It took me 20 years to realize that I was not obese because I had a weight problem. I was obese because I had a MATH problem. It was my fault because my weight was my CHOICE, whether I accepted it or not. And I could only change it once I OWNED it.

That said, I think society is partly to blame. Yes...for a lot of the reasons mentioned, but also for creating this idea of "normal."

I remember reading "recommended daily calorie" charts and that did a lot of psychological damage to me. It was not until I was 45 years old and had managed to lose almost 130 lbs, that I had a EUREKA moment.

There is no such thing as a normal metabolism, a fast metabolism or a slow metabolism. There is only YOUR metabolism and it is NORMAL for YOU. Heck...even "normal" for you changes with activity levels, stress, types of food you eat etc. And the ONLY way I was able to figure out what that magic number was for me, was to RELIGIOUSLY and HONESTLY Measure and track everything I ate, my exercise, weigh myself daily and keep in mind where I was in my monthly cycle. Eventually I found patterns. Like, I realized I get much hungrier the week before my period. I also retain water...no not 10 lbs like I used to tell myself....but 1-3 lbs.

In the end...I had to accept responsibility. Now I am just MAD at myself for the damage I did to my body. If I had lost the weight 15 years ago, I would not have saggy skin and look so OLD and wrinkled.

Now I have a different body image problem.

Every pound I ever gained or lost was a direct result of the choices I made. I alone am responsible.

I wonder ...and it's just wondering, if women joining the work force more and more through the last few decades also contributed?

When I think about my childhood, my mother was home most of the time and cooked home cooked meals every day. Staple meals like a meat, vege, an starch.

Is it possible that as we sent more women out into the workforce, those dinners have really ceased to exist anymore? Now, it's take out a couple nights a week or more. If it is cooked at home, rarely is it from scratch.

I'm not bashing on women working in any way, in fact, I'm a career woman, myself. I just wonder if this could be a contributor to our woes in the U.S.

Do I believe my obesity is not my fault? Absolutely not. At the same time I don't know if it's allmy fault as I've been very overweight since about 5 years old. As an adult the food choices have totally been mine, and every mouthful of sugary or fatty food has got me where I am today, but part of me does really wonder why I started sneaking food out of the cupboards when I was 7 or 8 or why when I got a little older all my allowance always went on food. Regardless I eat the food so for me it is my fault. I don't berate myself for that but it's important to me to be conscious of how the decisions I have made have contributed to the size I am now.

Knoxie- I agree 100% with you that it is important to understand why we make the choices we make. Otherwise, you are treating the symptom and not the problem.

My weight loss ended up being a journey in self discovery.

I have often wondered this same thing Vex. Although I work and am in school myself, I wonder if a 2-working-parent household is really the best idea for my kiddos. My mom was very busy with work and rarely cooked, but she says my g-ma cooked 3 meals a day , every day, at the exact same times. Coincidentally (or not?) my mom and her siblings were thin, myself and 2 of my 3 sisters struggle with being bigger. It certainly seems like it has contributed to an increase in convenience foods.

I blame me. . . I'm the one who stopped working out. . . I'm the one going through menopause. . . and I'm overeating. I can't change everything - but I can start to change somethings - though it's very hard, since I've allowed some bad habits to become routine.

But everybody's journey is different, right? There are lots of paths that lead to obesity. . .

My rise to obesity was 100% my fault. While there have been a few other extended family members with battles with obesity, it was not an inherited gene, but an inherited coping mechanism. Bored? Eat! Depressed? Eat! Taste of everything on the buffet! Finish your plate! Have a second helping! Pants too small? Buy another size!

I don't think this is valid for everyone, but in my own experience my weight has always been a "I stopped caring" situation. Also, once I paid attention to what a portion is really meant to be? My weight began normalizing.

I blame my ignorance, mostly, which I think most people could say. And I guess that's just a round about way of blaming myself, but it does make it a little less personal. I do blame my doctors somewhat for not addressing my ignorance, but I realize that a lot of them are just as ignorant about diet as I was. I was 14 or 15 when I gained nearly 50 pounds in a year and was diagnosed with PCOS. I knew that I needed to lose weight to help with my PCOS. It was the first time a doctor had been interested in my weight, and she monitored it very closely with a few side-heapings of guilt. She was Cambodian, so I think there may have been a cultural divide there in which she unintentionally hurt my feelings a few times. She kept telling me I needed to lose weight, but no one addressed what I was actually eating. I went to a nutritionist, and she gave me a plan, but she never explained how calories work and that the foods I was currently eating had an absurd amount of calories in them. I was never really taught anything about nutrition or my body. I was just always given a plan of what to eat without understanding the “why”, and it has been the understanding of the “why” that I think has made me have more success as an adult.

I don’t know. I know the genetic predisposition toward insulin resistance and PCOS played a role in the initial gaining of weight as a teenager, but obviously I am losing weight now with those same issues. But really, all along, I have just eaten too much. I knew that I was eating too much, obviously, but really, until I was around 18, I had no idea the actual extent of just how much too much I was eating. You could say I should have done more of my homework before then, and you would probably be right. At that age, however, I was just not motivated. That is what it is.

I’ve struggled with weight ever since, and I’ve had a few regains, but even during those times, I’ve found that the root of the problem was my ignorance of one thing or another. Ignorance of how to handle certain stimuli. Ignorance of my own requirements for success. Ignorance of how to address backsliding in a conducive way. Ignorance of how to deal with moments of weakness. Just general ignorance of myself. I mean, yeah, I can blame myself for my ignorance, but you’ve got to figure out that you’re ignorant in a certain area in the first place in order to fix it.

My mother was super careful about what I was allowed to eat when I was a kid. No sugary cereals or pop, no wagon wheels in my lunches. Yes, the occasional treat. She had me in swimming lessons. I was a normal-sized kid. 47 now.

After I left home? Sweet tooth took over. 100% me. Thanks to mom, I don't have a taste for sugary cereals or pop, but chocolate? Oy.

That's for *me*. For society in general, I think some of it is socio-economic. Fast food is cheaper. Not everyone can pay for a gym, for example. For an individual, sometimes there are specific/situational challenges. I still have troubles getting out to exercise during the winter when it's -28C, but it's possible.

I always considered it a mix. I mean I think genetically some people are more predisposed to be obese. Which means they typically have to work twice as hard to lose or maintain their weight than most people.

Then there is the factor of environment. How your parents raised you to eat or not eat. This is an incredibly difficult thing to rewire your brain if you have been basically "trained" to eat badly. Not to mention the impact your friends have on your eating while you are growing up.

Obviously, you still have control over yourself. But fighting genetics is incredibly difficult and so is rewiring your brain.

I think the idea of fault is damaging to a person's psyche. It's better just to not think of it as your fault, your parents' fault, or anyone else's.


Just decide that fault doesn't matter and just do what you need to do to get healthy.

"Just decide that fault doesn't matter and just do what you need to do to get healthy."
AMEN I need to get this tattooed in reverse on my forehead so I can read it every morning when I look in the mirror.

For me, it is 100% my fault. It isn't societies fault, not my parents, not my ancestors....being fat was all me.

From my standpoint (and I am only referencing my life, in which I have had no medical issues resulting in weight gain, mental confusing to fullness, etc etc), obesity was absolutely my fault. I wasn't quite obese, but certainly overweight, so I will still chime in.

I don't think genetics, family history, or anything like that plays a role in being so heavy. My dad's side of the family is large. Just about every single aunt and uncle I have, plus most of my cousins, are overweight. I think it is because my family gatherings revolve around food and alcohol, so that is how those individuals approach their day to day life. It was how I approached mine. Food was to be delicious and consumed, as much as you liked. Alcohol was to be enjoyed, sometimes a little too much. But even if those were my surroundings, I still knew it was more than I needed....I just did it anyways.

Once I stopped eating so much, drinking so much, and started working out, I lost weight. It was as simple as that (although it was hard work to change my habits!). I still have some pudge. While I believe THAT could be due to the genetics on my dad's side (I have this whole theory on how where your ancestors are from determines if/how your body holds onto some fat; in a nutshell, if you are from a cold environment, it holds onto a little more for warmth; a warm environment, your body wants to get rid of it for easier survival in warm temps), I know that being overweight is never a necessity for survival so I cannot blame my genetics on that. So my main point is that I am nowhere NEAR overweight anymore. Maybe my body isn't perfectly toned and tight, but being fat was entirely me. It was my choices, it was my excuses, it was my eating habits.

Very interesting post, Vex because I have been wondering the same thing. If my mom didn't have to work and stayed home, would I still be fat? She was a single mother working 60+ hours a week with her own tanning salon and there was a couple of years where my grandma got sick and she would go over there to help on top of that so I was left to fend for myself from 10 years old until 15 years old. That meant a lot of frozen packaged meals, PB&J sandwiches and/or hotdogs. That also meant since mom wasn't around, I could have as much hot cheetos, sodas and candy as I wanted. Mom met a guy and moved to another state, became a SAHM with then-BF who worked from home. Incidentally, I started to lose from 200lbs to 150-160lbs (15 to 17 years old) until I went off to college. Don't know if that was because she became a SAHM and I didn't have to fend for myself?

While I'm not sure if it was/is my mom's fault, I still should have known better not to keep stuffing myself with crap that I didn't need. For now, I say it was my fault that I was morbidly obese.

Genetics--was not a problem for me--coming from slender parents. So I certainly can't blame my weight on them. I also grew up with healthy eating habits--there was no fast food in the 50's. My problem was myself. I got lazy with exercise--and became a snack monster after 5 p.m. What's worse I didn't get on the scale for years and when I did it threw me into a shock. Somehow 30 pounds just sneaked up on me.

But I got my act together when my doctor looked at me and wanted to do a diabetes test on me. I thought--wait just a minute here--I am not that overweight--maybe 15 to 20 lbs. But then I learned that you really don't have to be obese to get this horrid disease. So I went back to not stuffing myself--stopped the after 5 p.m. food addiction--and went back to my exercise class -- and now have just 5 pounds to go to get back to where I was.