OK, update.

I now am grieving my fantasy boyfriend and have post-vacation depression setting in. I am feeling very co-dependent about the whole thing. When he's "around", I'm elated (not happy, more chemical than that), when he's not I feel rejected. What a freaking teenager I'm being!!! But happily, I'm not really a teenager. I have a lot of awesome in my life. My family is good, and this was just a little side-project adventure. Probably worth it, just to know I'm alive. I don't know. My husband is being super awesome about the whole thing. I love him so much. To give more context, he's a lot older than I am, and not a jealous person in any way. He's happy for me to have some excitement in my life, and knows it doesn't mean that I am leaving him or not valuing our relationship.

I got an apt with a new provider to talk about mood, hormones etc. That apt is next week Friday.

I love that this allowed me to lose a few lbs, but I can tell they are coming back on now. Boo!

My alcohol tolerance is WAY UP from the holidays followed by the trip to Disney World.

For tonight, I will not have more than 2 measured drinks. (Beer or cocktail with 2 oz liquor). If I cannot do this, I will need to look at not drinking as a better option.

I am still going nuts on this guy in my life, BTW. And my husband is still fine with that. It's super fun and super uncomfortable at the same time.

Gosh... I don't know you and your husband at all! I have to keep reminding myself of that. All I can go on are generalities. I apologize if I say anything offensive to you. However, it sounds like you and your husband do not have an "open relationship"--is that true?

I'm not sure to what extent you've gone with this other relationship. Is it actually sexual? I can't imagine any spouse standing for that without some kind of renegotiation, unless it's an open relationship already.

Does your husband have some other love interest in his life, too? If he did, how would you feel about that? Not that you both have to feel the same way, of course. It is just such an unusual situation... makes me wonder...

Me too. But we can't expect other people to feel the same way we or our spouses feel. I'm in a very conventional relationship. My husband and I are loyal to each other but we have fantasies that we have mentioned but not elaborated on. What is working for you Georgette would never work for me. It sounds like it's making you very excited and uncomfortable at the same time. Is that your intention?

Dagmar

Hi gals! I have NEVER done what I am doing now EVER EVER EVER. I have been with DH for 19 years. It is thrilling and seems to come from 2 places:

1. I am in my early 40s and seem to be experiencing a significant hormone shift that is making me much more interested in sex in general.

2. I met someone who has nearly every single outside interest/hobby in common with me, and it's very very exciting.

DH and I had an open relationship early in our dating life, and I did not do well with it when he got together with someone else while away on business for 3 months. I called off the open relationship thing and have never looked back. That said, I'm a flirt at parties etc and he has never minded. He often has said he thinks women should have more than one lover to meet their heightened emotional needs.


This is a completely unusual situation. I do have friends that have established polyamory marriages, and have been in that situation for a long time. It always seemed like way too much work for me. But now, this is just too darned fun. DH and I are keeping in regular contact about the whole thing.

The relationship is primary text based. He lives out of state now. But we did take the Disney World trip together. There was some contact, but def not "fourth base" stuff.

I did maintain a 2 measured drink limit without problem last night. I hope to do the same tonight. The amt I was drinking is super unhealthy. I also am still not sleeping enough, but now it's more because DH is coming to bed early and we are hanging out later than I usually would.

Again another night of under 6 hrs sleep, stayed up texting, then dreaming about my next trip with you-know-who, and was just too wound up to sleep early. DH was out late with his theater group.

I kept to 2 drinks last night again, but it was more of a struggle this time. I am calling this operation tolerance reduction, because all health effects aside, I can't AFFORD to drink the way I have been either. So, bringing my tolerance down makes sense from that perspective too.

Food was a mess yesterday. I went to the movies and binged on popcorn. Came home and made indian sauteed cabbage and ate NEARLY THE ENTIRE HEAD MYSELF. I couldn't stop. It was very oily and salty, a very alluring combination for me.

Today, I need to claim my alcohol goal. It's Friday, so up to 4 drinks, but MEASURED, PLEASE!!!!! I may go salsa dancing tonight. I have a lot of social energy to burn these days.

Report: Over drank on Friday (had my 4 measured, then was like, awwww, eff it!) Last night, more in check but not measured.

I have been text binging with this dude, which has totally messed with my sleep because he's a night owl. Our initial "in common" has started to wear off and there's a lot of not compatible coming to the surface. Feeling discouraged about that, and wishing it were different, but working on acceptance and moving on. Very addictive to have those levels of endorphins (After 19 years with the same person, there's quite a thrill to see someone else, I have to say). But now, I think it might be time to get a new hobby. LOL.

Gonna try to focus on my marriage partner and having fun with him again after all this time ignoring him in favor of texting with this other man. It's not as chemically enticing, but being dissatisfied in a really great marriage is just plain dumb.

No such thing as a free lunch over here.

My appetite is back but hasn't been too insane yet. Hope that stays the same.

Hey Georgette,

Just curious--is he married too?

That's the trouble with trying to control drinking for some of us. After a couple, the "awwww screw it" mentality wins out! That was certainly true for me.

Yeah... I know what you mean about "not a lot of compatible" suddenly showing up. Been there. Unfortunately, in one case it didn't show up until after I had trashed a really good relationship. I think you'll find the sooner you can move on from the high romance and drama, the better.

JayEll, you are probably right. Such a drug, this romance stuff.

He is not married. He is interested in finding someone to spend time with where he is living now, and was hopeful about someone but it did not pan out.

Yeah, I definitely go from 0 to 60 with drinking often times. Keeping close tabs and an open mind.

Hi all,

Hoping to go back to using this thread to help with food and alcohol and less to process extramarital affairs!

I was on a weekend trip this past week and definitely ate poorly. My weight is back up to pre-holiday levels (I lost during the holidays due to stress).

I am getting ready to do an "alcohol cleanse" for Lent (for those who aren't familiar, this is the 8 weeks leading up to Easter Sunday). Lent starts on Wednesday, March 6th, this year. I am planning to abstain from drinking other than a beer on Sunday for Lent. It's not the most convenient timing, as I'm planning a leisure trip to Vegas at that time, but it could also be enlightening. I will be going with people who do drink, and often to excess. Still working on my firm commitment and what those parameters would be. I could always decide to drink just for the trip, but it's not my favorite way to go. I like things to be nice and clean, without fuzzy boundaries. We shall see.

"I like things to be nice and clean, without fuzzy boundaries. We shall see."

You're kidding, right? Considering certain aspects of your romantic life...

Planning not to drink when you are going to Vegas sounds kinda like a setup for failure to me... Maybe you could give up sugar instead? Just sayin'.

LOL!!!! That really IS funny, isn't it???? Thanks for making me laugh this AM!

Georgette, where are you? I'm thinking you must be back from Las Vegas... AWOL? MIA?

Heya!!!! Thought I'd check back in here, after all this time.

Believe it or not, not much has changed since my last check in!

Weight the same, husband the same, boyfriend the same.
Drinking improved, for the most part keeping it to 2 drinks or less every day. A bit more on weekends at times. When I do drink to excess I feel so much regret afterwards, and it messes with my cognition so much for nearly 48 hrs that it just isn't worth it.

I am returning to Walt Disney World in Jan, and have this sicko urge to diet and lose 5 lbs to "feel really cute" while I am there, so that's what made me return here. This is probably not a healthy endeavor for me. Slow, sustainable habit changes are ok for me, crash diets are a losing proposition every time.

I went vegetarian this past summer for a few reasons, and am struggling with variety. I don't have a lot of interest in cooking right now, so I end up eating a lot of veggies and cheese, like 3 meals a day a lot of the time. Need to find some new ideas. Gluten and soy "meat" upset my stomach except in very small amts, so they aren't a great option.

Anyways, thanks for posting for an update, JayEll! It's nice to know you cared enough to check in. I really should have said I was going to take a hiatus.

-

Oh--there you are. And not much has changed.

Since you're experimenting with vegetarianism, maybe you could experiment with alcohol as well. Try one week without drinking at all. Just to see how it feels, what sorts of things come up, whether it's easy or hard, and so on.

Actually, I think crash diets are a gaining proposition! That 5 pounds comes back along with a couple of friends. I agree with you that slow changes over time work better.