wow that would be so frustrating! I'm sorry that was your experience and hope it gets better!
I too have gotten the run-around from our reception site, they keep telling me I am on their calendar and not to worry. Like you said- I just want to know that where we have told everyone it will be and where I have planned everything around will in fact be ours for that day!
I'm glad your FI is calm and reassuring about it and I hope they get back to you and everything works out perfectly

Junebug your dress is gorgeous!!!
OMG! you are going to be such a beautiful bride!

thanks for the reassurance and support everyone - i still am in a bit of shock that i have to plan a wedding - I really didn't expect to be engaged at least for another 6 months, and this was so out of the blue that I am still a little overwhelmed at the planning since I never really thought about it before. It is AWESOME to have 3FC to come to and chat and get advice - I don't have any friends that are married, so i can use all of the advice in the world about getting things planned for the big day. I think I just need to keep my cool about everything because I don't want to become a pyscho bride like you see on TV.

Junebug - that dress is BEAUTIFUL and you look AMAZING in it!!! I absolutely love it! I'm so glad you were able to find something you love. I haven't started trying on dresses yet, but I have been looking online, and I am excited to start trying on some soon. You look so slim!!!

Thanks, girls! You make me

I'm in the same boat- no one I know seems to know about planning weddings. Between worrying about being taken for a ride by vendors, everyone around me losing their minds, dress shopping being a nightmare (till today!), I was definitely NOT enjoying the experience. I bought a bunch of wedding themed books the other day, one of which was The Conscious Bride. While some of the text is sort of skim-right-over-cheesey, a lot of it I felt was written directly to me! It tackled the almost overwhelming sense of lonliness I felt at the beginning along with the crazies that come out of the woodwork and gave me a lot to contemplate. It was just nice to read a comforting word, you know

Is anyone planning on doing a basket of goodies for the out of towners? Our wedding is about 5 hours from here, so everyone is an out of towner. I was thinking a basket with:

Bottled water
Snacks
Pamphlets to things in the area:
~Mendocino Botanical Gardens
~Point Cabrillo Light House
~Skunk Train
~Pacific Star Winery
Bottle of local wine, 2 inexpensive wine glasses, cork screw


Anyone else doing something similar?

Shannon

I hear you about not knowing what to do. We made a list early on of what we thought we needed to address (there are millions of lists online to refer to) and just started clipping away. I have been told (and discovered it is true) that one thing will work and everything will just come together. For me it was the bridesmaids' dresses. Once that color and look was set, everything else just seemed to flow.

We have had our disagreements over wedding stuff but we have been very conscious of the fact that this is a stressful time with pressure coming from many different directions. The biggest disagreement came over expectations- my fiance's family expected a very lavish affair and my family expected a very budget-consious event that more resembled a family reunion.

I have been contemplating guest baskets, too. I think I may skip them in favor of a nice itinerary for the weekend along with a handwritten thank you note from us. We are doing a departure brunch Sunday morning and I decided to focus my money on opening that up to as many people as would like to attend, including in-town guests. I know our families will get along well so I'm sure the "locals" will want to keep the party going!

This Turkey Day, I expect some pressure to include fringe family members. Here's my response: The wedding should not be all about the couple but rather of reflection of the couple. We are achieving that through our guest list by inviting the people who have played a significant role in our lives, whether family or friends. For these people, we will do just about anything- provide child care, special meals, etc.- with all the accompanying expenses to make sure they can be there with us. In all of this, we have to keep in mind limited space and an actual budget.

Oh, I have to share my Christmas gift list (sorry this is already a super long post). I'm getting my parents and siblings gift certificates for the hotel where we have booked the room block since they will have to travel to our wedding.

Great Christmas gift idea!

I do like your response. This is your wedding but it seems you are being very sensitive towards your guests needs. We are doing baskets mainly because we don't want to be responsible for entertaining everyone all weekend long. This is our honeymoon as well as our wedding and we want some time alone. My guess is most of our guests will only be staying 1 or 2 nights. The only people I imagine staying longer are my sisters coming from back east. So we will spend some time with them but they will rent a car and explore together.

We also are taking great care to only invite people who are truly happy for us and supportive of our relationship. Which means I am not inviting my Mom. Once I commited to that decision I felt so much relief. Sadly, so did my sisters. They didn't want to deal with her drama anymore than I did. Also, we are both a tad older (31 and 41) and we don't have any family expectations of our wedding. Everyone just seems excited to see what we do and enjoy our day.


Shannon

Shannon- I'm so glad you have your family's support!

For the most part, I do, too. Unfortunately, my aunts and mom have always tried to pull together their family and make peace and it always results in some drama- it's just not something I want at our wedding. I prefer to focus on the positive and let the negative eat somewhere else on their own dime

I survived Thanksgiving! It was a very subtle lesson in passive-aggressive behavior. The issue of including fringe family never came up but was told point-blank I will not be having a bridal shower. Yippee! A $10 or even $50 toaster is hardly an even trade for kicking people I know and like off my guest list to provide a meal and open bar for uncles who, in their own words, "don't know which one I am" and who, after all the fuss, won't show up anyway. I'm free!

The wedding planning is almost done! How are you guys doing?

Good for you! I'm lucky that both of us come from small families, but I still run into that. For example, a friend of a friend, who I don't even particularly like was at my house the other night. I see her maybe once every 3 years by default and she actually said, "so. jen. Just tell me, am I invited to your wedding? I'm invited, right?"

Excuse me?

I've gotten this a few times from people I never thought to add to the guest list. What on earth do you say???

I meet with the florist on sunday morning. The other MOH is in town, so it will be nice to have her along. Did you guys take your DF's to those type of meetings? I think he wants to be a part of it, but I also think it will bore him to tears. Also, any advice for those of you that have met with florists? They are from my hometown but are in denver for the weekend and I'm worried that will make me feel like I HAVE to sign the contract that day.

Don't be pressured! I met with my florist twice before signing anything. I got not only prices but also a feel for whether the designer was willing to work within my budget.

The first meeting focused on what I could get for what I was willing to spend.

The second meeting is where we really laid out number of bouquets, centerpieces, etc. My florist is willing to make changes up to two weeks before the wedding so I can change flowers if the weather causes a price increase, etc.

I brought my fiance to both meetings because he short-circuited when I told him what flowers would cost. I figured it was a good idea to let him ask questions directly instead of driving me crazy with questions like, "Do you really need a bouquet?" He's still not happy with the price but at least he understands how it got there...

Good luck! Interview at least one other florist in the area... knowledge is power

Just wanted to pop in and say "hi" to everyone!

Meeting with my florist and picking flowers has been my favorite part so far. They are so knowledgeable and easy to work with and affordable! And they listen! And they didn't look at me like I was crazy when I used words like "local" "organic" and "sustainable agriculture" like all the other florists I talked to at the Wedding Expo.

DJ is still MIA

Still need to settle on an officiant. DF is starting to balk at the idea of getting a total stranger, I'd also like to get someone we know (even if we get them "ordained" through the internet) but I really can't think of anyone we know who wouldn't be otherwise involved in the wedding party. It's a tough one. I'm ok with getting someone we don't personally know as long as we interview and select him/her carefully, but I think DF is not so sure what he wants in that department.

We RSVP'ed to go to catering tasting at our reception venue. I requested a couple of their veg entrees and apps to try, they sound pretty awesome.

I also found out something interesting when I went home for Thanksgiving, my family had actually presumed that we'd be having a vegetarian event! DF's primary argument for having meat at the reception is that most of our guests, including my family, will expect meat to be served. I was thinking he was probably right about that, but I guess my family has finally accepted and maybe even respects my vegetarianism (and it only took 14 years!). I plan to bring this up, might wear down his resistance

Family can surprise you... I'm so glad yours was a pleasant surprise! A vegetarian dinner isn't as big a deal as it might have been even a few years ago. You'll get a chance to share your food and lifestyle with your guests and maybe even subtly encourage them to respect your eating choices just as you respect theirs.

As for what to say to people who ask if they are invited, I play the sheepish card (highly underrated and often forgotten) and quickly explain that the usual venue size restrictions and budget limitations apply THEN I admit the guest list has slipped from my control with the pressure to invite all the guests "suggested" my mom and future mother-in-law. Whenever possible, blame the wedding machine!

Where are all the brides?!?!

It snowed ALL DAY yesterday and I had run myself into the ground trying to finish my senior paper (28 pages ), which I turned in at midnight on Thursday... So I baricaded myself in the apartment while DF went in to the office yesterday, cooked a pot of veggie soup and watched the Style channel, which had wedding programming on all day! It was absolutely sinful. They had a bunch of Top Tens and Wild Weddings and I just sat back thinking, "none of that will happen at my wedding!" I'm thinking some drunk bridesmaids will be my curse... I picked them specifically, not only because I love them all like sisters, but because they are FUN and will make sure my day is fun, but it might not work in my favor, you know?

So, what do you think will be your wedding day curse? There's always stuff that happens- a drunk uncle, bickering family, bridezillas, horrid weather... have you guys thought about what you have just accepted might go wrong? I've always expected the weather to turn bad and I'm ok with that. It's just what happens in the Rocky Mountains at 4 p.m. every day during the summer (which, ironically, is the only time the venue allows ceremonies in the garden....)

We also met with the florist. They are a fun and energetic younger couple and we clicked immediately. It was funny to watch DF try pretend like he knew what peonies were. I left the meeting with a more clear picture of everything and I feel like it's really coming together.

What's new with you guys?

Just trying to catch all my bridesmaids and get all the dresses ordered. I set Dec. 3 as the deadline to get everything in and have two who are MIA. Good grief!

I also found a deal on real pearl necklaces and earrings for gifts to all the bridesmaids. I have a friend in China who was able to get me everything for less than $35/person. YAY!!!