Tiffers .... hiya hun .. . tears are a good release so no explanations are required at all ... Im sure that all of us on here have cried BUCKETS of the salty stuff

As for the fear of the losing weight .. THAT is what I was talking about before ... For years .. everyone I know that has lost weight has lost their sense of humour and ability to laugh at the banal and oneself. To me that was a fate worse than death! So I will admit for years that I used that as a reason (ok .. excuse) to not try to lose weight ... the jolly fat chick was gonna be here to stay ... I had been a lot bigger .. but I didnt do anything ... or go anywhere .. so I started to lose weight .. but only to a size 18 (I had got within 5kg of my ideal weight years before that and felt terrible, hated myself yuck!) ... I was happy there .. still overweight .. but ok .... I didnt lose the weight in a good way tho .. and I KNEW that ... I didnt exercise .. I hardly ate .. and I smoked and drank coffee like I owned the companies! rofl.

Sooo .. the night my hunny and I had our first date I had my last ciggie 2 hours before he arrived ... and I didnt have one again (that was 5 years in Dec when we celebrate our anniversary) ... only from that point on .. the weight returned .. I gave up coffee at the beginning of this year .. added more weight ... and when my size 26 with elastic became tight .. I KNEW that I had to stop ... but still ... I worry that my humour which has helped me through so many tough times will leave with the fat .. so that is my personal challenge .. fear is one thing .. letting fear make my choices for my life .. thats another thing. So the laughing challenge I make I make for myself as much as everyone else .... life is sooo serious and stressful .. if you dont take the time to laugh and smell the roses then what on earth are we working so hard to live longer for?? Its a case of putting everything into perspective ... and avoiding those that love to say "oh its just one piece" .. dont half make you want to shove it up their noses rofl ...

My dad is terrible for doing that .. he will ring me before he is coming up and say .. "oh I baked a lovely chocolate banana cake .. will bring that with me" .. LIKE HECK!!! Keep it I say .. but you can have a little piece .. no I blinkin well cant! ONE PIECE JUST DOESNT DO IT FOR ME!!! Darn man ... I love him to bits but he just doesnt get that while I have good will power over a lot of things .. my fave cake and his baking aint something willpower features in. He likes to turn around and say ... well .. Im not worried about weight and I will have a piece or two .. thats fine dad .. YOURE not tryin to lose over 100 pounds!!! I know my dad well enough to know that this is an arguement we will have often over the next year or so lol .. but I just have to be prepared to not feel guilty for snapping at him when he doesnt get it when I say no nicely rofl.

All I can say is .. THANK GOODNESS for this place .. at least if I vent and say .. does that make sense .. chances are the answer is yes



5 Daily Positives:
1 - Everyone went home today and we have a peaceful house again!! rofl (love having them here but the dogs dont half make a lot of noise!)
2 - I got approved for my loan so I can get the Usana system!
3 - I had an incredible sleep in this morning
4 - Its pouring down with rain .. like a winters day .. and yes that is a positive cos now we (my hunny and I) can snuggle up on the couch under the blanket and watch a movie or 2 without gettin too hot
5 - Tomorrow is a holiday!! So I have my hunny with me for one more night than usual!


Love and Laughter everyone!

Katt

PS - WTG Misti!! and Brenda its a shame you didnt have a tape deck to tape the Julie comment rofl .. wouldnt that be something to play to your sister rofl.

Thanks for that story Katt, you know I had never really thought about it that way. My weight and my humor, but that is totally what I am known for among my friends! My best friends are just as skinny as rails and are funny, but I am known for my humor among the group. (I say that as though it is now, all my friends live across the country!) I don't know if I had ever thought about losing my humor with my weight, but I know that people do think of me as the jolly fat chick!!

Tiffers - I'm not sure if I welcomed you yet, so WELCOME! I certainly know where you are coming from with almost everything you talk about and I am always amazed that "I wasn't the only one". I often sit here and think that I used to feel the absolute same way as SO many people posting here, but at the time I either didn't realised that this was the way I was thinking, or I just thought it was something unique about me, so I tried not to dwell on it for too long.
I have heard of many people being afraid of being thin, and that is what stopped them from meeting their goals. I truly didn't even THINK about being thin when I was on most of my journey. I had NEVER been a thin adult, so being thin just didn't register with me. I just wanted to get healthy so I could live longer. It wasn't until I actually started to fit into sizes that I had NEVER worn before that I even considered that I would ever be 'thin'. I wouldn't even consider myself thin now, but I would consider myself 'healthy', which to me is WAY more important. My suggestion to anyone with this fear in their mind is to simply try to forget about that for the moment and concentrate on getting healthier and fitter. When you get to the 'thin' stage you can reassess and see if your fears were at all justified, and if they are, then you can try to approach them at that time. This may not be of any use, but it is the best suggestion I can offer.
It sounds as though you are approaching tomorrow's weigh-in positively. It will give you a 'number' to start with, and as you say, it should improve from there. It IS just a number. I have to remind myself of that all the time lately. Hormones have the scales jumping all over the place for me and it panics me at times until I remind myself how far I've come and that I can allow myself a little fluctuation now and then.

Katt - I like your humour post. I know that I always enjoy a good laugh, and at times I know that all I want to watch on TV is a good comedy, or something REALLY light, as there is simply too much seriousness in the world.
It was interesting to hear you talk about your fear of not being the 'funny' one anymore once you lost weight. I am wondering whether there was some kind of similar thought in the back of my mind for a while there, but my need to get healthy obviously overruled it as it certainly didn't stop me from losing weight. I have since found that I am probably even MORE happy, maybe not funnier, but certainly happier and definitely showing it on the OUTSIDE now, instead of just smiling on the inside. So... people SEE me being happy, rather than me THINKING I am being the funny one and others not actually seeing it. You sound as though you have an irrepressible love of life and a wonderful sense of humour, so I'm sure nothing will change that for you.

Misti - WELL DONE!!!!! You must be SO thrilled to finally see those scales reading the right way for once. I would like mine to do that now. I would LOVE a drop, but even a plateau would be nice for a while. Almost every day this week it has been UP! Hormones are NOT my best friend at the moment. I may have to visit the gyno and ask if there is something she can suggest. I may be one of the few people I know who are actually hanging out for menopause!
I hope work eases for you soon so that you have a little more time to relax and enjoy life, rather than just hang on as it races by.

Lilion - Even though you have worked out that what you ate went WAY over on the points, have you actually thought of working out the points for what you WOULD have eaten in the past. I would imagine that you wouldn't have necessarily stuck with small portions of anything and I'm not sure that fruit would have even been on the menu for you. I know it wouldn't have been for me, unless it was just on the side of the cheesecake to make me feel better about being 'healthy'. I think if you compared the two sets of points you would see that you have done MUCH better than you actually realised. I know you have made considerable changes to your lifestyle and you just need to remind yourself about how much BETTER you are doing now, not kick yourself for something that was a little off track. Trust me... I have to remind myself of this sometimes too.
As far as being able to avoid the treats, I truly don't know how to explain how I do it. I truly just tell myself that it isn't an option. I try to have something to eat before I go to these places, then I try to have something little of things that I CAN have once I get there. Eating out isn't something I have to face a lot though, so it isn't that difficult for me. We are very much stay at home people, and we don't have a lot of close friends who might invite us to functions. Most of our friends (or acquiantances really) are stay at home too, and tend to know my eating habits now, so allow for that.

Brenda - That must have been wonderful to be mistaken for the 'skinny' sister. It would probably drive her crazy! My sister is lovely and I wouldn't wish anything bad for her, but I have to admit that I was thrilled the first time I found out that I weighed less than she does! I have always been the heaviest member of my family and I think I am currently the lightest. THAT feels good, no matter how wonderful, or had awful your family may be.

Sandy - My best suggestion for eating at sporting events or ANY event for that matter, is to take along your own healthy snacks. These don't have to JUST be carrot/celery sticks, although I personally love those. I take cut up apple (soaked in lemon juice to stop it from browning) and a choice of rice crackers or homemade fruitcake, or wholemeal date scones, or fruit bread. Hubby takes an apple and either one of the other things mentioned or a muesli bar. We rarely go out somewhere without our snacks. It makes it SO much easier to avoid temptation. It is also easier, because you don't have to queue up for things and it is definitely cheaper. Your daughter may prefer the more unhealthy options on offer, but if you don't give her a choice, then she will probably have a snack that has been brought from home. If she got to choose her own snacks to take, then there is more chance she would be happier to eat them too. Just a thought.

Well, I was hoping to get some more personals in, but I have to get some housework in before I want to do a little bit of time on the exercise bike while I watch the news.

Take care all,

Zelma

Just a quickie ..

Thankies Zelma ... youre right .. Im me now lol .. like the phrase .. you cant teach an old dog new tricks .. you cant change a Katts personality once they hit 30 rofl. Besides .. before I even started the weight loss journey I had already been on a journey of self-discovery and learning to like who I was as well as realising that now that I like who I am I wouldnt change a single bad thing that happened to me in the past .. if just ONE thing changed .. I may not be who I am now . and I may still be on the journey to liking myself (it was already a long enough one and I still have those self-loathing days!)

Humm .. no NSVs for me today .. well .. I did do Richard today lol .. so thats another day and Im 5 minutes from my monthly target for exercise!

I remember reading posts telling those with scale issues to start measuring yourself and for those days when the scales are being rude you can rely on the fact the inches are coming off somewhere rofl .. BUT ... today I am grateful that the scales are being nice to me this month cos my measurements are CRAP! rofl ... my neck is .5" bigger, hips 2" bigger, thigh .5" bigger ... grrrr .. on the positive .. my forearm is the same size lol .. and better is that my bicep is almost an inch smaller, waist .5" smaller, calf almost half an inch smaller .. and my fave .. my chest is 2.5" smaller!!! Happy me to see that going down at least rofl. I thought it was when I would put on one of my bras but I thought it was wishful thinking rofl ... anyway .. those measurements are after a month from when I started measuring ...

For the main 3
Waist: 7.5" down
Hips: .5" down (grrr)
Chest: 3.5" down

Thats 3 months down ... so if all this weight isnt coming off those places ... where on earth has that 35 lbs come from that Ive lost??? It cant have been THAT much fluid!! I never drank as much as Im drinking now! Ohhh .. I know!! I have shrunk 1cm, Im now 174cm instead of 175cm tall ... it must have been a heavy centimetre!! rofl.

Huggies all!

Misti Congrats on your loss! That's great!!!!

Drama I'm a crier too. So don't worry about that. I agree that the thought of being thin is really scary. I resent how thin people are treated so much better than heavy people. I REALLY resent the attention from guys that comes with losing weight. After all, aren't I the same person thin or heavy? I WANT to be the same person inside, just stronger.

It is so cool you and your whole family are on a program together. While my DH is supportive, he brings whatever kinda junk into the house he wants. My 15 yr old SD is a self absorbed nightmare and my dd that's 8, she's very supportive of my program, but gets cranky when I tell her to have an apple instead of dad's junk food. Fortunately, when I tell her to call her dad about his junk food, he always tells her no. My dad just nags, my mom could care less and my grown up kids probably think, "well, here goes mom again on a diet". So, to have your whole family doing it together is so cool.
I love this site too, the girls are all so supportive cuz we're all in or have been in the same place.

Katt, Honey, are you measureing your thighs and calves too? Maybe those are places you've lost too. And it sounds like you're doing great to me.
I just read both your posts. I guess I'm to blame about the nachos thing cuz I associate ballgames with "naughty foods," like nachos. I want ya to know I took only a limited amout of money. Enough for only one junk food thing and a hot chocolate. (it was chilly before the game started) We took our own bottled water, apples and low fat granola bars. So, the nachos were our "special treat." That's why I said not having a burger, hotdog, popcorn or brat were NSV's.
I also want to say I'm really admire you for quitting smoking and coffee! What a strong woman you must be.


"I worry that my humour which has helped me through so many tough times will leave with the fat .. so that is my personal challenge .. fear is one thing .. letting fear make my choices for my life .. thats another thing. "

I agree. It seems to be EASIER to be the fat jolly chick. How many silly fun loving THIN
girls do you see? I only know one. Just one out of all the people I've met in my life. Even my "fav" DD doesn't let her hair down and just be silly and fun loving. It's like they always have an agenda. I don't want to be like that either. I don't want to be one of those snotty, thin, "perfect" softball moms. I guess I must be as judgemental of thin people as they are of heavy people. I never thought of it like that til just now.
I'm sorry your dad is so difficult. My mom is that way, but it's like she makes naughty things on purpose. Especially since we rarely see each other. (we're not close......at all,
long, long story and probably tmi)
Thanks for such lovely positives today. I'm glad you get extra time with your man.
That's absolutely precious that you too are so close and are best friends.

Zelma, What a wonderful post. For my goal to be healthy and not just "thin"
I did know that, but didn't put it first.
I'm SO GLAD to know about your happiness and being in such great shape. It was a releif actually. I'm really glad people SEE you as being happier.

Brenda, I totally loved the comment about your relative thinking you were your sis.
I have a sis that's thin and in fact snotty, bossy etc. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when she finds out what he said. And for others to notice your success, that's just awesome!

Zelma & Katt, You're both correct. I have to give little miss (8 yr old DD) no choice at special events. If I have to get tough with myself I need to help her by being "tough" on her so she doesn't have these issues when she's an adult. And, she needs to learn healthy choices as a habit NOW while she's young. Thanks for the wake up!


My vent for the moment.
12 years ago I was down to 160# from 232. I did great on WW, but got so frustrated when I stalled at 159/160 for 6 weeks & having people tell me how if I lost anymore, I'd blow away in the wind. that I just gave up. Guys that wouldn't talk to me when I was heavy were all of a sudden very attentive. What a bunch of jerks!
Just superficial and shallow! So, I guess I also have "bad" associations with being thin as well as heavy. I guess I must be as judgemental of thin people as they are of heavy people. I never thought of it like that til just now.
It's chilly and rainy here. My SD that's getting married in a couple weeks is coming over this afternoon. I told her and her dad has told her that after 4 pm on Sunday is "our time" So, she plans on coming at 3 and NEVER knows when to leave! I just dread it
.
Sometimes I feel all the planning and constant thinking about what I'm eating & weigh wears my brain out. That takes away from my happiness.. I obviously have control issues. I'm NOT a control freak, but I sure do like having control over my own little space/life. Katt mentioned not letting fear control her. That's a great thought. I'm going to try to put that and the happiness about being healthier as a daily goal/thought. I guess this isn't just a lifestyle change, but a mind set change too. That's probably going to be the hardest part for me. The mind set change.
Lots to meditate on today for me. I hope all of you have a good day. I'm looking forward to getting the parts for my gazelle this week. Hopefully the exercise will keep my mind on track and happier.
TTFN!

Hey guys!
Having a great OP day so far. I made homemade ww rolls today and am starting now on my christmas baking. As the holidays draw closer I will be so busy at the store that I need to get a head start. So tunes will be playing and the house will smell lovely by the time steve wakes up. Now if I can only get the cookies in the freezer before he eats them all.
Brenda

Hello everyone!

Drama: Hello! I don't think I ever said welcome to you! But I've missed a lot of newer folks. I understand the emotional stuff so don't ever feel bad about crying…lots of the posts here have brought me to tears. I felt so bad when I went back and read your and Michelle's posts about just wanting to eat "bad food" so much. (This is for Michele too) I have always had a problem with rebelling if I tried to be too "perfect" and pretty much through the whole time I've been working on weight loss I've allowed myself one "cheat" meal a week. We'd do Mexican or Italian or whatever. I have found that it kept me from craving so much and also I found that, even "cheating" has gotten better. Usually DH and I split a restaurant meal and I'm still satisfied with my "cheat". Then I can be "good" the rest of the week. After all, I don't think that life would be worth living if I could NEVER have fettuccini alfredo again!

Katt: I don't think losing weight changes who you are. I do think that sometimes the excess weight covers up who you are. At my heaviest I didn't like myself nearly as much as I do now. I'm more confident, I'm more secure, I'm more happy and I think I'm more happy and yes, – jolly - now! You said "before I even started the weight loss journey I had already been on a journey of self-discovery and learning to like who I was as well as realising that now that I like who I am I wouldnt change a single bad thing that happened to me in the past .. if just ONE thing changed .. I may not be who I am now." I TOTALLY agree with that! I've had things that happened in my life that I suppose I should regret…but I can't. Because then I wouldn't be where I am now…I like my life at the moment. The place I am now in my personal life is well worth the trials of the past. You hang in there – those inches will come off!

Zelma: Oh YES! I KNOW I did very well at the wedding in comparison to what I used to do. I do that EVERY DAY! From eating smaller portions and having fruit fondue instead of cookies at the wedding to having a banana as a snack instead of candy bars at work to buying low-fat ice cream bars for treats instead of pints of Ben & Jerry's! If I never lose another pound, I KNOW I've changed my life, merely by being aware of what's going in my mouth (and possibly on my hips) instead of just mindlessly shoveling it in!

Sandy: Seems to me that sometimes being the "happy fun loving fat girl" could be as much a defense mechanism as a personality. If you are truly a funny, happy fat person, you can be a funny, happy thin person! Don't worry about becoming a snotty soccer mom! That isn't who you are. I also get so tired of thinking about food! I get so tired of all the planning and constant thinking about what I'm eating & weigh. But you know, I think if we do it long enough it'll become natural…like my sharing a meal with DH is the norm now at a restaurant rather than just eating the whole plate myself. Then maybe our brains will rest a bit!

Well ladies, I'm at work and haven't managed to do a thing for nearly an hour now, so I better get to it! to all! Keep up the good work!

Brenda, OMG, you are so strong. If I had to do all that baking, I'd lose my mind and self control. You might want to think of a way to bottle and sell
that

Lilion, before I forget, how is your nephew doing? (it was your nephew who lost part of his hand????)
Thank you for your insite. I'm certain the fun loving fat chick is a defense mechanism. It keeps people too busy laughing to put me down or say something about my weight. After all, if I make the joke about my size it means they can't without really looking like a bad person. (told y'all meditation was in store today)

Guess what??!! My wonderful, loving DH cancelled dinner with his daughter. (the one who's getting married and wants everyone to do all the work for her)
I'm just so relieved. Her fiance works only 5 hours a day and thinks he's doing great! She STILL isn't working. (working 5 hours a day, what fantasy world is he living in??)
I've decided I'm gonna give her all the stuff to make the wedding favors and she can make them. If she needs help, the she can ask her mother to help her. After all, neither of them work! I may even give her the stuff to make the center pieces. But I don't know how crafty she is and I can't afford to buy the stuff twice in case she ruins them. That just leaves me with the cake and some of the cooking. I think they decided on chicken & noodles. Not a good OP choice for me at all, but easy enough to make. I'll sneak a chicken breast with me and eat that with a bunch of the veggies from the veggie tray I'm making. Aren't y'all proud of me for giving the favors back to her since it's her wedding!!! My DH was just awesome. I said to him, "Honey, I think I'm gonna give SD the stuff to make her own favors. After all DD who just got married and I and her new hubby made all hers. Besides, baby, she just still wants everyone to do everything for her." And, in the sweetest, gentlest voice and loving expression on his face he said, "I know" and hugged me. I'm so lucky to have such a good guy.
I'm all wound up emotionally today and I haven't a clue as to why. I'll be glad when the mood leaves. I just feel really anxious. Maybe it's pms or the nasty cloudy, chilly and windy weather we're having.
I'm still OP at the moment today. That's a good thing. And it's almost 2pm already!!
Thanks again ladies for being available to let me vent and express private thoughts and feelings without thinking I'm a terrible person.

Thank you so much for asking Sandy. My nephew continues to improve, but has a long road ahead of him. His left hand is gone to mid-forearm and he was left with three fingers on the right hand. They were going to try to move his useless middle finger (bone missing in the hand) to the thumb spot on Wed. to try to give him more dextarity. He's still in pretty bad shape, in a lot of pain, and still in the hospital. I expect he will be for some time. When I last saw him (last weekend) he was awake and alert and he finally being allowed to eat and get out of bed for short periods. He still has a number of open wounds, especially around the area of his right shoulder and his right arm is broken but they aren't trying to set it or anything because of the open wounds - can't cast over them. So he'll have to have surgery to repair the poorly healed break in 3-4 months. He is incredibly lucky to be alive. I'm still not sure the extent of his injuries has sunk in. Everyone's prayers or good thoughts his way are appreciated!

Lilion, I'm glad he's improving. Please know you & yours are in my thoughts. I hope the emotional part improves as well.