Hi guys! Feeling a slight bit better, but my sleep patterns and such are all messed up. I have been trying to eat from all the food groups to improve my immune system, but have ended up eating sooooo much the past 3 days. I took a long walk with the girls (my boy pup is terrified of the outdoors so I have to work some more on that with him, right now I just sit outside on a bench with him in my lap) the past two days. I weighed myself and oddly I am down 2 lbs. Go figure...

I am still feeling really sad about my minister leaving. I also did't show up for y psychiatrist appt this morning and I am afraid to book another one becaue she is probably pissed off. I have missed the last three appointments. I can't sleep and I get really strung out and then I don't want to go.

Happy Friday Evening all,

I bar b qued! I am happy cause usually I prepare. This time I prepared and Qued. I did cod, catfish, scallops, squid, shrimp, octopus, Chicken hot dogs, cauliflower, asparagus and a few red potatoes with onions for Joel. It was super yummy and very low cal.

Brandnewme: Hugs sweetie. You can gripe and complain all you want. That is what we are here for. I wish I could walk the path with you. It sucks that all of us are spread out all over the world and not able to meet up in person and form a walking group or a swimming group or a biking group or a Zoomba group. lol. you get my point.

Sharon: Hi friend. Congrats on the -8!!!! No matter if it is part TOM taking off or not it is still wonderful!

Rat: Hi there (waving frantically with bat wings a flappin in my tank top)

Carol: Don't try to kiss those Mooses! They don't play well with others. lol. I have seen a few of them now and they are HUGE!!!! Have fun friend.

Jacquie: Hugs and hang in there.

Catherine: Stomp away girl, stomp away. Put some music on and you are dancing!

Lindy: you are in my prayers and thoughts for your journey tomorrow. Hugs and hang in there.

Cyn: Hi there.

Well, I think I am pretty well caught up. If I forgot to mention your name.... sorry. OOps. I almost did.

Pink: Hugs hon. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. I say call the therapist and make and appointment and keep it if you can. You will probably feel better. If she is angry, she will just get happy in the same pants she got angry in. Hugs.

Okay all, I hope you have a blessed night and weekend if I am not back this weekend.

Blessings all,
Annie

G'morning my Peeps!

*yawn* I only slept 6 hours last night and had to get up in the middle of the night to take a prevacid. Yesterday was exciting. I bought a new teeny tiny camper (littleguyrt.com) and got a major deal on it. I wasn't sure if I was going to get it, but looked at it and fell in love. I sold my 17 yr old popup last year because it hurt my back so much to set it up and it was very high maintenance. I got it home in DC rush hour traffic, parked it, grabbed the psychokat and ran to the vet in time to get the kitty's normal Friday fluids and pill. I get home with said kitteh and as soon as I walk in the door, a major tstorm came through and it rained most of the night. I have yet to play with the camper LOL.

Pink, I hope you find the strength to call your therapist again or to ask your minister for help.

GGG, your trip sounds fabbo!! I know you'll take lots of pictures.

Jacquie, hope the clay pottery class was just the ticket to take out frustrations on!

Brandnew, rant away! Just keep coming back.

Cyn, I hope TOM behaves and you'll able to go the ghost town and get some walking in!

Lindy, thinking of you today, no matter what you've decided to do!

Sharon, yay for getting out and gardening!! I hate weeding, but it always makes me feel better and I like to see the results of all that work for days.

Catherine, I agree. It's so frustrating at times. At work, I wanted to stomp this seriously underweight woman for acting like the food police for someone she knew was on a diet. That should be a legal action in the US!

Annie *wavies back* OMG, you were a bbqing fool! Sounds like a major feast! Can you say PROTEIN? I agree that we are all too far away and need to decend upon your house for a massive game of Marco-Polo, water balloon toss and general sun-soaking and BBQ. LOL.

Hugs too all, especially lurkers and our precious new folks!
Ratkity

Lindy - thinking of you today! Let us know how it goes.

Rat - we should just have one big ole outside party! I need to look at the camper - I've seen some that look like a one person camper and look so awesome. Get a nap!

Annie - OMG you cooked it up! Sounds yummy - especially the scallops and veggies. I'm thinking I'll be starstruck by the moose but I do hope we see a few.

We had a big storm come through Wednesday morning that took out a neighbors cottonwood tree - right into our fence and pool (that's where the major damage is). It's been a very emotional and physical few days. We're truly not upset with the neighbor but with the system - the tree had been marked by the utility to come out - guess it was us that needed to pay for the removal. By the time I leave I think the only unknown will be the pool damage. Through it all I haven't fed the emotion - I'm learning.

pink - Hang in there...I hate it when my sleeping patterns are out of whack. Lately mine have been just a bit... It seems to take ages to get back to normal lol. *HUGS*

Annie - Love BBQs and actually miss them a lot. I loved the smell of roasted veggies on a grill!

Rat - ACK HOW CUTE! Love that idea. We have a small car and something like that would tow just fine! SO CUTE!

Gggirls - Storms the last few months have been a bit rough. We had trees down, power lines down, and more from a freak storm that hit a few weeks ago. Then we had another few windy days, to the point where I could hear more trees around my house groaning under the pressures of the wind. It is amazing what storms can do!

******
Well I did take out frustrations on clay and my instructor wanted me to handle a big pile of clay. I did well I think. I threw it, mashed it, slapped it silly and got all the air out. Then he put it on the wheel for me and I centered it quickly, even with my small hands, and managed to open and pull it up okay. He helped me a bit with some things. What I like about this is it is one on one, so he will leave you be and watch, then jump in when he feels he needs to. I had my hands too dry at one point and it was pulling the clay, which caused it to go off center, so he jumped in and showed me how to use the sponge to keep it moist. It is a lot of fun and I managed to make a larger vase this time. I also painted and chatted with the girls a bit, it is very social and I like that.

I've been thinking about exercise and getting some do-dads to help me like an Elliptical, but my BF doesn't want to commit to one...so I was going to get a mini-stepper and a mini-elliptical that I can just go nuts on. That with other methods of exercise lets me have some purpose and variety. My knee is still bruisey and my body feels stiff. I'm also coming to terms with my weight gain and trying to accept it, though it is really making me see things negatively...especially about myself.

Plus my boyfriend said something a bit insensitive to me anyhow...I was expressing my feelings about the weight and how tired I was of being so fat. So he says "just be thin then" as a sort of "I'm not listening to you blah blah and just be what I want you to be already" kind of a statement. At least that is one of the ways I took it. So, I said, "well that isn't a very nice thing to say..." and he sort of wasn't getting it. I mean hells bells, if I could just BE THIN then I would wouldn't I! But the truth is, even WITH my weight loss I will NEVER be thin. I won't be like those skinny women running around. No...I won't. I'll be healthy, yes, perhaps look great, but I WILL NOT BE THIN and PERFECT!!! So, I was really hurt by the comment and even though he apologized, it still is lingering in me a bit.

I think it got to me because of the "just eat healthy and exercise" people or the "just stop eating twinkies" people. Like we all just fit into this cookie cutter existence when in reality we don't. I don't know ONE person on this forum that has not struggled. MOST of us, if not all, have been doing this journey for years with regains, and struggles, and we can't " just be thin " and I find that irritating and hurtful. I don't think it was meant that way, but it still is there within me and I'm trying to just move on.

Sooo...grrrr. Eh...right now I'm like "why even bother" which is a bad attitude, but that is where I'm at today. Probably because I have to put on my jeans that barely fit and put on my shirt, it is nice though I have to admit and it does fit, and makeup and go suffer with family lol. Maybe i'm just moody.

Anyhow, as for the do-dads, I am going to get the mini ones and then work up and save up for a proper machine. I will also go try out machines too, so while I'm annoyed at waiting for it, I do think the time can be spent researching and saving up for a nice one. I've also been thinking about that curves place...anyone part of that?

Jacquie the pottery sounds wonderful - I don't have a creative bone in my body except for what I can do in the garden/dirt but I'd love to play in the clay. Post pics of your work please.

Good Morning and Happy Saturday all,

Rat: Your camper sounds perfect!!! I would love something like that. Can 2 people and 2 big ole dogs fit into it do you think? I will have to think about it and maybe suggest something like that to Joel. I hope you get to "play" with it very soon.

Carol: Hugs. I am so sorry about your pool and fence and just the trauma of it all! I hope that by the time you are back home your pool and fence are fixed up. Hugs. About those Moose.... you will be in awe. I will pray that you get to see them. When Joel and I first moved to Northern Idaho, my parents used to live up here and talk about all the Moose, well, we would go on Moose sightings after church on Sunday. We never saw any for about a year then... BAM we see them all the time. They are wayyyyy darker in color than I expected them to look. They are very good hiders. lol.

Jacquie: Oh sweet girl. I wish you would either kick that guy to the curb or he would get some counseling on how to treat a lady. You don't deserve that treatment and the more you are around it, the more likely it is that you will put up with it and think that is exactly what you deserve! No matter if you never lose another pound or even if you gain some or if you do lose all your weight.... You are Just right. You are the "perfect" Jacquie. Don't ever forget that hon. Hugs.

Lindy: I am praying for your day, like Rat, regardless of what you decide we love you and support your decision. I hope you can relax some and enjoy your son's achievements! Hugs.

Today I got up at 4:30 when I rolled over to hug Joel and instead got a face full of big ole puppy breath. Moose is so spoiled. He wakes up between 1 and 3 a.m. and begs and pleads to get on the bed. Of coarse being the great "parents" that we are, one of us always wakes up and puts him up there. I can't wait to see what happens once he can coordinate his hind in to jump up there himself. He weighs almost 70 pounds and is such a baby. He loves to snuggle and thinks he is human. Before we got him I did tell Joel I hope we get a cuddle bunny like our Bearbee was. Well, careful what you wish for. Joel has to work today, overtime is about ready to be mandatory at his work. So strange how things change. Last year he was laid off 2 days a week at this same place. Now he is working 12 hours a day Mon - Saturday!

I am planning on going for a nice long lovely walk today at Coeur d' Alene lake. My friend that had weight loss surgery recently knows where to go so she and I will go around 10. I bought some of those "shape up" type shoes. I love them. They are honestly the most comfortable sneaker type shoes I have ever had. I feel so bouncy when I walk!

I almost forgot to say that I am down 6 pounds this week! So happy to see the weight coming back off. I updated my tracker and it is still above the 12th mini goal but only by 8 pounds now instead of 14. Hopefully I can continue this way and finally get to that 12 goal of losing 300 pounds once and for all!

I hope you all have a wonderful day and weekend.

Blessings all,
Annie

Jacquie: I would love to do a pottery class!!! I am sure I could make something lol. Sorry about the BF comment...grrr! Know you are BEAUTIFUL to us!!

Annie: Moose sounds like a wonderful pup! When we got Molly our pooch we decided she was not an on the bed dog. Well that has all changed..lol. Now when we go to bed at night she will stare at my hubby until he scoots just a little bit of his pillow out and then she flops down and puts her head on it. lol Talk about spoiled!

I am not going to the ghost town with my friend. TOM is not playing nice! So my niece is coming over and we are going to clean..craft..and watch movies. I have not seen her since we moved. Wait til she sees I have a craftroom all to myself..lol. I also want to try and find a book self at a thrift store. I have a big ole box of books that were my kids. Zoe loves to read..so I thought I would put them on a shelf in my craftroom and she can read them

WE GRADUATED.......

THANKS to all of you for your encouragement, prayers and thoughts concerning my grand adventure to see my son graduate at Busch Gardens today. I just got home a little while ago and I am tired, sore, dehydrated, but it was WORTH the agony.

I slept little last night and woke up early. It took me forever to get ready and i worried lots about my touchy tummy. But off we went, oxygen tanks, meds, etc. I as so nervous and when we got to Busch Gardens I was feeling very lightheaded and shaky. Probably because I did not eat or drink 12 hours before we left so I would not need a bathroom.
The park was very crowded today and we had to wait in a long line to get through security and to get into the park itself. THe line lasted more than 30 minutes. Literally, bus loads of people were being dropped off at the gate.
It as 95 degrees on the thermometer when we started in the line and 98 when we got into the actual park - and I was fighting panic the whole time.
I hated that there were thousands (I am NOT exagerating) of people pointing and staring and making comments about me.
But once we got into the private room for the luncheon, everyone was kind. Graduation went well. My son seemed pleased that i was there and I will never forget it for as long as I live.

I am safe at home again. How can I ever make all of you understand how wonderful the gift of your encouragement has been? Without your help, I would have missed out on one of the most important days of my son's life.

I am weary now, and hurting pretty badly, So forgive me for not sending personal encouragement to each of you, just know that I do care.

Lindy

Lindy - no personals necessary - you did it!!! We knew you could.

Hugs,
Carol

No time for personals right now but.... Yipppppeeee Lindy. You rock!!!

blessings,
annie

LINDY:: I am so glad you got to go to the graduation!! That really makes me smile

I see more victories in your future!!

I just got out of the hospital. It amazes me how quickly I can get sick. Something is going around because 4 other people were in the ER with the same thing. I got so dehydrated that they had to take blood samples from veins in my feet. I had 14 pokes all over my body before they got enough blood. They pumped me back up with fluids, and I had a really good excuse for why I couldn't go get himself at the airport.

G'morning Peeps!

Catherine, oh my! I'm glad you are home and resting. I hope you feel better soon. It's so easy to get dehydrated. I'm glad you know when it's time to ask for help. I still have trouble with that issue.

Lindy, OMG you go girl! You made it! You did it! You survived it! I am doing the snoopy happy dance for ya. Men are so stoic, but I know your kiddo loved that you got there for him. Today is a time of rest and rehydration for you. Take it easy and just do a little stretching and lots of drinking fluids. I'm so proud of you right now. Just rem, that wasn't a baby step.

Cyn, I'm hoping TOM is slinking away now for you. Hugs to that Molly pup!

Annie, w00t on your back-on-track loss!! I hope you had a great walk with your friend. The camper will take me and 2 golden retrievers. I think it would be cozy with an additional person, but do-able, especially with Moose-like snugglers. LOL your puppy-breath description for the morning was too funny.

Jacquie, I hope you find some great do-dad exercising thingies LOL. Your BF sounds like a typical male - he just says the obvious to fix something when you really wanted a hug and sympathetic ear. There are very few guys that understand that a girl doesn't want fixing, they want to be listened to.

GGG, O.M.G. That tree did a number, didn't it?!?! I have one trash tree (mulberry) that is hanging over one of my storage sheds. When it goes, it's gonna take that sucker out.

It felt like all I did Saturday was drive in circles. I wanted to get a few things and Walmart, but the first store was undergoing renovations and nothing was stocked that I wanted. Went to another.. only 2 things there of 5 I needed. Then went to Target and they were no help, but got a diet soda LOL. I gave up and ordered what I wanted online. I got to play inside the camper and found the radio and dvd remotes and instructions. I sprayed protectant on the cushions and aired it out. I still need to get the lawn mowed today and then do laundry.. ugh.

I did something silly and panicked last night when looking at my bank acct.. I saw a charge I couldn't reconcile and went into a panic that my acct had been hacked and cancelled my debit card. After calming down, I realized it is possibly a medical bill.. just didn't have a good descriptor in my eStatement. Then, cuz I was logging in and out too frequently, I locked myself out of my acct LOL. I'm a goof. I was in a bit of a panic at the time.. I hate it when that happens. Now I have to get a new debit card and call the bank to unlock my acct on Monday.

Hugs to all,
Ratkity

Rat: They are redoing the walmart by us..when we moved in to the new place we went to buy a shower curtain and rod. The shower curtains were by the fishing stuff and the rods were in electronics!! My youngest..who was with me and complains about everything..was actually laughing and he told the counter lady they needed to fix this store cause someone doesnt know how to organize lol

Catherine: I am glad you are ok !!!! Hospital trips are no fun!

I had a great time with my niece yesterday. We went to my aunts and she had her grandson there who is the same age as Zoe. It was a really HOT day so they played in the water.

I am making out my grocery list today. I so HATE spending money on food

My 2 teeth that I know need rootcanals are starting to bother me again. I guess tomorrow I will try and get to the dentist Friday ;(

My son said his EX messaged him on facebook. He said she is sorry and that she doesnt blame him if he hates her for messaging him after she told him she didnt want to talk to him. but she said she really loves him in a family way ( have no idea what that means) and that she hopes when she turns 18, which is in july, that he will decide to talk to her and have a relationship since they will always be family because of Ayva. I asked him what he told her...he said he said he didnt know and would have to see. I believe he is really tired of her crap! I said to him..I hope they can atleast be civil for Ayvas sake. He looked and me and said mom..I really hate her look what she does. I said I know. He said you don't know the half of it. When i asked him what that meant..e just kept getting mad. So for now..i will leave it alone.