can deny that?

For most of us food is an emotional issue, so if you have a family that has good communication skills, they spend quality time together instead of sitting in front of the televison of computer then of course children will find acceptance and learn how to have boundaries and speak their minds.

We live in a society where we are surrounded by bulemics, drug addicts, pedophiles, thieves, shopoholics, liars and from the outside they look perfect, even beautiful, they will be considered attractive human beings based solely on how they look, not who they are.

Then you will have the most amazing overweight person, someone who will be there for you, not lie, doesn't do drugs or drink excessivley and as you walk down the street people will yell obscenties at you and judge you just based on your girth. They all know our secrets, and in a way that is a beautiful thing. I find overweight people are more open and honest because of this, because we can't keep our obession a secret.....

We are so judged for the wrong things, hopefully in this arena we can not do that to each other, I think that we all have enough battles to wage with the rest of the world, that we don't need to bring that energy here to our safe place.

If I offended those people who approached Kayle then you can PM me, I am happy to dialogue with you about these points.

I thank you all for allowing this safe haven to feel that I am judged on what I bring to the conversation rather than how I look, and that you all support my journey without judement and without placing your agenda on me but supporting my goals.

RB

Kayley: So sorry you got flamed on PM!! I hope a moderator caught them and TOS'd them on their arses!!

Kayley.Good for you for standing up for your opinions...everyone is entitled to them and they should be respected.I thought this was a very good topic...in fact I have just had a similar discussion recently with some friends.

Wow, Kayley, I'm saddened and disappointed to hear you caught flack for expressing your opinion. Whether people agree or disagree, there is absolutely no excuse for rudeness. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Parents *do* have a responsibility for helping their kids learn healthy habits. Of course we do. But, as so many have pointed out, many parents just don't know 'healthy'. And, again as many people have pointed out, parents are not the *only* influence on kids. And many kids, regardless of all the good intentions and good influences in the world, just don't learn until the horse bites them in the butt.

It's all part of a very complex puzzle and parents are only a single piece.

Again, to you, Kayley.

I'll just add something. I think every one of us has to take responsibility for our own weight and issues. If you feel like venting out towards someone because of your issues, then you won't have any success with dealing with those issues.

I am overweight, I take responsibility for that. There are factors that play a part in that including genetics (having 2 overweight parents), medical issues (PCOS), using food to make myself feel better, binging, not knowing better and at some points, not caring. I believe that there are some people prone to being overweight, but really how overweight you get is your responsibility. What you do once you are overweight, is your responsibility.

You may see shows on tv where the parents are feeding their toddlers fried chicken and what not and sure you want to blame the parents but the parents don't know any better and neither do the kids. You see shows on tv where someone who is overweight says "i don't eat much" but then once they are monitored, they realize they are eating more than they think. You also get people that are in flat out denial. I'll admit it. I was in denial more than once in my life in that I was gaining weight and I couldn't admit it to myself.

Obesity isn't something new, its always been around to some point but we are taking it too far. We are a nation (sorry canadians/others) that has a 60% obesity rate. We are the majority in this nation and the problem is getting worse. Our sedentary lifestyle and our fattening/sugary "quick meals" are costing us our health and our quality of life.

I went out to a restaurant last night and an option on the menu was a 20 oz steak. Is that normal? pretty much. Also the desserts were well highlighted as well as the option to get half a chicken plus a slab of ribs. I had a 14 oz steak and ate half of it.

There is a starbucks, mcdonalds, whatever you call it on every corner. There are aisle and aisles of sweets, pre-made or easily made in every grocery store as well as fattening pre-made or easily made meals in every grocery store. How much of a grocery store contains raw ingredients? Its not very much. You can blame "them" for it but really they are fueled by our consumption. They wouldn't have a product to sell if we didn't buy it. We can blame them, we can blame the girl that points out the sad state of our nation where we need plus size girls department, but we are the ones to blame.

We can conquer our own demons but first we do need to recognize the reasons behind our own issues and tackle those. We don't have to do it alone though, that is why we have this support group if we don't have our own support group at home.

That is all.

Well said, Nelie. That's all I can say.

DNR

My family was like that. Soda, chips, candy, cookies... we just didn't keep them around unless there was a party or a holiday. We had sugar-free gum and Ayds in the cookie jar (anyone else remember those little "appetite suppresent" candies that look like caramels? I'm dating myself, I know...)

But I still remember sneaking a loaf of bread into the front hall closet, sitting there in the dark, and eating slice after slice of bread guiltily. Margarine on saltines while watching TV. Bowls of cereal (healthy, low-sugar cereal) with sugar dumped on. When I was old enough to use the microwave I'd cook up bowls of pasta and add margarine, salt, cheese... whatever we had that would make it creamy.

My mom tried. God knows she tried. She tried not to push, though of course to me it was pushing. She kept healthy food in the house. She shoo'ed me outside to play. She steamed veggies and made salads and fed me cottage cheese until it came out my ears. I would rather read a book than go do something active, although I did dance until High School.

When I was diagnosed as hypoglycemic she joined the one lone food co-op (health food store) in our town and put in her monthly hours so we could buy whole wheat pasta and bread and granola and flax seed and yogurt and raw almonds... all mainstream foods now, that you just couldn't get at the regular grocery in the 70s. She was willing to be the middle-class white-gloved matron among the hippies to get healthy food for her daughter. (Hypoglycemia was the "disease du jour" of the time, but now, knowing I probably had PCOS even back then, it may have been an accurate diagnosis.)

You know, I think that if your kids have problems with food, and they can't work through it, and there's food in the house... your kids may just binge on whatever is available. I firmly believe there is only so much parents can do to model and encourage healthy behaviour.


That being said, almost all of the healthy behaviour I now try to practice, I learned from my mother's attempts. It is because of her that I have tried almost every vegetable known to man, and now I actually like them. (though I'm still not a salad person.) I know that a short walk may not burn as many calories as an hour-long aerobics session, but it's still better than sitting on the couch watching tv. I've always prefered whole wheat bread over white, and it's the only bread my daughter has ever known at home. I've recently gone back to whole-wheat pasta and I must say it's a **** of a lot better tasting than it was in the 70s.

I may not have practiced what she preached at the time, but some of it DID sink in. And sometimes that is all that we, as parents, can pray for.

If the parents don't know how to eat right, then how are they going to teach their children.

I agree that it's a parents responsibility to get their kids to eat healthier foods, however, if a parent is struggling with their weight as well, they are not going to know exactly how to handle it when it's their own child with a weight problem.

I know that right now my daughter is a skinny little 5 yr old, she likes to eat a lot of candy and sweets, we control that by not having it readily accessible, she also loves her veggies and fruits, I'm not real worried about her at this point. My 23 month old son however, is already showing signs of bad eating habits, we can't get him to eat veggies at all, he likes his carbs and fatty foods, we try not to give him too much of either, but what am I supposed to do, not feed him?

I worry that my kids are going to end up like me and it scares the crap out of me because I know what it did to me and how it made me feel, when my family members would tell me that I had to watch what I was eating and lose weight. I had very low self esteem, poor self image and was very self conscious in social situations, I always felt like the fattest person in the room, which resulted in closet eating and more weight gain. And I don't want to do that to my kids.

I remember wearing stirrup pants as well, those were a staple in my wardrobe!

Kayley - I'm sorry you are catching so much flack about this topic. It did touch a nerve with me, well the parenting part anyway and that's because I've got my own issues to deal with. So, if I came across as a little rude in my previous post, I deeply apologize to everyone!

I liked the fact that you brought the topic up! A good debate is always refreshing and I applaud you! We should all be able to express ourselves. Rudeness, however is unacceptable!

If you won't say it to someone's face, you probably shouldn't be posting it either!

Take care and have a blessed weekend.

((smiles while raising her hand)) I remember

Oh my gosh!! I remember those. My mom used to keep hers in the refrigerator, they were chocolate.

HA! That is too funny!