Hi Sara,

I'm really happy for you that you already love yourself the way you are. And you're right that losing weight probably won't change our low self-esteem. Taking control of our appearances is a step in the right direction, though. I would also like to be healthier, live longer and have more energy, but I would be flat out lying to you if I said that I didn't care about everything I said above.

Not being able to find clothes in my size affects the way I feel about myself. Being told I'm a whale by the popular boys in 7th grade seriously hurt my self-esteem. Getting nasty looks from women at the mall just plain out hurts my feelings. Just because I want to avoid all of the above does not mean that I want to fit in. I have no desire to be a woman giving nasty or pitying looks at the mall. I don't want to make fun of vulnerable girls for physical attributes. I don't want to be my tormentors. I want to harness my own destiny.

I said that losing weight probably won't improve our self-esteem, and I still believe that. Taking charge of my real weight problem will. People liking me probably won't improve my self-esteem. People no longer chipping away at me for my body will. Wearing cute clothes probably won't improve my self-esteem. Never again having to skip a school dance or formal occasion because I can't find a dress will. No matter how good my self-esteem gets, a constant onslaught of negative comments and nasty looks will always be able to take away from it. Humans are social animals, so much so that it is actually considered a mental illness when you aren't the least bit affected by social criticism. We may be more easily affected than you are. If that is the case, then you are lucky. We're not being petty, though; we're being human.

I thought twice when I read your comment. I wondered if I was being petty. I'm willing to admit that your comment even hurt me. It won't stop me, though. I'm going to ignore the judgement you passed on our reasons just like I'm learning to ignore the judgement passed on my weight. I will lose the weight because I want to be seen as the smart, young activist that I am rather than dismissed as the fat lady. You will lose the weight because you want to be healthier. In the end, we both will have lost the weight. If I have the added joy of savoring buying cute, new, fair trade clothes, then it's just one more reason for me to be thankful for my own willpower and the support of everyone here.

Actually, I live in New Jersey. Unfortunately, I didn't find the store until I was too old to really benefit from it. I'm glad it exists, though. I would've given quite a bit when I was in high school not to have had to look so frumpy. I'm glad that today's overweight teen girl has the option.

[QUOTE=WinterWonder]

Not being able to find clothes in my size affects the way I feel about myself. Being told I'm a whale by the popular boys in 7th grade seriously hurt my self-esteem. Getting nasty looks from women at the mall just plain out hurts my feelings. Just because I want to avoid all of the above does not mean that I want to fit in. I have no desire to be a woman giving nasty or pitying looks at the mall. I don't want to make fun of vulnerable girls for physical attributes. I don't want to be my tormentors. I want to harness my own destiny.QUOTE]

Well Said! I started this thread because I guess I was tired of being made to feel "petty" for the reasons why I wanted to lose weight. I don't care who you are, or what your motivation is behind attaining ANY goal...it's just as valid as the next person's reasons. As much as I can respect an "idealist" like Sarah, I also find myself a little leery of such a bold statement. So basically, Sara isn't motivated by standing in front of the mirror in a dressing room Sara, good for you...I wish I could grow to overlook my belly-fat, but I think I will rather enjoy wearing a size 7 pair of jeans and a sm/med gap tee! Hey, I'm shallow...but I'm comfortable with it

replying to the whole fitting in bit - for me I am overweight but I fit in. I don't think people actually look at me and say "oh that girl is fat" (though they prob think, like I do of others, that girl could lose a few pounds)

so, though I fit it, I go out, I sometimes get hit on - its just not enough - I want to be hit on more, and that comes with me feeling confident about myself. And though it seems a bit contradictory - I am confident in myself for most things, its when presented with other variables that I become less confident. (aka that pretty skinny blond over there) because even if I have the attn of the guy i am still thinking (which I should not) about the other things.

and don't forget, we live in a society where fitting in in most categories is the norm. Magazines and tv and radio infiltrate our thoughts no matter how hard we try for it not to. We want to be extroardinary people, we want to be and identify with what is in these stories/affairs - and most of us find it hard to identify with all these things because there is one big difference between us and the media - our weight. because we all have these other great things about us - but its hard to compete with those things (in our minds) because of our weight. if it was just as simple as switching an on/off switch about our weight issues, im sure many of us would. But hey, I live in LA where u gotta be the best at everything - weight/beauty/smarts/talent/etc to get places. (esp in media - it takes a lot more work to do it with some things missing) so maybe I am getting more superficial each day (having only lived here for 10 months) but that is how today's world works.

and hey - this doesn't apply to everyone - but for me, it does.

ok, ive rambled,prob I didn't prove my point, or make any sense, but maybe u get my drift?

Yeah, I'm trying to avoid Type II, too, but... I like shopping a whole lot more now that I'm a "real" size 14 rather than a stretch-pants-wannabe-size 14.


Other reasons...

Pretty underwear, uh-huh.

Hubby says he thinks I'm pretty no matter what, but his actions show he likes me a lot more at 156 than at 184...

Feeling proud that I'm not an obese American. Yes, I DO care about that stereotype.

WinteWonder: Great response to Sara's post. Well put and kudo's to you.

Sara: Though I think it's been said by the rest I feel the need to speak for myself regarding your statement.
You are entitled to your own opinion just like the rest of us, so don't think I'm attacking you for using that right, but now I'm going to use mine. That said, who are you to say that your reasons for losing weight are right and ours aren't. This was more offensive to me then your "petty" comment. Just because I want to be able to utilize the stack of jeans I have that don't fit, and be in better shape to have another baby, or be comfortable to participate in activities, my weight loss won't come naturally? My reasons and motivations are just that my reasons and motivations. So to say they aren't "right", well it just isn't right.

Had you posted your list without certain comments then it would be there for all to read and ponder and maybe even reflect on their own reasons, instead it was hurtful and well ironically petty, petty of you to point out what you felt were our flaws in listing why we want to lose weight. The definition of petty is:
Of small importance; trivial: a petty grievance.
Marked by narrowness of mind, ideas, or views.
Marked by meanness or lack of generosity, especially in trifling matters.
I feel your post matches this definition. Not to mention it was a bit demeaning. We all listed our reasons for ourselves, and if you notice comments made regarding them were supportive, not derogatory. For me, feeling comfortable in your own skin is of upmost importance and if you read over most of the reasons listed in this thread they all come back to that, feeling comfortable in your own skin. I don't think that's petty or incorrect.

As a parent I understand the importance of self esteem, but I also see first hand that even at an early age outside appearances are very important. No matter how much you try to focus on the inside if you don't feel good on the outside it isn't going to make much difference. If you honestly feel as good about yourself as you do then great, I personally don't buy it. I don't buy that you never wish you could fit into some trendy new jeans or see a thin girl walk by and feel not even a smidge of jealousy. If I'm incorrect then as I said great, good for you to be that comfortable with yourself at 23. From what I've seen most woman don't feel that comfortable about themselves until their into their 30's or 40's, even without weight problems.

Oh, and regarding your second post, about us "girls" making you sad that we want to lose weight for reasons such as fitting in...first off, who wants to be an outcast? Who wants to feel that they are the butt of every joke or the direction of every pointed finger. Call me petty if you wish but I certainly don't. And perhaps this is petty, but I find being called girls a little demeaning. I'm 27, married with an eight year old daughter. I'm not a girl I'm a grown woman.

To Everyone that I offended: I am truly sorry. I read all of your responses and realized that I was very wrong in the way I wrote my post. Thinking over, I would tell you my reasons for wanting to lose weight and not say yours are wrong... because you're right. Everyone has they're own way of doing things and certain things work for each person differently. I was being narrow minded in the way I put my self out there.

When I said that I feel sad about reading some of those comments, its not that I felt sorry for any of you. I felt sad for myself. What works marvelously for you, worked the opposite for me. I was the butt end of many jokes when i was younger... I have dealt with my share of hardships due to my weight. I used to feel sorry for myself and wish that I were skinny and part of the in crowd. I wanted to have all the boys like me. I can honestly say that I hate my school years, they were a very bad time for me. I used to be very depressed about my weight.... but being in a horrible, terrible relationship with a man unworthy of my time (for a year and a half) was the miracle in discuise that changed my life. I did one great thing for myself that changed my thinking forever. I dumped the man who brought my self esteem down to the very lowest it could possibly go. After that I had to re-evaluate what was important to me. And for me that was working on loving myself exactly as I am in this very moment. I am working on losing weight, but I do it for health improvement. And you're correct, I have NO right to tell you that your reasons and motivations are wrong. I am really, truly sorry I said that. And I can honestly say that I don't get jealous about seeing skinny/beautiful girls.... I acknowledge, either to myself or my friends or the person, that I think they are beautiful... but I don't compare myself to them. And I do love clothes, A LOT.... I am able to find clothes now that make me feel good.... and the healthier I get, I agree, there will be more options for feel-good clothing. It just isn't a driving force for me. Again, I am very very sorry about the things that I said before. But I thank you for all of your feedback.

Sara G.

I think that everyone has a right to have whatever reasons for wanting to lose weight that they want and no one has the right to say that any reason is wrong.

I could care less if I am petty!!! If seeing a ripped girl at the gym makes me want to workout harder and eat better because I want some one to look at me one day and get the same motivation than so be it. Whatever gets me there! There's nothing wrong with anyone's reasons!

Please Sara, don't feel sad for me, pity is the last thing I need!