Hi again.

I overate again yesterday. I was very tired from a party that went late the night before, and instead of bed, I treated my sleepiness with food, for a little while. Then I managed to get to bed.

I started writing to my old OA sponsor in the mornings, writing about how the day went the day before, with specific prompts that encourage me to think about others and be aware of self-obsession. It's a healthy thing to do!

The romantic interest obsession has turned into resentment. I now have a case of "he's not that into me". Which is actually good. I was hoping we could be buddies, since we have hobbies in common, but he's not reliable for that. I was finding myself doing really adolescent things, like keeping my schedule open in case he wants to hang out. Boo! Bad for me, bad for my real friendships. Guh. I'm letting the whole thing cool way off. He will contact me again, I've played this game long enough to know that he's enjoying having me "available".

Now, instead of thinking of him, I've got to get this holiday production underway. We do Christmas at my house, and I haven't sent cards or shopped at all. EEEEK!

I've had obsessions like that! Oh my, so exciting, so compelling! And so delusional!

Taking a step back really is a good thing to do.

Totally!

I have stopped texting, and so has he. He'll be back, though. And I'll enjoy it when he is, but I now feel I've got this person in the right box, if you know what I mean. The "not that into me (romantically or otherwise), but available for a good time on his schedule" box. I can do with that info what I wish.

Here's my whine for today. I don't have a simple but healthy breakfast plan. My favorite breakfast is cooked zucchini, but I hate cooking this early in the morning. EYE ROLL! But as I write this, I realize it's very easy for me to do eggs or tortilla with mixed frozen veg. That's what I'll do. Whine over, I guess!

Here I am, at bedtime transition again. This is such a tough time for me. I just hate to let go of the pleasures of the kitchen and the pressure and tireness of the day weighs on me so much. I'll make it, just complaining.

I've been struggling with out of control nighttime eating for the last many days. No way to keep that up and still maintain. We've been busy, evenings have been social, and I end up staying up later that I should. To fight back sleepiness, to deal with transition from up time to down time etc, food becomes my bridge or my solace. Not good, obviously.

In the world of "the other man", I've been much more sane. He's contacted me a couple times, with concrete information that affects me -"I'm in KY" and "I'll know if I'm coming to FL in about a week". I have responded cheerfully, but made sure to let him have the last word. No long texts, no oversharing, no boundary pushing. And it's worked for me. I don't feel crazy. Yay!

Now I know this may sound dumb, but I'll ask it anyway: Why not just go to bed and go to sleep when sleepy? Why are you fighting it?

JayEll, Great Question. I don't have a good answer, but I'll get back to you!

"Other man" crazy came back...along with no appetite, one of the perks of the situation. I'm just gonna ride it out, I'm sure sanity will return eventually, but for now, I have a crush.

And speaking of, I have plans to see this "crush' in 2 weeks. I feel like my life is in a state of suspended animation, I'm so dorky excited. Can't sleep, no appetite, distracted and lost in a fantasy world all day. It's not that comfortable, but I don't really know what to do about it.

I know it’s not my business, but don’t you think the most sane thing to do would be to sever all communication with your crush? I don’t see anything good coming from this. Think of your family....

In a tall glass of boredom, combine the following:
1 attractive person
3 Tbsp sexual frustration
Plenty of juice
A lot of alcohol

Stir ingredients well in a private setting. Warning: Explosive mixture.

Seriously... Once you cross certain lines, you can't go back again. There is no "Undo." You need to keep a clear head.

Ack, my post keeps getting eaten! I thought I had already responded to your caring messages a few days ago.

I have talked to my husband about what's going on pretty specifically. He is amazing and supportive. No secrets. My marriage is precious to me.

I'm focusing on getting back into an after-holidays routine to support best mental health. I went to bed at close to my normal time last night, and got up early to walk with my neighbor (new walking buddy, yay!) My appetite has come back, to some extent. I did spend 2 hrs awake in the middle of the night, but I went to sleep fine initially and was able to go back to sleep. I'm feeling more connected to my higher power than in previous days.

If these symptoms (insomnia, decreased appetite, inability to concentrate) continue to be this disruptive going forward, I will talk to a doctor.

Hey Georgette! I thought we'd scared you off...

It's interesting to me that your husband sounds so supportive about this "crush" you have. I know that my partner would not like it at all. I guess you must have assured him that you would never act on your feelings. Still, it's a little odd to me--has he asked you where or how far it's going?

Well, best of luck!

My partner's views re cheating are similar to those of your partner Jayell. He would be humiliated and heartbroken if I was doing anything with another man. A "crush" on Chris Noth is OK.

Dagmar

I think my husband has always thought I should have an outside love interest, to take the pressure of him. he has said so many times. Not that he wants that for his own enjoyment, but just because it will keep me occupied. Hahahaha! He basically just seems amused and not bothered. I'm still not sleeping much, from nerves/excitement, but I'm much better since we talked.

I survived the trip. Family intact. Whew.